by Phil Foglio
“That was my cover.” He studied Krosp. “I’m afraid I don’t remember you.”
Krosp smiled. “I’m sure most people consider you a pretty good spy, but they probably couldn’t find the stuff you kept hidden in the linen closet air vent.”
Wooster stared down at him and then nodded. “Lady Heterodyne, you are in grave danger here. I am empowered to extend an invitation to you to seek sanctuary in England, as an honored guest of Her Majesty. I have a flying machine at my disposal. It is parked back near your circus, so we must hurry.”
Krosp frowned. “What guarantees do we have—”
“I accept!” Lucrezia declared.
A sharp whistle broke into the conversation. Ognian waved at them from around a corner. “Lezz go, keeds! Qvickly! Dere’s soldiers all over der plaze!”
Shortly thereafter, they were once again clambering through the fetid pipes under the town.
Krosp scooted up to Lucrezia. “Agatha, are you sure about going to England?”
Lucrezia grinned. “Oh, yes! It’s perfect! As long as Albia lives, England is closed to Klaus.” A thought struck her. “Unless... Mr. Wooster, Albia does still rule, yes?”
The question caused Ardsley to stumble and he stared at Agatha with frank amazement upon his face. “Good heavens, yes. Why in the world would you think otherwise?”
This was a reasonable question, as Albia had been the reigning queen for a very long time[74].
“I... I’ve been out of touch,” Lucrezia said defensively, “Anything can happen.”
Wooster smiled and turned to continue. “Not in England, Miss. Her Majesty wouldn’t permit it.”
They turned a corner and daylight could be seen in the distance. They quickened their pace at the sight and soon encountered a rusty stormgrate. A shattered lock showed that the Jägers had preceded them, and they emerged, blinking, onto a streambed cluttered with debris. They waded ashore as Maxim and Zeetha reappeared from over a small hill.
“Hokay! Der circus is parked in the caravan staging area, and hy dun see any Vulfenbach troops.”
Zeetha nodded. “They’ve got all the wagons hitched up, so it looks like they’re getting ready to move out.”
Krosp frowned. “No troops at all?”
“That’s a stroke of luck,” Lars said.
“I suspect that Sturmhalten is putting up more resistance than the Baron expected,” Wooster said thoughtfully. “The whole giant lady thing, you know.”
Krosp nodded. “That won’t last though. The Baron’s strength comes from paying attention to the details. We’ve got to get out before he gets here.”
Wooster concurred. “But once we’re gone,” he said to Lars, “your people should be safe.”
Lucrezia laughed. “Oh yes. Just tell him that I threatened to kill you all if you betrayed me.”
Lars looked at her askance. “That seems a bit much.”
They crested a small ridge, and below them were the caravan grounds. The circus wagons were indeed all hitched up. The horses stamped their feet. A few tenders were busy in the distance checking harnesses.
Wooster stopped. “Where is everyone?”
Lars pointed. A crowd could be seen at the center of the array of wagons. “Pre-travel meeting. Whenever there’s a possibility of trouble, Master Payne assigns places down the road where we can all meet up.” He glanced back at the town and the airships floating overhead. “I think trouble on the road’s a pretty safe bet this time,” he said ruefully.
They came up to the three Jägers, who were looking uncharacteristically glum. Dimo was talking.
“Hyu two eediots gots to take care uf Miss Agatha, now.”
“Yes, Dimo,” the other two replied.
“And youselves!”
Maxim and Ognian looked even more miserable. “Ve try.”
Krosp frowned. “Dimo? You’re staying?”
The green Jäger nodded. “Yaz. Ve saw tings dot de Baron must know about. Geistervimmin in der tunnels. Hive Engines—”
“No!” Lucrezia snapped. “I don’t want anyone going to Klaus!”
Dimo looked surprised. “But Lady, diz iz a lucky break for hyu.”
Lucrezia blinked. Dimo continued. “Diz iz impawtent hinformation. De Baron may be after hyu, but he hates vasps and der revenants. Ven he hears dis, he’ll go after der ghost ladies, not hyu.”
Lucrezia thought furiously. “But... but he’ll kill you.”
Dimo frowned. “Vot? No he von’t. Oggie vas de vun who ate all his—”
“Shoddop ’bout dot!” Ognian interjected.
“The Baron’s troops are shooting townspeople! If they’ll do that—”
Surprisingly, all of the Jägers grinned. “Ho! Iz dot all? Dun vorry ’bout dot! Dey’s using stun bullets and ‘C’ Gas.”
“What!”
Maxim nodded. “Ho yez! Hyu ken hear der difference ven dey shoots, eef hyu knowz vat to listen for.”
Wooster broke in. “They are standard issue for police actions, M’Lady.”
Tarvek might still be alive, Lucrezia realized. How inconvenient.
“So Hy vill buy hyu time—”
“No!” Lucrezia screamed in frustration. “You serve me and I forbid it! You’ll tell the Baron nothing!”
The next question came only because Dimo had been a free agent for over ten years. As it was, it surprised him as much as it did Lucrezia. “But... vy?”
She stared at him. Furiously, she opened her mouth—
“Yes.” The terrifyingly familiar voice said. “Tell them why.”
From the wagon in front of them, Klaus Wulfenbach stepped forward. From the other wagons, doors slammed open and dozens of armed soldiers began to pour forth and encircle them. “I would certainly like to know.”
Lucrezia stared at him, frozen by a cascade of emotions, of which both guilt and fear played a large part.
In the distance, Lars saw the circus members being quickly hustled off by a squad of soldiers.
Klaus stared down at her. He was used to reading people, but the reactions he was seeing on the face of the Heterodyne girl seemed inexplicable. “My spotters saw my son’s flying machine, even though he is still back aboard Castle Wulfenbach. I can only assume that he sent his Mr. Wooster here to rescue you from me.”
Klaus ran his eye about the scene. Unsurprisingly, the British agent had vanished. He wouldn’t get far. Klaus turned back to the girl. “It seemed a reasonable guess that you would turn up here.”
Klaus paused. “But perhaps you do not need ‘rescuing.’ At least, not from me.” His features softened a bit. “You are Bill Heterodyne’s child. You were raised by Punch and Judy, two of the best people I ever knew. My son... believes in you. Most importantly, you seem to have been raised away from the influence of your mother and her family.” That got a reaction. A small twitch in the left eye. Interesting.
“If you are indeed innocent, then step forward now. It would be best for you—” Klaus paused, “—For everyone, if you joined me willingly.”
A hush fell over the scene. The soldiers had paused. They were all watching and listening.
Klaus spoke gently, but clearly. “Yes, you will be guarded. This town is infested with a heretofor undiscovered type of revenant. Until I know what has happened here, until it is controlled, I trust no one.” He firmed up his voice, and it rang out. “I can be ruthless, but I try to be fair. What is your decision?”
“I...” The fate of Europa teetered upon the edge of a knife. “I...”
“Agatha,” Zeetha stepped from around Lars. “This is the best thing we could have hoped for. Why are—”
“YOU!” The shout of surprise swung every eye back to Klaus, who was staring at Zeetha like he’d seen a ghost. “Djorok’ku skifandias von?”
Zeetha jerked like she’d been punched in the stomach. “Ah... ah... Zur bakken Skiff?”
“Kar!” The Baron roared, “Mor bakken Skiff!” He pointed a finger. “Braka na Zantabr—!”
Wha
t he had been about to say was lost, as at this point, a bug flew into his mouth. Klaus choked, and his eyes went wide. “Gak!”
Lucrezia smiled tightly and slipped the activated hive enginette back under her jacket. “Got you!” she whispered.
Up on the wagon, Klaus’ face was turning red, and he dropped to his knees while clawing at his throat.
Lucrezia strode forward. “Why are you all just standing around? Can’t you see he’s choking?” A flustered looking soldier made a halfhearted attempt to block her. “Let me through! I can help him! He wanted us to work together!”
“Where’s the damn doctor?” The trooper yelled. A Captain ran up. “They’re all in that twice-cursed town!” He ostensibly drew his side arm. “Okay, Lady—” he hesitated, “—Heterodyne. He was giving you the benefit of the doubt... Earn it.”
Lucrezia ignored him and knelt down beside the now convulsing Baron. Several of the soldiers leaned in.
“Get back! Give him air,” Lucrezia cried. She began a showy, but useless massaging of the throat area, while under her breath, she was counting. On a normal wasp, the nerve fusion process only took seconds, if it successfully worked at all. There was no guessing how long this experimental specimen—
With a gasp, Klaus drew in a great lungful of air and collapsed. With a sigh, Lucrezia released the breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding in.
Klaus began to breath normally. Well done, Herr Doktor Snarlantz, she thought admiringly, requiescat in pace.
“The blockage is gone!” she announced loudly. “He’s going to be all right!” She deftly loosened a few buttons on his coat. “Let’s just give him a little more air and let him rest for a minute.” The Captain nodded, but held his gun steadily upon her.
Lucrezia tried to ignore him as she continued to ease Klaus’ breathing. His coat was definitely too tight here. She frowned, “What is this in your waistcoat?” She expertly picked his pocket and extracted a small metal case. It looked like a jewelry box—
“Why, it has the Heterodyne sigil on it. Was this for me?” She snapped it open. Within lay nestled a large, gold trilobite brooch. Lucrezia smiled in admiration. “Dear Klaus. You always thought of everything.”
“Who are you?” The voice was ragged, but the steel behind it was unmistakable.
Lucrezia tried to smile like an idiot. “Why, Herr Baron. I’m Agatha Heterodyne—”
“No.” Klaus heaved himself up onto his elbows and stared at her. Sweat poured from his face. “Speech patterns. Facial expressions. Body stance. I know you. Who?” He grimaced in frustration. “Arrgh. Something wrong with my head. Can’t think!”
Lucrezia felt a frisson of fear. He shouldn’t be this coherent, this focused, so quickly. She leaned in and smiled. “The confusion will pass. You were choking—”
“You did this.”
Lucrezia abandoned the pretense. He was already hers. “Why yes, I did. And quite handily too.”
Klaus’ eyes widened. “Lucrezia!”
She flinched. “How did you know?”
“Heard you gloat too many times.”
Lucrezia smiled grimly. “Well, you’ll hear it a lot more often from now on.”
“I think not!” Klaus’ voice began to return to its full power. “I’ll—”
“Silence!” Lucrezia hissed.
Klaus’ voice failed him in midsyllable. His eyes bulged and he clutched at his throat. Lucrezia felt a wave of triumph roar through her. “It’s working! My beautiful little wasp is controlling that magnificent brain!”
As the implications of this hit Klaus, he froze, and he stared at her. Lucrezia felt another jolt of fear from the expression on his face. With some effort, she shrugged it off. Klaus was harmless now.
“You should be happy, Klaus,” she said. The Baron’s mouth jerked upwards in a death’s head grin. Lucrezia swallowed. What an impossible man.
“I’ll give you what you want,” she said soothingly. “A Wulfenbach/ Heterodyne alliance, as civil and sweet as pie.” She sat back on her haunches. “It’ll just be controlled by me.”
She stood up and leaned over him. “Let me help you get up,” she said quietly. “Look grateful.” Klaus jerkily extended a hand and Lucrezia once again experienced the sensation of a mountain rising beside her as Klaus slowly got to his feet. Around them, the troops cheered, and her daughter’s friends looked relieved. She’d have to deliberate on what to do about them.
She waved at the crowd and spoke from the corner of her mouth. “Don’t worry, I’ll play the good little girl... in public.”
She smiled and pulled out the trilobite locket. At the sight of it, Klaus’ eyes widened and he stared at her with an unreadable expression on his face. “I’ll even wear my little family sigil so everyone will know who I am! I’m so glad you thought to bring it.”
With a giggle, she unsprung the pin and speared it through her collar.
With a snap, she closed it.
Her smile faltered.
There was a sound.
A whine. Like a mosquito. It was getting closer. No... not closer—
A clamp slammed onto her brain. “NOOOO!” Lucrezia screamed as she fell into the darkness.
Agatha blinked, and found herself facing an astonished crowd of people. She smiled in delight. “I’m back!”
Behind her, Klaus’ greatsword reached the top of its arc and swept back down towards her neck.
CHAPTER 13
People they say that the Heterodynes—
They will return.
They will come laughing and singing,
sheepish because they have kept us waiting.
They will smile and wink and
Show us marvelous things that will
Make the world a’right and then
They’ll a’pat our heads and put us to bed.
But I thinks the Heterodynes—
They will return.
They will come with fire and smokes
and machines a’blazing in the night.
They will stare at us from bloodspattered faces
They will pull us up and roughly exclaim
“We bought you years, but you’ve done nothing
and now the monsters are a’snapping at our heels!”
—T. Stormboy, La Revue Parisienne des Réflexions, Chagrines et Sans Mérite, Vol. 2. Issue 3
There was an explosion of movement, and Lars leapt forward. With a sweep of his arm, Agatha was thrown to the side, the Baron’s blade slicing a few stray strands of hair from her head. She tumbled from the wagon, everything around her a blur. She realized she was clutched in Maxim’s arms, but the Jäger wasn’t looking at her.
Towering overhead was the Baron, sword dripping gore. He kicked aside a body at his feet. “Damn fool,” he muttered. His eyes locked on Agatha’s. “Kill the girl!” he roared. “Kill her companions, if you must. Kill them all!”
Maxim dropped Agatha to her feet, and with a hiss, pulled a slim rapier from its scabbard and with three strokes, cleared a space around them. “Time to fight!” he sang out.
Klaus made to leap, and a glittering flash of green and blue exploded before him as Zeetha attacked screaming. Klaus barely parried in time, and with an oath, leapt backwards to avoid the slicing Quata’aras.
Agatha darted forward and knelt at Lars’ side. All of her medical knowledge delivered the same terrible answer. Lars’ eyes opened and gazed at her blankly. “Agatha?”
“Don’t move!” Agatha said desperately. She shucked her jacket and tried to tear off a strip. The heavy fabric stubbornly refused to tear. She whimpered in frustration.
Lars gently patted her hand. “It’s amazing,” he whispered. “I never even guessed. But it’s so... so perfect.”
“Lars, stop moving!”
His head fell back and he gave a ghastly smile. “Oh, that’ll happen soon enough.”
“NO!” Agatha gasped. “No, you’re just in shock! I can—”
Lars cupped her chin. “It’s okay,
I can even promise I won’t panic afterwards.” He chuckled, and a bead of blood welled up between his lips.
Agatha wanted to scream at the helplessness she felt. “I don’t have any instruments,” she said, “I can’t—”
“Shh.” Lars feebly tried to move his hand. Agatha clasped it in her own. “’S probably for the best,” Lars whispered. “A Heterodyne girl and... and an ordinary guy like me... probably lucky I lasted as long as I...”
Agatha waited for Lars to finish, and then saw that he had.
Around her the battle raged. The three Jägers ringed her with a shield of carnage. Always on the move, they mowed through soldiers. Never slaying, but leaving a trail of wounded who tied up even more troops.
On the roof of one of the wagons lay Ardsley Wooster, who had taken out one of the snipers and was busy finishing off the rest with their comrade’s own rifle.
And at the center of the fight, drawing almost everyone’s eye, were the Baron and Zeetha. Both were terribly fast. The Baron swung his greatsword with a deceptive ease that sent it screaming through the air. Zeetha couldn’t hope to block its unstoppable force, but she danced between the strokes and at times seemed to fly. Klaus’ coat was sliced in dozens of places, and not all of the blood that covered him was from Lars.
But fury and speed would not hold up in the long run against superior numbers. Even now the troops facing the Jägers were falling back and beginning to fire at them from a distance. From the surrounding wagons, a line of the tall brass fighting clanks strode forth. In unison, they raised their machine-cannons and fired a quick burst into the air. The human soldiers began to pull back. A bullet punched through Maxim’s side, eliciting a howl of annoyance.
Klaus suddenly threw his sword at Zeetha. The green-haired girl dodged, and with a roar, Klaus tackled her and slammed her to the ground.
She began to bring her swords up and felt a knife at her throat. “Ni tok,” the Baron snarled. The warriors last decision: Honorable surrender or death. She looked up into his face. “Ni tok!” he repeated. The knife pressed deeper.
