by Lolah Lace
It hurts to know that Kari had every intention of marrying Jack, of producing his children. This thought hurts me but I’m determined not to show it. She had truly given up on me. It makes me doubt the sincerity and the depths of her love for me.
Fuck that shit! There really is no room for doubt. Maybe she had some bullshit feelings for Jack maybe even some low level form of love. Maybe.
Kari would have never bended so easily to my will if he had any hold over her heart. I went John Rambo on Kari and in two weeks we were married. I am the only one she truly loves. Our marriage proves that beyond a shadow of a doubt. She loves me not Malibu Ken.
I had drifted off into my thoughts and her voice jarred me back to reality.
“Mason.”
“Yeah ah don’t worry. Just make the doctor’s appointment and we can go from there.” I shrugged it off, stumbled over the words, concealing my distress and disbelief.
I saw the sudden relief that washed over her face. I wished someone could provide that same sense of relief to me. Not even I am that lucky.
CHAPTER 2
MASON
My wife made a doctor’s appointment that was three days away, three long days away. I was going to take her tomorrow after work. I didn’t know why she hadn’t moved Trey into our house. She had a few excuses but I didn’t see any need to press the issue with this baby matter lingering in the forefront of our lives.
Kari was spending fifty percent of her time at her mother’s with Trey. Most of the time it was when I was at work or with my kids so it wasn’t like she had abandoned me.
I have this gnawing feeling the doctor will confirm my fear tomorrow but today I had other issues to confront, Tess. I didn’t bother to tell Kari where I was headed. She was sleeping peacefully and the news of the pregnancy had visible stressed her out for the last couple of days. Her face was in a slight permanent squint since she shared the news with me. She’s being really quiet, not her regular sassy self. She wouldn’t really talk to me and I think it’s for the better. I may say some stupid insensitive bullshit. I’m an asshole. Well I have some asshole tendencies so that is a definite possibility.
Kari is calm and quiet. I’m a variation of the same. It’s peaceful over here at plaza de Rizza.
I made my way over to my old house. I needed privacy to talk to Tess. I also needed weed but that wasn’t in the cards. I dreaded this because I didn’t want to hurt Tess yet again. I had been a shitty husband. I had been a selfish husband. I had lived in my own world while Tess was suffering from unspeakable demons. Worst of all I had been a husband that cheated and fell in love with another woman.
I knew the kids would be asleep. I knew this had to be done. Tonight was the night. Why wait when there was no need to wait any longer. In my mind it was clear but finding the right words to soften the blow weren’t coming to me.
I used my key to enter although I called ahead. I never returned the house key. I didn’t see any reason to. I never would have even if Tess asked. I needed to have twenty-four hour access to my kids. Although Tess’ mental status seemed to be on the upswing, I just wasn’t comfortable enough to give up my key. I never really fully trusted Tess after that botched suicide attempt.
The only thing I would put up a fight for was my children. I’m glad Tess didn’t fight me for anything regarding custody. There was no way I was taking my kids every other weekend. I agreed that the children’s primary home would be with Tess. I know children need their mother.
I agreed they would attend school in the district where Tess resides. Tess didn’t contest my wishes so everything went smoothly on that front. But my current news probably won’t go over so smoothly.
My bravery turned into urgency. I had to get this over with. Tess was loading the dishwasher when I entered the kitchen. She expected me because I had called but the words I would say to her would be far from expected.
Tess turned to face me as I approached her from the doorway. I stopped a few feet away from her. I had kept my distance from her for so long. I didn’t want her to touch me. I hadn’t touched her in so long, longer than I can even remember. I’m not sure when every single feeling inside me for Tess came to a crashing halt. It may have been when she attempted suicide. I’m not sure why it still angers me to the day.
“I made lasagna.” She chimed. There was a glint of a smile that appeared across her pale face. It was forced, I think. I’m not sure. She was trying to be nice to me, the asshole that divorced her. “Are you hungry?”
“No, I’m good.”
“I can make you a plate.” Tess was full of vigor tonight. I’m sure it was do to the prescription medication she was on.
“No really, I’m not hungry.” I casually spoke.
“It will be no trouble.”
“No I’m okay.”
“You can take some with you. Or you can stay and just have some later when you are hungry.”
I intentionally walked out of the kitchen. I was done with the topic of lasagna. The guillotine was going down. I was the one slicing. I was the one holding the rope, the lever or whatever makes the thing sever a head from its body.
I knew Tess’ waifish body would follow me into the living room. She had been doing that a lot lately, following me, engaging me in conversation that I had no interest in. Tess was predictably clingy.
“Tess please, sit down.” I extended my hand to the couch, the place I had spent many nights alone, trying to get away from her. I would drink myself to sleep watching some random movie on cable.
“What is it?” Tess forced another smile but this one barely reached her cheeks.
“Please Tess, sit.” She slowly lowered herself to the couch. I sat in the chair to the left of her, a safe distance away.
“This must be serious?” She spewed nervously.
“Okay here’s the thing. I don’t know how to say this but to say it.” I took in a slight breath.
“With your mouth.” She said her smart-ass comment with that crazy cryptic grin of hers.
“I was gone for a few days, out of town.”
Her smile disappeared and formed a frown. “Are you leaving again?” She asked as if my departure would bring her great sorrow. Yeah right.
“No no, I went to Vegas for a few days and I’m back.” No need to beat around the bush. I’m going to give it to her straight with no chaser. “Tess, I got married in Vegas.”
Tess’ entire face shattered like a baseball thrown threw a neighbors window. I swore I could see glassy pieces of flesh crack off and break. Her middle age appeared on full display, every frown line, laugh line and crow’s feet blared in neon flashing colors. I huge gush of air flew from her mouth. Her thin bottom lip started to shiver. Shit balls, I knew this would happen.
“Mason.” Her shaky voice produced my name.
“Tess, please.”
“Mason, why would you do this?” Her trembling lips hardly made the question audible.
I shrugged. “You know why.”
“Haaaaa.” She sighed and chuckled all in one breath. “Why Mason why?”
“Tess, I’m in love so it seemed like the right thing to do, the best thing to do. It was the best thing to do for me.”
“Did you marry her?” The word ‘her’ was laced with contempt.
“If by her you mean Kari. Yes I married Kari.”
“I thought that was over. I thought she was marrying some other guy?”
I had no idea where Tess got her information. Apparently she has been a busy bee doing some investigating on her own.
“That never happened. Kari is married to me.” I barked. I wasn’t sure why I had a major attitude.
“So you just go off and get a new wife and a new family.”
“I’m still going to be here for my kids. I’m still going to be in their lives.”
“You think so.” She growled.
My brow inched closer to my hairline. I didn’t bother to give any credence to her words. She could never keep me from my kids. I
f I was the asshole she presumed me to be I could probably get sole custody of our children. Her suicide attempt and years of mental illness were all the ammunition I needed to win in court. It was good for Tess that I wasn’t the highest degree of a bastard. It was just her luck I was an average asshole, not a malicious, petty, vengeful motherfucker.
“Tess, we have to find a way to break the news to the kids.”
“I’m not telling them you got married. Mason they don’t even no we’re divorced.”
“I’m going to have to tell them. So maybe we should tell them about my marriage together.”
“It’s your new wife not mine.” She snipped just to get to me.
“Tess I thought we agreed to co-parent.”
“You agreed.” She rolled her eyes at me.
“No we agreed. We also agreed to do what was best for out kids.”
“I’m not going to pretend that I like the whore that stole my husband.”
“Tess please.” Now I had an eye roll to add to the mix.
“I’m not going to tell my kids that daddy married a nice lady when she’s a husband stealing whoring black bitch.” Tess stood and started to pace the small area near the couch.
“My wife is not a whore. She is not a bitch. Please don’t make this transition hard for me, Kari and the kids.”
“I don’t give a shit about that sluts fucking transition.”
“You are being unreasonable. We are divorced.”
“You think I should make it easy for you?”
Hells yeahs. “Yes, I do.”
“Never, not in this lifetime. I will never make life easy for your new slutty fat wife.”
“For our kids, you are their mother and you should care about their well-being.”
“I care about my kids. Don’t say that I don’t care.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You implied it, you selfish fucker.”
“No, Tess please, just listen to me and think, be rational. Let’s do what’s best for them.” I had a convenient threat up my sleeve. I didn’t want to use it but this seemed to be the opportune time to throw it out in the air. “Tess I think it would be in your best interest to embrace this situation.”
Tess answered with flipping me the bird. Is she for real? Did she just give me the middle finger like we are in middle school?
“Listen Tess, my new wifey has anger management problems. If you call her a whore, a slut whatever, she will attack you physically, probably when I’m not around. She fights dirty.” Don’t get your ass handed to you.
“And this is the woman you married, a woman that would physically attack me?”
Did Tess forget the altercation in the hotel parking lot? She was the one that was all hot for a fight with Kari. She was the one cruisin’ for a bruisin’. Kari once told me her family has bail money. If she ever got locked up they would get her out. Now that I am Kari’s family I would have to bail her out. Going to jail for beating someone up is not something Kari wants to do. But she made it clear that it could happen if Tess gets out of line. “Tess, Kari wants to kick your ass.” Kari never said that but a little fib to bring my point across is acceptable.
“Of course it could happen. She’s a fucking animal with no morals.”
“Tess give it a rest. Whatever Kari is, I love her. I married her. Deal with it.”
“I don’t have to deal with it.” She mimicked my bravado and nonchalance.
“The kids need to see you, me, and Kari getting along.”
“Fuck you, never.”
“Tess, you need to move on. Stop acting like a spoiled bitter ex.”
“It’s so easy for you to say that. I have three kids. What am I supposed to do Mason? Am I going to watch our kids while you go out on dates?”
“I don’t go out on dates. I’m married; every minute of every day with Kari is a date. I’m happy now. I love Kari.” Shit! That stung. Fuck it. She deserved that one.
“You just couldn’t pry yourself away from your black whore.”
“She’s my wife.” I stood up from my chair and quickly closed the small gap between us. “I will not stand here and listen to you talk shit about my wife. The next time you call my wife anything other than her name you will regret it.” My glare was fierce more fierce than I needed but I meant it. I was tired of the ridiculous and childish behavior that was Tess’ go-to code of conduct.
Tess had a routine that pissed me off. She always tired to come across as innocuous but in reality she was a manipulative coward that used her fear as a crutch. How I spent so many years with such a weak woman is a mystery. Kari has my back. If I lost everything I have Kari is the kind of woman that would not fall apart. She would stick by me in sickness and in health. Tess is sick herself. Kari is a survivor. Kari is dependable not a grown up dependent. This meeting with Tess had made it clear that I have made all the right decisions. I love Kari. No matter what the doctor says tomorrow I am going to put on a brave face for my true love.
There wasn’t much more to say to Tess. I had to leave before we woke the kids or either I choked her to death. Either one of those things were bound to happen if I stayed a minute more in her bony frail presence. There was no need to mention Kari’s possible pregnancy. I could save that little scrap of info for another time. I still don’t know or understand Tess.
CHAPTER 3
MASON
The next day at the office my body was filled with a relentless ache. The pain wasn’t anywhere in particular. It was a mass that radiated throughout my limbs. I had no choice but to question the validity of my phantom illness. I was turning into a hypochondriac. I believe my pain was psychosomatic. I was a psycho with signs and being a maniac. How was I supposed to feel?
It was extremely tough to work a full day when I had this infamous doctor’s appointment in the frontier of my mind. Am I strong enough to deal with this? Am I strong enough to deal with Jack? Could I really truly coexist in a civilized manner for eighteen years with Jack? Shit, am I strong enough to deal with Jack in a civilized manner for five full seconds? I know I can handle it. Or I believe I can handle it but something tells me it won’t be smooth sailing. Something tells me I should start buying the supplies I need to get rid of Jack’s body. Maybe I should watch a few episodes of Dexter. Maybe I should buy a boat. I’m sure there are a lot of assholes bodies floating in Lake Michigan, one more asshole named Jack Unger really won’t make the difference.
I used up a small potion of my workday actually getting some work done. I even took a drive out to one of the work sites. I eventually returned to the office and I spent the rest of my day talking with my nephew RJ. He was just what I needed to get my mind off my worries. RJ was quite a character with his overtly animated tales of twenty-three year old bullshit.
When I could get a few words in edgewise I told RJ I got hitched. He didn’t seen to be surprised by my nuptials. He just smiled his goofy grin and patted me on the back. He pulled me in for a man-hug. He gave me a congrats and preceded to talk about himself. I found myself paying attention to his tales, anything to take my mind off my own problems.
RJ told me his girlfriend Deja was shacking up with him above his mother’s garage. Of course this was top-secret information. Deja was supposed to be living in her dorm room at the University of Chicago. Those two would go as far as to park her car around the corner so it’s not in my sister’s driveway. I wasn’t in the mood to give RJ any long speeches or solemn lectures so I just listened to him. His childish secret was safe with me. I had my own problems to contend with.
Was this possible pregnancy a serious problem? Am I a complete and total ass for looking at it like that?
I had pregnancy on the brain. I couldn’t help but think that if RJ gets this Deja pregnant? It will not be good for anyone. RJ is coming around. He is becoming a more responsible adult but he is not father material. Here I am thinking about RJ getting his girlfriend pregnant while I might have a pregnant wife.
Why do I feel like
I’m in a smog of denial? Pregnancy tests are accurate. Every single pregnancy test Tess ever took was accurate. So why do I now have doubt? Maybe my doubt is none other then wishful thinking. I wish Kari wasn’t pregnant with Jack’s kid. I hope my mind doesn’t explode thinking of it. But does it even matter. Hell yeah it matters. This is enough to drive a man to drink.
I went straight home after work and I tried to act relatively normal. Kari knew me well. She was being extremely touchy with me. We hadn’t had sex since the big revelation. Not having sex with my new wife was weird. Sex was something we did well together.
Kari touching me felt the same as before. I was letting this little unexpected situation consume me. When there was really no reason for my uneasiness. No matter the outcome, Kari loves me. I love her. We have been through a lot and this pothole just needs some cement.
To be greeted with a kiss, was the life. Kari’s lips tasted so damn good when she met me in the kitchen. I wished we were headed for the bedroom and not the gynecologist. The drive to the doctor’s was relatively calm and silent. The radio played in the background.
It took exactly twenty-four minutes for my greatest fear to be confirmed. I was watching the big circular clock posted on the doctor’s office wall. As soon as we stepped into the waiting room my eyes scanned the bland stiff decor. The clock was mounted on the wall much too high for the purpose of telling time. Kari signed the clipboard at the front desk and made small talk with the receptionist. I took a seat and pretended to read the parenting magazine with the little black boy with blue eyes on the cover. This toddler cover model had dark brown skin. But his eyes were bluer than mine. What would a child with Kari and I look like? Shit! What would a child of Kari and Jack’s look like?
I hoped this visit wouldn’t take a long time. But really what was the rush, nine months is a mighty long time. I was all over the place with my thoughts, my emotions, my fucked up fears. I hated feeling this way. My eyes gravitated to the two other people in the quaint modern but stale waiting room area with the stiff ass decor.
