With a sigh, I concentrated on the bunch of rainbow-colored balloons I was piping onto a cake. I was nearly finished when the ding of the bell at the bakery counter pulled me out of the spell I’d been under.
I looked up and met the gaze of Amy Munson. Great. She was the last person in the world I felt like dealing with right now. I kept my face blank as I grabbed my order pad and walked over.
“Can I help you?” I asked.
“I wasn’t planning on coming here,” she said. “I was grocery shopping and I saw you and something made me walk over.”
I just looked at her, wishing something would make her walk somewhere else.
“Are you still seeing him?” she asked.
I wanted to tell her it was none of her business, but I didn’t want her to have the satisfaction of thinking it might be over.
“Yes.”
Her face clouded with sadness. “He’s a really good guy. I can see why you’d want to be with him. But you don’t get how hard it is to be with an NHL player. Hockey always comes first with him. You’ll be lonely, you’ll see pictures online of him with other women—”
“I appreciate your concern for me,” I said wryly.
She rolled her eyes. “Look. You aren’t right for him. I’ve known Orion – really known him – since junior high. His parents and my parents have always been friends. We come from the same kind of background. I made a big mistake and I regret it. I hope he’ll be able to forgive me at some point, but whether he does or not, you’re still not right for him.”
Anger swelled inside me, and I told myself not to let it show. “I’m pretty sure he gets to decide who’s right for him.”
“Just because he slept with you while he was home, it doesn’t mean anything.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “You’re his Henley hookup. He probably has one in every city he goes to.”
“If you don’t want to order a cake, I need to get back to work,” I said, crossing my arms across my chest. I wouldn’t let myself stoop to her hateful level.
“You’ll never be part of his life,” she said, inching closer to me. “Not like I was.”
The dam holding back my emotions burst.
“I’ve been staying with him every weekend in Chicago,” I said. “I’ve met his family and friends.”
The color drained from her face, though she tried to maintain a scowl. “Well, it won’t last,” she said, enunciating every word and leaning closer to me. “Orion’s too smart to stay with trash like you.”
A few months ago, her words would have crushed me. But now they just fueled me to tell her how wrong she was.
“He asked me to move in with him.”
“You’re a lying bitch,” she hissed.
I shrugged. “I’ve got no reason to make it up.”
Her eyes filled with tears. I stuck my order pad in my apron pocket and sighed with aggravation.
“You need to move on, Amy. Not because Orion’s with me, but because no matter what happens with us, he’ll never be with you again. Let go of the past and focus on your future.”
I turned and walked back to my work. My words to her kept running through my mind. Was my past holding me back from moving forward with Orion? I’d been let down so many times by so many people that I tried to protect myself by expecting it. But he’d given me no reason to doubt him.
My heart picked up speed as realization set in. I wanted to expect things to work out for the first time in my life. There were no guarantees, ever, but love was a leap of faith and I’d been standing at the edge peering over since Orion asked me to move in with him.
I was ready to jump into the great unknown, hand in hand with him. I was moving to Chicago.
Chapter 14
Orion
I turned my phone over in my hand, considering. Life was full of surprises. I needed to share this one with Samara.
I pushed the button to call her and she was breathless when she answered.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey, you busy?”
“Nope. I just got home with groceries. I’m making spaghetti for me and Chloe tonight. She’s at the hospital but I’m going to pick her up in an hour.”
I sat down on the dark leather couch in my living room and looked out the windows at the cityscape of buildings. Damn, I wished I could have this conversation with her in person.
“Baby, I need to tell you something,” I said. “Something pretty big.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I wanted to tell you this when I get back, but I’m concerned you might hear it from my mom or Olivia, so I need to tell you now.”
“Orion, what is it? You’re scaring me.”
“I’m donating a kidney to Drew.”
She spoke after a few seconds of silence. “But I thought Olivia was.”
“Her blood pressure’s too high. The doctors won’t let her.”
“Okay.” She took in a deep breath and let it out. “Are you sure you’re able to?”
“My blood type’s a match. There’s still a lot of testing to do, but I’m healthier than most people. I’ve got a very good shot.”
“You’re such a good man, Orion Caldwell.” Her voice was strained with emotion. “I love you so much.”
I smiled. “I love you too.”
“How long is the recovery? Will you miss the rest of the season?”
How the hell did I say the words I was still digesting myself? But I had to. Samara and I had a no-bullshit rule.
“This means the end of hockey for me. At least as a player.”
The silence was longer this time, and I finally broke it. “I’m good with this decision, baby. It’s what I want. I didn’t even have to think about it when Olivia told me they won’t let her do it. She didn’t ask me – I offered.”
“No, I know,” she said, crying now. “I’m just heartbroken for you.”
“Don’t be. As long as you can love a guy with one kidney, I’m good.”
“I love you more than ever,” she said. “But … what about me? Can I be tested? I don’t know my blood type, but if I’m a match I’m in.”
My heart overflowed with love for her. She was beyond anything I’d ever imagined finding in a woman.
“You’re amazing for offering, but I’m doing it.”
“But I want to. I love you and I love Drew, too. I could help him and you could keep playing hockey.”
I wished we were together so I could hold her right now. It was hard to communicate the depth of my feelings with words.
“I want to do this, Samara. I really do. It’s the right thing. For Drew and probably for me too. My head’s taken a lot of beatings in the past couple years and I’m okay with retiring. I got five years in the NHL. Five great years.”
When she spoke, I could tell she was still crying. “This is safe, right? For you? Because now I’m worried sick about you and Drew.”
“I’m very healthy. I get intense physicals every year. Don’t worry.”
“Okay,” she said, taking a deep breath and letting it out. “When?”
“I’ll be home tomorrow. The doctors are fast-tracking it because if Drew gets much worse he won’t be able to handle the surgery.”
“Okay,” she said again. After a beat, she laughed softly.
“What’s funny?” I asked.
“I was planning to tell you I wanted to move in with you.”
A grin spread across my face. “Really? I’m holding you to that.”
“Well, this may be good timing because I want to take a leave from work for the surgeries, and that’ll mean I can’t pay my rent.”
“Take a permanent leave. I don’t know where I’ll end up or what I’ll be doing when I recover from the surgery, but I want you with me.”
I held my breath for a few seconds of silence. I’d never wanted such a tight relationship with anyone, and want didn’t really describe my current state of mine. I needed to know Samara was all in when it came to us. I sure as hell wa
s.
“I will,” she said. “I want to take care of you when you get out of the hospital. Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be too.”
My body relaxed with relief. Dad had always said everything happened for a reason. I knew I was meant to save Drew. But now I also knew Samara was willing to put aside her greatest fears for our relationship. I was at my lowest, with nothing to offer her but myself, and she was opening her arms to me. At that moment I realized I hadn’t just found the first woman I’d ever wanted to live with – I’d found my forever.
I pressed a button to increase the speed of the treadmill I was running on at the Henley Rec Center. I was full of nervous energy that I couldn’t get rid of. I ran, lifted weights, did errands for Mom and had even cleaned her basement earlier today.
I’d passed the tests to donate a kidney to Drew, but now he couldn’t get cleared for surgery because he was so weak. We were all just waiting and hoping.
Olivia was like the walking dead. She’d hardly slept or eaten in days. She just sat by Drew’s bedside, her hand wrapped around his tiny one. I wanted to be there for her, but I couldn’t stand to see him hanging on the edge of life and death. It ripped me apart inside. When I tried to go to the hospital, I was like a caged animal. I needed to be moving. It was the only way I could function right now.
Samara and my mom were trading off being with Drew and Olivia at the hospital. I helped with Chloe when they needed me to, but mostly I was keeping busy every second, my phone glued to my hand, waiting for the call.
This had to work out. I couldn’t watch my nephew slip away from this world when the thing that would save him was in my chest. I’d never wanted anything as badly as I wanted this surgery to go forward.
If I ever saw Olivia’s piece of shit husband Joe again, I planned to beat him within an inch of his life. The thought of him living his life somewhere else right now while his son was clinging to life filled me with rage.
My legs burned from the exertion of the hard run. I glanced down and saw that I’d done eight miles. I’d push on. The discomfort in my legs at least gave me something to focus on besides my worry and anger.
When I reached out to increase the incline on the treadmill, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I jumped to the sides of the treadmill and pulled it out.
“Hello?” I said breathlessly.
“Mr. Caldwell?”
“Yes.”
I closed my eyes, my heart pounding in my chest from the workout and my anxiety. This had to be it. It just had to be.
“Hi, this is Greg Maxson, the PI from Phoenix.”
My brow furrowed with confusion. I’d been expecting Drew’s doctor.
“Uh, hi,” I said. “What’s up?”
“Just letting you know that when we tried to locate Matthew Carlson this evening, we were unable to find him.”
I rubbed a hand down my face, exhaling deeply. “What the fuck does that mean? I thought you had tabs on him all the time.”
“Yes, sir. We have a GPS on the car he borrows from an acquaintance, but he’s not in it. We checked all the spots we know he hangs out at and he’s not at any of them.”
“Shit,” I muttered.
“Is there anything else you’d like us to do? We can check the train and bus stations and the airport.”
“Yeah.” I stepped off the treadmill. “Just keep looking for him and let me know if you find him.”
“Yes, sir.”
I pressed a button to end the call and sighed deeply as I typed out a message to Samara.
Me: Detective can’t find Matt. Where are u? I’m leaving the gym right now.
This was a nightmare. If Matt showed up when I was in surgery or hospitalized, there would be no way for me to protect Samara. Options started running through my head. I’d hire a bodyguard to be with her. Maybe an off-duty cop would want to make some good cash.
Casey’s brother was a cop. I texted him to call me on my way out to the parking lot. Samara hadn’t texted back, so I wrote my mom asking where she was. I needed to know she was safe right now.
I’d thought my cage couldn’t get any smaller, but it just had. I was like a lion in a tiny box, and I was about to blow. Having the life of one person I loved in danger was bad enough. Now there were two. At least I could do something to protect Samara.
Samara
I tapped my foot on the ground as numbers rolled by on the gas pump. All the coffee I’d been drinking at the hospital made me have to pee constantly. I wanted to wait until I got back to Diane’s house, but I wasn’t sure I could make it.
My body was tired, but sleep was impossible. Even when Diane was with Olivia and it was my turn to sleep, I couldn’t. I tossed and turned and stared up at the ceiling. When Orion and I slept together in his bed at Diane’s, we just curled our bodies together and breathed in sync, both awake but silent. Chloe slept there with us, and I’d stroke a hand over her soft curls even when she was snoring softly. It had a calming effect on me.
The stress was catching up with me, and I hoped that tonight, I’d sleep whether I wanted to or not. I was feeling foggy and slow from fatigue.
The gas pump clicked to a stop and I put it back, tightening the gas cap on my car. My bladder was uncomfortably full. I was going to have to pee here.
I was about to head into the gas station when I remembered this one had a bathroom around back with a door that led right into it. It was disgusting, too. But I had to go so bad that I couldn’t be picky.
The handle turned when I twisted it, and I sighed with relief. I’d have been bouncing from foot to foot on the sidewalk to hold it in if someone had been in there.
I stepped in and closed the door, putting my fingers on the lock on the handle to twist it. The handle spun and the door hit me when someone pushed it open.
Matt walked in the grimy bathroom and my stomach plunged to the floor. His nose was slightly crooked, with small purple streaks next to it. The dark, murderous glare I knew all too well bored into me. The sense of terror in my gut was also familiar.
“Samara,” he said calmly. He pushed the door closed and twisted the lock.
I wanted to scream, but my lungs were empty. I couldn’t even get a breath in them. The pee I’d been trying to hold in started to escape from sheer fear. I was going to die in this bathroom.
“Thought you were pretty smart, sending your boyfriend to see me, didn’t you?”
I ran to the far wall of the bathroom, pulling out my phone. Ignoring the text from Orion, I dialed 911. Matt was on me a second later. My purse and phone dropped to the floor as his hand encircled my throat. He held me against the wall and a sick sense of dread crept up my throat.
“You miss me?” he said, smiling. “Your boyfriend broke my fuckin’ nose, you know. You’re gonna need to make that up to me.”
I sucked air in, trying to fill my lungs. My hands clawed frantically at his wrists, desperate to break his hold on my airway.
His other hand snaked up the bottom of my shirt and I tasted vomit. He squeezed one of my breasts so hard tears formed in my eyes.
I could see Orion in that moment. I heard the quiet words of love he whispered in my ear. I felt his hands touching me gently. And something inside me snapped.
I shoved a knee into Matt’s groin and forced my thumbs into his eye sockets, pressing with every ounce of strength I had. My throat was burning. I needed air.
Matt roared with anger, and his hand fell away from my throat. I drank in air deeply.
“You cunt!” He punched me in the face and my head slammed against the tile wall. A dull pain erupted into a sharp ache in my head and I saw two of Matt.
“No,” I said softly.
Both of the Matts gave me an evil grin before they merged back into one person again.
“You’ve gotten feisty,” he said, slapping me across the face. I cried out with pain and his smile widened.
“I might enjoy that a little more,” he said, unbuttoning his pants and lowering his fly. “Fig
ht me, Samara.”
I slid away from the wall, hoping to run. His hand closed around my hair and he dragged me to the ground.
“On your back,” he said through gritted teeth. I slammed the heel of my hand into his eye.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Okay, then. We’ll do this the hard way.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. My insides liquefied as I saw him reach for the button to flip out the blade.
I flew at him – kicking, clawing and screaming. He might kill me in this bathroom, but I wasn’t going down without a fight. The knife fell to the floor and I kicked it away from his reach.
He was so strong. Every hit left me dazed. We rolled on the floor, him fighting me with one hand while he worked his pants down with the other.
Never again. I’d told myself that when I moved to Henley. I’d always thought running would be my protection, but I couldn’t outrun this. I’d have to fight him off or die trying.
I shoved my thumbs into his eye sockets and pressed hard. He cried out and reached for my wrists and I pushed harder, channeling all my strength into it. When his hands flew to cover his eyes, I scrambled out from under him and worked both my hands into his short hair. I held on for dear life and pulled his head up from the tile floor, slamming it down with everything in me.
The bathroom went quiet and I ran to the door, turning the lock and throwing it open. I screamed and ran toward the police lights in the parking lot. I was bleeding and hurting, but I was alive. I’d just faced my greatest fear and fought for myself. And against all odds, I’d won.
Orion
I pushed past the uniformed cop trying to hold me back.
“Samara!” I yelled.
She’d texted me the name of the gas station and I’d driven ninety miles an hour to get here. There were sirens everywhere, and terror took hold when I’d pulled in, afraid I was too late. Terrified that Matt had gotten to her before I could.
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