by Sandy James
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Relax, Mallory,” Juliana said. “You promised Taylor you’d stay for the game.”
“I know. I just…” Mallory sighed.
Sitting in the middle of a crowd full of happy people was almost more than she could bear. She couldn’t put into words the sadness that blanketed her heart. Each day was a struggle. To get up. To force some food down her throat. To make herself go to school.
School. Her one reprieve from her worries. When Mallory was at school, she was truly alive. Just being with her students was the best medicine in the world, as though she fed off their enthusiasm and affection.
So she was here in the middle of the gymnasium for senior night, the last home game for the girls’ basketball team. After the national anthem, each senior player had been introduced as her parent or parents stood at her side. Then one by one, the girls named the teacher who they believed made them a better person. Taylor Engle had asked Mallory to come to be honored, and there was no way she could decline such a wonderful invitation, no matter how miserable she felt or how much she’d rather be wrapped in an afghan and pretending that her life hadn’t gone straight to hell again.
Ben was gone. She’d pushed him away, shoved him out of her life with both hands. Yet she still needed him, still thought about him every time she considered what the future held. How could she face all the days that lay ahead without him?
Why did he have to be like Jay? Why couldn’t he have held on to that knight-in-shiny-tool-belt personality she’d fallen in love with? Why did he have to be a lying coward?
Lying coward. That seemed too harsh to describe a loving man like Ben. In a moment of utter honesty, she’d realized she’d made up her mind to lock him out without ever listening to his side of the story. Not that his reason for running away from the hospital and lying about it would be sufficient. A lie was a lie, and he’d told a whopper of one at a time she’d needed him.
When the pregame festivities were over, the basketball court was cleared for the game. Before Mallory could get back to the stands, retrieve her coat, and make a hasty exit, Taylor had grabbed her hand. With a sweet smile, she’d asked Mallory to stay for the game. While she wanted nothing more than to go home, she’d sighed in resignation and nodded. She’d never been able to deny any of her students.
Now she sat with Juliana and Danielle in the stands. They both cheered with the crowd, but Mallory paid very little attention to the game. For once in her life, she was letting sadness rule her every moment. Not that she’d slipped into a full-blown depression. Yet the grief was always there, just below the surface, as though no pleasure or promise remained in her world.
“You okay?” Danielle asked.
She was sick and tired of hearing that question. She always wanted to shout that she wasn’t okay—that she’d never be okay because she’d never be with Ben again. “Fine.” Since the game held no interest for her, Mallory let her gaze scan the crowd. “I thought you said Bethany would be here.”
“I did,” Danielle replied. “But I also said her kids had something planned for halftime.”
“You mean her Service Learning class? What are they up to now?”
Service Learning, Bethany’s “baby.” The students who enrolled in her class pledged themselves to participate in projects to help their school, their community, even the world. Beth kept them hopping, always having a variety of things for them to do, from helping homeless families to visiting senior citizen centers to decorating the school hallways with information about the dangers of texting while driving.
Danielle frowned at Mallory. “I already told you all about it.” Dani held up her wrist to show her pink silicone bracelet. “It’s something to do with breast cancer.”
“Good for her.” At that moment, Mallory would’ve been glad to march down the stairs, take the microphone from Beth, and tell everyone about her battle with the disease. Keeping things private had robbed her of something she’d needed… support. The Ladies had always been there for her, but in many ways Mallory had cheated her friends, colleagues, and students.
People knew she’d been struggling. She could see it in every worried glance, hear it in every unasked question. Why hide it? Why not let people help her carry the load?
Why did she suddenly need so much support?
Because Ben had taught her just how important support truly was.
She should go to Ben and talk to him. If nothing else, she owed Amber that much. The only thing keeping Mallory from jumping in her SUV and driving right to Ben’s place was her fear of handing him her heart again. The poor thing was still battered and bruised enough to keep her from risking that kind of hurt again.
Maybe in time… Maybe someday…
Maybe not.
“I told you all about it,” Dani insisted again. Her frown went from annoyed to concerned. “I’m worried about you, Mal.”
“I’m fine.”
What was she supposed to say to her friend? That the world resting on her shoulders weighed more than she could bear? That each hour was agony to survive, especially knowing that there would be no relief from the pain that ate away at her?
Ben’s face was fixed in her thoughts. She missed him so much she ached. Despite what had happened, she still loved him—probably as much as she ever had. They’d been apart two weeks, and she’d felt his absence every single minute.
The furniture she’d bought for Amber had been delivered. Right after the delivery men left, she’d made the bed with the fresh, feminine sheets she’d found as a surprise for Amber. Then she’d stared at the beautiful furniture until she’d burst into tears.
Amber would never sleep in the big sleigh bed, the one she’d loved so much. She and Ben would never move into the house and share Mallory’s life. Unable to bear the loneliness of the house, Mallory had packed a bag and hightailed it to Juliana’s place. She’d been bunking in the guest room ever since.
She was done hiding. The time had come to go home and face life again, difficult though it was.
The halftime buzzer broke into her thoughts. “I’m really tired, Jules. I’m gonna slip out and head back to your place to get my stuff.”
“Your stuff?”
“Yeah. I think I should head home tonight. Okay?”
Both Juliana and Danielle stared at her, their concern clear.
“At least stay through halftime for Beth,” Jules said. “She said the stuff the kids were planning would be a lot of fun.”
Mallory groaned.
“C’mon, Mal,” Danielle said with a smile. “After halftime we’ll grab Beth and go out for nachos and margaritas.”
Although it was the last thing she wanted to do, Mallory nodded. If she could pretend to have a life after Ben, maybe that miracle might someday happen.
The announcer’s voice boomed over the speakers. “We’ve got something special for the halftime show tonight. Let’s welcome the Stephen Douglas High School Service Learning class! Take it away, Ms. Rogers!”
Bethany ran onto the center court, holding one end of a large tarp. Three of her students held the other corners. They spread the cover out over the middle of the floor, covering the enormous SD logo as another kid carried out a stool.
Bethany strode to the announcer’s table and grabbed the microphone as the rest of her students, twenty-some juniors and seniors, spilled onto the court. They all wore pink T-shirts and each held two large plastic jars with no lids, one jar labeled YES, the other NO.
With an enormous smile, Bethany walked back to center court, dragging the long microphone cord behind her. “How is everyone tonight? Ready to see our Lady Warriors win?”
The crowd cheered and applauded in response as Beth’s students fanned out into the crowd, their pink shirts standing out like beacons.
“See the pink shirts?” She tugged on the hem of her own. “We’re here tonight to raise money for breast cancer research. To help us encourage all of you to donate some big bucks, we’ve got someth
ing fun planned. Not only are you giving money to a great cause, you’re going to be voting with your dollars. See my students with their jars?” She pointed to several of the kids in pink shirts who’d worked their way up some of the bleachers, positioning themselves to reach the majority of the crowd. “They’re here to help you vote. Now, you might ask what you’re voting for? How about you decide whether we shave a handsome man bald right here at center court?”
“Oh, Good Lord.” Mallory couldn’t help but chuckle as the enthusiasm of Beth, her kids, and the crowd infected her like a virus.
In the time she’d been teaching, she’d been soaked in a dunk tank, hit in the face with a whipped-cream pie, and dressed up in so many ridiculous costumes she couldn’t remember them all. Evidently Beth had recruited someone to her cause, and that poor guy was going to leave the gym tonight bald. “Who did she sucker in this time?”
“Don’t know. She told me it’s a surprise,” Danielle replied.
Juliana said nothing despite the betraying color rising on her cheeks.
“Jules? What do you know?” Mallory tapped her on the shoulder when Jules refused to look at her. “Out with it. Who’s doing this? Steve Leonard? Blaine Hancock? Oh Lord, she didn’t get your ex, did she?”
All Jules did was shrug.
Mallory folded her arms under her breasts. If Jules wanted to play dumb, no worries. The victim would be revealed soon enough. “What idiot would let himself get his head shaved in front of all these people?”
Bethany’s voice boomed through the gym again. “We have a victim who’s volunteered to let you decide his fate. Someone he loves is a breast cancer survivor, and he told me he’d do anything for her. So you all get to decide if ‘anything’ means giving up his hair.” She beckoned to the sidelines.
Mallory let her gaze follow to the double doors being held open by two students. A man in a pink polo and jeans came through, waving as the crowd roared. One look at his face and she froze, her heart leaping to such a fast cadence that she grew dizzy.
Ben. Ben was here, jogging across the gym floor, looking handsome and happy.
Her first instinct was to run. Fast and far.
Then she got good and pissed.
How dare he look so happy! She’d been living in a world of emptiness and he’d clearly moved on as though her being in his life had been of no more consequence than a speed bump.
Mallory grabbed for her coat where it rested on the bleachers. She was getting out of there as quickly as she could. No way in hell she was going to deal to him. Not here. Not now. And definitely not around so many people.
Her whole body trembled, as did her voice when she announced, “Screw this. I’m outta here.”
“Wait, Mallory,” a familiar voice said as a slender hand gripped her arm. “Please.”
Mallory whirled to find Amber at her side. “Oh, Amber… Honey, I—I can’t. I have to go.” Although she couldn’t make herself jerk her arm away, she tried to move down the aisle, hoping Amber would release her.
Amber wouldn’t let go. “Wait. Please.”
Vision blurred with tears, Mallory shook her head.
“Wait, Mal,” Jules said. “You need to see what happens.”
Danielle joined in as well. “Just watch for a little bit, okay?”
Bethany swept her arm out at Ben, who was now standing at her side. “This is Ben Carpenter. You get to decide if he gets to keep this gorgeous mop of brown hair!”
Ben shook his head much like a dog shedding water from its coat and then raked his fingers through his hair.
Bethany laughed and fluffed his hair with her free hand. Then one of the Service Learning kids handed her a pair of cordless clippers. She flipped them on and let them buzz close to the microphone. “If you want Ben to keep his hair, put your donation in the jars marked ‘no.’ ” She pointed at Ben with the clippers. “But… if you want to watch me shave his head, and you all know you do, put your money in the ‘yes’ jars!”
“He’s doing this for you,” Amber said.
Mallory couldn’t take her eyes away from Ben. He’d summoned over one of the kids with the jars and had made a show of pulling out his wallet, plucking out some money, and pushing it into a NO jar.
Then his gaze captured hers, and for a few moments, everything else died away. They were the only two people in the cavernous gym, staring at each other as if some rope tethered them together despite the distance between them. She could read pain in his eyes, and he mouthed I love you.
She barely stopped herself from shouting back that she loved him, too. Instead, she shook her head and glanced away, sniffling hard and trying to stop tears from falling.
The crowd was going crazy. The Service Learning kids were having trouble keeping up with all the people waving around money. Bills were slammed into jars and passed down rows, and from the looks of things, Ben was about to get scalped.
She considered grabbing money from her own wallet to try to stop Bethany from shaving his hair. She loved his hair. But she wasn’t sure a week’s salary would be enough to stem the tide flowing into the YES jars.
Her own odd reaction shook her to the core.
“Why is he doing this?” Mallory hadn’t meant to let the question slip, but once it was out, she was dying to hear an answer from the three people who’d obviously been in on this conspiracy.
“He’s sorry, Mal.” That response was the very last thing she’d expected to hear from Juliana.
“Doesn’t change anything,” Mallory insisted.
But she was wrong. The man was making a sacrifice simply to get close to her again.
“Dad loves you,” Amber insisted. “He fucked up.”
“Amber!” Mallory scolded.
“Well, he did! Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.” Then Amber hit her with the big guns. “You told me that when Theresa messes up I should try to forgive her. You told me people make mistakes all the time, but that doesn’t mean they stop loving you.”
Having her own words turned on her was unsettling. “That’s different.”
“No, it’s not. Dad made a mistake. One mistake.” Amber frowned. “You didn’t stop loving him, did you?”
“No.” The vehemence of her response came as a shock.
She should still be mad at him. Hell, she should hate him. He’d lied to her and left her alone to face one of the scariest events of her life. Yet the anger was dissolving, vanishing like wisps of fog.
“He went to see Amber, you know,” Juliana said. “When he left the hospital, he drove right to Amber’s school.”
“Why are you defending him?” Mallory asked, resisting the urge to stomp her foot like an angry child. Then she saw another blush rise on Jules’s cheeks. “What did you do now?”
“I didn’t do anything. He came to the mixer last weekend to talk to me about you.”
“And?”
“And… Robert and I listened to the whole story.”
“I should’ve known Robert was in on this,” Mallory grumbled.
“Stop pouting and just listen, okay?” Jules pointed at Ben. “Look at what this man is willing to do for you. He’s doing his penance right here in front of everyone. He’s paying a high price for one mistake.”
The Service Learning students were heading to Bethany as two more kids brought out a couple of large clear plastic tubs, each marked YES or NO as well. Beth took the jars from each student, emptying them in the correct tub. Judging from the overwhelming difference in the size of the growing piles of money, there would be no reason to count the haul to find out the results.
Ben was going to get his head shaved.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mallory’s thoughts became a storm, swirling and churning as she struggled to understand.
Ben was here, ready to have that gorgeous mane of hair shaved off.
For me.
Juliana called it “penance.” But why now? Why here? What could possibly prompt him to make such a public display of—
Mallory whirled on Juliana. “You told him!”
Everything suddenly made sense. The halftime show. Ben’s sacrifice. Amber standing at her side. There was only one reason all of these things were happening, and it only confirmed what she’d feared.
Ben knew the results of the CAT scan.
“Damn it, Jules! You told him!”
Jules had the nerve to look surprised. “What are you talking about?”
“You told him the test results! He’s here because of the CAT scan. That’s the only reason he’d do something like this. He knows the results.”
“Not from me, he doesn’t,” Juliana insisted.
“Don’t lie to me. There’s no other reason he’d be doing all of this now.”
God, she was a fool.
“Do you have cancer again?” Amber’s voice was hoarse, as though she could barely force the words out.
“Didn’t your father tell you?” Mallory knew her tone was snide, but she couldn’t help herself.
“He didn’t have to. We guessed you have cancer again.” Her teeth tugged on her lower lip as a tear spilled over her lashes. “We don’t care. We love you and we’ll be there to help you. Dad says he doesn’t care and neither do I.”
Mallory had a hard time letting Amber’s words sink in. “Your dad thinks I have cancer again?”
Amber nodded, wiping the back of her sleeve over her eyes. “Are you gonna have to have surgery again? Dad wants to help. I want to help. We don’t want you to be alone. We don’t want you to—” With a small cry, she threw herself against Mallory as sobs shook her whole body. “Please don’t die, Mallory. I love you.”
Mallory wrapped her arms around Amber and held her close. “Shh. It’s okay, honey. I love you, too.” She stroked the girl’s hair as her own eyes burned with unshed tears. “I’m not gonna die. I promise.”
Ben thought her cancer was back, yet he was still here, still telling her he loved her in front of a gym full of people. He was willing to be with her even if it meant holding her hand through surgeries. Even if it meant watching her puke her guts out. Even if it meant a whole lot more hard stuff she didn’t want to even consider. He was here. And he was here for keeps.
