by Marilyn Grey
Donovan:Haha! :) Well, first you need a husband and secondly ... who said its not a strength to love someone that much?
Me:Hmmmmm
Donovan:;)
Me:I don't know. It seems weak to have your emotional stability depend on someone else being there.
Donovan:I think it's a strength. When will you see love as something to admire?
Me:Oh stop! I do see that.
Donovan:Riiiiiight. Email lover boy?
I slipped my phone back into my purse and ignored him. A nurse walked in and checked Dad, then typed some stuff on a computer next to the bed. Mom stirred and jumped when she saw me.
"How long have you been here?" She rubbed her eyes, then placed her hand right back on Dad's. Before I could answer she looked at the nurse. "Everything okay?"
"Yes, Mrs. Austen. He should be waking up soon. Remember it will be fuzzy for him and things may not make sense."
They also told us that he may be paralyzed or have speech impairments. If he did walk again, he would need physical therapy to retrain his body. All because of a bat.
Mom turned back to me and pulled me down to the chair beside her. "How've you been, Jane? Is the apartment working out for you?"
"It's going okay. Hard to focus with Dad in here."
"I know." She looked at him. "I know."
"Have you eaten?"
"A little. The nurses are so kind."
"Mom. You need to eat. Dad would want you to take care of yourself."
"I'm eating." She almost laughed. "How's Donovan? Autumn?"
"Good."
"Has Don decided what to do next year?"
"Not that I know of. I'm gonna guess he ends up doing whatever his girlfriend of the moment is doing."
Mom flew into the air and scared the shibbles out of me. She hovered over Dad and I panicked, ran to the door, and screamed for the nurse. People rushed into the room, then backed away from the bed. Smiling.
What?
I went back to Mom's side and saw Dad's eyes flickering open. She caressed his forehead and hair as he slowly came back to life. I stepped back with the nurses and stood quietly. Another nurse clicked on the computer again while the rest of us watched Mom's tears dropped to Dad's sheets. A few minutes of blinking and sniffling later, Dad lifted his hand and brushed a tear from Mom's cheek. She cried harder. I even held back a tear. Or maybe even two.
They stayed like that for a while. Staring at each other like old times. I wondered how bad he was. He obviously moved his arm. What about his legs? What about his brain?
He tried to speak, but it was raspy, deep, and muffled.
"I love you too," Mom said. "I love you too, my dear, sweet husband."
I didn't want to interrupt their time together, so I followed the nurses back into the hall and found a seat in the waiting area at the end, across from the elevators.
Feeling a little inspired and slightly less cynical, I got on my phone and brought up Hatchenfield's website. After looking at Alistair's picture for thirty seconds too long, I went to the contact form and typed.
HEY HATCHERS!
I am a US girl wondering when you'll be in Philly. Would love to see you play at TLA. Maybe even make you trip at the airport so I can get a free latte out of it. Let me know.
Jane Austen
No... not that Jane Austen
I totally pulled one of those cliche moments in movies where your hand hovers over the send button. The clock ticks in the background. The hand hovers. So mysterious. Will she click or not? Of course I would. They always do. I don't know what the point of the hovering hand is, but I managed to do it myself.
Then ... CLICK!
Swoosh. Send. Buh-bye.
A minute passed and I checked my inbox. I had become that girl.
I turned my phone off and swore to myself not to look again until I got home, but I was already checking it as I walked back to Dad's room.
So. Not. Good.
So not good.
Donovan would have a party if he found out. Which is why he wouldn't find out.
Eddie and Granny were with Dad when I came in. Mom too, obviously. The nurse looked at me, stuttered, and finally said, "Typically we only allow three at a time, but I'll ask if this is okay."
"Oh, um, I can—"
"No." Granny took my hand. "You're staying here, young lady. When will you learn to say no? You don't get anywhere in life by saying yes all the time."
"Trust me, I don't always say yes."
Mom smiled. "It's true. She can say no when she's really uncomfortable, she just has a hard time saying no to people she loves or strangers. If you're an enemy or acquaintance—"
"Watch out!" I said. "Then you'll get my real opinion."
"No." Eddie laughed. "We get that all the time."
"Hark! He smiles!"
He glared up at me through his scrunched eye balls. Brothers. Man. Love him and all, but man....
Eddie and I went through stages. Super close as babies. Enemies when he turned four. Pretty much stayed that way until I turned five. Then we were best friends. Played army men, Super Nintendo, and even Barbies (shhh...don't tell) together for years. Then, I'd say around the time he entered sixth grade, maybe a few months before that, he hated me again. We annoyed the hell out of each other until ... well, I guess we still did sometimes. But we also loved each other. Even liked each other. Our teasing was all in jest and although it agitated Mom it was all in good fun.
I wrapped my arm around him and put my head on his shoulder. He pretended to shove me off, then put his head against mine. We stayed like that as Mom smiled at Dad.
See. We could be friends sometimes too.
Autumn stared at me like I was crazy, because fact is ... I was.
"Let me see," she said.
"Stop." I waved her away. "You're practically squealing and I haven't even opened the email yet."
"Been staring at it for like ten minutes. Let me open it." She clasped her hands in front of her chest. "Please, please, please."
"No, no, no." I swallowed. Butterflies—or possibly worms—made my stomach do that thing I hate. "I'm opening it now."
She tapped her foot like crazy.
I laughed. "Calm down. You're freaking me out."
I read through it. Then looked at her.
"What?"
I stared as blankly as possible.
"What? What? Is it bad?"
"Autumn." I slid the phone toward her. "He wants to get married."
"Are you frickin' kidding me? What will you say?" She picked up the phone and read. "Ugh. You're so annoying."
I laughed. "Intriguing email, huh?"
"What will you say?"
"It's just his manager thinking I'm some fan. I'm not gonna reply and ask for his info. They'll just think I'm a stalker."
"But you are!"
"Uh oh." I clicked on the email. "This just came in. Dear Jane," I read aloud as my hands started to sweat. "Sorry about that last email. My manager copies me on all emails that go out and I saw this. Jane ..." My voice cracked. I read the rest silently.
"Jane?" Autumn practically yelled. "Jane what?"
I cleared my throat, but couldn't read the rest out loud. I handed the phone to her.
"Jane," she read, then looked up at me, then back down. "I can't stop thinking about you. Your twenty-first birthday is too far away. Write me back at this email." She squealed.
I held my ears. "Not the screeching!"
"What are you going to say?" She gave me the phone. "Respond. Now."
"No." I shoved the phone into the couch cushion. "No. I can't."
"You so, so can." She pulled the phone out of the couch.
I hid it under the pillow behind me. "I can't, Autumn. Seriously."
"You're never going to respond?"
"Don't look so bummed." I laughed. "I'm not a chick flick for your entertainment."
"But it's so interesting. And he's so adorable. Do it. Promise you'll respond at some point?
"
"No, but I'll try."
"You are the weirdest ever."
"I go through great lengths to ensure that."
The phone beeped under the pillow. An email. She stared at me and I couldn't help but wonder what it said.
Zoe came into the apartment, sat down between us, and majorly disrupted my thoughts. She gave Autumn a hug, then me. Autumn and I looked at each other like ... uhhhh....
"I got you something," Zoe said, handing me a wrapped box.
Oh, great. Trying to get to Donov—
"And no, it's not my way of kissing your ass so Donovan comes back."
"Took the words right outta my ass."
Autumn tried to hide her smile and ended up stuffing her face into a pillow as she erupted into laughter. I laughed a little.
"I'm trying to be nice," Zoe said. "I'm really thankful for ev—"
Autumn popped up, holding her stomach and howling with laughter. I couldn't hold back anymore and cracked up as I opened the box, my hands shaking as I tried to control my laughter, and then I saw it.
I stopped laughing.
"Zoe...." I held the gift to my chest. "How...."
She blushed and folded her hands in her lap.
"How did you know?"
Autumn was still laughing in short bursts.
"I pay attention to what you say," she said. "And I noticed in your room that you had like all the Batman collectible figures, except this one. I'm not a huge fan, but my ex was and he got this for me as a gift one year. He's one of those people that like buys whatever he would like and gives them as gifts, instead of figuring out what they might like."
"I don't know what to say."
"I really didn't do it for any reason other than to let you know how thankful I am to be here. I kinda have a bad situation at my house with my brother. I don't know if Donny told you." She looked at me as though that was a question. I shook my head and she continued, "Anyway, it's not good there so this has really helped me."
"I ... I'm...."
Zoe squeezed the life out of me, then walked back to her room.
Autumn slapped her thighs and turned to me. "What the hell just happened?"
"Uh." I looked at the collectible in my hand. The in-the-box-excellent-condition-collectible-of-my-wildest-dreams. "Um ... yeah."
And Zoe? Of all people?
Speechless.
Chapter 14
Astounded by Dad's recovery, his doctor released him two weeks later. He could walk on his own and his speech was a little off, but nothing that would keep him from getting back to life.
Mom served him with even more enthusiasm. Bringing him drinks and snacks and tea while he rested on the couch. He kept telling her to sit down and just be with him. After the fifth time, she sat beside him and they spoke to each other with their eyes.
I understood the speaking with the eyes thing. Autumn and I could do that. Donovan too. But for that long? I couldn't imagine staring into someone's eyes for an hour and not getting bored. Or hungry.
I went to the kitchen and grabbed a tea cake, then made myself some warm milk with nutmeg and vanilla. Weird to be back home and not call it home. I left the love birds to themselves and knocked on Eddie's door.
"Yeah?" he said.
"Made you some milk."
"Come in."
I opened the door. "Technically the cow made the milk, but I warmed it up and added spices."
"Not nutmeg, right?"
"No. Put cinnamon in yours."
"Thanks." He set it on his desk and sat back down.
I sat on the bed and looked around the room. So different from my room. Mine was modern. Bright walls. Yellow and white chevron blanket. Black frames with modern Batman art. Watercolors on canvas. Photos of classical composers. His room, on the other hand, was moody and earthy. Hunter green walls. Brown and tan bedding. No art. No photos. Just wooden shelves he made with his own hands and a bunch of furniture he also made with his own hands. Stained dark when I would've painted them a distressed white or grey. Weirdest part of all ... he collected those trolls from the 60's and 90's. Lines and lines of them decorated his shelves. So bizarre. I'm sure my Batman figures (still in boxes of course) were weird to some people too, but hey ... trolls? Just kidding. I found it endearing.
We finished our milk at the same time and he went back to writing something at his desk. I looked around the room, remembering when we he used to sleep on the top bunk and me on the bottom. We were so close then.
"I miss you, Eddie," I said, still rummaging through memories in my mind.
"Yeah," he said without looking up.
"Hey...."
He still didn't look up.
"Eddie, I want you to know that I'm not curious about my biological mother for any reason other than ... I'm just curious."
He looked up. And back down he went.
"Eddie."
"Whatever you want to do. It's your life."
"See."
"No."
"Wouldn't you want to meet your mother?"
"Mom is your mother. That lady just got pregnant with you, then abandoned you."
"But I was a part of her body. That's gotta mean something. What would my life be like if she kept me?"
"Probably similar to something resembling a shit hole."
I laughed. "Thanks."
"Anytime." He continued writing.
"I love Mom. I love Dad and you. You guys are my family. I'm just curious."
"I heard you." He finally looked up. "Talking to your friends I always hear you saying 'real mom,' like this mom is fake or something. This mom gave everything for you. That one gave you nothing."
"I know. Trust me, I know."
"I don't get it." Writing again.
"Curiosity. What's so hard to get about it?"
"It killed the cat."
Mom came in and handed me an index card.
"What's this?" I said.
"Read it." She stood in the doorway.
The note said:
“Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.”
Oscar Wilde
"I saw the way you looked at him," she said.
"Not this again." Eddie put earphones in and ignored us.
"Mom. How many times do I have to tell you? Donovan and I aren't in love. We really are just friends."
"Something's changed in you, Jane. I've been distracted with your housewarming surprise party and then Dad's hospital visit, but not too distracted to see the change in your eyes when you look at him."
"Mom."
She smiled. "Sometimes it's easier to just let love in. Otherwise it might break down your door and you'll either need to fix the door, which takes a lot of effort, or clean up the mess, which takes a long time. Why not just open the door and say hello? Worst thing that could happen is that it doesn't work and you say goodbye."
"Not with Donovan. He doesn't feel that way anymore, anyway. He got over me years ago."
"If you say so."
"I know so."
But I really didn't. Zoe said it was clear as the sun on a blazing August day, but it wasn't. Don and I had a weird friendship. Everything was always blurred and the only way to really know how he felt would had been to profess my love to him and see how he'd react.
Except I wasn't in love with him. Or anyone. And I definitely wasn't the "professing my love" type.
Rosalind's.
That's what I decided to call my boutique and fashion line. I had a million and three designs I created over the years. Some I'd scrap, some I'd ponder, and some I'd get started on right away.
This was my dream.
Like ... little girl dream.
And beginning to bring my little girl dream to life scared the crap out of me. I didn't fear failure, I hated it. What if the store flopped? What if everyone laughed at my designs? What if no one bought the stuff? Scary.
But I pressed on, hired two seamstresse
s, and went nuts. We sat together in the empty boutique and sewed our hearts out. That sounds weird....
Anyway, Autumn came over the day before to help with decor. Donovan offered his hand tonight, knowing Zoe would be at work. She'd probably be sniffing the place after he left.
He did some manlyish things, like hanging pictures and setting up the sales desks and furniture. We barely talked, but I needed to get him alone. Something was bothering him and so long as Brooke and Han, my two seamstress girls, were around, he'd stay like that. Walking around like a half-dead person with his shoulders all slumped.
"He's not always so lively," I said to the girls.
Han, sweetest person ever, chuckled modestly, but Brooke didn't hide her unmistakable laugh.
"Lively?" Brooke said. "Hate to see what he's like when he's tired."
"Hardy har," Donovan said. "Actually, I am tired."
Code word. He wanted me to make them leave. Since about fourth grade we had code words. "I'm tired," was our code for, "We need to talk. Alone."
I waited a few minutes and told the girls we could pack up and keep going tomorrow. Brooke winked at Donovan as she walked away. Han, on the other hand, hid behind her purse and completely avoided him.
When the back door swung to a close he put his hands over his face and whined.
"What now?" I said. "Please don't tell me it's another girl."
"I didn't get it." He peeked at me through his fingers. "It's done, Jane."
"Zoe? She'll take you back in a second."
"I applied for lacrosse scholarships, but I didn't get any of them. Got my last official rejection today."
"Why though? Can't a coach notice you at a summer tournament still?"
"I give up."
I gave him a hug and pat his back. "There, there, boy."
He pinched my back.
"What if I lend you the money?" I stepped back. "How much is it?"
"No way."
"It's mine to use as I please, sir."
"I'm not accepting that." He slumped into the chair and knocked over a container of bobbins and needles.
We both knelt down to clean them up when something pierced my knee. I flipped over and grabbed my leg.
"Um, there's a sewing pin stuck in my knee."
Donovan looked at it. "I'll go get the pliers."
