by Mary Calmes
“Can you go out with me?”
“Like, be seen out with you?”
“Yes.”
“For your board or for you?”
“For me, you idiot!”
I laughed softly into his hair.
“Am I thrilled that I don’t have to hide who I am anymore?” It was a rhetorical question he posed. “Oh hell yes, I am. And do I feel like a weight has been lifted off me?”
“I’m guessing yes.”
“Yes!” He was belligerently happy. “Do I wish I could have just had the balls to live my life this whole time? Oh hell, yeah!”
I let him go because he squirmed, and he sat up beside me.
“I’m so pissed that I went from being afraid of my father, afraid of my board, scared of what my brother would think, and concerned over my mother’s disapproval to not caring about any of it.”
“That’s not true. You care.”
He sighed heavily. “My brother thinks I walk on fucking water no matter what, and I should have known that.”
“Yeah, you should have,” I agreed. “I’ve heard how he talks about you.”
He scooted back until he hit the headboard, moved the pillow so he was comfortable. “I was pissed at him today.”
“And I’m sure he thinks you still are.”
“Because I still am.”
“Maybe you should fix that.”
“Perhaps,” he said under his breath.
“Don’t be an ass.”
“I never asked him to step into—”
“He was trying to do a good thing,” I interrupted.
Sharp inhale from him. “You were almost gone. One more hour, one more day… if you had slept with someone else….”
“Or if you did,” I mumbled.
“Why didn’t you?” Aaron wanted to know.
“I was hurt.”
He wasn’t buying it as evidenced by the squint I was getting.
“Fine, I’m a romantic sap.” I shrugged. “I wanted it to be you.”
I wasn’t expecting him to lean down and kiss my forehead.
“Get off me,” I complained.
His laughter was warm.
“So now you have a board that wants to see you with only one person.”
“Yeah,” he said, sliding down beside me. “And so they’re going to see a lot of you.”
“Are they?”
“Oh yes.”
“Your father will have a seizure.”
“I give a fuck.”
“Tell me about your mother.”
“She lives in Paris.”
“That’s cool.”
“She’s been there since I was six. She went back to live with her family after my parents got their divorce.”
“You never visited her or anything?”
“I did, but it’s not like you think. You’re going from nanny to nanny, not from parent to parent.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“So,” I broached the subject. “You were worried what your Mom would think if she found out that you were gay too?”
“She’s very conservative; I know what she’ll think.”
“But it won’t bother you anymore?”
“Honestly, I needed her stocks, her shares, but nothing else. We’ve never been close. We do the Christmas gift exchange, but she plants a tree somewhere for me, and I have my assistant send her something from Cartier or whatever.”
“You have an assistant?”
“I have ten.”
“Huh.”
“But my personal assistant is Margo Dayton. She’ll be the only person you’ll liaison with.”
“That sounds dirty.”
He shook his head. “Peasant.”
I scoffed. “Hey, look at me.”
His bright blue eyes locked on mine.
“I’m sorry about your folks. Really.”
He was trying to figure something out.
“What?”
“You have sealed juvenile records, Detective.”
“I do.” I nodded. “You bump up against that wall when you were doing your background check on me?”
“I did.”
“And?”
“Do you think you would ever trust me enough to tell me about that?”
I didn’t even have to think about it. “Yes.”
He was very pleased; it was all over his face.
“No secrets between us.”
“No.” He was adamant. “Nothing.”
“Okay,” I said playfully. “Can I take you to eat?”
He whined and it was adorable.
“Are you by any chance hungry, Mr. Sutter?”
He flopped over. “Ohmygod, I’m fucking starving.”
“Would you like me to feed you, since it’s already a little after nine?”
“Please, kind sir. I’ll blow you for food.”
“I think I can get you to do it without payment,” I taunted.
“Ass!”
Yes, I was.
Chapter 9
HIS driver’s name was Miguel Romero, and he had apparently worked for Aaron a long time. The only reason I hadn’t met him before was he’d been on vacation when Jory set me and Miguel’s boss up on our blind date. He had a month off every year, because otherwise, even when Aaron traveled, Miguel was the one there, driving him. He was pleased to meet me but also surprised, which I kind of liked. Apparently Aaron had a normal type I did not fit at all, and that I was different, was a source of interest.
I wasn’t stupid. I got that beautiful, small men were his usual fare. I’d met Jory Harcourt, Sam Kage’s partner, on a number of occasions. He was five nine, slender, fragile, and the kind of beautiful that you stopped on the street to watch walk by. How Sam had swung that, I had no clue. He had muscles and height going for him, but not much else. There was no way Jory had traded up when he picked Sam over Aaron Sutter. It amazed me that after having a Jory, or some of the others, that Aaron would have ever looked twice at a guy like me.
“What are you thinking?”
I rolled my head on the seat and my eyes slid over him. “Just trying to figure out what you see in me.”
“What?”
“No, not like ‘poor me, I’m so repulsive, what the fuck were you thinking’,” I snickered. “But more like, I am so not your type. You like cute little twink boys.”
He reached for my hand and I let him take it.
“You don’t hafta tell me.”
He lifted my hand and put it on his thigh. “It’s just you. I saw you, and I can’t see anybody else anymore.”
“That’s kind of romantic.”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe it’s ’cause of Jory,” I offered. “He introduced us, after all.”
“He’s not magic, I assure you.”
“He seems nice.”
“Yeah, he is. But it’s funny: now that I’m not looking at him through rose-colored glasses anymore, I have to tell you that he would try the patience of a saint. It’s a wonder that neither Sam nor his brother has thrown him off something high.”
“He didn’t strike me as particularly annoying.”
Aaron’s glare was funny.
“Okay, I take it back.”
He rolled my hand over and examined it.
“What are you doing?”
“You have a scar on your palm.”
“Junkie put a knife through it.”
His eyes flicked to my face.
“What?”
“You’re covered in scars.”
“I know.” I shrugged, glancing away. “Not hot.”
“Duncan.”
The streetlights outside had all my attention.
“Look at me.”
I followed his direction after a moment.
“I get the feeling you’ve been in bed with some men who did not find the scars sexy.”
“Not bed. Only two men have ever been in my bed, but yeah, guys fuck me because I’m scary look
in’, all broken and marked up.”
“They’re idiots,” he said frankly. “I want to know the story of each and every one, and yes, I promise you, they make my dick hard just looking at them.”
I was surprised.
“Am I being clear?”
“Yes. Very.”
“I just want to lie on top of you and feel your bare skin under mine. I could do it for hours if you let me.”
He got a kiss for that, and the way he opened for me, melted against me, I was very tempted to pull him into my lap and forget about food. My stomach had other ideas, though, because the growl was loud and long, like I was possessed. It was not sexy to have the man you were kissing collapse in a heap of raucous laughter. Apparently, I was very amusing and would be kept around purely for entertainment purposes.
At the restaurant he chose in River North, we were walked in through the back and brought upstairs to the second floor that overlooked the street. The lights of the city were beautiful, and the spring rain had washed everything clean.
“Pretty,” I remarked.
“Gorgeous.”
It was not lost on me that the only thing he could see was me. “Kind of cheesy, wasn’t that?”
“Yeah. I don’t care,” he said, sliding a small key ring with a couple of fobs on it across the table.
“What is this?”
“The gray one opens the gate that surrounds my home in Winnetka. The black one will get you on the elevator of Sutter plaza in Streeterville. Above the offices, at the very top, is the penthouse. That fob will get you there.”
My eyes flicked to his. “That’s fast.”
“No. You’re not moving in. That would be fast. I’m giving you access to my homes because my work and yours are not going to just magically align,” he explained, reaching over to take my hand. “So if you can, or I can, even if it’s late, we could see each other.”
“I like the sound of that,” I said, squeezing his hand before he pulled it back. “So I’ll make you a key for the outer door and my loft.”
“I would like that.”
“Okay.”
The chef himself came out to talk to Aaron at our private table. A partition had been put up so no one could see us, and with Miguel there, no one was getting anywhere close to try and take a peek. I had no clue what anything was since they were speaking Italian, so it was nice that Aaron translated for me.
“What sounds good?” he offered.
“I don’t care. Just don’t make me eat brains or, like, veal or lamb or something.” I shrugged. “I’m easy.”
The grin made his dimples pop.
“Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“I can’t help it.”
The red wine was heavy and thick, and I liked it a lot. The appetizers he ordered were good. I loved bruschetta, and the other—dates filled with goat cheese and wrapped in prosciutto—was amazing.
“I’ve never eaten a date before,” I told him. “I thought people only ate them in the movies. Ya know, like Indiana Jones?”
“I see that I’ll be broadening your horizons in all kinds of interesting ways, Detective.”
“Why does everything that comes out of your mouth sound filthy?”
He laughed at me before settling back in his chair.
After a minute, I realized he was still staring at me. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“Something.”
“No. I just didn’t think I’d be here with you when I woke up this morning.”
“But that’s a good thing, right?”
“It is. Very good.”
“Okay.” I grinned, pointing at the last date. “You want that?”
“It’s all yours.”
Once I was done thoroughly enjoying the last morsel, I washed it down with some wine. He was staring again. “Jesus, what? Did I not eat that right?”
“No, I just really liked watching you do it.” His smile, the way it lit up his whole face, was good.
“You like to see people enjoying your money,” I said truthfully. “You like treating.”
“Yeah, I do, and it usually goes one of two ways.”
“Sure. You have people who want to take advantage, or people who take it to the other extreme and don’t let you do anything for them at all.”
“Yes.”
“Well, guess what,” I said, admiring the way the suit that had previously been on the floor of my bedroom fit him. “Tonight, it’s your treat. Tomorrow, wherever we are, I’m buying. I hope you like burgers.”
“I do.” He flashed me a grin. “And your sense of compromise is stunning.”
“Is it?”
“You have no idea.”
I took another sip of wine.
“And from now on, I’m only treating you.”
“Good,” I confirmed. “’Cause I’m a jealous prick.”
“Oh? Well, that’ll be novel.”
The way he said it was weird. “What does that mean?”
“Normally, that’s me. I worry about people being taken from me, not the other way around. I’m normally the jealous one.”
“Not anymore. Never with me. I’ll never give you cause.”
“Thank you,” he said, and meant it.
After the appetizers were cleared, and he poured me another glass of wine, I noted his fixed regard. “What?”
“Nothing. You’re just out with me, and people could see you.”
“Yeah? And?”
“When we go to more crowded places, it will get harder to hide that we’re actually on a date.”
“I know that.”
“Well, I bring it up because you’ve been closeted your whole career, and now you’re just going to kick the door down and step out into the light?”
I returned his stare. “I’m not going to take out a front page ad in the Trib or call a press conference, no. But I do feel different, and I’m not gonna lie about that.”
“I have to ask.”
“G’ ’head.”
“Your last serious—”
“Only serious,” I corrected.
He cleared his throat. “Your only serious relationship; was that the reason you broke up, because you were in the closet?”
“I’m sure there were other reasons as well, but that was the main one, yeah.”
“So why now? Why this time and not then?”
It was hard to explain because it made no sense. “I dunno. Maybe almost dying gives you a new perspective? Maybe deep down I knew I was kidding myself with Nate for two years, because I was never really what he needed? And maybe it’s just simply that I want to.”
His lip curled up in the corner.
“I mean, it would bother me if people thought, after all this, after us deciding to date—”
“Exclusively,” he reminded me.
“Yes, exclusively.” I smiled.
“Sorry.”
“No. It’s nice to be reminded.”
“I told you, I’m territorial.”
“So am I, and that’s what I’m getting at. It would bug the shit outta me if, after you’ve given me these fobs, people would still think you’re available just because they don’t see you with anyone.”
He nodded. “You want people to know we’re together.”
“Yeah.”
“Very brave of you.”
“I think it’s just human of me. That’s a pretty basic desire, kinda primal, right?”
“To claim a mate?” he baited me.
“Don’t be an ass.”
He laughed softly. “I’m just worried about you; we had this talk before about your job.”
“Yes, we did.”
“And nothing’s really changed.”
“I have. I’ve changed.”
“Okay.”
I leaned forward. “Am I gonna get shit—probably, most likely. Will someone spray my locker pink and write faggot on it?” I had to think a second. “Doubtful. But will there be a thing, like an unspoken wall I can
’t get over? Yeah, I think so.”
“So this is career suicide for you.”
“Suicide’s a little dramatic.”
“But what you are now might be as high as you go.”
“Yes.”
He scowled at me. “Then what?”
“Then what nothing,” I said, taking hold of his hand. “I figured you were gone, and I was basically settling back into my life.”
His eyes searched mine.
“But it didn’t feel right. I want us to do this. If it doesn’t work out, it won’t be for a lack of trying. I’m gonna give it my best shot.”
“I like how you think you have a choice.”
I let his hand go. “Don’t start. I gotta tell you about the job now.”
“Tell me about the job, be my guest, but the rest of it is a done deal.”
He was so arrogant, but what was funny was I knew, just knew, what he was rambling on about. “You’ve just decided that, no matter what, I’m gonna belong to you.”
“Yes. Exactly. This is done, Detective. You’re never getting rid of me.”
I didn’t tell him how much I liked his certainty.
AFTER dinner I took Aaron to the FBI field office and realized the one thing I could offer the man no one else ever had.
Intrigue.
Watching him listen to Special Agent Summers, the way he absorbed every single word out of her mouth and bounced in his chair with excitement, I realized that even if I failed with him, I would be a tough act to follow.
“Do I get a cool code name?” He was dying to find out.
Who knew millionaires could be giant nerds too?
Chapter 10
IT WAS a blur. I could see where a person could lose his head hanging out with Aaron Sutter. The company plane was amazing, and the limousine that picked us up from a private airfield and drove us downtown to the Vegas strip was luxurious and stocked with more alcohol and food than I thought was possible.
“Hey, I forgot my sunglasses,” I said, holding out my hand. “Loan me yours.”
“Why?” He was confused. “I thought we were going for full disclosure here?”
“Once the op is over,” I explained, pulling my Chicago Cubs baseball hat on. “I will show my face to everyone, and whatever pictures get taken now, they’ll know it was me. But right this second, no one but Clay Wells, and whoever is in your inner circle, can know who I am.”
“Makes sense,” he agreed, passing me his oversize sunglasses and then grinning suddenly when I gave him my attention.
