But could I handle going to the audition with Rafe? Knowing we were just friends and that’s all it would ever be?
But, then again, he was here, even knowing that I’d lied. He didn’t hate me, so why should I hate him? Why should I feel stupid around him?
I took a deep breath and hopped into the Jeep. “We’ll go check it out. I’m not saying I’m going to play or anything.”
He grinned and started the engine. “Agreed.”
Then he turned on the radio, pulled away from the curb, and started to sing along to JamieX.
I grinned and joined right in.
We sounded horrific together, and it was awesome.
* * *
Ninety minutes later, I was sitting next to Rafe in the back of the auditorium at NESM, listening to each music prodigy play. The room was awe-inspiring, with a tremendous cathedral ceiling with beautiful engravings across the entire expanse of it. Deep maroon velvet seats matched the majestic curtains on the stage, and the way the sound carried was so full and rich that I was instantly mesmerized.
It was a place weighted with a century of tradition, of the study of music at a depth I’d never manage. It was a place for corduroy dresses and velvet bows, for artists who knew how to honor the greatest composers in history. It was so beyond me, and what I was. No wonder Crusty had worked me over so much for this audition. Mediocrity was an insult to this place, and I knew I’d never measure up.
And the other people auditioning… God. They were incredible. I’d never heard so many talented people, and I knew I didn’t belong. But I wanted to belong. I hadn’t expected to want to, but I did. So much. I burned with the desire to go up there and make this place mine.
But I was terrified to go up there and pretend I was worthy of this place. All I could think of was sitting down at the piano and freezing up like I’d done the first day I’d practiced with the band and hadn’t been able to tap out even the most basic notes. Just the thought of walking onto that stage made my entire body stiffen and my heart start to race. I didn’t want to go up there and play the way I played for Crusty, dry and passionless. Now that I knew what I could do, that kind of performance wouldn’t be enough, not for because I wanted to impress Crusty, but because I wanted to do it for myself.
Rafe leaned over, his breath warm against my ear. “You’re better than they are.”
I shook my head, gripping my fingers in my lap.
He tugged on my hair playfully. “How can you deny it? You belong up there.”
“Really?” I turned to face him, throwing a challenge at him. “I’m no better than you are. If I belong up there, why aren’t you up there?”
He looked startled by my comment. “Me?”
“Yeah.” I propped my elbow on the seat arm. “Why not you?”
He stared at me for a moment, then shook his head. “I don’t know. I never thought about it.”
I cocked my head, a sudden idea forming. “I’ll do it if you do it with me.” I couldn’t do it alone, but with Rafe, I knew I’d be able to play like I wanted to. I’d be able to lose myself in our music, instead of getting too panicked and uptight to play.
His eyebrows went up. “Seriously?”
“Sure, why not? We’ll do that song you wrote for the band.”
“That’s hard core rock.” His eyebrows went even higher. “You’re auditioning for their classical program, not their contemporary one.”
“So? A girl can change her mind.” I tensed as the woman down front called out my name. Oh, God. This was it. My moment. I perched on the edge of my chair, wanting so desperately to go up there, but knowing I couldn’t do it alone. “So? You in? The drums are already on the stage.”
He met my gaze for a long moment, then his face lit up with determination and excitement. “Let’s go have some fun.”
“Awesome!” I leapt to my feet, excitement whirring through me. I was really going to do this, on my terms! Rafe grabbed my hand, and I squeezed his tightly, so happy to feel his hand around mine. We were a team again, a partnership that no one could mess with.
He held my hand all the way down to the stage. He didn’t even let go while I informed the woman in charge that I was changing my audition and that Rafe was joining me. She tried to protest, but we ignored her and walked over to the instruments anyway.
I sat down at the piano and my heart started to hammer as I looked at all those gleaming white keys. My whole body tensed up and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do it. I—
The auditorium filled with the sound of Rafe’s drumsticks clicking against each other as he started the beat. The noise pulsed in my chest, filling me with the energy of his music. I looked up and saw him watching me.
He grinned and flipped his head to get his hair out of his eyes. He was wearing black jeans, a faded tee shirt and old sneakers. His tattoo was sparkling on his arm, the sunlight that had shattered into rainbow fragments. He was so Rafe, and so not of my classical music world. I remembered what it had felt like in that piano bar, when music had become personal and passionate. I felt that rush of excitement from when Rafe and I had played together in those jam sessions, our music igniting the air with such fire it had nearly exploded inside me.
Rafe didn’t take his gaze off me as he began to play. The powerful beat thudded in my chest, like shocks of electricity pulsing through me, jerking me out of my stupor and thrusting me into the person I wanted to be.
I grinned at him and tapped my fingers on the keys. The sound was clear and pure, filling the air with magic. I grinned and played more. Rafe upped his tempo, raising his eyebrows at his challenge. I laughed at him and answered him with the piano.
He came right back at me, an arrogant gleam in his eye, as if he knew he was going to outplay me. Hah! No chance! Adrenaline rushed through me, and I unleashed the music, letting it pour from me into the piano, across the stage and right at Rafe.
He grinned and suddenly his drums sprang to life, and I knew he wasn’t holding back any more. Not even one tiny bit. Elation rushed through me and I attacked the piano. I could feel the energy building, as if we were back in the piano bar, only this time it was Rafe and I in a battle for life, for energy, for the truth of who we were.
The music came alive, until all that was left was me and my piano, Rafe and his drums. The rest of the world disappeared, swept into the magic of the inferno we were creating. It was the best music I’d ever heard, felt, or played, and I knew then that music was who I was, and I loved it with every fiber of my being.
This was where I belonged! I slammed my fingers onto the keys and Rafe’s sticks flew over his drums with mind-numbing speed as our music rose to the crescendo and then boom!
We were done.
The room was utterly silent. The only sound was our heavy breathing, my heart thudding in my chest so loudly I felt like it would burst free. Rafe smiled at me and nodded.
Just a nod, that was it, but it said everything.
The room suddenly exploded with applause and screams as people leapt to their feet, shouting and cheering with enthusiasm that had no place at a classical music audition. It felt incredible! I knew then that it didn’t matter if I got in to NESM or not. It was enough that I’d come to the audition and kicked butt my way. Because I had. I’d found my place.
Lily Gardner was no longer a musical failure. Lily Gardner was simply music.
The woman in charge called the next name. I leapt off the stage and Rafe landed next to me. He grabbed me and swept me up in a big hug. “You were brilliant.”
I hugged him back. “Thanks to you! You were awesome too!”
He set me down and looked at me, his face going serious. “Lily—”
“Lily!” We both turned around to see my mom and Miss Jespersen hurrying down the aisle toward us.
I immediately tensed. “What are they doing here?”
“No idea.” Rafe moved next to me, settling his arm around my shoulder and pulling me up against him. “Hi, Aunt Joyce,” he said
cautiously. “What’s up?”
Crusty didn’t answer. She simply threw her arms around both of us and hugged us so hard I thought I was going to burst. When she let go, I thought I saw her eyes getting watery. “I’m so proud of you both!” she said. She grabbed my shoulders. “Lily, I knew you could do it.”
I stared at her in astonishment. “But I didn’t play classical. Aren’t you mad?”
She shook her head and laughed as tears rolled down her cheeks. “You were brilliant. How could I ask for anything more? I’ll go talk to them about switching your application to the contemporary program. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
I nodded instinctively before I could process the question, realizing that was exactly what I wanted. “Yes, I do. That would be awesome!”
“I’ll make it happen.” Then she turned to Rafe, lightly shoving his shoulder. “And you! I’m going to talk to them about you as well! How come you hid your talent from me? I had no idea you were that good!”
Rafe shrugged and scuffed his feet, but there was no mistaking the pleased expression on his face. “I was just doing my thing. I didn’t think it mattered.”
“Oh, Rafe, it matters. You matter.” She hugged us both again, muttered something about having a chat with Rafe’s mom, then hurried off to talk to the woman running the audition, leaving us behind with my mom.
She was beaming at me, too. “Lily, sweetheart, I hope you aren’t upset, but when I saw you and Rafe drive off, I thought you might be coming here. I called Miss Jespersen and we decided to come.”
I eyed her carefully, waiting for her to get all over me for my music choice. “And?”
“I’m so proud of you.”
Relief rushed through me. “Really?”
“You were brilliant up there, Lily.” She hugged me, squeezing tight when I hugged her back. “I’m so sorry I pressured you, hon. Miss Jespersen was right that we needed to give you room. I promise I’ll back off and listen to you, okay?”
I snorted, but I was still feeling ridiculously giddy. “You won’t be able to do that.”
She started to defend herself, then threw up her hands and laughed. “I’ll try, okay?”
I grinned at her honesty. “Okay.” Maybe this would work. Maybe it really would. I was so excited!
Miss Jespersen came running back. “Rafe! They loved you and are accepting your application for the winter term even though it’s late.” She beamed at both of us. “They didn’t come right out and say it, but they indicated that you both nailed the audition and will be starting NESM in January. I’m so proud!”
My mom screeched and hugged me. “I have to go call Dad. We’ll all go out to celebrate tonight, including Rafe and Miss Jespersen.” She didn’t wait for an answer, as she dug her phone out of her purse and rushed out of the auditorium to call my dad.
Miss Jespersen gave us both hugs again and then hurried off to work the room, no doubt trying to cement our applications.
Our applications. As in, me and Rafe, attending NESM together. Together. I looked at him, and he was still looking stunned. I elbowed him. “Earth to Rafe.”
He looked at me, grinned, then grabbed my hand and tugged me down the aisle and out of the auditorium so we could talk. He stopped immediately in the hall outside and turned me so I was facing him.
“Are you going to come to NESM if you get in?” I asked.
“You bet I am.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I can’t even believe this. What an incredible opportunity.” Then he looked at me. “What about you? Will you do it?”
I nodded. “I think the contemporary program would rock.”
His grin widened. “So, we’ll be hanging together next semester, then. Can you put up with seeing that much of me?”
I immediately frowned and took a step back. “The bigger question is, can Paige put up with you spending that much time with me?”
His smile faded, and he got that serious look on his face again. “Okay, so I was going to tell you this earlier, but I didn’t want to distract you from the audition.”
Oh, here it comes. Was there any way to avoid this humiliation? “Rafe—”
“Chris told me about last night. About how you wouldn’t kiss him.”
My mouth dropped open, and I wanted to crawl under the nearest table in embarrassment. “He told you?”
“Yeah.” Rafe looked tense and sort of nervous. “I was psyched when he told me.”
I lifted my chin and set my hands on my hips. How dare he tell me he was psyched? Didn’t he realize that would get my hopes up? That was so unfair, and I wasn’t going to go down that road again. “Who I kiss is none of your business. Why would you care anyway? You have a girlfriend.”
He shook his head, not taking his eyes off my face. “Actually, I don’t. I broke up with her.”
“What?” I smacked his chest in astonishment. “Since when?”
“The night of the middle school dance. After you left.”
I stared at him, my ears starting to get this weird buzzing. “Seriously? Why?”
“She told me she could tell I liked you from the way I looked at you during the show.” He shrugged. “She was right.”
I was vaguely aware of students milling by, but I couldn’t drag my gaze off Rafe. “But why didn’t you tell me?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t know if you liked me.”
I hit him again. “Are you an idiot?”
He grinned and caught my hand. “Well, you did ask Chris to the dance, not me.”
“You had a girlfriend!”
“I didn’t, actually.” He leaned toward me, his thumb rubbing over my chin. “But you didn’t kiss him. So I decided to come today.”
My heart fluttered in my chest. “Maybe I just don’t kiss on the first date.”
“Maybe.” He moved even closer, so near I could smell his toothpaste. “Do you kiss in broad daylight in rehearsal halls?”
I swallowed hard, my heart beating so fast I could feel it smashing against my ribs. “Depends.”
He dropped his gaze to my lips. “On what?”
“Um...” I couldn’t remember what I was going to say.
His hand curved around my chin and he lifted my face, and then he kissed me. His lips were warm and soft, but there was no mistaking his kiss. It wasn’t a kiss intended for a boring, uptight classical pianist. It was a kiss that was hot and daring, the kind of kiss that a tattooed drummer would deliver to the girl who could rock a stage with him. It was a kiss that plunged to my toes, ignited every cell in my body and screamed for more. Which he gave me.
It was a kiss that was made of all the passion that Rafe had brought to life inside me. The fire he’d ignited in me as a pianist, as a person, as the girl who he was holding in his arms so tightly that it felt like he would never, ever let me go.
No more lies for me. I was done. From now on, if someone asked me if Rafe was my boyfriend, I was going to tell them the truth.
And that answer would be: yes, he is, most definitely, mine.
Because right now, with the way he was kissing me, I was pretty certain he was.
Hey world, guess what? Lily Gardner has finally lived up to her potential! Rock it, baby, all day long. I was on fire, and so was my life!
Sneak Peek: PUTTING BOYS ON THE LEDGE
(available now)
I finished sweeping and leaned the broom against the wall. “And what if he tries to kiss me again?”
“You should kiss him,” Allie said. “Not a long one. Just a little one, and then cut him off.”
Natalie nodded. “Don’t push him away too hard. He needs to see that you’re worth the chase.” When we all gave Natalie a surprised look at her Allie-type advice, she shrugged. “I’ve been listening to Allie for so long I know what she’s going to say.”
“Well, okay, that’s great advice, but there’s one small problem with that.” Or rather, one big problem. “I still don’t know how to kiss! That was why I didn’t kiss him in the first place. Not bec
ause I was putting him on The Ledge.”
“Who didn’t you kiss?” Colin appeared in the doorway of the barn, a big, annoying grin on his face.
Oh, God, I wanted to die right then, right there. Why, oh, why, did he keep walking into our conversations like this? This was completely humiliating.
“Heath Cavendish,” Allie announced.
“Allie!” Okay, I was wrong. Now I was completely humiliated.
“Really?” Colin leaned against the doorjamb and folded his arms across his chest, as if he was going to stay and join the conversation. “I can’t imagine many girls refuse to kiss Heath. How’d he take it?”
“I don’t know,” I muttered. “I left.”
“You refused to kiss him and then took off?” Colin grinned. “I love it.”
I was not getting into this discussion with a boy. “Why are you here? Mom said you weren’t coming today.”
“Plans changed, so I thought I’d swing by and see if there was anything to do. I could always use the extra cash.”
“Well, I’m covering all the chores tonight, so you can leave.”
Something flashed in Colin’s eyes, then he shrugged. “Fine. I’ll see you around, then.”
“Wait a sec.” Allie jumped off the feed bin and grabbed Colin’s arm. “You should stay. We could use your advice.”
Was she insane? “No, we can’t. He should leave.”
“No, no.” Allie tugged Colin back into the barn. “Colin, I have a question for you.”
I had to feel a little sorry for him. He didn’t really look like he wanted to be subject to Allie’s interrogation, but he was too nice to reject her. Because he was nice, even if he did have a habit of catching me in embarrassing moments.
“Anyway,” Allie continued, “if a guy kissed a girl who’d never kissed before, would he be able to tell?”
Colin narrowed his eyes. “Tell what?”
“That she hadn’t kissed before.” Allie rolled her eyes in exasperation, while I contemplated pretending to pass out so I would have to be rushed off to the hospital, and therefore spared this incredibly humiliating discussion of my kissing talents.
The Fake Boyfriend Experiment Page 15
