‘I’d rather die!’
‘I do understand, but let me tell you, living out here and treating my many patients, it is impossible to shock either me or most other people round here too. I would advise you to tell your godmother. Mrs Preston may be many things, but she is a woman of the world and has a kind heart to boot.’
Cecily lay there silently. No words could express her horror and shame.
‘What about the father? Am I to presume he is local to here?’
‘I . . . no, he isn’t. I met him in England. And no, he wouldn’t be . . . willing to take responsibility. He’s engaged to someone else. I only found out after . . .’
Cecily could hardly bear to look up into Dr Boyle’s sympathetic eyes.
‘I can understand how shocked you are,’ Dr Boyle said eventually, ‘but you’re not the first and certainly won’t be the last young lady to find herself in this predicament. I’m sure that you will find a solution; most usually do.’
‘Is . . . there any way I could, well . . . stop the baby coming?’
‘If you are asking me about an abortion, then I would tell you that it is not only illegal, but very dangerous. I think you must accept that your baby is coming in about seven months’ time and make your plans accordingly. Do you have family?’
‘Yes, in New York.’
‘Then maybe you should think about returning to America sooner rather than later, especially given what is happening in Europe.’
Cecily remained silent; her brain was fogged with shock and it was impossible to think of anything at all, let alone a plan for the future.
‘I’ll leave you to it now, my dear, but as I said, I’d certainly advise confiding in your godmother. She is in loco parentis while you’re here, after all. And not to put too fine a point on it, she’s bound to notice in the next few weeks. Here’s my card. Please call me if you need any help, medical or personal.’
Cecily watched him put the card on the bedside table next to her.
‘Thank you. Surely I must owe you some money for this morning’s . . . consultation?’
‘Consider it on the house. And of course, if you do decide to stay here, I’ll be delighted to look after you during your pregnancy. Good day, my dear.’
Cecily watched him leave the room. She stared at the wall in front of her, on which hung a dreadful painting of a Maasai warrior standing over the body of a dead lion, his spear piercing the animal’s side.
Her hands were freezing cold, despite the heat of the room. Pulling back the sheet, then tugging up her nightdress, Cecily tentatively placed her hands on her stomach. What was she meant to feel? She just didn’t know. Perhaps she could ask Mamie . . .
No! No, no . . .
‘Oh my dear Lord, my God . . .’ She shook her head as she curled her body up into a ball and turned away from the door as if to avoid any more bad news coming through it. ‘What have I done?’
There was another knock on her door and Cecily, her sight blurred with tears, remained silent.
‘Cecily, it’s Kiki. Can I come in?’
‘No,’ Cecily whispered to herself, shaking her head from side to side as she heard the door behind her open and then close again softly.
‘Oh, my poor darling, my angel . . . What is it?’
‘Please, Kiki, I’m begging you, just leave me alone . . .’
‘What is it that Dr Boyle told you? Is it terminal? Why, I just saw him in the hallway when I arrived here for breakfast . . . I’ll go fetch him now and ask him myself.’
‘No!’ Cecily sat upright, wiping her eyes. ‘Please, Kiki, there’s no need to do that. The problem I have is not’ – Cecily swallowed hard – ‘terminal or life-threatening.’
‘Okay.’ Kiki took another step towards her. ‘So you don’t have malaria?’
‘No.’
‘Or cholera?’
‘No.’
‘Or cancer?’
‘No, Kiki. I promise you, Dr Boyle confirmed that I’m not sick. Please don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.’
‘Of course I worry about you, sweetie, you’re my beloved goddaughter. And I’m responsible for you while you’re here. I haven’t been very good at looking after you recently, have I?’
Cecily, who still had her eyes firmly shut, could hear Kiki breathing above her and smell her perfume, which made her feel immediately sick.
‘So, what did Dr Boyle say to upset you so?’
Again, Cecily gave a shake of her head and remained silent. Which engendered silence from above.
‘So, the symptoms you have are dizziness and nausea,’ Kiki said after a pause. ‘Along with exhaustion, right?’
‘Really, Kiki, I’m feeling much better. I . . .’
Kiki laid a gentle hand on Cecily’s arm and Cecily felt her sit down on the bed behind her.
‘He’s told you you’re pregnant, hasn’t he?’
Cecily squeezed her eyes shut even tighter so the tears couldn’t dribble out. Maybe if she played dead, Kiki would just go away and leave her alone.
‘Sweetie, I know you must be in a terrible state of shock, but you know what? I’ve been where you are at this moment. It’s mighty scary, but we’re going to find a way through this together. You hear me? Cecily?’
She felt Kiki shake her gently, and she managed a miserable nod.
‘So, let’s get you out of here. Aleeki is outside with the car. Tarquin was called back to Nairobi last night after the terrible news about Hitler and has to stay on to do whatever an army captain does in these situations. So you and I will go back to Mundui House together. Okay?’
Cecily shrugged, feeling like a spoilt child, when she really wasn’t. She heard Kiki moving around the room.
‘Come on, sweetie, I have your day clothes here. You need to put them on and then we can go home.’
‘I’m so ashamed, Kiki,’ she moaned. ‘What if Dr Boyle has told all those people out there? Everyone who is anyone around here could know already.’
‘I swear to you that Dr Boyle is the soul of discretion. Some of the things he could have told everyone about me, he never did. Come on now. Let’s get you up and dressed.’
Common sense prevailed and with Kiki’s help, Cecily put on her blouse and skirt, packed her case and, while Kiki spoke to Ali, Aleeki met her at the door then escorted her to the Bugatti. Cecily slid down the back seat, just in case anyone decided to come peering in through the windows.
‘We’re all set, now let’s go,’ Kiki said, getting into the front with Aleeki.
Cecily dozed on and off on the journey to Mundui House, shock acting like a drug to dull her senses. When they arrived, Aleeki handed her over to Muratha, who helped her up the stairs and into bed.
Having fastened the shutters, Muratha left. Cecily closed her eyes once more and slept.
Cecily woke with a start and, for a few blissful seconds, didn’t remember what had happened earlier that day. Then, as reality dawned, she climbed out of bed, walked to the window and opened a shutter to see what she now recognised as a soft afternoon sun lighting the perfectly manicured lawn between the fever trees. She turned her back on the view and moved to sit on the end of her bed.
‘What on earth am I to do?’ she whispered, her hands instinctively going to her stomach once more. Was it really possible that one coupling with Julius could have produced a tiny, fledgling life inside her? Perhaps the doctor had been wrong – he couldn’t see inside her, couldn’t prove that she was pregnant, she thought suddenly. Perhaps it was some form of malaria (which would be infinitely preferable at this stage), or food poisoning, or in fact anything that wasn’t what he’d said it was.
But Cecily realised from talking to Mamie that she had every symptom there was to have; she’d noticed in the last week that her breasts had become heavier and tingled oddly. That her waist had filled out, which was why her dress last night had been so uncomfortable. Then there was the absence of her monthly since she’d left New York, plus the sickness . . .
There was a soft tap on her bedroom door.
‘Bwana? You awake?’ Muratha’s bright eyes appeared around the door.
‘Yes, come in.’
‘I get you dressed, then you downstairs for tea with mistress, okay?’
‘I can dress myself, thank you. Tell Kiki I’ll be down in fifteen minutes.’ Cecily was now paranoid about anyone seeing her developing body.
Kiki was waiting for her in the drawing room, a lofty space with a polished wood floor, filled with objets d’art and comfortable armchairs placed in front of a fireplace, which Cecily could not imagine was ever needed.
‘Come in, sweetie, and close the door behind you,’ Kiki said from one of the armchairs. ‘I’m sure we can manage to serve ourselves some tea, can’t we? I guess you’d prefer complete privacy while we have our little chat.’
‘Yes, thank you,’ said Cecily, looking at the tiered silver cake stand, filled with delicate sandwiches, scones and cake. She felt queasy at the sight of them.
‘I’ve had some ginger tea prepared for you. It’s very good for morning sickness. Come sit down.’ Kiki indicated the chair opposite her, then proceeded to pour some pale orange liquid into a bone china cup. ‘Try it; it saved my life when I was pregnant.’
Despite Cecily’s current feelings of misery and shame, it was interesting to hear Kiki talk about that moment in her life. She was aware her godmother had children, who were around the same age as her, yet Kiki almost never mentioned them. She took a tentative sip of the liquid, which burnt her throat as she swallowed, but found she liked the taste.
‘Now, my darling, let’s talk about what is best for you to do.’ Kiki put down her teacup and lit a cigarette. ‘Dare I ask who the father is? The ex-fiancé maybe?’
‘No, he . . .’ Cecily gulped. ‘I . . .’
‘Listen to me, Cecily, and listen good. I’ve had many things happen to me in my life, and anything you say to me will not only be in complete confidence, but I will not be shocked. I’ve been around more blocks than most people living in Manhattan will ever walk in their lifetime. And then some. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘So, who is the father?’
‘His name is Julius Woodhead. He’s the nephew of Audrey, Lady Woodhead, Mama’s friend.’
‘Well now, I know Audrey from the old days. She would have done anything to get a coronet on that head of hers,’ Kiki said, rather bitchily. ‘Of course she hated me because . . . well, I’ll save that story for another time. So you met this Julius while you were staying at Audrey’s house in England?’
‘Yes, he . . . I, well, I thought that he was in love with me. I was sure in love with him. He told me we’d get engaged and—’
‘Then he seduced you?’
‘Yes. Please, Kiki, don’t tell me I shouldn’t have believed him, that I was being dumb . . . I know all that now. But at the time, he was so loving and maybe because of my fiancé breaking our engagement off for another woman, I was—’
‘Vulnerable,’ Kiki finished for her. ‘We’ve all been there, Cecily. It’s English men who are so goddamned charming and funny and they manage to entice us into bed with just a whisper of that wonderful accent.’ Kiki sighed. ‘In many ways, I feel responsible. If I’d have been with you at Woodhead Hall, I could have seen the signs and made sure that this didn’t happen. But no matter, it did. Now that I know the facts, which are so very similar to when I was in my own . . . predicament, we can work out a way forward for you. I guess there is no chance that this Julius will stand by you?’
‘Hah!’ Cecily gave a bitter chuckle. ‘I discovered just before I left that he was engaged to another woman.’
‘Honey, you’re facing this situation alone, but at least you have me, who knows the ropes, so to speak.’ Kiki gave her a wry smile, then stood up. ‘I think this calls for something a little stronger than tea.’ Kiki walked over to a corner cabinet and poured herself a healthy measure of bourbon from a decanter atop it. ‘I’m presuming you don’t want any?’
‘No, thank you.’
‘I guess your mother knows nothing of this relationship with Julius?’
‘Oh no, nothing! If it had been for real, of course, she’d have been over the moon. Julius is set to inherit the title and Woodhead Hall from his uncle.’
‘And wouldn’t she just have loved that!’ Kiki cackled as she drained the bourbon. ‘You could of course write to him and tell him what has happened to you. Or even better, I could write to Audrey and tell her.’
‘No! Please, I’d rather die than go grovelling back to him. Besides, there’s no way of proving who the father of a child is anyway, is there?’
‘No, otherwise half the marriages in the world would have ended in divorce.’ Kiki gave a husky chuckle as she refilled her glass and sat down. ‘You’re right, of course; he’d only deny it and you’d end up feeling like a fool. Which you are most definitely not, I might add. Cecily, honey, I’m going to let you in on a secret, which may make you feel just a little better. Once upon a time, there was a young girl of around your age who met a prince – a real-life prince; a prince of England too, who was fourth in line to the throne. She fell head over heels in love with him, but then, sadly, found herself in the same position as you do now. She believed that he’d be there for her – look after her and help her; maybe they’d marry and she would become his princess. So she called him up and told him she needed to speak to him because she was carrying his child. He told her he’d help her, but that telephone call was the last time they ever spoke. Next thing she knew, an equerry – that’s a royal servant, by the way – appeared at her home. The young lady was told she must go to a clinic in Switzerland and wait out her pregnancy so she could give birth there. And she did. Right afterwards, when she hadn’t even held the baby in her arms, the child was whisked away from her. And she never saw it again.’
Cecily watched Kiki’s eyes brimming with tears as she took a deep drink of her bourbon.
‘I think we both know who that young girl was, don’t we, honey?’
Cecily nodded.
‘So, when I say I’ve been where you are now, I truly have. The good news is that no one on the planet knows about your condition, apart from Dr Boyle, you and me. And if we’re clever, we can keep it that way. No one need ever know about this.’
‘But how, Kiki? Where will I go?’
‘To Switzerland, just like I did. Whatever happens with the hostilities in Europe, Switzerland is neutral, so you’ll be perfectly safe there. We’ll just write your mother and say you want to stay on in Kenya for a while longer, while everyone here will think you’ve gone back to America. Don’t you see? It’s perfect!’ Kiki clapped her hands, obviously pleased with her own cleverness.
‘But what about after I’ve given birth to it?’
‘Why, you have it adopted. The clinic will find a nice family – probably American – who will give your baby a wonderful home and a new life. And then you can be free to carry on with yours. That is what you want, isn’t it?’
‘I . . . I think so, Kiki. I don’t know. I’m still in shock.’
‘I know you are, my darling, but it’s very important to make plans as soon as you can. We don’t want any gossip coming out this end and spreading itself across to Manhattan, do we?’
‘No, of course not.’
‘I mean, I can’t see another alternative, can you?’
‘No.’ Cecily shook her head, despair filling her once more. ‘I can’t.’
‘And of course, I’ll come with you to the clinic, settle you in – some fresh mountain air will do me good. But we’ll have to leave soon. Borders are changing regularly across Europe just now, and we don’t want Mister Hitler ruining our plan, do we?’
‘Are you sure Switzerland will be safe? I mean, it’s awful near Germany.’
‘Oh yes, honey, it’ll be safe, because it holds most of the fortunes of its close neighbour in its banks and the Nazis won’t ever put those at risk,’ muttered Ki
ki. ‘Now, should I telephone your mother and tell her you’ll be staying on here for a while longer? She called me earlier while you were resting. She and your father have heard the news and are obviously concerned about the situation in Europe. They were talking about booking you a passage back home straight away, so we need to stop them.’
‘But what excuse will I use?’ Cecily bit her lip, desperate at the thought of being separated from them for months on end.
Just when I need my family the most . . .
‘Oh, I’ll think of something, honey, don’t worry,’ said Kiki. ‘I’m good at that.’
Cecily studied her godmother, thinking that even though Kiki could not have been kinder to her, it felt a little as though all of this was a game to her.
‘Maybe leave it a couple days? I just need to, well, take time to think,’ said Cecily.
‘Okay, honey, but time is not something you have on your side just now. I mean, what other option is there? Unless you can find a man to marry you tomorrow,’ Kiki chuckled dismissively.
‘Well, thank you so much for being prepared to help me. It’s real kind of you, but as I said, I just want a little time to think it all through.’ Cecily stood up. ‘I’m going to take a walk now, if that’s okay?’
‘Of course. I know it’s a lot to take on board, but you will cope. Trust me, you are stronger than you think you are.’
‘I hope so. See you later.’
Cecily walked out of the room and headed for the front door.
‘Your hat, memsahib!’ Aleeki came running behind her with it. ‘Too hot for you outside.’
It was only a split-second glance down at her stomach as he spoke the words, but it was enough for Cecily to realise that he knew.
‘Thank you, Aleeki.’ She nodded at him and walked off across the lawns to sit on her favourite bench by the lake and try to get her head around everything that had happened in such a few short hours.
Of course she could not, so she simply sat there, watching the hippos slowly rouse themselves from their sunbathing and slip into the water for their sunset dip. The fact that they did the very same thing every day and at such a leisurely pace was hypnotic and calmed Cecily’s frazzled senses. Never had she thought she’d sit wishing to be a hippopotamus – quite the ugliest of animals on God’s great earth – yet here she was.
The Sun Sister Page 38
