The Ni’kwana traveled far to meet this man, and then sent him to find me. What did the Ni’kwana know that I do not?
The Ni’kwana fears for me. He does not like or trust Kapata, and the Ni’kwana knows many things others do not.
Who is this man Jubal? What does he believe? What am I to believe? He speaks of marvels, of customs strange to us, of peoples far away of whom I know nothing.
Why have I not known of these people? He speaks of us asIndians . I do not know that name. The Ni’kwana has spoken of Spanishmen who came long ago, who killed some of our people and then went away down the Great River. We heard of such Spanishmen out upon the long grass, also, and one of them who ran away lived in our lodges for a time.
I do not know this man or his people. I do not know his tribe or where his home is. Jubal speaks of great houses in some land beyond the sea, of customs strange to us, but how can I believe him?
A sea is a great water. It is not a river. It must be like the great water we saw when long ago we traveled south with the Ni’kwana.
What manner of man is he? Will he walk among us for a time and then go away to his own people? I have heard men speak of his tribe. He is a Sackett. I am Natchez.
He says he is not a Sun. His father was a yeoman, but I do not know what that is. It is a good thing to be, I think.
He is a warrior and a hunter. Keokotah says he is very brave, that he fears nothing. I think it is good to fear some things.
He speaks of things strange to me, but I like to hear him speak. I listen and try to understand, but his words are not ours. I have learned much of his tongue but not of his meanings. To know words is not always to know thoughts. He speaks from his custom, I from mine. When I use his words I cannot speak the ideas I think. I do not make myself known.
He is a wise man, I believe, a Ni’kwana among his own people.
I am a Sun. What is my duty? To return to my people or to stay with this man who does not seek to know me?
I am a beautiful woman. I know this because I have seen myself in the Pool of the Moon’s Reflection. Does he not see that I am beautiful?
Or is it that I am so different from the women of his people? Why does he avoid me? Am I not to his liking? Am I a bad taste in his mouth? A bad sound in his ears? What am I, a woman, to do?
He speaks of the Shining Mountains, and when he speaks of them his voice has a ring to it. The mountains were a far land of which he dreamed, and now he is among them, yet he has seen too little, he says. He wishes to wander down the days, through their forest and meadows and along their streams, but has it not always been so, that men prefer to wander and women to keep them close?
I could wander the far lands, too. I am not afraid.
He has terrible scars upon his head and upon his back and shoulders. I have seen his head when his hair falls a certain way, and I have seen his back when he bathed. He does not speak of the scars. He limps a little and has broken his leg. Keokotah spoke of that. He broke his leg when alone in the forest.
I am a Sun. Among my people I command men. Among my people I could choose whomever I wished, but he is not of my people and does not understand our ways, although he listens when I speak.
He does not know me. Should I return then to my own people? Should I leave him among his mountains and go back to my home beside the Great River?
I have walked beside him through the snow. I have helped to skin the buffalo he killed. Does he not see that I am a fit companion for him?
Keokotah has taken a woman. She is happy with him, but Keokotah also speaks of the far mountains. He is a Kickapoo and they are great wanderers. Are the Sacketts wanderers, too? The Natchee are not.
Kapata hunts for me. He has killed Atasha, who was a young warrior, although brave. Kapata has taken his hair, although they grew up together.
Kapata is fierce and strong, yet I do not fear him. If he tries to take me I shall kill him. I know the ways and he does not. There are ways secret to the Suns and known to no other.
Kapata does not understand the Natchee. He does not wish to understand. He has hatred for us because we have contempt for his mother’s people, who are Eaters of Men.
I will go back. When the grass grows green again and the trees have buds. I shall go to my home beside the Great River. If Jubal Sackett does not see me I will take myself from his sight.
Why did the Ni’kwana send him? The Ni’kwana who knows all and sees all?
Thus I have been thinking. I have no one to whom I can speak. I am a Sun and we speak our thoughts only among ourselves. If I spoke to the other women here they would be ashamed for me.
It has been said here that I might become the Great Sun. This is against the tradition of our people, although sometimes when a Great Sun was very young a woman has ruled. If I returned now this might be the way of it, but when I look upon Jubal I do not wish to go back, and I think the Ni’kwana knew this would be so.
Among the Stinkards at this time there are few strong young men. Many have been killed in recent fighting with the Creeks, who were once our friends. Is it that the Ni’kwana wishes for my happiness? But Jubal does not see me. He will go away when the grass turns green and let me return to my village.
I do not know how I could become a bride here. I could teach him our way. He could fasten the oak leaves in his hair and I could carry the laurel. The people who are with me would know what to do, but he does not see me and I am alone.
I am a Sun, and I have pride. I cannot be humble with this man, nor do I believe he wishes it.
I cannot go to the women and tell them my thoughts, for I am a Sun. If he does not want me, why should I want him?
I should not, but I do.
He is the man for me, and I think the Ni’kwana saw this. I think it was in his mind. It was his duty to tell me I should return, but it was in his heart that I should find happiness. How could he know this was the man? Could he have foreseen it? The Ni’kwana often sees things before they happen, but perhaps he did not see it until he spoke with Jubal beside the fire.
It is hard to be a Sun. If I were a village girl it would not matter, but I have been taught from a time when very small what it is to be a Sun, but now I find it very lonely.
Jubal is a good man. I am no foolish girl to be taken by broad shoulders and a bold way. He is a quiet man, a thoughtful man, and he has been a good leader. He has guided us well. He must come of a strong people if such a one is only a yeoman and not a great lord. He has wisdom and judgment. He plans well, and when he hunts he hunts for others, as a warrior should.
I have watched him do what is needed. He wastes no time yet is never hurried. He limps but he does not complain. He is sure that each of us eats before he takes meat for himself. He stands aside when I enter the lodge, which is what a warrior must do for a Sun, but he stands aside for other women as well.
I have tried to learn his tongue. At first we had only some words of Cherokee, a few of his tongue, and a few of French or Spanish. Each tried to make the other understand with what words we had, and we did so. Now I speak his tongue much better, as does Keokotah, who knew English from before but had not used it for some time. I speak well now, but for some things I do not have words, and for some things there seem to be no English words.
I am alone and I am bitterly unhappy. I am a Sun and cannot show how I feel. I am afraid for spring to come, for he will go far away and there will be nothing but to return to my people. I love my people and have duty to them, but I love this man also.
The Ni’kwana can lead them until there is a Great Sun. They would need me but for a short time, and then I would be alone and have no man.
I have tried to let him see that I would be a good woman for him. I have walked with him in the snow. I have stood beside him when there was trouble. I am not a frightened woman. We Suns are taught to be strong and know no other way. We are taught not to fear what must be done and that each Sun is an example to all others of what a Sun is and must be.
When
the snow began to melt I was like a frightened girl, for I thought he would go from me. So when the cold came again I was glad. Now I do not know how long the cold will last. Keokotah knows much of these things and says it soon will grow warm and leaves will bud again, and the ice will go from the streams and come into my blood, for he will go from me then and I shall be alone.
My heart is heavy with longing for what I do not have, yet I cannot show it for I am a Sun. I must be aloof, and hide my fears and my loneliness.
I will make myself more beautiful. I will make him see me.
What do the women of his people do when they are in love? How does a woman join a man in his land? Do they use the oak and the laurel as well? I do not think so.
Keokotah does not know. His Englishman never talked of that. I do not think men talk of brides and weddings and things that mean much to women. I do not think they speak of these things among themselves. I think they only speak of weapons, of hunting and war. Perhaps some talk of women, too.
He wears the claws of the cougar he killed, since Keokotah has given them to him. Only a great warrior could do what he has done, but he does not speak of it. At night beside the fire when the wind blows cold, our people tell stories of warpaths and fighting, and he listens but does not speak of what he has done.
When the Spanishman was here, the one called Gomez, he seemed suddenly jealous. I was pleased, perhaps foolishly.
Perhaps he does not know his own mind. Perhaps he does not wish to know.
I must make him see me.
Today the cold is not as great. No snow falls. The peaks are icy against the pale blue sky. He has gone to look over the other valley, but I do not think our enemies will come from there but from the valley that runs off to the south, where we killed the buffalo. That was where we were seen.
One of my warriors would have killed a young buffalo bull today, but Jubal would not allow it. He stopped the warrior, which made him angry, but then he walked out to the buffalo and went right up to it. He stood beside it and rubbed its head with his hand!
When he returned to us he said, “Never touch that one. It is a medicine bull.”
The angry warrior was frightened when he knew what he might have done. The buffalo followed Jubal almost to our lodge, and then went away when he told it to. Jubal spent much time rubbing its back, talking to it.
The buffalo did not go away. I saw him again when the sun was low, standing in the snow, looking toward our lodge.
It is a good place. From a hundred feet away I could not see our lodge, and we have been careful not to make a path leading to it. We come out walking on stones and from the end of the small forest where it is. I believe we will stay here until the spring comes.
When darkness fell we were alone on the snow. I thought he might see me, but he only looked at the sky and the mountains.
“Tomorrow will be fair,” he said. “We must be on watch. I think they will come.”
He stood back and looked at our lodge and where it stood. “It is well hidden,” he said.
Our eyes met and he looked quickly away. “You are a Sun,” he said suddenly.
“I am a woman,” I said.
He looked at me again and said, “Yes, you certainly are.”
A little snow blew from a spruce, drifting down over us. “I must not keep you standing in the cold,” he said. “Yours is a warmer country than this.”
The buffalo bull stood watching us. “We killed its mother,” he said. “It has no one else. Its mother disappeared and I was there.”
“You are strange man,” I said. I could believe he was a Ni’kwana among his own people, for he had power over animals. It truly was a medicine bull, for no buffalo ever, ever followed a man or let a man approach it.
We started back to the lodge, and then I slipped on the ice. I fell, and he caught me. For a moment he held me, his arm around my waist, and then he helped me get my feet on the snow, let go of me, and stepped back. His face was flushed. “Are you all right?” he asked.
“Oh, yes! It was the ice,” I said.
I was all right. I was more all right than ever. I thanked in my thoughts the Indian girl I saw do that back on the Great River. It was a silly thing for a woman to do, especially when there was no ice.
Chapter Twenty-Seven.
Alone I sought a place among the silent peaks, following a frozen stream where snow on either side banked the trees to their icy necks. My snowshoes whispered on the snow, and blown flakes touched my cheeks with cold fingers. This was no place for men, but a place for gods to linger, a place to wait in silence for the world to end.
Pausing, I shivered, looking along the vast hollow between the peaks and across the valley beyond to even mightier mountains. It was a place of majesty and rare beauty, but there was no game here, no tracks of either animals or birds. The wind hung a veil of snow across the scene and then dropped it casually aside, as though it had not been.
My family could thrive in Grassy Cove. For myself, if someday I built a home, this valley would be the place for it. The thought came unbidden and unexpected, and I tried to keep it from my mind, but the valley lay there, a vast expanse of snow broken by trees, and a fringe of trees clung like eyelashes to the calm, still face of the mountains. To go further now would be foolish and no doubt time wasted, yet I did push on, to get a better glimpse of the valley.
Then for a long time I stood looking and thinking what it must be like with the snow gone and the valley all green with summer. It was a thing to think about. Then I turned, starting back.
What was I looking for? Another place like Shooting Creek? This was infinitely more vast, far more lonely, but a man could find a place here. I’d have to come back when the grass was green.
The way back was downhill most of the distance I’d come, and once far off I saw a deer floundering in the snow. The meat would be poor at this time of year and after a hard winter, but I would be glad of anything. It was growing late and I had miles to go.
In the late afternoon, the trees were black against the snow, the sky a dull gray, flat and cold to the horizon. If I had broken my leg in such a place as this I’d never have survived. So I moved with care, avoiding things that seemed to lie under the snow, whether fallen trees or rocks, one did not know.
Glancing up at the high shoulders of the mountain, its head sunk between them for protection, I knew no matter how quiet and serene it looked that there was endless war up there, a war of the winds from whatever direction, and they would be no gentle winds. As if to answer my thought, a veil of snow lifted from the mountain and blew itself away down the country. I shivered again and was glad when I came to the shelter of trees.
I did not like coming home without meat, for there would be hungry eyes looking for me and expecting more than I could give, but there was nothing. I had seen that one deer, far off, and nothing else. It was cold, too cold to be out, too cold for animals to be moving.
I took off my snowshoes and stood them near the opening and stamped the snow from my feet before I went in. There had been only a trail of smoke above the lodge, but inside it was warm and quiet.
Keokotah looked up when I entered and shrugged. He had been out, I knew, and had found nothing. Nor had the others.
No matter when spring came, it would not be soon enough.
Yet I thought of the valley. When the weather broke I would go over there. It was far away, not as close as it had seemed in all that endless white. I would find a trail where bears went, or deer. There might even be buffalo over there, although they did not favor the mountain valleys.
Itchakomi looked at me and there was something in her expression, something I could not place, but it left me uneasy. I went to my place and sat down, not asking for food. There would be little enough of that.
There was no talking in the lodge that day, and less moving about. From time to time one of us ventured into the cold to look for enemies, but they, too, must have been remaining inside.
When I ventured
out just after daybreak a few stars still lingered. But the sky was clear, and when the sun arose, it was warm. By midmorning there were edges of melt around some of the rocks and on the south sides of the trees. By midday it was warm and quite pleasant. Two of the Natchee left at once to hunt down the valley, and two more went back to our former home.
It was a risk, but there might be game there, and none of us wished to starve.
Keokotah came to join me where I repaired my snowshoes. “Now they come. The young men will be eager for war. They will wish to take scalps, to count coup, to win honors. You see it.”
“We must be ready.”
“You go among the mountains then?”
For a moment I stopped working and looked through the trees at the far-off mountainside. Would I go? I shied from the question.
“There is a valley over there,” I gestured. “I want to see it.”
“Only a valley?” There was amusement in his eyes. “Or a place to build a lodge?”
I flushed. “Well, it would be a good place. I just thought I’d have a look. After all, it’s a place I haven’t seen.”
The days grew warmer, and the snow melted. There were slides in the higher mountains, and suddenly there were buds on the trees and a showing of green on the distant hills.
Spring was born with a trickling of water from melting snow and a dancing in the air. At home in Shooting Creek they would be opening all the doors and windows to rid themselves of bad air captured during the winter months, and hanging out the bedding, too. There were always times when doors and windows could be opened, but the circulation of air in the cabins was never good enough. We had no problem with that here, for soon the men were sleeping under the trees.
Keokotah was hunting in and around the scraggy peaks, and two of the Natchee had gone to the valley again.
One Natchee indicated my buffalo, feeding on the slope not far off. “Eat?”
“No,” I said. “He’s a friend, a pet.”
“We hungry.”
“There will be meat.”
“No meat, we eat him.”
For a moment I stared at him. “He has followed me because he trusts me. He eats from my hand. I will not have him killed.”
Jubal Sackett (1985) Page 21
