by Guy Branum
When I look back at the people and stories in this book, I feel a little bit like Durga. Not the resplendent, unbeatable beauty part, no, but the being formed from other people’s essences. My mom and my dad, the women who played Tracy Turnblad, the kids who called me gay on the schoolyard, Eddie Murphy, Gurinder Chadha, Turtle from Entourage, the nation of Canada. Each of them gave me a weapon, a tool I could use to survive.
There is always a shape-shifting beast waiting for you: depression, oppression, even just bad luck ready to grind you into the dust and tell you that you don’t get to be a hero. I am so astoundingly grateful for all the people who have given me the weapons to fight off those demons. And if Durga taught me anything, it’s that just having the weapons isn’t enough; it’s being resourceful and agile enough to deploy the correct one at the correct time. These weapons, these skills, these fights: They are what made me.
They are my essence, and in the form of this book, I’m sharing my essence with you. (I know that coming from a man, that sounds semi-gross.) I hope that you can find some use for it; maybe it will provide some ammunition for your own arsenal, even if only as a literal weapon. This is nearly a hundred thousand words—you can do some serious blunt trauma with that.
Because being a goddess isn’t just about slaying buffalo demons. It’s also about imparting your essence and gifting your weapons. So now that you’ve read this book, this piece of me, you have to go figure out how to give a piece of yourself to the world.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
This work would not have been possible without my mother, Deborah Branum. Since I was born, Debbie taught me how to love, learn, and express myself. For that I am eternally in her debt. I must also thank my niece Olivia Allen, who is constantly bringing new culture to me, and challenging me to see the world in new ways.
I would not have written this book if my friend Kate Dresser hadn’t insisted I meet her book agent friend. I would not have written this book if said agent, Robert Guinsler, hadn’t lovingly goaded me for a year to write a book proposal. I wouldn’t have written this book if Sara Weiss at Ballantine hadn’t suggested I write a book that centered on pop culture (even though she didn’t end up buying the book). I wouldn’t have written this book if my manager, Zack Freedman, hadn’t nudged me, every week for two years, first to finish my proposal, then to actually write the thing. And I most certainly wouldn’t have written this book if my editor, Rakesh Satyal, hadn’t breezily said “Oh, it’s fine” after I missed every deadline. His guidance and enthusiasm were invaluable in this process.
I am indebted to the people who read this book and provided feedback while I was writing it: Rebecca Cohen, Louis Katz, and Annemarie Brentrup. I’m also very thankful for the people who read individual chapters to make sure they weren’t dumb or offensive: Debra DiGiovanni, Allan Kustanovich, Arish Singh, and Karen Tongson.
And while we’re talking about Karen Tongson, thanks to my podcasting sisters Wynter Mitchell, Margaret Wappler, and Oliver Wang. The insight and analysis you guys have shared with me on Pop Rocket over the past three years helped define the tone and content of this book as much as anything. Also thanks to Christian Dueñas, Laura Swisher, and Jesse Thorn for making Pop Rocket possible.
Mindy Kaling was kind enough to write my foreward when she had a two-month-old baby, two movies, and a TV show premiering. I certainly owe her thanks for that, and so much more. I also must thank Chelsea Handler, Kamau Bell, Billy Eichner, Wanda Sykes, and Page Hurwitz for all they have taught me.
I also owe an intellectual debt to four women from Northern California: Joan Didion, Pauline Kael, Greta Gerwig, and Karen Kilgariff. In different ways, but with united spirit, they showed me where I am from.
When I’m thinking about something and need a person to bounce ideas off, I frequently turn to Lindy West, Ryan Baber, and Riley Jess Silverman. Their hearts and minds were invaluable in this process.
I’d also like to thank Moshe Kasher, Natasha Leggero, Alex Koll, Ali Wong, Eliza Skinner, Sheng Wang, Vance Sanders, Robert Yasumura, Aparna Nancherla, Jackie Kashian, Laurie Kilmartin, Claudia Cogan, Kara Klenk, Chase Bernstein, and all the other stand-up comedians who have inspired me.
I would like to thank Art Alamo, Colin Dunn, Nigel Campbell, Ryan Dunn, Kevin Minnick, Michelle Buteau, and Kristin Smith for giving me shoulders to cry and/or sleep on.
And I would like to thank Solomon Georgio, Joel Kim Booster, Matt Rogers, Bowen Yang, Nick Sahoyah, Will Smalley, John Early, Casey Ley, Cole Escola, Chris Schleicher, Jeffery Self, and Louis Virtel for always having something scandalous to say.
I must also thank my not-book agent, Ayala Cohen, for always seeming breezy and amused. Also for keeping me gainfully employed.
Thanks also to Adam Ginivisian, Michael Grinspan, Taryn Ariel, and the rest of the guys at ICM.
And I’d like to thank the many other people who helped me out whom I’ve forgotten to thank. And Doris Gates. And Leto. And Durga. And you.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Guy Branum is the host and creator of Talk Show the Game Show on TruTV. He’s also a comedian who was a regular on Chelsea Lately, and was named to LA Weekly, Time Out Los Angeles, and New York magazine’s lists of comics to watch. He has written for The Mindy Project, Another Period, Billy on the Street, and Awkward. Mostly, he is a large, loud, gay Jew. He lives in West Hollywood with his beloved sourdough starter, Claire.
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Copyright © 2018 by Guy Branum
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First Atria Books hardcover edition July 2018
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Interior design by Kyoko Watanabe
Jacket design by Ella Laytham
Jacket photograph © Koury Angelo / Dayreps
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Branum, Guy, 1975– author.
Title: My life as a goddess: a memoir through (un)popular culture / Guy Branum; foreword by Mindy Kaling.
Description: First Atria Books hardcover edition. | New York: Atria Books, 2018.
Identifiers: LCCN 2018016385 (print) | LCCN 2018020359 (ebook) | ISBN 9781501170249 (ebook) | ISBN 9781501170225 (hardback) | ISBN 9781501170232 (paperback)
Subjects: LCSH: Branum, Guy, 1975– | Comedians—United States—Biography. | Actors—United States—Biography. | BISAC: BIOGRAPHY & AUTOBIOGRAPHY / Personal Memoirs. | HUMOR / General. | BIOGRAPHY & AUTOBIOGRAPHY / Entertainment & Performin
g Arts.
Classification: LCC PN2287.B6835 (ebook) | LCC PN2287.B6835 A3 2018 (print) | DDC 792.7/6028092 [B]—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018016385
ISBN 978-1-5011-7022-5
ISBN 978-1-5011-7024-9 (ebook)
