by Kerry Taylor
“Kyle’s team found a tiny community who had a guy coming down from the mountains for supplies. He meets the description and the habits seem to match what you described, same day and time every week. Kyle has guys up there following the lead, but the suspicious guy hasn’t been seen since you were found. He could have fled.” Kade hurried to add the last sentence and I knew what he was thinking.
“Or I could have killed him?” I asked, my voice shaking at the thought I could have actually ended a life, even that evil monster.
“We don’t know, but even if you did, you had no choice Livy. It was self defense. You did what you had to do to get out of there. Anyone in your place would have done the same, if that’s what happened.”
“Why can’t I just remember?” It was so frustrating. Xander had said I likely blocked out the trauma, but what could have happened that was worse than all of the horror I could remember? I need to know what happened, what I did, but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. There was just a blackness where those days should be.
“Your brain has blocked it from you to protect you. I for one, don’t ever want you to have to remember Love. You have enough nightmares.”
“I just need to know if he’s still out there Kade. I need to know if he’s coming for me again.” I sighed.
“He’s not, because none of us will let that happen. You’re safe now. We will never let anyone take you from us.” Kade parked the car in the lot of a disgustingly shabby looking motel, just off of the highway. There was a police cruiser in the lot too and one of the rooms had crime scene tape across the doorway.
“You ready for this?” Kade asked as I stared at that room out of the window.
“As I’m ever gonna be.” I sighed as I turned to him and tried to smile. I was getting nervous that all my bravado would leave me the second I walked in there.
“If you need to take a break, you just give me the nod and I’ll get you out of there.” He told me. The concern for me, in those beautiful amber eyes made me feel stronger. I could do this if he was with me. I could be brave with my guys at my side.
“Let’s go.” I nodded to assure him I was ready. He nodded once too, and then got out of the car. He came to my side to help me down the huge drop from his raised car and we walked hand in hand toward the room.
A uniformed officer approached us from the cruiser, but Kade flashed his badge and we were waved to continue.
Kade opened the door and the first thing to hit me was the smell. It was a mix of stale cigarettes, damp, blood and rot. I gagged and stepped back into the air to try and breathe. It was a bad smell, but it wasn’t the severity of it that was sending me into a tailspin, it was how similar, except the cigarette smell, it was to the smell I lived with in The Darkness, except that had been my blood, and my rotting open wounds.
“Are you ok?” Kade asked as he came to me. I took a deep breath and nodded. I had to get it together. There wasn’t time to freak out. I could do that later. “Try not to breathe through your nose. It helps.” He suggested.
I nodded again and took his hand again as we stepped into the dated, shabby room.
The bed in the centre was covered in blood stained sheets, and there was an overturned nightstand, showing this victim had tried to fight. I swallowed the lump rising in my throat and looked away. I told myself to focus on the maths, to do what I had to do and shut my brain off to all else.
I reached into the messenger bag I had borrowed from Matt and pulled out the notepad and pen I brought. I looked to the wall over the bed first, as it seemed to be the starting point to everything, and I started scribbling. Everything else in the room disappeared for me, the smell, the blood, the horror. It was all gone and all I saw was the Math.
I took out the measuring tape I had brought and started to work with the huge shapes drawn on the walls perfectly. I forgot Kade was beside me, forgot everything except the task at hand.
At some point I felt Kade take the bag from across my body so I could work without it restricting me, but I barely even registered that. If he spoke to me I didn’t hear a word. I started working the complicated equations with new data. I used the dimensions of the shapes, then tried the area of them, neither of which seemed to fit.
I got frustrated and looked over the room again. I tried to get in the killer’s head. What mattered to him? Where would the centre of his problem lie? Then I realised it was the body. That was the centre of his twisted problems scrawled on the wall.
“Kade?” I snapped from my trance and looked around, only to find him right at my side.
“Are you ok? You’ve been working for hours.” Kade asked with concern. I looked to the filthy window and saw the sun beginning to set outside. I had been so lost in what I was doing I never even realised how much time had passed.
“You stayed with me the whole time?” I asked, shocked as I looked back to the beautiful man at my side.
“I’m not leaving you in here alone, Love.” He smiled a little and it warmed my frozen body just to see it.
“I think I finally worked out what the last numbers are. I need to see photos of the body. Do you have them?” I asked.
“Are you sure? They’re gruesome.”
“I’m sure. Everything in here comes from the centre, and I think the body, the person he killed, is this guy’s centre point.” I tried to explain. It was hard for me to make sense, because I couldn’t really explain how I understood this crazy guy’s math, I just did.
“Come and sit in the car for a few minutes while I get them on my laptop. You need a break and the guys need to hear from us. They’ll be freaking out.” He took my hand and led me out before I could disagree.
We sat in the front of his car and Kade handed me a bottle of water and a protein bar, with a firm look that said I wasn’t doing anything until they were gone. I wasn’t really hungry, but the water felt good on my parched throat. I checked my cell as Kade fired up his laptop, laughing when I found twelve text messages, ten from the guys, one from Xander checking in, and one from Grant who had found out where I was when he got home and was concerned.
I replied to Grant that I was fine and getting close to cracking it, then to xander, assuring him I was good and happily agreeing to lunch with him and Simon later that week. Then I sent a group text to the guys.
Olivia: Stop freaking out guys! I’m fine. Just taking a break, then I’m sure I can finish up. Be home soon. Love you all xxx
It felt weird to write that I loved them, but I did and I didn’t see the sense in not writing it because I was unsure, Screw it, I thought. I love them and I want them to know.
I received replies from each of them, various versions of don’t work too hard, and all three of them telling me they loved me too. I felt more cared for than I ever thought possible and I couldn’t wait for this whole thing to be over so i could just get back to them all.
I ate half of the protein bar and quickly shoved the other half in my jacket pocket, then turned to Kade.
“You find them?” I asked , nodding to his open laptop.
“Yeah. Are you sure about this?” He looked worried, and if I was honest I was too. Blood was one thing, a whole dead person was something completely different.
“I need to see them.” I said firmly, telling myself as much as Kade.
He hesitantly handed the laptop over and I gasped at the images before me. I don’t know why, but I hadn’t expected it to be a beautiful young woman laid, grey and lifeless on that bloody bed. She was so young and obviously very pretty. Her face looked peaceful, like she was just sleeping, but the blood and carnage around her was in direct contrast.
Seeing that innocent girl and thinking of what an awful waste of a life it was that she had been killed for some sick monster’s kicks, just spurred me on to stop him and not let this happen again.
I studied the body, laid out like she was in a coffin, with her hands posed one on the other, flat on top of her chest. Realising that had to be the centre, I took note of the
distance from the top of the bed, to the hands, then handed Kade the laptop and got out of the car.
Kade followed me back into the room and I set right to work, trying not to see that poor lifeless girl laid on the bed as I moved around it.
I measured from the centre, where I calculated the girls hands to be, to the key point of each shape and noted the numbers down, then I set to work with the complicated equations, slotting in the new figures. It took some messing around, because I obviously didn’t get the exact location of the centre point accurate, immediately, without the body there, but I got there in the end.
“Got it!” I declared as I snapped from the math headspace I had sunk into and came back up to reality. Kade was across the room, looking down at his cell, but his eyes shot up to meet mine when I spoke.
“Yeah?” He asked hopefully.
“I think so. I can’t work them all out now. It will take time, but I have all of the numbers I need to do it, and most importantly I have the first two. We already knew it was tomorrow, but I have a time, GPS location and some other numbers, maybe to suggest the who?” I handed him the paper I had transferred what he needed to. He looked it over and smiled.
“You’re a genius Livy. I can work with this.” He hurried over to me and hugged me tight. “I’m going to get him this time, Love.”
“I know you are.” I agreed as I looked up to him and felt the overwhelming need to kiss him. I reached up and put my hands on his wide shoulders. He felt it too, because his hands moved from my waist, to my butt and he lifted me clear off the ground, so I sat on his hands, my face now almost level with his. I didn’t hesitate knowing he wouldn’t initiate for fear of pushing me. My lips met his and we kissed for the first time. His lips pressed down against mine, firm and demanding. It sent tingles through my body and even though I had no clue what I was doing, I felt the need to open to him. As soon as my lips parted Kade’s tongue snaked in and attacked my mouth in a way I never expected, but thoroughly enjoyed. The butterflies in my stomach stirred into a whirlwind and I never wanted the moment to end as I ran my hands through his hair and gripped my legs around his waist.
Eventually Kade pulled away, both of us gasping for air. My lips were tingling and I felt like my body was buzzing. It had felt so amazing, like I was a part of him and I was surprised with how much more I wanted. I had been sure intimacy would never work for me, but that kiss, it had woken feelings in me I never felt before and I was sure if Kade had started touching me while his lips were locked on mine, I would have liked it. It gave me hope, and I’d take that for the time being at least.
“I liked that.” I admitted dreamily. I smiled up at him and knew I likely looked pretty loopy, but I didn’t care. I was happy.
“Me too Love. Me too.” He looked pretty loopy himself, a wide smile on his face.
“We can do that again, can’t we?” I asked hopefully.
“Damn right we can, and will,” He kissed my lips briefly, then lowered me back to the ground. “but right now I need to get you home to sleep, and I need to get to the office and set up for tomorrow, so we can arrest this fucker and get him off of the streets.”
“Ok.” I agreed and I took his hand eagerly.
“Jees, if I’d have known a kiss would make you so agreeable, I’d have taken action sooner.” He laughed and I hit out at him, then laughed too. I had just kissed him for the first time at a murder crime scene, and it had been amazing. I could hardly contain my excitement at the thought of how it would feel when it happened somewhere not drenched in death.
***
I was exhausted as Kade wrapped his huge hands around my waist and lifted me into his car. I hadn’t slept enough in the last forty eight hours and it was showing, my hands shaking and my voice croaking. My eyes were dry and scratchy too, from staring at the pages and walls for hours on end. I had been at the crime scene for almost seven hours, just lost in the math for most of that time.
I was excited to get home and take a long hot shower to wash away the smell of that room, then eat and sleep, all after I hugged each of my guys of course.
I laid my head back on the seat and closed my eyes as Kade started the car. It had been a long and crazy day, but it had ended wonderfully and I was blissfully happy, eager to try the kissing thing with each of my guys now.
“Make sure you eat when you get in, ok? You haven’t had anything since early this morning. I text Matt, so he should have something for you.” Kade said as he took my hand in his again. I loved the way they all touched me, holding my hands, or a hand on my back or shoulder, or arm. They knew me so well, knew I needed their contact to feel safe and grounded and they made sure I got it.
“I will. I’m pretty hungry.” I agreed as I opened my eyes and looked across to him with that stupid goofy smile still on my face.
“I love you Livy.” He said, surprising me, but in the best way.
“I love you too.” I whispered back. “You’ll be careful tomorrow, won’t you? I don’t know how I’d cope if I lost you…..lost any of you.” Just the thought of it stabbed through my chest painfully. I needed them, all of them and I would never survive anything happening to them.
“You don’t need to worry, Love. I’m good at what I do and I don’t plan on going anywhere for a really fucking long time. You’re stuck with me.” He joked, but I hoped he meant it, because I was starting to realise these four guys were my future.
“Good.” I agreed as I squeezed his hand. He looked over at me briefly and I felt the love in the gentle smile he flashed me. I laid my head on his shoulder and sighed contentedly. I had no idea how I had been lucky enough to find these four perfect matches for my battered soul, but I had, and I was never letting them go.
“Kyle will likely be an ass when you get home.” Kade sighed, but I already knew.
“Because he’s been freaking out, worrying stupid all afternoon and evening?” I asked knowingly.
“Yeah,” Kade sounded so tired and I worried he was headed to work instead of to bed. “He’s just really protective, you know? I don’t want to tell his story, because it’s his to tell, but you should know, he lost someone when he was a kid, before we met, someone who meant a lot to him. He blamed himself for not stopping it, and in a way I think he still does.”
“That explains a lot.” I whispered. Kyle was crazy over protective with me and all of his family, and while it was incredibly comforting to know he looked out for me at all times, I worried about the way he constantly seemed to beat himself up if anything didn’t go the way he thought it should. He put too much pressure on himself.
“Yeah. He was doing better, getting a little more relaxed, then last year an IED took out his entire team on a mission and left him badly wounded. He of course blamed himself and we lost him for a while. You’re bringing him back, Love. Just try to be patient with him.”
“That’s awful Kade. His whole team?” I cried, tears filling my eyes for poor Kyle. How had he gotten through that? He was even stronger than I had realised.
“They were pretty tight, him and three other guys. I think for a long time he felt guilty that he survived.”
“But not anymore?” I asked hopefully. I just thanked God he had survived.
“No, not anymore. You make him want a future. I can see it in his eyes. I think having you makes him feel there was a reason he survived, for you, for us.”
“I get that. You guys make me want a future, too.” I admitted. “Kyle will be alright. We’ll all make sure of it.” I’d make damned sure of it.
“I know Love. I…….What the fuck?” The car, which was moving pretty fast down the quiet highway, lurched as Kade slammed the breaks on. We slowed, but didn’t stop in time.
“Kade?” I cried, terrified as I looked ahead to see what had panicked him, then I saw it as we careened over a strip laying across the road. It must have been something sharp because the tyres blew out loudly and the car started to skid across the slick surface. We had been going too fast and Kade was fight
ing to control the steering with the flat tyres and icy road.
“Fuck! Hold on!” He yelled. I braced my hands, one on the door and one on the seat beside me as we spun out of control. I just got one last look at Kade’s panicked face before the car smashed hard into something and the driver’s side, right behind Kade’s seat, bent into the car with a deafening crunch of metal. I lurched to the side, thrown by the force, smashing my head on the side window and everything went black.
***
My head was pounding so loud I couldn’t hear anything else when I opened my eyes. Warmth was running down the right side of my face and I knew it was blood. I fought to clear my foggy mind, trying to remember what the hell had happened and fighting to see through the blinding dizziness. Finally it cleared a little and I saw the car windscreen before me, shattered. I moved my hand to feel the tiny pieces of glass in my lap.
I saw my bag strapped across my chest and it all came back to me, the message, the crime scene, the kiss and….
“KADE!” I yelled as I looked around for him. It hurt my head, but I pushed past it and found Kade slumped forward in his seat. His head was resting against the now flat airbag and he wasn’t moving. Blood was pouring from somewhere on his head and the whole of his side of the car was mangled.
“Kade?” I cried as I started to struggle to get my seatbelt off. It was stuck at first and I literally had to rip it out of the holder to get free. My ankle screamed out in agony as I moved it, and when I looked down I realised it was likely broken from the impact of me pressing it against the front of the car to steady me as we hit. I tried to keep it as still as possible as I slid across the seat to get closer to Kade.
“Don’t you dare do this to me again!” I growled at him as I tried to get down enough to see his face. He was pale and the blood was coming from his temple, on the left side. I shakily checked his neck for a pulse and let out a trapped sob when I found a steady one.
