by Rye Hart
Holy hell, I missed my family.
“I hope you like lasagna, salad, and garlic bread,” Cindy said.
“I do. It smells good in here,” I said, trying to stuff down my emotions.
“Mommy makes lasagna from scratch,” Lily said.
“Do you prefer anything special to drink? I’ve got water, milk, some wine, juice, and I picked up a couple of loose beers I saw you drinking the other night.”
“What?” I asked.
“The beer you had in your hand when you came over. With the pizza? Heineken, right?”
She pulled one out of the fridge and held it up for me to look at. She remembered the kind of beer I had been drinking? My eyes connected with hers and a small smile slid across her cheeks.
She set it on the table, and while she wasn’t paying attention, I watched her every movement. I watched her shirt fall around her curvy body and took in how her jeans clung to her legs.
But Lily jumping onto my back pulled me from my thoughts.
“Giddyap!”
I trotted around the house with her on my back while Cindy set the table. She poured everyone’s drink and got everything set up. I sat Lily down at her place before I found mine, my eyes still on the beer.
Has she been paying that much attention to me?
Why?
“Dinner is served,” Cindy said.
“It looks wonderful. Thank you,” I said.
“Nope. You don’t thank me. This is your thanks for the pizza,” she said.
My eyes flickered over to Cindy, and an embarrassed blush crept across her cheeks. I watched her serve up a small portion of lasagna for Lily before she plated one in front of me. Serving everyone before herself. I watched her as she sat down in her chair and began passing the garlic bread around.
“Mommy always makes sure everyone else has their food before she eats herself,” Lily said, digging happily into her lasagna.
“That’s called being selfless,” I said.
“What does that mean?” Lily asked.
I glanced at Cindy as her stare connected with the side of my head.
“It means she’s someone who loves those around her enough to make sure they’re okay before she’s okay,” I said.
“You mean like when she doesn't shower because she’s too busy cleaning?” Lily asked.
“Lily. That’s enough,” Cindy said.
“Yes,” I said. “Kind of like that.”
“I showered today, thank you very much,” Cindy said.
“I figured. You smell good.”
I couldn’t catch the thought quickly enough before it flew out of my mouth. Cindy shot me that precious little smile of hers, and I watched her eyes light up. For the first time in nearly two years, I felt the edges of my lips tick up. And this time, I didn’t try to force it down.
“Do you work?” Cindy asked.
“I do. Lee’s Mechanical Shop downtown,” I said.
“Do you like it there? Old Man Lee’s getting up there in age.”
“He’s an interesting person, but the manager seems nice enough.”
“Who’s the manager up there now?” she asked.
“A guy named Kevin Jones.”
“It’s about time.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Kevin Jones is Old Man Lee’s grandson. He’s the one set to take it over when Lee passes.”
“Well, it’ll be a good handoff. Kevin’s good with the cars and the customers.”
“Which one are you good with?” she asked.
I lifted my gaze to hers and found her kind eyes staring back at me. Her entire neck was flushed, and it dragged my eyes down her body.
Fuck, she’s beautiful.
And she could cook up a storm. The lasagna was amazing, and I was having a hard time holding back my praise. She was easy to talk to, but more than that, I wanted to talk with her, to tell her about my day while we sat at her dinner table.
I felt my wall shooting back up, blocking me off from her before I got too comfortable. I couldn’t tell her much about me. I couldn't indulge in this any longer. This wasn’t my family, and she wasn’t my wife, and Lily wasn’t my child.
This was a shitty idea.
I never should’ve come over.
“The lasagna’s good,” I said instead of answering her question.
“I’m glad you like it,” Cindy said. “Old family recipe.”
“Your mother a good cook?” I asked.
“More than that. She was a chef for most of her life.”
The dinner was easygoing, and I had to tread lightly. Every time Cindy struck up a conversation, I got excited. Every time Lily talked to me and got me going, I felt relaxed. And that was when disaster always struck. If I needed a reminder, I would lean into the back of the chair and feel the cool metal of my gun pressing into my back. I couldn’t lose focus. I couldn't get wrapped up in her and the deep, stormy ocean of her eyes.
I helped Cindy clean up, and then I headed on home. I closed the door behind me and rushed across the grass, trying to put as much distance between them and me as I possibly could.
There was something about the two of them so innately familiar that my body wanted to reach out for. The way her skin flushed in my presence made me feel like a man, and the way she was eager to get to know me made me feel special.
The way Lily wanted to play with me was something I’d longed to hear from my son for so long.
“They’re not my family. They’re not my family. They’re not my family.”
I chanted that phrase as I undressed. I cast my clothes aside and put my gun on my bedside table. Cindy was entrancing.
Too entrancing.
I’d never been affected by a woman that way. Not since Cary.
I laid down in bed as that phrase ran through my mind, and I closed my eyes to try and usher in another day. But all I saw in my mind’s eye was a beautiful face with auburn hair and a pixie smile.
I was fucked.
CHAPTER 9
CINDY
I sat on the edge of Lily’s bed until she was fast asleep. I ran my fingers through her hair, gazing down into her beautiful little face. She looked so peaceful whenever she was asleep. Night after night, I’d wake up to the sound of that dreadful knocking at the door and the men there to tell me I’d never see my husband again.
I was glad that Lily didn’t have that nightmare. I was glad that she could still sleep soundly, and I vowed that I would always make it okay for her. I never wanted her to lose her innocence. I made my way to my room and stripped down for bed. I crawled in and closed my eyes as my mind went back to dinner and Graham’s ruggedly handsome features and the kindness behind his deep blue eyes. Dinner had been so easy with him. Talking to him had been effortless. I hadn’t experienced that kind of freedom with a man since Bradley had come into my life, and it was oddly familiar, though still completely new.
And he was wonderful with Lily. The way he tossed her onto the couch and galloped her around the house. That joyful laughter of hers had been missed. Her laughter was different with me than it had been with her father, which wasn’t good or bad but merely different. That full-voiced giggle that I hadn’t heard in over a year was there again tonight.
I relaxed into bed and allowed my mind to wander. I saw his eyes staring at me with that shadow of a grin on his cheeks. I saw the way his jacket pulled at his shoulders, his massive muscles underneath that white shirt. I saw his wet hair and how he had answered his front door in that white shirt that clung to his damp skin.
I could see every ripple of his strong chest, and it tugged at my gut.
Two years. It had been two years since Bradley had left for that last deployment. Two years since I’d experienced the warmth or the desire of a strong man’s arms around me. Graham had wonderful arms. The veins that had been bulging when he’d answered his front door left me breathless, and I could feel my body puckered at the thought of him and of his chiseled body against mine.
; I felt that throbbing between my legs. Could I? Should I? Was I somehow betraying Bradley by doing this? I didn’t know. I was being pulled in two different directions. But the memory of Graham wet from his shower overrode the face of my late husband, and my hand began to creep down my body.
Squeezing my breasts. Tickling my stomach before finding its way between my pussy folds.
My fingertips circled my pulsing clit as I focused on Graham. His rock-hard abs, his tortured blue eyes and that beard on his face. Oh, how it would feel with his tongue between my thighs. I imagined it scraping against my skin, making me wetter and wetter as that deep voice of his moaned into my pussy. I dug my heels into the mattress, my hips bucking against my ministrations.
I imagined his thick cock pulsing inside of me, filling me up and pressing against my walls I imagined him thrusting into my body, shooting electricity through my veins as his muscles draped along my skin.
“Graham,” I said breathlessly. “Oh, yes.”
I wiggled around in bed as I imagined him taking me, pinning me against the wall, and bending me over the bed. Spreading my legs on the couch and kneeling in front of me to devour my pussy. I imagined him taking me on his kitchen counter, pulling me to the edge as my legs wrapped around his juicy body. I could see his veins bulging and his muscles trembling. I could feel his dick inside of me as it pushed against my walls. My legs began to tremble, and his name kept tumbling from my lips.
I screwed my eyes shut and felt his skin against me.
I saw his lips on my neck and his hands massaging my breasts. I saw me sitting in his lap, my legs spread as we watched ourselves in a mirror, his cock pistoning in and out of my body before tossing me to the bed.
“Shit. Graham. Yes. Don’t stop. Oh my gosh. It’s been so long. Please don’t stop. Don’t stop. Don’t stop.”
I saw his eyes locked on mine and him hovering over my body. I rolled my hips hard against my fingers, my legs shaking with exertion. I felt his hand cradling my lower back as he pulled me closer to him. His lips on mine. His beard against my cheeks. His tongue licking the roof of my mouth and sending my body spiraling.
I shook in midair, my legs contracted, and my hand pressed into my dripping pussy as I moaned his name.
“Graham. Oh, yes. Holy hell …”
I collapsed to the bed as tears rose to my eyes. Our bed. This was mine and Bradley's bed. The bed we got when we first married, and the bed we had conceived Lily in. My hand fell to the side as my juices slid to the covers, wetting the sheets underneath me as I cried.
I had masturbated to the memory of a man who wasn’t my husband in the bed I use to share with him.
What was happening to me?
“I’m sorry,” I said in a whisper. “I’m sorry, Bradley.”
I rolled over and committed myself to a fitful night of sleep. I tossed and turned, my body still sensitive from my orgasm. I couldn’t help but feel like I had betrayed my vows. It wasn’t like Bradley and I had separated or divorced. No, we’d had a good life, a good marriage until he died in that godforsaken desert.
But every time I closed my eyes, I saw Graham with his dark brown hair and his kind blue eyes, his slight little grin, and his soft lips underneath that trimmed beard.
Graham, not Bradley.
And it filled my soul with guilt.
CHAPTER 10
GRAHAM
“There’s a barbecue block party this afternoon,” Kevin said.
“The hell’s that?” I asked.
“It’s where people block off a part of the street and cook all sorts of great food.”
“There a reason you’re telling me about it?”
“Figured you would want to come with me.”
I looked up at my boss from underneath the hood of a beat-up pickup truck. I’d been at work for three fucking hours, and the last thing I wanted to do was have lunch with strangers. I knew the guy was trying to be nice and get me out of the damn garage, but I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to eat someone else’s food and act like I wanted to be around people.
But Daniel’s words kept rolling around in my mind.
“When is it?” I asked.
“Anytime during lunch. Probably won’t stop until well after dinner,” Kevin said.
“I’ll need some time to wash my hands. This truck’s fucked up.”
“It always is. That’s Marion’s truck. Took it over after her father died, but she can’t keep it up to save her soul,” he said.
“No joke. Fine. Yeah. Let me know when you want to leave, and I’ll go get cleaned up.”
I worked on that truck for another hour trying to find where the leaks were coming from. I was clamping off hoses and getting up underneath it to drain the oil. This damn thing was going to have to be here for a few days for me to really fix it right, but this Marion woman was insistent on having it by the end of the damn day.
“Ready to go?” Kevin asked.
“Gimme a sec to wash my hands,” I said.
I rolled out from underneath the truck and washed my hands in the shop sink. I grabbed my jacket, tossed it over my shoulders, and made sure I had my wallet before I left.
Then, the two of us started walking down the sidewalk.
“How long have you been in this area?” Kevin asked.
“Little over four months,” I said.
“What brought you out here?”
“Needed to find a space that was my own.”
“Got a family?”
“Nope.”
“A girlfriend?”
“Nope.”
“A friend in general?”
“Does a nosey ass boss count?” I asked.
But instead of being offended, Kevin laughed like I’d said something funny.
“Rough around the edges. I like it. I bet you’re a true softie on the inside,” he said.
“Sure, if that’s what you want to think,” I said.
“So, there’s food you need to eat and food you need to stay away from. If you like ribs, get over to Mrs. Cashwell’s grill. She makes the best ribs in Bend. But if you’re a chicken fan, Mr. Powell can hook you up.”
“Whose food should I not touch?” I asked.
“Everyone else’s.”
“Great. I’ll keep that in mind.”
I stuck by Kevin, and I could see what he was talking about. There were people out there cooking steaks way too long and burning the shit out of the glazes on their ribs. I got ribs and chicken and walked around to grab some vegetables before grabbing a drink. There were beers hanging out in a cooler, but I figured drinking in front of my boss before going back to work wasn’t a good idea.
I sat down at a table and began to eat, and fuck, the food was good. Really good. So good that neither Kevin nor I spoke a word to one another. The meat was delectable, the grilled vegetables were perfect, and the homemade lemonade was a recipe I wanted. I was so occupied with stuffing my face that I didn’t hear Lily bounding up behind me until she was climbing on the bench next to me.
How the hell had I let my guard down like that?
“Hi, Graham!”
“Hey there,” I said. “Did you run off from your momma?”
“No, she’s getting food.”
I looked up and saw Cindy walking toward us with a smile on her face. She sat a plate full of cut-up chicken and vegetables in front of Lily. Her hair was blowing in the breeze, and she had a beautiful summer dress on with spaghetti straps and soft fabric that fell to her feet. She looked beautiful as she sat down next to Kevin.
“Cindy. Nice to see you again,” Kevin said.
“You too, Kev. How’s the shop going?” Cindy asked.
“It’s going. I’ve pretty much taken it over. Dad’s sick, and he’s not getting much better.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said.
“Thanks. It’s what happens when you get old I guess,” Kevin shrugged.
“Is there anything I can do?” Cindy asked. “I could make up some so
up or something.”
“Always so generous. But no, we’re okay,” Kevin said.
“Hey, Cindy!”
I turned my head at the unfamiliar voice as a man started to approach the table. He was tall and lanky, with wispy brown hair and bug eyes. I studied him closely as he approached, feeling Lily wiggling around in her seat.
“Hey there, Paul. I didn’t know you were coming out today,” Cindy said.
“Had I known you were coming, I would’ve come picked you guys up,” Paul said.
“Hi, Uncle Paul,” Lily said.
“Hey there, beautiful. I got something for you.”
I watched the man pull a sucker out of his pocket. I watched Cindy try to stop him from giving it to her, but he shrugged her off. I narrowed my eyes at him and watched as Cindy tried to stop Lily from eating it before she had her food. She kept telling her daughter to wait until she’d finished her vegetables, but the effort was fruitless.
And for some reason, it pissed me off.
“Can I sit next to you?” Paul asked.
He sat down before Cindy answered, and she was forced to scoot closer to Kevin. I looked over at my manager, and he gave me a look that crossed between “what the fuck?” and “let’s get the hell out of here.” I didn’t want to leave Cindy with this Paul guy. He seemed bossy and almost possessive of Cindy and Lily. I didn’t like it one bit.
Kevin and I cleaned up our places and headed back to work. I turned my head to take one last look at Cindy, and I saw her looking at me. The guy was talking her ear off, and Lily was bouncing with excitement. She was standing in her seat, and Cindy was trying to get her to sit down. I didn't know who he was or what relationship he had with them, but I didn’t like it.
I don’t know why, but he rubbed me the wrong way.
“Who was that guy?” I asked.
“Paul? He’s a friend of Cindy’s late husband.”
“Late husband?” I asked.
“Yep. Bradley died in combat about a year back. He was a staple in this town. Always willing to help.”
