will be as a mortal, and he will no longer be dangerous.”
“May I—may I visit him whenever I wish?” Chandra pleaded desperately.
“…you may, but if I catch you trying to free him, you will end up in the same position.” Weather walked away, leaving us alone.
I pounded the translucent metal and screamed. “You’re going to help me, aren’t you Chandra? You won’t leave me here? You’ll save me like you always do!”
He walked up to me mechanically and placed a hand where mine was. “This is the best way to save you…”
I was terrified when I realized that he really wasn’t going to save me this time--that he was going to leave me in there for a million years—that he was willing to let be become a mortal. That he would dare abandon me after all this time.
I cursed at him. “I never want to see you again! Get out of here! I hope you die! You chose those mortal wretches over me!”
He blinked sadly and leaned his forehead against the cage. “Goodbye Yeshua,”
He left me cursing and crying at him until my throat hurt.
My cage was tiny and claustrophobic. And a month in there was enough to drive my insanity even further.
A month was also when my brother showed his sorry face again. I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest when I saw him, because I wanted to kill him. I knitted my brow. “Get out.”
He shook his head. “I brought you your favorite story.”
“You think reading a silly old children’s book will endear me to you again?” I placed my hands on the metal and made a face.
“Calm down please, Yeshua. You love this story.” My brother pulled up a chair, opened the book and started reading.
I yelled and screamed the whole time he was reading, begging him once again to let me out; once he finished the first chapter, he left.
My brother came in every week from then on, and I bellowed at him so loudly that Weather, after a year or so, came in with Chandra to inspect my situation.
“He is so loud,” Weather said. He looked down with a sigh as I went into a blackout rage. He looked down and then back at my brother. “Chandra, I was thinking… the only way to get your brother back might be to put him asleep for a long time until his anger abates and his heartbeat slows. His insanity runs so deeply now, I simply see no other way…”
I was shaking with anger, and I was quiet for a moment.
Chandra looked at him, worried to his bones. “Put him to sleep…? I could no longer speak to him…?”
“His rage is unquenchable. We can still save him if we put him to sleep for a million years,” Weather insisted.
Chandra walked up to me while I started to scream. I was screaming so loud I couldn’t hear what he said, and then I watched him turn and speak a bit more to Weather. They called in the God of sleep. The last thing I remember seeing was my brother putting a hand on my cage, he said something, but I could not hear, Sleep waved a hand, and I fell to the floor, unconscious.
During all the years I was unconscious, Chandra was there the whole time. I didn’t know how I knew, but I heard his voice the whole time, reading to me perhaps, like he always did. Sometimes, I swore I heard him weeping, just missing my company. Sometimes, he would sing to me like he used to. I felt like I was wrapped in sweet music the whole time I was asleep. Slowly, it softened my spirit. But more than that, my brother was there, every day, just waiting for me to wake up. I never knew such devotion existed. I felt the toxicity rooted deep within my soul dissolve away.
And when I awoke a million years later, I didn’t even realize I was awake. In a daze, I arose and looked around. Something was wrong. My range of vision was wider, and I no longer felt like myself. Not when I was made into Decay, and not before that either.
I blinked, and I realized there were two eyes added to my face along with my original one. I felt even, but I also felt stunted and hazy, like everything I might have been before was pushed to the back of my head.
Weather walked in with my brother. “What is your name?” Weather asked.
I thought for a moment. “Justice,”
Weather nodded. “Good.” He removed my prison. Clearly, Weather had made me into something else other than Decay.
My brother was smiling ear to ear and ran up to me, throwing his arms around me in an embrace. “It’s so good to see you…”
Awkwardly, I patted his back. “It is good to see you too, Death,”
He held me at arm’s length, “Death..?”
The problem was, Decay knew Chandra, but Justice and Vengeance did not. And for a long time, up until now, Decay was pushed far away from me. Justice and Vengeance neither knew, nor had any love for Chandra, because of what he did. Justice and Vengeance considered the release of the soul distasteful and beneath them. Because of that, I and Chandra slowly grew more and more apart. Chandra seemed to look at me through such sad eyes, like he knew he had lost someone he loved. And unfortunately, as time passed, and I found myself wanting my brother again when Decay began to resurface, he was no longer there for me. I never knew why.
“What are you doing up so early?” Heidi said, sitting next to me on the stairs of the inn. “Are you nuts? Nobody gets up that early unless they have to.”
I wanted to tell her—that way she would leave, go back home where she was safe—but I didn’t want her to go. She was one of only two friends I had in the world, and I was afraid too lose her. I couldn’t tell her. I wanted to be selfish—keep her to myself—regardless of her safety.
I smiled with my eyes closed and my face tilted down. “Restless night,” I murmured.
“Still so repressed. I guess that’s why I like you, though. I can run my mouth all day and you won’t interrupt me,” she laughed, squeezed my shoulder and went outside.
I breathed in, and followed her a few minutes later. Katharos and all his soldiers were already outside. “Are you ready?”
I looked away. “Actually, I was thinking I might go my own way from here. If you would, please take Heidi with you and protect her…”
Katharos looked up at me askance. “Why…?”
I was silent. And then I said, “Just do it, please,”
“We wish to go with you. Heidi may not show it, but she’d be devastated if you left with no explanation. What’s wrong?” He tried again. He thought I was running away, and he was judging me the whole time, I knew. Because I was a God, like everyone else, he thought I was supposed to be perfect. I couldn’t stand it.
“I can’t stand it anymore! You have grown so much in all these years and I haven’t grown one bit! A God is not meant to be like this. I should be far ahead of you, like the rest of the Gods are, but I feel as lost and as imperfect as I was all those years ago.” I covered my eyes, but I would not cry. Long ago, when Chandra was with me, I felt it was okay to cry. But now, now I felt it made me too imperfect, too mortal. Too weak.
Katharos was confused. “Joshua, don’t you know why we have grown? We have grown so much because no one makes more mistakes than us and, no one makes them more unabashedly. I know you try your hardest, but it’s okay to make mistakes. You don’t need to feel bad just because you can’t be everything everyone else wants you to be. I have… been there,”
I was being lectured by a child, a mortal child, and no one ever made more sense in my life. “I should be a beacon to look up to…”
“I don’t look up to people who are perfect. I look up to people who are able to admit their mistakes and flaws. Those are the people to admire.” Katharos said with a smile.
I was silent, and then I nodded. “You are right. I shall travel with you… a little longer.”
He looked at me understandingly. “You don’t need to feel like you’re alone in this world anymore… I used to feel that way, before I met Asher.”
“Why so close?”
“He’s like my Father. I know what he’s done and I don’t approve. But I don’t n
eed to. It’s not my forgiveness he must seek,” he eyed me carefully. “Besides, he knows he has my forgiveness, and he even knows what he did was wrong.”
I looked at him, exhausted. “Is it… is it time to forgive?”
He shrugged. “Only when you are ready,”
We set off again, moving slowly, and Heidi walked by my side as we went. She was wearing her new dress, and I noticed that she was very clean. She did a little spin, which showed off her ugly shoes that did not match her dress, making it all the more endearing. “There was a stream nearby! Do I look like a Queen yet?”
I smiled; silly girl. “You look stunning,”
“You said that with absolutely no passion! What’s a girl to do…?” She giggled.
She pulled on my sleeve. “Hey, I got something for you, too.”
I stopped for a moment and looked at her, “like what?”
“Nothing special…” She shrugged. She held out a bracelet for me. “I make bracelets in my spare time. I made this one a long time ago… it’s my favorite.”
I looked at it dazedly. That she should give me this bracelet, the same gift I had given my brother… I held the bracelet in front of my face. It was so beautiful. “If it is your favorite, I wish you to keep it,”
She shook her head. “No, no. Besides, I have nothing but bad memories attached to that thing. And, honestly… you’re my friend, I wish you to have it. I’ve had a lot of fun with you Joshua, I just want you to remember me when I’m dead, and you’re safely back in The
A Wayward God Page 21
