Jaycee flitted around the doorframe, mug in hand. Hazelnut mocha fumes infiltrated our bedroom with enough strength to give me a secondhand caffeine buzz.
Five minutes later, I shoved my rainbow-highlighter-assaulted textbook off my lap and sprang for my dresser. I shifted sock after sock into a tight column in my top drawer. What did he have to show me? And why was he all mysterious about it? I shut my now-rearranged drawer, folded my arms over my dresser, and dropped my head onto them.
“Stop worrying,” Jaycee said from her bed.
Easy for her to say. “You didn’t see the look on his face before he left last night.”
“You mean the one that announces to the world how hopelessly in love with you he is?”
“Funny, Jae.” I leaned on my arms. “It’s not that. It’s just. I don’t know. Something in his eyes. It makes me nervous.”
Jaycee spied the half-vandalized textbook on my bed. “I couldn’t tell.”
I chucked a pair of socks at her, but it only made her laugh harder.
“You’re not helping.” I clipped on my necklace.
“Are you sure? ‘Cause I think a whole minute just passed without you noticing.”
“Whatever would I do without you?”
A perfect rendition of Trevor’s devilish grin lifted the corners of her mouth toward her cheekbones. “I’m pretty sure you’d be a repeat client of the Psych Department’s Human Subjects Research Committee.”
She zoomed across the room and narrowly escaped behind her dresser before I could launch anything else at her.
“All right, Trevor’s mini-me. Just wait until the next time you’re anxious about something. We’ll see who has jokes then.”
Eyeing the retired position of my imaginary grenade launcher, Jaycee straightened the rest of the way above her dresser. “Out of love, Em. Always out of love.”
“Mm hmm.”
“Relax. The guy adores you. What’s the biggest thing he could do? Propose?”
My elbows fell off the dresser. “You don’t think . . .”
“Wow, be sure not to make that face when he’s down on one knee. What’s the panic all about? Thought he was the one.”
“He is. But marriage?”
“Yeah, you know, that thing two people do when they want to spend their lives together.”
Flashes of Mom in her comatose stage pushed me backward. “I’ve seen what marriage does to people.”
“What? Enrich their lives?” She exhaled. Her face softened as she crossed the room. “I know it killed you to watch your mom suffer after losing your dad, but if you live in fear of all the bad things that could happen, you’ll miss the good ones too.”
I stared at the grains along the wood and toyed with the drawer’s knobs. “The bad ones are easier to believe.”
I knew what she meant, though. As hard as it was to unravel the bad memories from the good ones, Mom wouldn’t trade a single second of her marriage. I felt the same way about being with Riley. But the semester was almost over. He’d be moving on after graduation. What if love wasn’t enough?
A knock on the front door echoed down the hall into our bedroom and ruptured over my shoulders. My head whipped around before the rest of my body caught up to the sound that meant Riley and the possibility of what could happen were waiting on the other side of the door.
The bottom of my socks skimmed across the last five feet of the entryway. Swinging the door open, I didn’t bother to untangle the rug bunched around my feet or the bottom of my shirt caught in the top of my belt.
Riley hovered in the doorway, head angled with that smile that had a way of trampling over every preceding thought. “Ready?” he asked.
His clear blue eyes fanned the butterfly wings already taking flight in my stomach.
Jaycee swooshed behind me. “The suspense is shooting off her like pop rocks. You don’t hear that?”
If she weren’t carrying a cup of coffee over the carpet, I would’ve hurled a shoe at her.
“Whatever you’ve got planned,” she said, “make sure it includes mellowing out that wound-up mind of hers.”
“Wow, Jae, really?”
Riley laughed. “I’ll see what I can do.”
I shooed him into the hall and let the door swing behind me. My glare caught Jaycee’s wink right before it closed. I was seriously going to have to limit the time she spent with Trevor before they morphed into the same person.
“Guess there’s no point hiding it now.” I trotted down the stairs after Riley. “You had me kinda stirred up. I didn’t know wh—”
He caught me at the door, his lips confiscating the rest of my stammering. He cupped the back of my head, and I reached for the doorframe behind me. He eased his mouth away from mine. “Unwinding yet?”
“Like that’s helping.” Hand on his shirt, I fought between wanting to shove him through the exit and wanting to pull him close again.
He must’ve felt it too. He placed one hand on the door handle, the other on the trim above my head. Currents hovered in the tiny space between us. “We should probably go,” he said, voice raspy. But he leaned in instead of away and lifted his hand to my face.
“Um, I think going requires us moving outside.”
His grin hiked to one side. “I’m working up to that part.” He kissed me once more, this time pushing the door open like some kind of failsafe button.
Thank goodness for Oregon’s cool spring air.
In the car, I buckled my seatbelt and waited for my lungs to agree to work again. “So, you gonna tell me what you want to show me?”
He cranked the engine. “Actually, change of plans.”
“What?” He couldn’t be serious.
“That needs a little . . . tweaking. But it so happens I have something else to show you today.”
“You’re killing me, you know that?”
His mouth quirked. “Little adventure, remember?”
“The story of my life these days.”
Someone tapped my window. I jumped, stared from the window to Riley and back again. “Miriam?”
She waved me out of the car. “I don’t want to hold you guys up, but I had to find you.” The dark embroidery on her cardigan matched eyes as sweet and earnest as her voice. “Your recommendation for the internship at Edwards Jones . . . I . . . I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. You’re the one who gave me the lead to begin with.”
She shifted her backpack. “When I saw you that day outside Mr. Oakly’s office, I could tell you thought I was trying to steal your scholarship. But I promise I wasn’t. I didn’t want it to be like that. I wanted to collaborate, not compete.”
“I know. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure that out.” I looked back at Riley. “I can be a little slow sometimes.”
She took my hand. “Can we start over?”
I squeezed back. “We already have.”
Smiling, she looped her arm through her loose bag strap and started down the hill. She stopped a few feet away, turned. “Thanks, Emma. For everything.”
Behind me, Riley kissed the top of my shoulder. “And you wonder why I love you so much.”
“Because you give me more credit than I deserve?”
He brought me around to meet an expression more consuming than his touch. “Because of what you give without even knowing it.” He opened my car door. “One day, you’ll see.”
My earlier tension over what he had planned today crept back over my muscles. But as the exit signs led us toward downtown Portland, I settled a little deeper into my seat. Maybe he simply wanted a day for the two of us away from any distractions.
This time, Riley parked in the Cultural District. Luscious café fragrances flowed along the riverside paths winding around fountains and sculptures. If we did nothing all day but amble together around this gorgeous city, he’d have shown me enough.
A bustle of noise trailed the few blocks leading up to Pioneer Courtyard Square. The red-brick-lined courtyard lit
up in a clamor of children’s voices. I stopped along the edge. “What’s all this?”
“They’re putting on a play today. I heard one of the leads is a real heart-stopper. C’mon.” He folded my hand in the crook of his arm and led me forward.
A teenager wearing a black ball cap and a bass guitar strapped to his shoulder approached us. “’Sup, Mr. Riley.”
Riley greeted him with a handshake-half-hug. “You’re in the play?”
“Orchestra,” he answered.
“Sweet.” Riley rested his hand on my back. “Drew, this is Emma.”
The teenager’s gaze swept over me. “Hey, Mrs. Riley. He won’t lyin’ when he said how pretty you was.” He took my hand and bent down to kiss it.
Riley waved him back. “All right. All right, stud.”
“Hey, since there’s no ring, I figure I got a chance, right?” Strutting with extra swag, he laughed as Riley ran him off.
I tilted my head. “Mrs. Riley, huh?”
His shoulders arched. “Didn’t want to correct him. Besides, I kinda like the sound of it.”
Me too. “He’s one of the kids you jam with at that building you brought me to?”
“Yep, he’s a killer bass player. Kid’s got real talent.” He curled me to his side and nodded ahead of us. “C’mon, someone’s waiting for us.”
Waiting for us?
Trey waved from the third row of the stadium-style stairs. We slipped past a few other patrons and took the seats he’d saved for us.
Trey clasped Riley’s hand. “Right on time, my man.”
“Thanks for the invite.” Riley settled beside him.
I studied the pair of them. “Okay, I’m sorry. Am I missing something?”
Trey chuckled with a throaty laugh that could’ve passed for Bill Cosby’s. Riley’s phone rang. He glanced at the screen and then up at Trey and me. “Excuse me for a sec.” He walked just out of hearing distance. Who was he talking to?
Trey nudged me in the arm and motioned to a congregated group of kids waving at us from the border of the stage.
“Are they all from the Center?” I asked.
“A lot of them. They’re dying to meet you, by the way.”
My heart did one of those flip-floppy things. “Really?”
“You kidding? Most of these youngins don’t have many role models. All I had to do was tell them you gave up your other internship to come work with them, and they fell in love with you on the spot.”
I waved back to their adorable faces, a lump swelling in my throat. “Hope I can give them the kind of love they deserve.”
Trey took off his beret and set it beside him. “You already are, dear. Just by being here.”
Riley’s arm slid around my back. He kissed my temple. “Sorry ‘bout that.”
“Who was—?”
A burst of music blared through the standing speakers. Spotlights circled. The curtains opened and revealed a little boy dressed in a lion’s costume with the same pink nose and whiskers I’d seen before. My hand soared to my mouth. I looked between Riley and Michael on the stage. I didn’t think I’d see him again.
Riley’s lips touched my ear. “Told you you had a way of touching a boy’s heart, Emma.”
I faced him, no words to give.
“Including mine,” he whispered.
I nestled into his side, head tucked under his chin, and watched a priceless rendition of The Lion King that left my own heart undone.
Afterward, Trey led us into the mob of kids, each precious face with a story to tell as unique as their costumes, each one jumping—literally—at the chance to give me a hug, starting with Michael. Surrounded, gratitude lit off inside me.
In the middle of that crowd, Riley held my cheeks with his hands and my heart with his eyes. He looked at me with every ounce of feeling I’d forever fail to put into words. He swallowed, his brow wrinkled. “Em, there’s something I need to tell you.”
All outside noise subsided. The unease in his voice rippled straight down my body.
Something wet hit the tip of my nose and then my cheek and forehead. A steady patter of rain played percussion over the bricks. Squeals erupted from dozens of kids. The open courtyard turned into a frenzy of people scrambling to take cover before the shower turned into an all-out downpour.
I ran down the sidewalk behind Riley, squealing with the kids as trees shook the rain off their branches onto my head.
Thankfully, the storm didn’t follow us back to the campus. Like the curtain on the stage, the clouds drew back long enough to permit the sun one final bow before ending the day.
We walked toward my apartment, a little soggy but still warmed on the inside. At least, until Riley’s elusive forewarning sprang to mind again. He didn’t finish his thought on the drive back, and I was afraid to ask. Couldn’t we forget everything else but right now?
His arm stiffened around my waist, secured me tighter into his side. It only took one glance up from the sidewalk to understand why.
chapter thirty-three
Always
A. J. stood at the curb in front of my apartment with his hands stuffed inside his hoodie pocket. My heels dug into the pavement, but Riley prodded us forward, his body tall and confident. Good thing one of us was.
A. J. stared at the sidewalk. His jaw flinched in and out. Probably saying everything he didn’t want to say out loud.
We stopped in front of him, and he looked Riley head on. “I came to tell you no hard feelings.” His cheeks swelled with air until it finally seeped out with a noisy groan. “Okay, that’s not entirely true, but I’m working on it.” He stubbed his sneaker against an uprooted piece of concrete. The bill of his hat shielded his face. “Her heart belongs to you. It always has.”
His gaze drifted to me and lingered before returning to Riley. “Trev told me why you left. It took me a while to realize you loved her enough to do something I didn’t think I was strong enough to do myself. You let her go. But now,” he said, looking at me again, “I’m going to do the same.”
Riley placed a stern hand on A. J.’s shoulder, the way a coach would encourage an athlete to get back up after a loss. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.” He squeezed A. J.’s arm, nodded, and walked up to the stoop to join the rest of our friends, leaving A. J. and me alone.
A lengthy silence stood between us like a glass wall boxing us in place. With my hands clasped around my elbows, I rocked on the balls of my feet until I couldn’t take it any longer. “A. J., I—”
“I know.” He met my gaze then. “I’m sorry too. For a lot of things. For pushing when I shouldn’t have. For making you cry.” He inched toward me and rubbed his thumb across my cheek. “I told you I was just a friend helping another friend remember how to live again.” His arm fell to his side. “I’m sorry for lying to you and to myself.”
“You were a good friend to me, A. J. I mean, you still are.” If it wasn’t too late. I stowed my hands in my front pockets and curled my lip under my teeth. We still had the summer. All of next year. Time I didn’t want to pass without his friendship.
A. J. took off his hat, ran his fingers through his hair, then slipped the cap on, and released a long exhale. “I’d like to think I could handle that. Being just your friend. I honestly don’t know if I can, but . . .” His eyes found mine again. “I’ll try.”
I raised my shoulders with hope. “Promise?”
His lips slid into the same grin that’d won me over from the beginning. He held three fingers in the air. “Scout’s honor.”
I grabbed his hand and wrapped his arm around me. For the slightest moment, things felt as they had always been.
Almost.
His arms stiffened into a guarded hug. The distance between us deepened the closer we were. It wasn’t fair to wish for anything different. I knew that, but something inside still ached. This summer wouldn’t be as easy as we wanted it to be. For any of us.
Ashlea appeared beside A. J. The minute I let him go,
she looped her dainty hands around his forearm and led him up the sidewalk. Away from me. How did I ever miss her signals? “C’mon, Becky rented a movie,” she said.
The sound of her voice drifted inside the apartment door. I smiled at the reminder that Ashlea’s story wasn’t over yet. None of ours was.
Though the rain had held off, the sky hadn’t fully recovered from the storm. Riley pulled me close from behind and staved off the chill. “How about we skip the movie? Take a walk. Just you and me.”
I turned around and looked up at him. His arms glided down my back, fitting around me like my favorite pullover. Soft, warm, comforting. A feeling I didn’t want to let go of. Ever.
He pressed his forehead to mine. “What?”
“How do you know exactly what I need?”
He leaned back and touched his thumb over the skin around my eyes. “These tell me.”
With my hand over his, I brought Riley’s palm to my lips. “I love you.” That would be enough, wouldn’t it? To make it through, despite whatever else might change this summer?
After our walk, we stopped at the sports field. Riley held on to two corners of a blanket as it expanded in the air and floated to the ground.
Stretched out on the layer of fleece, I curled up against the edge of Riley’s body and drank in the comfort of our favorite place on campus. Empty bleachers. The beginning of dew forming on top of the grass. Fir trees fanning against each other. A private view of the heavens.
Riley drew a pattern along my arm with his fingertip. “What are you thinking about?”
“The summer.”
“You disappointed about not going home?”
“I’ll miss seeing Mom and Austin.” I scooted a little closer. “But my life’s here.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
I twisted the knotted drawstrings on Riley’s hoodie. “You’re graduating. You’ll be searching for a job, moving on. I’ll be interning at the Center. Jaycee'll be prepping for student teaching. Everything’s changing.”
“Change isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”
I rolled onto my back and groaned. Now I had to add Riley to the Austin-Jaycee radio station. “You been talking to my brother?”
Eyes Unveiled Page 23
