“We’re past it,” Eleanor said. “There’s not enough Botox in the world to help us.” She gestured to Matilda and herself.
“You’re never too old,” Julia said smoothly.
“We’ve only come here for the free alcohol,” Matilda said, and I did my best not to laugh.
Julia turned her attention to me. “What about you? You could certainly do with Botox and dermal fillers. It would make such a difference to you, I guarantee you. If you let me inject you, you won’t recognize yourself when you look in the mirror.”
I had no doubt her words were true. “I’m thinking it over,” I said, and then sent up a silent prayer for forgiveness for my barefaced lie. “Besides, I was in Dr. Davidson’s clinic yesterday discussing it with him, and I told him I have to pluck up the courage first.”
Julia nodded slowly. “I see. What if I just give you a tiny little bit and you can see how you feel?”
“No, thanks for the kind offer, but I’ll watch other people have it.”
“Look, if you’re scared of needles, you can lay down on the couch,” she said. “If you lie down, you won’t be so afraid.”
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t think that would help me,” I said.
A look of barely concealed annoyance passed over Julia’s face. “All right. If you have any questions, I’m happy to answer them for you.”
I thanked her.
Matilda, Eleanor, as I sat next to each other on a large couch that afforded a good view of the room. “Should that bleed so freely?” I whispered to Matilda when Julia spent a lot of time wiping someone’s face.
“Alcohol thins the blood,” Eleanor said, “and that lady has had considerably more to drink than everyone else.”
“You’re awfully observant,” I said to Eleanor.
For some reason, she didn’t look pleased with the compliment.
The ladies who had already had the Botox were taking selfies and posting them somewhere, I assume to Facebook and Instagram.
It was rather boring sitting there watching all the women have injections. I wasn’t at all squeamish, because I had administered first aid to horses and cattle before and had even assisted mares foaling when the foals were malpresented. As I sat there thoroughly bored, I tried to think up questions I could ask both Melissa and Candace but came up blank.
When I complained of this to Matilda, she said, “You don’t need to question anyone. If the opportunity presents itself, well that’s well and good, but we’re here to keep an eye on those Botox vials. And from what I’ve seen so far, it would be quite easy to get one.”
I looked at the women. Everyone was sitting around chatting happily. They had clearly had too much to drink, apart from Julia, who was concentrating on her current patient. The vials of Botox and dermal fillers sat on a little table. “Anyone could walk past and pinch one and no one would notice,” I said to Matilda.
She stood up. “I’ll try,” she said.
Matilda walked across the room. In one smooth move, she picked up a vial, put it in her skirt pocket, and then glided over the other side to the bar.
I was shocked. “That means anyone could do it,” I said to Eleanor. “If the Botox parties are always like this, then anyone could have stolen it.”
“Oh no, Matilda is a professional,” Eleanor said.
I was shocked. “What? Are you saying Matilda is a professional thief?”
Eleanor’s hand flew to her throat. “Oh no, of course, I didn’t mean that. I just meant Matilda is professionally sneaky.” She laughed. “What an imagination you have, Jane.”
I laughed too. I watched as Matilda swept back and put the little vial back on the table. Even though I had been watching her and waiting for her to do it, I could scarcely see her do it.
“Anyone could take one,” Matilda said upon her return. “Why don’t you have a turn, Jane?”
“No way!” I said. “There’s no way I’m going to pinch a bottle of Botox.”
“But you are to put it straight back again, of course,” Matilda said.
“What if someone sees me?” I said. I held up both hands, palms outwards, in protest. “There’s no way I’m going to do it.”
Matilda looked crestfallen. “It’s quite fun, really. Well then, since it’s so freely available, it could have been Melissa or Candace.”
“And Cherri,” Eleanor pointed out.
“But Julie would have noticed a vial of Botox missing afterwards,” I pointed out.
“Not necessarily,” Matilda said. “Someone could have taken a few half used vials and substituted them with vials of purified water. Julie would never know the difference.”
Eleanor agreed.
“It’s a good time to question the suspects now that they’ve had a bit too much to drink,” Matilda said to me. “Look, here comes Melissa.”
I stood up. “Oh Melissa, your face looks so different,” I said honestly.
“Thank you,” she said. I figured she was attempting to smile, although nothing moved.
“I hope it has cheered you up a little, if that’s even possible?” I continued.
“Yes a little,” she said.
“I was hoping to speak with you at some time because I want to ask you a question about Ted.”
“Ted?” she said. Her tone sounded surprised yet once again her expression remained impassive.
“Yes. It’s a little embarrassing. You know, I was married to Ted for some years, but Cherri has told me recently that Ted did something untoward, something I didn’t know about.”
She did not speak, so I continued, “Would you have any idea what it could be?”
“Do you mean like a guilty secret?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean,” I said, nodding as I spoke. “Cherri doesn’t know of any guilty secret. What’s more, I was married to Ted for a long time and I don’t know of one either. Would you happen to know if ted is hiding a guilty secret?”
To my great surprise, she said, “Yes.”
Chapter 12
I awoke the next morning quite disappointed. I had tossed and turned all night as I had not managed to find out Ted’s secret from Melissa. What’s more, I was surprised that Melissa knew what it was, whereas I had been married to Ted for all those years and didn’t have a clue. I had asked her what the secret was, but she had said she felt sick and had left early. That meant I would have to seek her out, and that could become quite uncomfortable. It’s a shame it hadn’t happened organically.
As I staggered out to the kitchen to make coffee, Mr. Crumbles ran in front of my legs, almost tripping me.
“He’s just hungry,” Eleanor said. “I slept in.” She poured some food into his bowl.
Matilda burst out of her bedroom, pen and paper in hand. “I didn’t sleep in! I’ve been hard at work coming up with a plan,” she announced proudly.
My stomach sank. “What will you try to get me into now?” I said sadly.
She shook her finger at me. “On the contrary, it is I who will be in the firing line. I have come up with a foolproof plan. I’m going to invite Ted to a local café and give him the third degree.”
“But why would he speak to you?” I asked her.
“I haven’t finished yet,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’m going in disguise as a private detective. Maybe I’ll even wear a deer stalker hat and smoke a pipe just like Sherlock Marple.” She laughed after she said it, but I wasn’t so sure she was joking.
“So, are we still going to stick to the story that Cherri hired a private investigator?
She shook her head. “No, I had a conversation with Cherri last night and she told me she doesn’t have money, not her own anyway. She couldn’t afford to hire a private detective.”
“Then what will you say to Ted?” I was perplexed.
“Never you mind.” Matilda’s tone was smug. “I can’t tell you now because that will ruin the flow of my creative genius, but I have it all figured out. I will tell you this much—I’m going to book two tabl
es at the café.”
“Two tables?” Eleanor looked up from stroking Mr. Crumbles. “Why two tables?”
“Because I’m going to sit at one table, and you and Jane are going to sit at the adjoining table and listen in to the conversation.”
“Won’t Ted think it strange that I’m there?” I said, raising my eyebrows.
Matilda chuckled. “No, you’re going to have your back to him and you’ll be wearing Amish clothes.”
I held up both hands in protest. “No way! Not again! There’s no way I’m doing that!”
“It’s the only way, don’t you see?”
“No.”
“This is my plan. I know this particular café well. It has booths, not the short sort of booths but the long ones. At one section they back directly onto each other with only a framework between the seats that runs up the wall. I’ll make sure Ted sits on the one adjoining the other seat and you and Eleanor can sit directly behind him listening into everything he says. That way if I miss something, you can hear it.”
“Shouldn’t we plant a bugging device on him?” Eleanor said seriously. “That would be much easier than making Jane go in disguise as Amish again.”
“That had occurred to me,” Matilda said, nodding and smiling as she spoke, “but our last bugging device broke. I’m sure we can manage without one.”
“You had a bugging device?” I asked her in shock.
“Never you mind, Jane,” Matilda said. “I know Rebecca keeps a spare change of clothes in the back room, so you can simply wear those. Your back will be to Ted and he’ll never know it’s you.” She waved a bunch of papers at me. “I’ve written it all out. You and Eleanor will get there half an hour early to make sure your backs are to him. I will insist he sits with his back to you.”
“But what if he doesn’t?” I said, thinking the plan quite silly.
“Leave it to Matilda,” Eleanor said. “She knows what she’s doing.”
This was getting stranger and stranger. “I suppose so,” I said. I didn’t like to admit it, but I found our expeditions somewhat exciting. They gave me an adrenaline rush. It was the most exciting thing I had done all my life. “Rebecca won’t like it,” I added.
“Well, don’t tell her,” Matilda said. “I’m sure she won’t ask you so you won’t have to lie.”
I bit the end of one fingernail. “What are you going to ask him?”
“I’m going to interrogate him about his secret,” she said.
My stomach was churning all morning until it was time to leave for lunch. As it was a Saturday, we always shut at twelve. I changed into the Amish clothes and then the horrible realization that Matilda would have to drive struck me.
“Drive slowly, won’t you,” I pleaded, and then was flung back in my seat as she hit the gas.
I thought it was easier for me to sit with my hands over my eyes. I was relieved when the car came to a stop. “Now run along, Jane and Eleanor. You have to make sure Ted doesn’t see you.”
“What are we going to do for half an hour?” I asked her.
“Drink coffee. Eat cake. You’re at a café.”
There was no suitable response.
The restaurant was quite pretty in an unusual sort of way. The booths were heavily upholstered in a dark velvet floral fabric. Large abstract pictures hung from the walls. The front section had five booths, each of them separated by a grid over which was growing luscious ivy. The booths opened up onto a more typical café seating. Potted plants adorned the whole room. A delightful fragrance of jasmine permeated the room and I suspected scented candles were nearby.
We were shown to our table and at once I could see the wisdom of Matilda’s plan. I sat with my back directly behind where Ted would be sitting. There was only a short distance between the two booths that backed onto each other. The framework covered with the ivy provided a good visual yet not audio barrier.
Ted had never seen Matilda or Eleanor, so he wouldn’t be the least suspicious. I pushed my hair back up into my prayer kapp and pulled my bonnet over my face, although there was no need. Melissa had been right; Ted would be unable to see my face.
Eleanor and I both ordered coffee and Shoo-fly pie and waited for Ted to arrive. Eleanor’s phone rang directly after we ordered. “It’s Matilda,” she told me. She answered the phone and nodded a few times before hanging up. “Matilda said she’s coming into the café now so she can sit in the correct place, and then Ted will be forced to sit directly behind you. She says you’re not to speak from now on. If you want any food, point to the menu and I’ll order it for you.” I nodded.
Eleanor pushed on. “We are not to look at Matilda. We’re to stay here until they both leave and then she’ll call us and tell us when the coast is clear.” She looked at me expectantly, so I nodded again.
“And Jane, it’s essential you don’t speak at all, because Ted will recognize your voice and the game will be up.”
I pulled a face and nodded. I wasn’t quite the sleuth that Matilda and Eleanor were, but I had figured that much for myself.
Only a few minutes later, Eleanor kicked me under the table. I translated that to mean that Matilda was coming. I assume she took up her position in the booth.
About five minutes later, Eleanor kicked me again. I translated that to mean Ted was coming into view. Suddenly, my palms were sweaty and I wiped them on my overskirt.
Ted wasted no time coming to the point, and I was pleased I could hear him clearly. “Miss Marple, I don’t understand why you summoned me and said it was so urgent.”
I tried not to chuckle at Matilda’s false name.
“I’m a private detective,” Matilda told him. “You’re a person of interest to the police because they believe the vic was blackmailing you over a previous incident.”
If Ted was surprised, his voice showed no sign. “Well, I’m certainly not going to employ you, if that’s what you’re hoping.”
“Not at all,” Matilda said, her voice steely. “Your wife, Cherri, hired my services.”
Now Ted was surprised. “Cherri?” he said in a high-pitched voice. “But she doesn’t have her own money.”
“It’s pro bono,” Matilda said in an officious tone. “Here in Lancaster, we do pro bono services for people without money.”
“But Cherri is wealthy,” Ted protested.
“You just said she didn’t have any of her own money,” Matilda said.
Ted made a strangled sound back of his throat. “But she can use my money.”
“Then would you pay my bill?” Matilda said.
“No,” Ted sputtered.
“Then that’s settled,” Matilda said. “I hope you’ll accept my help. Your wife will be most upset if you don’t.”
“Why didn’t she tell me?” Ted said.
“She wanted it to be a surprise,” Matilda said.
“It is!” Ted spat.
“Look, do you want my help or not? I’m a highly experienced investigator.”
There was a long silence, and I could imagine Ted storming out of the café. I was surprised when he said, “Go on. I don’t want to upset my wife.”
Eleanor and I smiled at each other. Just then the waiter approached. “Would you like to order anything else?” he asked me.
I nodded and pointed to my empty coffee cup. I kicked Eleanor under the table, but she just sat there.
The waiter didn’t take the hint, either. “What would you like?” he said.
I kicked Eleanor harder and pointed to my empty coffee cup again. “Oh, she wants another coffee, I think?” Eleanor said, and I nodded.
“And what did you think of the Shoo-fly pie?” the waiter asked me. “I always ask Amish customers what they think of the Shoo-fly pie.”
I smiled widely and gave him the thumbs up, but he looked puzzled and continued to stare at me.
Apparently, it was all getting too much for Eleanor. “She has taken a vow of silence,” Eleanor said.
“A vow of silence?” the waiter said
. He looked thoroughly confused now.
“Yes, she’s one of those Amish sects that take the vow of silence,” Eleanor said, ignoring me frowning deeply at her.
“I thought that was only Catholic monks.”
Eleanor shook her head.
“But she spoke before,” the waiter said.
Eleanor put her finger to her lips. “Yes, and I have rebuked her thoroughly. Please don’t tell her bishop should he come in for coffee.”
The waiter picked up our empty coffee cups. “No I won’t,” he said before he left.
I glared and wiggled my eyebrows at Eleanor, but she simply shrugged.
We had missed a whole slab of what Ted was saying. I listened in once more.
Matilda was speaking. “Mr. Delight, I can’t help you if you’re not perfectly honest with me.”
“But you’ll tell my wife, since she’s the one who engaged your services,” Ted pointed out.
“Well, if it’s something that bad, perhaps you yourself should be telling your wife anyway,” Matilda said. “If the police keep pushing this line of inquiry, then it will become public. Do you want that?”
“No, I suppose not,” Ted said in a resigned manner.
“Then what could you have possibly done to warrant blackmail?”
Ted let out a long sigh. I held my breath, wanting to hear his secret. “I have a brother,” Ted said, “but he’s since gone to live somewhere in Africa.” He stopped speaking.
“Go on,” Matilda prompted him.
“We didn’t get on at all well and I haven’t seen him in many years. Anyway, I was caught with recreational drugs. The police arrested and charged me. I gave my brother’s name when I was arrested.”
I gasped and then covered it with a cough.
“Do go on,” Matilda said.
“I couldn’t have been a lawyer with a previous conviction for possession of drugs,” Ted said, “so that’s why I gave my brother’s name. To clarify, I could have been a lawyer, but I would have had to disclose the previous conviction to the bar association. I didn’t want to do that. It would have made it hard for me, very hard.”
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