“I just couldn’t handle it, Kells. It wasn’t going to work out. I’m meant to be alone.”
She looks toward the ceiling, as if thinking really hard about something. “I’m not going to lie, you are good on your own. Most people would completely fall apart after everything you’ve been through, but somehow you seemed to take it as a challenge to find your own way. I mean look at you—living the dream, owning your own business, being your own boss. You risked a lot to do it, but it all ended up working out. And you genuinely love what you do.”
She’s really good at this whole pep talk thing.
Yeah, who needs Lucas when I have myself?
“But . . .” Kelley adds.
Crap. My smile fades.
“But despite all of that, did you really not notice how much more fulfilling it all was when you had someone to share it with? That you were brighter, happier around Lucas?”
I contemplate that for a minute, not yet willing to confirm nor deny.
“Look, if he did something to hurt you, I’ll be the first one to kick him in the nuts, but something tells me this has less to do with him and more to do with your own insecurities. I’d hate to see you lose out on something even greater because you’re too scared to give it a chance. You were willing to risk your money and your livelihood for this business, so why not also risk your heart for a chance at love?”
Ugh. I hate it when she sounds like a fortune cookie.
And when she’s right.
I was perfectly content to live with my self-inflicted misery, but now that it’s been said out loud I can’t hide. I was so sure that I would ultimately get hurt that I caused it to happen. Once again, I got in my own way and I’m afraid it’s too late to make it right.
“Leave it to the hopeless romantic to be the voice of reason.”
“Just call me Jiminy friggin Cricket!”
We both dissolve into a fit of drunken giggles. I can’t help but find it amusing that Kelley Brooks, the girl who believes in Prince Charming and happy endings, is also such a realist. She always calls it like it is. Between her and Lucas, I have my own personal bullshit detectors.
Except Lucas is no longer mine, personal or otherwise.
That thought sobers me right up. I let my head fall to the table, covering it with my arms.
“What am I going to do, Kell? Lucas deserves more than a broken girl who can’t get out of her own head. He deserves to be happy.”
Kelley gently grabs my wrist to pull my arm away from my face. “So do you, Kinsley. And if I had to bet, I think you make him happier than you give yourself credit for. I see the way he looks at you—like you’re the only girl in the universe. He’s crazy for you, and you’re crazy for him. Now you both just need to suck it up so you can go be crazy together.”
A little while after Kelley leaves, a knock at the front door startles me and I move slowly to see who it is. I’m surprised to see Ryan standing in the doorway, looking disheveled with his shirt crumpled and untucked with his tie loosened.
“Ryan? Is something wrong?” I’ve never seen him look so unnerved.
“Kins, it’s Lucas. Eli had a heart attack and is in the hospital and I haven’t seen Lucas this wrecked since . . . well, since his mom got sick. I don’t have the first clue as to what happened between you guys, but I know he needs you—even if he’s too stubborn to admit it.”
As I try to breathe and focus on what Ryan has said. Only a few key words seem to travel all the way to my brain.
Eli . . . hospital . . . Lucas . . . needs you.
Flashes of Lucas lighting up as he talks about his dad collide with images of him looking both sad and broken as he recalls memories of his mother. My mind starts to race as I can think of but one thing: being there for my friend when he needs me most. I remember what it was like to sit all alone in a cold and sterile hospital room, waiting for answers and hoping beyond measure that the doctor with the defeated, tired face isn’t coming toward you to gently break some bad news. The thought of ever having to go back to a place like that usually freezes me in some sort of panic, but suddenly my fear is outweighed by my need to see Lucas, to make sure he is OK.
I focus my eyes back on Ryan. “Please, take me to him.”
When we arrive at the hospital I let Ryan lead me through the maze of hallways and elevators until we reach a nurse’s station on the fifth floor of the west wing. After speaking with the young, pretty nurse in a hushed tone for a moment, she motions for us to wait in the adjoining seating area. Just as I turn to make my way to one of the chairs, I lock eyes with a tired looking Lucas coming down the hall. He freezes a few steps from me, seemingly too shocked to say anything. I, myself, am speechless so we just stand there staring.
Ryan glances between the two of us before announcing, “I’m going to grab a cup of coffee.” He steps away to head back toward the elevators.
I watch Ryan leave and fidget with my hands.
Finally, Lucas breaks the awkward silence. “What are you doing here?”
Wow—that stings. But OK, I guess I deserve it.
“Ryan told me about your dad. How is he?”
“He’s stable. They say it was a minor heart attack. They’re letting him rest before they run a few more tests, but they say he should be fine.”
“I’m glad to hear he’ll be OK.” I chance a closer look at Lucas’ face, noting how exhausted he looks. “And how are you?”
He doesn’t answer for a beat, but just as he’s about to say something the same nurse from earlier comes over to squeeze his arm.
“Your dad is awake now, Lucas.”
His eyes never break from mine and he barely acknowledges the nurse. Again, just when I think he’s going to say something, the impatient nurse taps his shoulder to direct him back down the hallway. He gives me a sideways smile and a shrug as he lets the nurse lead him to Eli’s room.
I debate waiting in the small seating area for a while, just in case he needs me, but as I turn to sit I see Chelsea heading my way.
“Oh, Kinsley, how is he? Erik told me what happened so I rushed right over. Thanks for being here in the meantime, though.” She gives me a hug—actually hugs me, the girl who is finally ready to accept that she’s in love with a boy she no longer has any claim to. Because that’s what I feel for him, isn’t it? Deep down, gut-wrenching, crazy, messed up, scary, amazing, beautiful love.
But it’s too late, and I suddenly feel very much out of place.
Of course Chelsea would be here . . . of course she should be here. I had my chance, but now he’s hers. And I practically served him up on a silver platter.
I mumble something about having to go and get out of there as quickly as I can.
Lucas
It’s almost too much to see Kinsley standing here in the middle of the hospital waiting room, looking so genuinely worried and concerned. At first I think I’m hallucinating.
But it’s really her, and I am so overwhelmed with equal parts of regret and relief that I don’t know how to react. The past few hours have been an emotional monsoon. Seeing my dad loaded into an ambulance was one of my biggest fears come to life, and all I can remember thinking is I wish Kinsley was here to help me through this. If I just have her, I can face anything.
Then seeing her here . . . it was like a nightmare turned into a dream and I can’t tell if I’m waking up or falling apart. Then the next thing I know I’m being led by a nurse back down the hospital hallway and my head is still spinning.
As I round the corner into my dad’s room, I’m in awe of how big and strong he looks, even lying in a hospital bed after a heart attack. After everything with my mom, he always remained so steady, stepping up to take care of me alone. I’ve always depended on him to bail me out and offer advice, but perhaps I should have been a little less selfish and should have helped him more in return. Despite his outward composure, I could always tell there was a light in him that permanently dimmed when we lost her, and I’ve never felt more resolved tha
n now to let him know I’ve finally grown up. It’s my turn to take care of him.
“Hey, Pop. How are you feeling?” I step closer to the side of the bed, lightly clasping his shoulder.
“I’m fine. Must have pushed myself a little too hard on my run this morning. Don’t you worry.” He pats my hand, ever the reassuring father, putting my fears to rest first.
“Well, I’m going to make sure you have the best doctors and tests to make sure everything is fine. You need to start taking it easy so I’ll take over the house chores and help manage your properties.”
“I appreciate that, son, but I’m more worried about you taking care of Kinsley. Have you told her what an ass you’ve been yet?”
Leave it to him to bring this up now. “I’ve been a little busy riding in ambulances and threatening doctors to make sure you’re taken care of. She came to see how you are, though.”
“She still here?”
“I’m not sure.”
“What are you waiting for? You better go find out.” He nods toward the door but I don’t move, taking in the beeping machines and wires he’s still connected to.
As if sensing my hesitation, he softens his eyes and grabs my arm. “I’m fine now, Lucas. Really. Thank you for being here for me, but now it’s time for you to do the same for her.”
I reach down to give him a hug, careful not to disturb any of his IVs or wires. I pull back and he squeezes my hand.
He looks at me and smiles before saying, “Go get your girl, Luc. Your mother and I both want nothing more than for you to be happy, and Kinsley’s it. Don’t let her go.”
I smile and squeeze his hand back before turning to do exactly what he says.
I quickly make my way back to the waiting room and scan the chairs filled with anxious, tired bodies for the only brown haired, blue eyed girl I can focus on. As I turn to ask the nurses if they’ve seen her, I bump into Ryan.
“Hey, man. How’s Eli?”
“He’s good—he’ll be fine. Where’s Kinsley?”
“She just took a cab home. I tried to tell her I’d take her, but she was insistent that I stay here with you and Chelsea.”
“Chelsea? What’s she doing here?”
He shrugs. “I dunno, man, but I think it’s time to settle it once and for all.”
I nod, knowing exactly what he means. Just then I see Chelsea making her way over with two cups of coffee.
She looks relieved to see me. “Lucas, how’s your dad? I came as soon as I heard.”
“He’s good, Chels. He’ll be fine. But listen, we need to talk.”
I lead Chelsea down a quieter corridor, out into a small courtyard outside. We sit down on one of the wooden benches.
I look down at my shoes, not sure where to start. I force myself to look into her eyes—it’s really not her fault, and I’m the one who has to be a man and own up to my mistakes.
“Chelsea, I want you to know that there was a time I thought I loved you. I know when I broke things off, I made it seem like I might be able to change, so you stuck around in the hopes I would get my shit together.” She looks at me eagerly. I know this next part is going to hurt the most, but she needs to know the truth.
“And recently I did change. I discovered that it’s not that I’m incapable of love . . . I just had to find the right person.” I look at her gently, trying to convey my sincere apology.
The defeat shows plainly on her face as she realizes I’m not talking about her. “It’s Kinsley, isn’t it?” she whispers.
I nod. “I’m sorry Chelsea. You deserve way better than how I treated you. I should have let you go a long time ago rather than allow you to hold out hope for us. I’m an asshole for that, and I’m sorry. Just know that I don’t regret our time together. Without you I never would have been able to truly find out who I am, and for that you will always be special.”
I squeeze her hand, hoping I’m making sense.
She gives my hand a gentle squeeze back and lets out a long exhale. “You know, Luc, I always knew I wasn’t the one for you. Deep down, anyway, even if I didn’t want to admit it. Yes, there was a part of me that thought you were just a little lost and only needed some time to find your way back to me, but the more I saw you change these past few weeks—and knew it had everything to do with her—I realized she’s the one you were looking for, not me. I let you hold on, so it’s as much my fault as it is yours.”
She leans over to give me a hug, one that I know will be our last. She stands and makes her way to the door before stopping and turning to look at me one last time. “She loves you, you know. Even if she’s not ready to say it, I can tell she does.”
With that she heads back inside, and for the first time I feel a genuine emotion when it comes to Chelsea. Closure.
I make my own way back inside and catch Ryan walking down the hall. I’m already halfway to the staircase when I call back, “Hey Ry. Stay here with my dad. I’ll be back.”
I sprint down the five flights of stairs and hail my own cab to head straight to the cottage. I just hope I’m not too late.
Kinsley
What was I thinking going to see Lucas? Just as I expected, the moment I saw him my heart instantly fluttered back to life. I was supposed to be there for him, for Eli, yet I could barely muster up the courage to ask how they were doing. After seeing Chelsea, I knew I couldn’t stay, so I ran away from my feelings yet again.
The rain starts to pour just as I get out of the cab. How fitting.
I plop down on the couch in the front sitting area and stare out at the raindrops pelting the window when I’m suddenly startled by a loud knock at the door. I cautiously make my way to the entryway, hoping it’s not more bad news. When I pull the door open and see Lucas standing on the porch, completely soaked, staring at me with his fierce hazel eyes, I’m overcome with so much emotion of what I feel for him and all the things I should have said and done the past few weeks that I can’t help but throw myself into his arms. The fact that I feel him grab on and hold me tight is all it takes for me to burst into tears.
After what feels like hours of Lucas just holding me on the cold, wet porch, he gently pulls me inside the cottage. He leads me to the couch and startles me when he commands, “Take off your clothes.”
I must be in shock or something, because I do so without hesitation. I have a feeling this man could ask me to commit a capital crime right now and I’d do it without question.
As I shimmy out of my wet clothes so I’m standing in nothing by my underthings, Lucas grabs a towel from the bathroom and wraps it around me, rubbing my shoulders to generate heat.
“Funny, this is sort of how we first met.” The sparkle in his eyes makes me want to cry all over again. “I guess the movies aren’t as far from real life as I thought, either.” He looks down at his own wet clothes and gives a shy, sideways smile.
I don’t deserve his kindness right now. I thank my lucky stars I seem to have a second chance, and I’ll be damned if I don’t tell him how I really feel. I’m done running away.
“I’m so sorry, Lucas. I’m sorry I pushed you away . . . I thought it was better to end things before either of us got really hurt, and it turns out that’s exactly what happened because of me . . . I get it if you can’t forgive me, but I just want to be honest . . . I know you’re with Chelsea now, and I want you to be happy, but I didn’t realize I’d lose my best friend in the process, and I . . . I miss you.”
There goes that word vomit again. But at least it’s the truth, even if it does come out as a run-on, jumbled mess of thoughts. I bite my lip as Lucas stills his hands on my shoulders.
“I miss you so fucking much, Kins. And I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’m not going to be with Chelsea or anyone else, now or ever. You’re the one for me. Since the moment I first saw you at that wedding, it’s only been you. I was just so hurt that you were pulling away that I let my stupid ass pride get in the way. I once told you that you could always count on me to call you on your s
hit, so I shouldn’t have let you walk away—I should have proved to you that you can always trust me to be there for you.”
I’m warmed (and relieved) by his words, but I look up at him confused by his confession about noticing me prior to our meeting at the cottage. Something about hearing that makes my heart beat even faster. “Wedding?” No, it couldn’t be . . .”The one at Woodwind Hills?”
He nods. “Something about you nearly knocked me on my ass. I couldn’t stop thinking about the cute mystery woman in the dirty t-shirt.” He chuckles, teasing me.
I’m stunned. I never really gave things like fate or destiny much merit, but I seem to have been misguided about a lot of things. “I guess I should confess that I noticed you, then, too.” I blush at the admission.
“Really?” He looks just as shocked, but quickly recovers. “And what was it that you noticed, exactly?” He tilts his head playfully.
“Honestly?” I rake my eyes over his body. “Your ass.” That makes us both laugh. “Well, before that, it was something about the way you smiled. I remember thinking that girl you were with was lucky to be able to make you so happy.”
He caresses my arms. “You, Kinsley Moore, make me insanely fucking happy.” His arms still again. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you know that.”
I shake my head before averting my eyes to stare at little bits of lint clinging to the towel draped around me. “It’s not your fault. I just don’t have the best record when it comes to trusting people, and then everything happened with Chelsea so I freaked out. But you’re not like them. I know that.”
“Like who?” He says it softly and gently, as if afraid I’m going to push him away again.
Not this time.
I look up into his soft, understanding eyes before finally admitting, “My father . . . my ex boyfriend. All the guys I’ve trusted before.” I take a deep breath and relax my shoulders before deciding to start at the beginning.
Crazy Beautiful (Crazy Beautiful #1) Page 14
