consequences. You can’t blame a child for their parents’ mistake.” Heidi said defensively.
I realized, in a way, she was speaking of herself. Heidi’s father was a terrible man, and my saying that Nikolai was a brat just because of the fact he was born, and how he was born, was like saying she was too.
“That’s different… you are a wonderful…” I stopped myself. I just couldn’t say how I really felt about her. I supposed there must have been a reason I had watched her for so long in The Above… but I could never put my finger on it.
She wouldn’t look me in the eyes, which was something that at one time never bothered me, but now it bothered me profusely. “You hate us for nothing, don’t you…?” She murmured sadly. “You won’t even give us a chance…”
“I told you. If you’d seen the things I’ve seen…”
“You have a grudge against us.”
I looked at her vacantly. “I will not discuss such things with you.”
“I know people have to die, but you wanted to hurt that boy because you were biased towards him. You were not judging fairly. I thought… I thought you were a just God, I began to admire you for it… I’ve been through things too Joshua, but I still love people.”
“There is no justice where I am involved Heidi. That’s why I let Justice and Vengeance do the judging. I—I am angry… my head becomes hot, a mist hangs over my head…”
“You seem calm right now,” she said quietly. “I want you to realize, the way I had to, that even though some people are wretched, you can’t hate all of them just because a few rotten ones. Maybe then you’ll love them again.”
“I am not human Heidi. I do not need love to get by.”
“You don’t?” She asked a little skeptically. “You love your brother… and you… you saved my life.”
“Are you insinuating that I love a mortal?” I was disgusted. “How dare you…”
“Well, you must have been looking after me for a reason…”
“Say no more.” I demanded, crossing my arms.
“You’re my friend Joshua; I thought you might love me at least in that way… Nobody else has, except for my brother…”
I at once wanted to be away from her and strangely found I wanted to hold her in my arms as I did before. I also found that I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I was truly being affected by the Mortal Disease.
The next day, as we travelled, we came upon an incredibly large, dark forest that went on for miles. We entered together. It was dark as night inside the forest, and very cool inside because of it. It was a shaggy forest with fallen and low-hanging branches everywhere. There were plenty of vegetation and odd plants as well. It had been a long time since I walked among mortals, and some of this plant-life was completely foreign to me…
“This is Elysia. Remember Katharos’ friend, Asher? This is where he’s from. His people are mostly peaceful. They’re a little barbaric, but if you treat them with respect you’ll do fine,” Heidi explained.
I looked down at her as we walked along. “Why do you know that?”
She started walking again and I followed her. “Because…” she sounded choked, “my father used to shove fresh produce in a bag and told me to travel far and wide to sell it—this was the excess food that didn’t sell--he’d lock me out until I did… sometimes the people in the small town we were at before, Saluna, would buy it all, but sometimes I had to go further. I’d end up here, and they’d pay a handsome price for the produce because they have to hunt for most of their food, and they prefer buying to save themselves the danger,”
She was lost in thought for a moment. I wanted to offer physical comfort, but I couldn’t. “I’m sorry about earlier, by the way. I know you don’t really love me. I have to admit, it might be pretty flattering to think myself beloved by a God…” She smiled softly, tired and thoughtful.
“I never want you to end up like that Hephzibah woman, Heidi. Besides, I want you to find someone who truly loves you. Not someone who… who might love you one day and not the next,” I told her simply.
“No one is ever going to love someone as ugly as me, Joshua.” She said, shaking her head.
“Heidi,” I said as I ducked under the branch of a tree. “You are not ugly. I think you are beautiful. Even if you are not the average standard of beauty in other people’s eyes.”
She laughed. “I don’t know who you think you’ve been walking with, but even if you cleaned me up and put me in the best clothes ever, I still couldn’t hold a candle to most girls…”
“You don’t see yourself through my eyes…” I said distantly.
She stopped for a moment, just in front of me. “And what do I look like to you?”
I tapped her shoulder and then bent over and looked her right in the eyes. She looked into mine and saw herself. She blushed. “I look terrible compared to you.”
I smiled a little. “You look like a princess.”
Being tall, it was hard making my way through the forest without hitting my head on the gigantic tree branched or tripped on rocks that I couldn’t see because of my high height. Heidi had to move out of the way when it looked like I might fall down. She attempted to hold my hand to try and guide me through, but I refused. I would not touch her if I could help it. After many hours of falling down and being scratched by tree-branches, we came to a large clearing in the forest. In the clearing was a bustling, giant, primitive village. Elysia, Heidi called it. They lived in huts spread about; all of them were Elysians like Asher. There wore scant clothing like Asher. The houses here were mostly made out of clay and were only big enough to contain small families.
Some of them looked my way. One ran inside a nearby hut that was slightly more ornate than the rest.
“Joshua?” A familiar voice asked. I looked down and to my right.
“Katharos?” I didn’t know why, but I nearly cried with joy when I saw him. It must have been the Mortal Disease assaulting me with mortal emotions. I knelt down and embraced him. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here on official business. I’m afraid war with the Mahesha might no longer be avoidable… I am here to gain allies. My people are dying quickly, and the other day a troop of Mahesha marched into my country—killing as they went—they were orders from Hephzibah…” For a moment, I didn’t even notice Asher lurking behind Katharos, always ready to leap in front of him to save his life. I wondered why that was.
“Katharos, promise me you’ll withhold on that war until I speak with my brother.” I begged him. “Maybe I can get him to stop needlessly killing.”
“I--” he was interrupted by the sound of my stomach rumbling. He laughed. “How about some food?”
I smiled sheepishly. “That sounds good.”
He looked at me, a little surprised. “You seem different.”
“How so?” I asked.
“You seem… warmer.” He said, smiling. “Come, the Elysians make excellent food.”
I sat next to Katharos in the chief’s hut, and Heidi sat on my other side. The concept of needing to eat food was still alien to me. But, I supposed as far as food went, the food here was relatively excellent, and I felt rejuvenated. But it wasn’t the food. I honestly felt some of my old power be restored in the depths of my soul. “Katharos, I suddenly feel a million times better…”
“Food that good?” He laughed.
“No, I mean… I feel restored,” I explained. “Like some of my power has come back.”
Katharos thought for a moment. “You saved a child back in Heidi’s village, right?”
“What does that…?”
“I was just thinking… maybe they started worshipping you again.” Katharos suggested.
It made as much sense as anything else. And maybe that old man I helped back in Saluna had spread the word about me as well… the thought that I might be being worshipped again filled me with inspiration and a small power like I hadn’t felt in years welling deep within t
he depths my soul. To be believed in… I forgot how special it was. I forgot how much I… how enjoyable mortals could be.
“I think you’re right…” I said quietly to him. I smiled a little.
Katharos cut a piece of meat off of his steak and gave me a look. “You hardly ever smile… are you afraid you’ll be punished or something?”
Heidi nudged me. “He’s just a stick in the mud. He doesn’t like us, I don’t know why everyone’s started to believe in him again,” she joked.
She was joking, but there was a sound in her voice that told me she was slightly serious. And I was hurt… I wanted her to believe in me.
Eventually, Katharos began talking politics with the chief of Elysia.
While everyone else was distracted, I snuck off into the village to explore.
I walked about, feeling a little down. Feeling this power in the pit of my soul brought back a feeling of omnipotence that I hadn’t felt in a long time. But I was also stuck on the fact that Heidi didn’t believe in me. This was a selfish, human desire I realized. It wasn’t enough to have so many people believe in me, I had to have her belief. I saw an old Elysian sewing human dresses. I put a hand on my cheek, and then I decided to walk on over. “Hello,” I greeted her.
She looked up at me. “Katharos told me about you. I am honored with your presence, Justice,” She bowed to me lowly.
My spirit was buoyed again, and I felt undeserving. “Why are you sewing dresses for humans?”
“Well, as you can see, the women
A Wayward God Page 12
