Then there was Ethan. She’d always loved him. From the time they’d been in elementary school and he’d told a bully to stop picking on her, she’d loved him. She’d loved him at sixteen when he’d punched Brandon Parker for saying something rude in the hall at school. She’d loved him more at twenty when he’d sent her a dozen roses and told her she was stuck with him. Forever.
And she’d loved him when she told him they could no longer get married. She’d convinced herself that was the biggest act of love. For four years she’d been telling herself she was over him. That she’d done the right thing and they’d both moved on.
April nudged at her hand and she slid her fingers through the animal’s soft fur, pulling her close and leaning to bury her face in the dog’s neck. She had to pull it together and find a way to convince Ethan to leave.
“Running?”
She looked up, startled by the question. She hadn’t heard anyone approaching. She smiled at Joe Chapman. He’d been at the ranch almost as long as any of them. He had an easy demeanor, always pleasant. She thought he worked hard at that persona. But inside he was as angry as the rest of them. He’d lost an arm and one side of his face was scarred.
She no longer noticed Joe’s scars. He was just Joe. And he was waiting for an answer.
“No, not running. I’m just trying to figure out how to tell my past to stay in the past.”
“It isn’t always that easy.”
“You’ve managed,” she said with a smile to soften the words. If he was going to get in her business, she’d get in his.
“Yeah, well, my parents don’t want much to do with me. I’m not living up to their expectations.”
“It seems our parents are opposite ends of the spectrum. Mine would love for me to come home so they could smother me with love and attention. I think they would only see the chair and I’d cease to exist.”
“Yeah, I get that. My parents can’t see beyond their career goals for their children.”
She felt sorry for baiting him. “Yeah, I know.”
“That’s why we love Mercy Ranch. Jack gave us a place to be ourselves.”
“We’re not hiding?” she asked her friend.
He shrugged. “We probably are.”
“So you heard about the baby?”
He laughed at the question. “Who hasn’t heard about her? And heard her. She’s got a powerful set of lungs.”
“Yes, yes she does.” She raised a finger and the dog sat. When she pointed to the ground, the dog dropped to her belly. “You’re still the best, April.”
“You trained her. You get some of the credit.”
She smiled up at Joe. “Thanks. But let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Or the baby. Am I a coward?”
“I don’t think so.” He’d taken a seat on the nearby bench but he stood, rubbing at his left shoulder. “But I am, so I’m going to head out. Kylie at twelve o’clock.”
He saluted and headed for the stable. As Kylie approached, clearing her throat to make herself known, Eve pointed to the kennel. With head down and reluctant steps, April entered the kennel to be attacked by her eight super hungry puppies.
“You need to come back to the house,” Kylie said.
“Because I’m avoiding and I can’t avoid?”
“No, because Ethan is sick. Sierra had to go back to the house to get something and found him leaning over the trash can. Tori was on a blanket on the floor crying.”
Eve looked heavenward. “This is what happens when I ask for help.”
Kylie grabbed the handles of Eve’s chair and turned her toward the apartment. “At least you’re praying about it.”
Her struggles with faith weren’t exactly secret. Kylie observed things. It wasn’t a discussion they’d had but Eve wasn’t surprised to know her friend had figured it out.
“Yes, praying, ranting, same thing I guess.”
“Sometimes,” Kylie agreed. “And I think God is okay with our honest emotions.”
Eve certainly hoped so. She didn’t feel a need to respond and Kylie didn’t push her to keep talking.
“Where are your kids?” Eve asked when they were halfway to the entrance of the building she’d called home for several years. They affectionately called it “the garage.”
“With Maria and Jack. They made cookies.”
“Cara made cookies? She can’t even eat cookies.”
“She’s watching from her infant swing,” Kylie responded. Eve could hear the contentment in her voice, picture the happy smile on her face.
It was true, what the Bible said, that things did work together for good for those who trusted. And if anyone deserved that, it was Kylie. She’d loved Carson West since junior high and somehow the two had found each other again.
“You changed the subject,” Kylie said as she pushed the chair onto the sidewalk.
“Did I?” Eve took control of her chair, pushing the wheels quickly to reach the door of the apartment.
Kylie stepped between her and the door. “It isn’t always cut-and-dried. You know that. Faith gets tested. We all go through storms.”
“Some of us get stranded on a deserted island.” The words slipped out, then Eve backed away from the door, from her friend.
Kylie’s expression didn’t register surprise. Eve didn’t know how. She felt surprised by what she’d said, surprised by the emotions that accompanied the words.
“That’s pretty powerful,” Kylie finally said. “Maybe that’s the place where people lose faith or even turn from their faith. Especially if you believe God isn’t on that island with you.”
“Only a volleyball named Wilson and it doesn’t answer. No matter how much you talk to it, shout at it, nothing.” Eve closed her eyes. “I’m pathetic.”
“Actually, you’re not. I just wouldn’t have thought to compare God to a volleyball.”
Eve gave in to the smile that tugged at her mouth. “Yeah, well, sometimes God is like that volleyball. You keep talking, keeping telling Him what you need and you wonder why He doesn’t answer. And then you wonder, does He even hear? Is it all some big joke. So here I sit, thinking my life is the worst, and now this. This isn’t really about me, is it? This is about Tori. It’s about the loss of two very dear people. But I can’t be the person Tori needs me to be.”
“You think you can’t. But I think of all the other things you said you couldn’t do that you’ve done.”
“I still can’t walk. Remember those first months when I insisted I would walk again? And I prayed, asking God to show those doctors they were wrong.”
God hadn’t fixed it. He’d given her the strength to survive it, but not the ability to overcome it.
“Should we start calling those ‘volleyball’ moments of faith?” Kylie asked, completely serious.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Tom Hanks got off the island. He actually pursued Wilson, went after him. And while pursuing, he was rescued.”
“He went back to a life that was completely different and looked nothing like the life he’d known.”
“We’re never the same, Eve. The things we go through change us. We’re like a riverbed, always shifting, always changing.”
“You’re so smart,” Eve told her friend. “Seriously, Kylie, I’m not sure I would have survived without you.”
“You would have survived. Your deserted island isn’t so deserted. And He’s listening, even when you think He isn’t.”
God. Of course He was. She hadn’t abandoned her faith. Sometimes she felt it had abandoned her. From inside the apartment she could hear crying. She had to go in. Had to face Ethan and make a plan.
“Here we go,” she said.
Kylie pushed the door open and Eve entered ahead of her. Ethan was in the bathroom, and Sierra sat on the sofa holding Tori away from her. Tori was crying. Sierra w
asn’t far from it.
Eve bit down on her bottom lip to fight the laughter that bubbled up.
“Don’t you dare laugh,” Sierra warned. “Seriously, don’t.”
“You’re definitely not on the island alone,” Kylie chuckled.
No, Eve wasn’t alone. But she did feel a little like she’d stepped back into the world and realized that, once again, everything had changed.
* * *
Sprawled out on the sofa, Ethan looked up at the woman looming over him. Okay, she wasn’t looming. Peering with disgust, her nose wrinkled, her eyes reflecting...humor?
“It isn’t funny.” He ground the words out and closed his eyes as another wave of nausea hit.
“You have to get him out of here,” the roommate with the auburn hair spoke from behind Eve. “Seriously, he’s contaminating the entire place. We’ll all be sick.”
“What do you expect me to do with him?” Eve shot back. She turned her chair a bit.
He opened his eyes and saw that her friend had picked up Tori and was settling her in Eve’s lap. Maybe he hadn’t planned to get sick but he couldn’t help seeing the benefits. Eve holding Tori close while she surveyed what had to be his less than pleasing appearance.
The roommate gave a disgusted groan.
“Drag him out by his feet. I don’t care what you do with him. Just get him out.”
“Calm down,” Kylie ordered. “We’ll take him to Jack’s. If we confine him to the upstairs, no one else will catch it.”
“I’m sure we’re already exposed,” Eve reasoned.
“Bleach,” Sierra said. “Spray him down with bleach. Spray the couch with bleach.”
Eve started to laugh. The sound took him by surprise, even if he didn’t appreciate it at that particular moment.
“Who knew you were a germaphobe?” she told her friend.
“I’m not. I just enjoy good health and want to keep it that way. Could you please, please get him out of here?” She shoved the trash can at him and walked away.
Moments later he could hear water running in the kitchen.
“We need a plan,” Eve said.
“Right now?” Ethan asked. “I’m sure this is only a twenty-four-hour thing. I just need to find a place to let it run its course.”
“Tori?” she spoke softly.
“You can do this, Eve.”
“What if she gets sick, too?”
“She’s always been healthy,” he assured her. “I’m always healthy.”
“Yeah, until now. Should I call someone? Your mom? She could come up and take care of you.”
“I’m thirty-one years old, not three. I can take care of myself. And if you meant to ask my mom to come up and take care of Tori, no. Just no. She’s busy with the ranch and with the guesthouse.”
“I know.”
He shot her a look. “Call your mom and ask for help.”
“No fair.”
“Maybe not, but I don’t think you realize how much you’ve hurt them by pushing them out of your life.”
She opened her mouth and he knew she meant to deny the accusation but then she didn’t. Instead she glanced away but not before he saw a flicker of pain in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“You’re not the one who has to apologize.”
He would have said more but another wave of nausea hit. She backed away from him, clearly trying to distance herself from whatever virus had him in its grip.
“Do you think you can make it to Jack’s?” Kylie West asked after a few minutes. “I called Isaac and he’s unlocking the back door. You can go upstairs and we’ll quarantine you in a room with a bathroom.”
“I can make it,” he said. “I could even rent a room if there’s one available. I don’t want to make anyone else sick.”
“I’m sure it’s too late for that!” the redheaded roommate yelled from some distant part of the house.
Eve laughed. “This is almost worth it if it means getting under Sierra’s skin.”
“Yeah, I did this just for your pleasure.” Ethan sat up. Tori grinned at him, that perfect toothless smile of hers that made him realize she was worth the trouble. This might not have been his plan, raising a child, finding Eve, but Tori was worth it. She deserved everything he could give her.
He made eye contact with his former fiancée. Tori deserved Eve. She deserved her love. She deserved her presence in her life.
“There are things you need to know.” He got the words out, past a wave of nausea. “Man, this is terrible. I haven’t had a virus like this in years. It makes me feel like I’m in grade school all over again.”
“If it makes you feel better, you don’t look like you’re in grade school. You have a little gray.” Eve touched her hair above her ear.
“Yeah, well, I’m a little older than I was the last time I saw you.”
Her smile dissolved. “What do I need to know about Tori? Although it might have been helpful if you’d given me this advice yesterday. When you took off and left her with me.”
He reached for the bottle of water the unsympathetic roommate had left on the table before she escaped. He presumed it was meant for him. She’d also left crackers.
“So?”
“There are diapers, wipes and food in my car. And a can of formula. I usually keep a bottle of water at night. It’s to help wean her from nightly feedings. Or so my mom told me.”
“This is temporary, Ethan. I’ll help you until you can get back on your feet. But then you have to leave. I can’t do this. I...” She looked down at the little girl sitting securely on her lap. Her heart was breaking. He could see it in her expression, as if she was shattered on the inside and no longer believed in her own abilities. But looking around, everything he’d seen, she was accomplished. She had survived and rebuilt her life.
Or so it appeared. Appearances could be deceiving, he knew. His little sister had suffered throughout high school, bullied and beat down by others because of a birthmark on her face. They hadn’t known until it was almost too late.
Eve’s words made him consider letting her off the hook. He could walk away, pretend she didn’t matter to him or to Tori. That would make things easier. He could go to court and tell the judge that he would be the sole provider for Tori and hope for the best.
Nowhere in his plans had he ever seen himself in this role, as a single parent. For that reason, Eve didn’t get a pass. She didn’t get to wash her hands of this and pretend it didn’t affect her.
“You can do this,” he assured her.
She didn’t look convinced. She looked frightened. And that wasn’t the Eve he’d always known. His Evie had been fearless. She’d been the kind of person who took on anyone and anything. Man, he’d missed her. He’d missed her presence more than he could possibly say.
He wondered if any of that Eve remained or if she’d completely abandoned the person he’d known. One thing was for certain, she’d been able to throw away not only a friendship but an engagement. She’d done so without giving him the opportunity to play a part in the decision-making process. That was hard to forgive.
But he would forgive her. In time. They both needed time.
Right now what he needed most was a quiet room and a bed.
Chapter Four
Eve woke up feeling less than rested. Night two with Tori had proved even more restless than the previous evening. She turned her head to the baby lying next to her who slept soundly now, after a night of waking every thirty minutes or so. She was sprawled out, her rosebud mouth open, her baby hands close to her face. That image did something to Eve’s heart. Actually, it did everything to her heart. A heart that had been on standby for four years, waiting for her to figure out this new life.
She reached to touch the sleeping baby but pulled back, unwilling to wake her just yet.
&
nbsp; Panic set in, telling her Ethan had to leave Hope, take Tori and their past with him. She couldn’t do this again, this pain, the letting go. He would have to see that they couldn’t raise a child together. He deserved someone who could give him the dreams they’d once shared but could no longer. The ranch, training horses, managing the family business. Tori deserved two parents.
The baby stirred, fussing a little in her sleep. After a few minutes her eyes opened. She saw Eve and, of course, she cried. Eve wasn’t the person she wanted. Big tears rolled down her cheeks and her bottom lip quivered as her eyes drifted around the room. Eve’s heart broke all over again.
“You want your mommy, don’t you, sweetness?” Eve pulled the baby close to her side. She looked up at the ceiling. “It isn’t fair. This isn’t the way life should be.”
There was no response from Tori. Of course there wasn’t. She let out a sigh and refused the thought that tried to puncture her conscience. Maybe this was the way it was meant to be.
She shook her head, shook away that thought.
No! Tori should be safely tucked away in a crib somewhere in Texas with Hanna waking up to feed her, change her diaper. James with his messy hair and permanent grin should be hugging them both tight.
This wasn’t the plan. This life with Eve fighting against her useless legs, ignoring calls from her parents, smiling and pretending everything was okay in her world. She shook her head to block those self-pitying thoughts. Her life was good. She had friends. She had a community. She had so much to be thankful for.
She sat up, because she wouldn’t waste her day feeling sorry for herself. Every now and then the urge to fall into a pity party would sneak up on her, try to keep her in bed. She fought it. The way she’d fought to regain her life.
With practiced ease, she moved her legs to the edge of the bed. Before taking the next step, she drew Tori closer so it would be easier to pull her off the bed and onto her lap. With her legs over the side of the bed, she made the transfer to her wheelchair, got herself settled and then lifted Tori onto her lap. She’d left the baby sling on the dresser, and as she reached for it she realized she had an unexpected problem.
Her Oklahoma Rancher (Mercy Ranch Book 3) Page 4
