by Lila Lacroix
Ryan's answering smile made him look a hundred times more attractive, and she had to turn away and look out of the window to keep from reaching across the handbrake and pulling him into a kiss.
Thankfully Ryan pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road, and she was given time to recover before she had to look over at him again.
Settling her clutch bag onto her lap and slipping a little bit further down into the seat to get comfortable, Tina played with the ring on her finger. She imagined the rest of the evening ahead of her and all doubts and discomfort from the evening seemed to disappear. She knew that she and Ryan worked together well when it came to the bedroom – it was this that had brought them together after all – and she always reacted to Ryan's attentions with fervour and want.
They pulled up outside of her house, and she unbuckled her seatbelt, taking care not to slip on the wet pavement as she climbed out of the low car. It was a beautiful car, and she loved being in the passenger seat, but sometimes it was difficult to climb in and out of. Oh, the life of a billionaire’s girlfriend is so tough. Tina could hear Maria’s voice in her head making fun of her.
She reached for her keys, unlocking her apartment door, and feeling Ryan crowd up behind her as they walked into the hallway. Ryan immediately kicked shut the door, and slipped his hands around her body. He turned her, demanding but not too rough, and kissed her full on the lips. He was all-consuming, drawing her deeper into the kiss while resting his hands on the base of her spine. She reacted to his touch and kisses, though she felt helpless to resist or even push back at times.
She loved being kissed by Ryan, and loved it even more when he was touching her, pressing her into the bed and covering her with his own body. Tina had always loved the attentive nature of her boyfriends, but Ryan was different. Ryan was domineering, but not in a controlling type way. He was the kind of guy who knew what he wanted, took it, and made sure that Tina got just as much pleasure out of everything as he did.
Pulling away from her, Ryan kept his hands on her body, grabbing the hem of her dress. He paused, but she didn't say anything, just kissed him again, letting him draw her dress up her body. She could feel his hands on her panties, feel his thumbs smoothing down the skin of her hips, and she could feel her body reacting to his touches, to the kisses he was drawing out of her.
Tina felt him cover her, drawing her back against him and she gave into the heat and overwhelming pleasure.
“You’re so fucking hot,” Ryan whispered into her ear, and Tina thought she was going to melt right then and there.
“I want you so bad,” she replied, practically panting, breathless with anticipation.
Moaning, Tina reached up and grabbed Ryan’s shirt, pulling him closer towards her. She wanted him so badly. All of a sudden, he reached down and with one hand took hold of both her wrists. Pressing them up above her head, against the wall, he held her there, taking away any control she might have had, and Tina loved it.
She gasped as he pressed his lips against hers once more, pressed his body against hers. She could feel her nether regions getting hot, getting wet, wanting him as soon as possible. His free hand roamed her body once more, finding the zipper of her dress and slowly, sensually running it down her body.
The cool air against her newly exposed skin made Tina gasp as tingles ran through her. Before she knew it, the dress had dropped to the floor, discarded. Ryan’s fingers thumbed her panties again, sliding them down her legs before allowing them to drop to the floor. The bra she wore was next.
With one hand, Ryan deftly undid the strap behind her back and before she knew it, Tina was naked except for her heels. He pressed his body against her, forcing her up against the wall. She could feel his hardness pressing against her leg, feel his hot breath on her ear as he leaned in and nibbled her lobe – enough to feel, but not enough to hurt too much.
Ryan let go of Tina’s wrists for a minute as he undid his shirt, and Tina’s hands immediately reached for his pants, releasing his hardness from its bonds. Ryan’s erection sprang free, and she took his hot shaft in her hands, wanting him inside of her.
With a single swift movement, Ryan grabbed Tina’s ass cheeks and hoisted her up against the wall, up against him. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his hips, feeling his hardness sliding against her most sensitive areas.
With the smoothest movement, Ryan slipped his shaft deep inside of Tina, stretching her apart. Tina loved this, she clutched at Ryan as he moved slowly inside of her, the wetness from her excitement allowing him to slide in gracefully.
Tina let out a moan as he started to move inside of her. In and out he moved, slowly, tantalizingly, every stroke making pleasure radiate through Tina’s body from her sex.
Ryan moved slowly at first, both of them enjoying the pure sensual pleasure derived from the deliberate, slow strokes. Tina started to moan, clawing at Ryan’s back. He was moving so slowly, and her body wanted more, needed more. She could feel her blood boiling, she could feel her legs getting weak. She needed more of him, and she needed it now.
Before she knew what had happened, Ryan suddenly picked her up and carried her, still inside of her, to the bedroom. He dropped her gently onto the edge, Tina’s legs dangling over the side. He was still inside her, and as soon as he moved down he began thrusting harder and faster inside of her.
An involuntary cry escaped Tina’s lips as she closed her eyes to enjoy the sensations she was feeling. Pleasure was running through her, moving through her veins. She arched her hips to be closer to Ryan, to have him deeper inside of her as he began to pick up the pace.
Ryan began moving harder and faster inside of her, and Tina felt like she was about to explode. She could feel the pressure building up inside of her, the orgasm waiting to come out. Tina wanted it more than anything, wanted him more than anything. She could feel it coming, feel the pressure building inside of her.
Suddenly, without any warning, Ryan slowed the pace down to a crawl. Tina let out a moan of disappointment.
“I’ll decide when you get to come,” Ryan whispered seductively into her ear. If anything, his comments turned Tina on even more and she let out another moan.
“Oh God, please let me come,” Tina begged. She wanted this release more than anything on the planet. It was more than a want, she needed this.
After what felt like an eternity, Ryan finally gave he what she needed. He suddenly began thrusting hard inside of Tina again, and her body exploded with pleasure.
“Oh my God! Oh my God! Tina cried as wave after wave of pleasure washed over her. Every muscle in her body tensed as she focused purely on the pleasure coursing through her. Ryan stopped moving inside of her, she could feel herself pulsating around his hardness. She grabbed at him, desperate for this sensation to keep going, to never stop.
It felt like both an eternity and only seconds at the same time before the pleasure slowed and Tina slowly began to come back down to earth. Ryan began to thrust inside her once more, and a couple moments later he exploded as well, deep inside of her.
He stayed inside of her for a while afterwards, both of them enjoying the heat of each other’s bodies, until they finally fell asleep in Tina’s bed.
* * *
“He makes me feel so good,” Tina told Maria a day later. She was shopping in town, but Maria had to be at work in an hour, so Tina was on the phone to her instead, handset tucked underneath her cheek. “I don't know how to explain it.”
Maria made a considering noise. “But you're still not completely happy?”
“No,” Tina said. It was easy enough to do so. She wanted to pretend that everything was fine, but she knew that it wasn't, and if she didn't tell Maria, then she would have to keep it to herself, and she had already seen how well that worked out for her last time.
“You're crazy,” Maria said. “He’s the perfect man. I would give my right leg to have what you have.”
Tina rolled her eyes. “You have a perfect man of your own, what are yo
u talking about?”
“He's okay,” Maria said, even though Tina knew that she adored Travis. “But we're not talking about me. We're talking about you. What is it about him that you don't like?”
Tina didn't know how to answer that. She knew that something about their relationship made her uncomfortable, and the money was always going to be an issue, but she knew that it would make her sound like she was whining about something that other people would love to have in a partner.
“Look,” Maria continued, when it was clear that Tina wasn't going to say anything. “You know that you deserve Ryan if you think about it. How long has it been since you've had someone who pays you as much attention and love as he does? And you'll get used to the money thing.”
“I guess,” Tina said, uncertain.
Maria sighed. “Besides, this is your happily ever after! The girls and I want you to be happy, and this is the way that you're going to get it.”
Tina knew that Maria wasn't going to understand; she was so caught up in convincing Tina that everything was going to be fine, that she was never going to consider that Tina might have reasons for not wanting to be with Ryan. “Okay. I promise to think about it.”
“You better,” Maria said, the light tone of her voice softening the threat. “Anyway, I should get ready for work. I'll see you later?”
“Sure,” Tina said, and the two of them hung up the phone. Tina didn't really feel like shopping anymore, so she slipped her phone back into her bag and headed over to catch the bus. She knew really what was bothering her so much about Ryan; she was spending so much time with him, and so much time worrying over him, that she was seriously harming her job performance. She had been given a few warnings by the attending nurse that if she didn't pick up her performance, she risked losing her job, and she was too invested in the hospital and her patients to ever allow that to happen. Worse than that, Tina knew exactly what could happen if she, as a nurse, made a major mistake. It could cost somebody their life, and Tina was absolutely not going to risk that, not under any circumstances. Not for any guy.
She knew what she had to do, but doing so was not going to be an easy thing. On the bus on the way home, she went through the hundred different ways she could let him know how she was feeling, but she knew that Ryan would be upset. She didn't want to make him sad, but she had to do what was best for her; she had been trying for too long to get this job at the hospital, and she didn't want to sacrifice that by her continued confusion about her relationship with Ryan.
It was difficult to arrange to meet Ryan that weekend knowing that she was going to break up with him, but she managed it without him suspecting anything. She wasn't about to follow through with the plans they were making; she didn't want to drag it out, and it wasn't fair to go through the whole evening and then tell Ryan at the end that she didn't want to see him anymore. Instead, she was going to have to tell him as soon as she arrived at his apartment.
She felt sick the entire day, not sure that she was doing the right thing, but not sure how to tell anyone what she wanted to do. She deliberately didn't get ready for the evening, choosing instead to wear her comfortable clothes. She wasn't going to be staying long anyway, she didn't expect, and if she turned up in those clothes, she was sure Ryan would realise something was up, and her worry of bringing it up would be solved.
Tina almost wanted to call Maria, but she knew that if she did that, she would be too easily talked out of it, and she had to do this if she was going to be successful at the hospital, at her career. She pressed the heels of her hands into her forehead, closing her eyes and steeling herself for what was to come.
It seemed as though Tina was staring out of the window for ages, and she let out a breath when she saw Ryan's car pull up outside of her apartment. She didn't want to do this here; she wanted to be able to walk away without having to be the one to kick Ryan out, so she grabbed her bag and made her way down the stairs. Maybe she could do it in the car before they left, but either way, she was going to have to do it. If she took any longer to make a decision, she couldn't guarantee that she would follow through with her decision.
Ryan was standing outside of the car, and smiling widely as he pulled her in for a kiss and a hug. Tina knew she was stiff and unresponsive, and when he pulled away and frowned at her, she didn't know what to say. “Is everything okay?”
“I-” Tina started, and then knew that she couldn't keep it in any longer. “I need to talk to you.”
The expression on Ryan's face was difficult to read. “Is this the break-up speech?”
Tina looked pained. “I don't – I really like you, love you even, but I'm so confused about everything.”
“About what?” Ryan pulled away from her, but he didn't look like he was going to press her, just upset and curious. She sighed, not really knowing how to say what she was feeling, or put it into words that he would understand.
“I am so confused about how I feel when I'm with you that it's distracting me. I'm not working like I used to, and I never know what I'm doing. I think I need some time away to think things through.”
Ryan frowned, and she could tell that she had hurt him, but she didn't know what to say to make him feel better about this. Whatever she said from here wouldn't sit okay with him, so she didn't bother. “Tina-”
Tina could feel her eyes welling up with tears, but she refused to cry in front of him. She clenched her hands into fists so that it gave some semblance of control, even though she was devastated inside. “Please don't try and talk me out of this, I've made up my mind. Please understand that this isn't about you, it's me.”
She knew she was giving him the age old speech – the one that nobody wanted to get – but she couldn't help herself. She didn't know what else to say to him. Ryan was looking at her, equal parts sad, angry and a little confused, but Tina had nothing else to say and didn't want to stand there, looking at him any longer than she had to. “I'm sorry.”
She turned on her heel, not even knowing if she was doing the right thing, but not able to do anything else. She practically ran back into her apartment, so upset she didn't know if Ryan was calling out to her or not – she hoped not – and took the stairs two at a time until she could shut the door behind her and lean against it, trying her hardest not to cry.
Dumping her bag just inside the door, she fell face-first onto the couch and stuffed a pillow under her face, letting the tears flow and hoping that she hadn't just made the worst mistake of her life.
* * *
She tried to get on with her life after that.
Calling Maria had been the worst part, next to the actual breakup; her friend had been upset and angry, but mostly that Tina didn't tell her anything, even though she did admit that she would have tried to talk her out of it. “I just don't understand why,” she said, kicking Tina in the foot. The two of them were curled up on the couch, watching a RomCom on TV, and nursing identical bowls of ice cream; the prefect break-up cure. “He was so perfect.”
“Maybe too perfect,” Tina said, almost to herself. She was still having a hard time herself believing that it was all over. She didn't really know what to do from here on out. Focus on her job? After all, that was part of the reason why she had broken up with him. Hang with friends and try to pretend her heart wasn't breaking into a million pieces. “Either way, I'm single now and going to have to deal with it.”
Even saying the words, Tina could barely believe they were true. She was wondering if she didn’t just make a huge mistake.
Maria nodded. “That's for sure.” She let out a huge sigh. “I guess we'll just have to find you someone else then, won't we?”
She grinned and Tina rolled her eyes. She wasn't that surprised by her friend's attitude, but she definitely wasn't ready to jump back on the dating train the day she had broken up with Ryan. “Maybe later, eh?”
Maria snorted. “Yeah. I guess we can give you a grace period of about six months.”
“How generous,” Tina said, dryly.
Though Maria had given her that same grace period with her previous boyfriend. Letting herself smile, Tina knew that with Maria's help – and with the help of her other friends – she would eventually be able to put Ryan in the past and move on with her life.
Not that she had much luck with that.
It seemed that no matter what she did, or where she went, Ryan was always there, hanging over her like a shadow. Whether it was when she was trying to pick up someone in a bar – she was never very successful – or when she was just trying to get through everyday life. Okay, so maybe it didn’t happen that often. Once a month or so, Tina would run into him, and they would make awkward conversation for a couple minutes before moving on. She was in the hospital one day, down in the reception area and dealing with a new patient, when she was sure she could see Ryan in the corner of her eye. When she looked up properly, she realised it was someone who looked startlingly like Ryan, but her heart was already pounding, and she realised that she missed Ryan. She managed to push it down and continue with her new patient, but it distracted her for the rest of the day, and she didn’t quite know how to deal with it. She thought about calling Maria, just to get some perspective on the situation, though she knew Maria would just tell her I told you so.
She was just going to have to get on with it and figure out a way to move past Ryan without letting it overwhelm her. She had her job, and since breaking it off with Ryan, she was able to focus more heavily on it and was involved with a lot of areas of the hospital. The attending nurse commented that her work had gotten a lot better, and even indicated that perhaps in the future Tina should consider doing training to become a nurse practitioner. Yes, career-wise, everything was going wonderfully for Tina. But that nagging knowledge in the back of her mind that she still missed Ryan just wouldn’t go away.
