by Rye Hart
It was easy at first. I went into the doctor complaining about my old back injury, and he wrote me a prescription without so much as a second thought. After that, I just had to come up with lie after lie to get the refills. I slept the wrong way, or I overdid it at the gym; whatever would get the doc to sign the script. And if he hesitated, I’d find another doctor. I was balls-deep in my addiction before I knew what was happening. Ted, however, hadn’t been as easily fooled; nor had my former fiancée. Eventually, our relationship was the price I had to pay for my habit.
“Come here, sweet girl. What’s going on?”
I picked Hadley up and held her close to my chest. Already, I could hear Liam winding down, effectively tuckering himself out with his tantrum. I bounced Hadley in my arms while she nestled against my chest, tears flowing down her face. She was now over-tired and pissed, so I started singing her the song I always did whenever she kicked up like this.
“You are my Hadley, my only Hadley. You make me happy when skies are gray. You never know, Hadley, how much I love you. Please don’t take my Hadley away.”
Repeatedly, I sang the song and, the more I sang it, the more she settled down. After pacing with her for a few minutes, she was finally snoozing against my chest. I laid her back down and covered her with her blanket, making sure she wouldn’t get cold tonight. Winter was setting in, and the snow would start dumping soon, which meant I needed to keep the kids warm and bundled at all times.
I peeked into Liam’s room one last time before I shut the door, smiling at the sleeping boy whose leg was hanging off the bed.
I quietly made my way out to the living room and flopped down on the couch. I had an open beer waiting for me.
Hell yes.
I couldn’t wait to feel it pour down my throat. My hands were shaking, and I was taking deep breaths, trying to quell the stress levels rising in my body. A body filled with toxic memoirs of the past.
How can a man like me be fit to parent?
I can’t even fucking care for myself?
Then, as I grabbed the beer and brought it to my lips, my mind rushed back to another moment of torment, in the conference room of the tech company I built from the ground up. It was the same scene I had repeating in my head thousands of times over, like a broken record.
A tiny part of me was ready to move on, to leave the past where it belonged and accept the teachings, but that part was crushed by the fuming alpha inside that refused to give in. He didn’t believe in forgive and forget. He preferred to hold a grudge, even if it would eat him up like a fucking parasite, from the inside out.
That day felt like just yesterday. Ted actively started a smear campaign against me to edge me out of the company. He exposed my addiction to painkillers to the board and used my fiancée against me. All sorts of things came out that day. The fact that Ted and my fiancée were sleeping together, the fact that I was addicted to painkillers, the fact that the company’s earnings were down fifteen percent from last year.
Ted took it upon himself to spin the reason for the company’s lack of growth to my addiction. What he failed to make note of was the fact I designed the company’s structure specifically so it did not need me to survive, by appointing qualified people into the most critical roles. Ultimately it didn’t serve me well, because Ted knew he didn’t need me to grow the company and he was convincing enough to the rest of the stakeholders who were more concerned about their own pockets than getting to the bottom of the loss of revenue.
I watched my bitch of a conniving fiancée cry fake tears of fear for my health or safety or whatever the fuck she was spewing that day.
They made such a convincing argument that the board voted to have me removed.
They tossed me out on my ass and gave me a package of ten million dollars. It was a joke. Ten million dollars to the man who started and grew a fucking four hundred million dollar I.T. company from nothing. It made me fucking sick. I was done with the world after that. I went home, burned all my fiancée’s shit, sold the penthouse condo right out from under her fucking feet, and never looked back.
Now, I was tucked away in the mountains of Montana with my brother’s two kids, living off the interest from my severance.
Sure, it could get lonely from time to time and, before the kids had come along, I would entertain myself with random chicks, screwing them in the bathroom of the one decent bar in town. But even that had gotten old. And now that I had Hadley and Liam to think of, my sex life was in a sad state. Even though I had a nanny who could watch them so I could go out, I still didn’t want to risk a clingy bimbo following me home. Maybe I could manage to be without pussy for a little, at least until I really got my shit together.
I strode over to the fridge and grabbed myself another beer. I’d been clean of my addiction to painkillers for months, but nights like this tested my willpower. My stress levels would mount and my hands would shake violently. My body would crave it and my mind would tell me just to take the edge off. When those two beautiful kids came to live with me, I flushed all the pills down the damn toilet. I blocked and deleted all the numbers of people I’d call to get them from and I told myself that was that.
No more from that point on.
Cold fucking turkey.
I sat on the couch and listened to the quiet around me. Most nights I appreciated the solace, but tonight it just made things worse.
Maybe I did need to get laid.
CHAPTER 2
MELANIE
I sat at the kitchen table poring over the bills and feeling the panic start to rise in my chest. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves. I needed to find a job that paid decent, and fast.
I needed to get my ass in gear.
I graduated from the University of Montana nearly six months ago and had yet to find work. There wasn’t much need for a preschool teacher here in Bozeman and, with my father’s health rapidly declining, I couldn’t exactly leave in search of a job somewhere else.
My dad never asked me to stay, that was more due to his pride and love more than anything. My mother had taken off when I was just a baby so I was the only one left to take care of him and he was too fragile to move with me anywhere.
So, here I was in Bozeman with a degree that was doing nothing for me, and a mounting pile of medical bills that I couldn’t pay. I pushed away from the table and went to check on Dad. He was still sleeping soundly as I stood in his doorway watching the rise and fall of his chest, and with that view my heart grew inside.
Dad was only fifty-two, but the years had not been kind. After my mother ran out to follow some country singer around the states, my father worked extra hard to provide for me. He’d given me a good life, but it came with the expense of his health. Now, it was time for me to return the favor.
Hence, the reason I was so stressed about work.
I sighed and walked back into the kitchen, picking up my phone and dialing my best friend Layla’s number.
“What’s up?” came her usual greeting.
“Oh, you know, just living the dream. Thinking about my broke ass and how the hell I’ll fix it,” I said.
Layla laughed on the other end of the line. “Well, you could always start hooking outside the bar. With that body of yours, you’d probably make a decent living. Maybe I could even be your pimp,” she said.
I giggled and leaned my head against the refrigerator. “And this is why I call you when I’m feeling shitty. You can always make me laugh,” I said appreciatively.
“That’s what I’m here for, babe. Hey, how about you come have breakfast with me? I don’t have to be at the coffee shop for a couple of hours yet. My treat,” she offered.
“That actually sounds like a great idea,” I said. “Dad will be sleeping for a while yet, and getting out of this house will do me some good.”
“Great, I’ll see you at the diner,” Layla said.
I went back to Dad’s room one more time to make sure he was comfortable. I could tell b
y the slackness of his jaw that he was sleeping deeply and I would have at least an hour or two before he would wake. I checked my watch and noted the time I would need to be back. I jotted a quick note for him and made sure his phone was next to the bed before I grabbed my keys and headed for my car.
As I stepped outside, I glanced around me, always on alert.
Ever since that day, nearly four years ago, I always looked over my shoulder when I was out alone. Shaking my head and rolling my shoulders back, I took a deep breath and hopped off the porch, sliding into the front seat of my car and heading the short distance into town.
As I pulled into the lot of our favorite diner –the one with the best damn milkshakes I’d ever had – I saw Layla leaning against her car with her face in her phone as she waited for me.
“Damn, it’s colder than a witch’s titty out here,” she complained, pulling her coat tighter around her.
“No shit,” I agreed, stepping forward to wrap her in a hug.
Layla and I had been friends since preschool, and had been through everything together - breakups, makeups, etc. And she’d been there for me in the most incredible way four years back, when I needed her the most.
We linked arms and headed into the diner, waving at the waitress, Jamie, as we took our usual booth in the back. Jamie came over and took our orders quickly and we settled in for some good, old-fashioned girl talk.
“So, how are things with your dad?” Layla asked, concern furrowing her pretty brow.
I shrugged and sighed. “Well, his doctor thinks he’s stable now, so that’s good. As long as he takes his heart meds like he’s supposed to, he should be okay. The heart attack really did him in. He’s still so weak.”
Layla shook her head. “Well, I’m glad he’s at least stable.”
“Me too,” I said. “But he’s so damn stubborn, he’s driving me nuts. He keeps telling me to go live my life, but he’s still not able to take care of himself. If I wasn’t there to give him his pills every day, he’d forget half the time. I can’t just leave him, and he won’t move with me, even if he does gain some strength. He says Bozeman is where he was born, and Bozeman is where he’ll die.”
Layla laughed. “Sounds like someone else I know. You know you are just as bull-headed as he is.”
I stuck my tongue out at her as Jamie brought us our food.
“I really do need to find some sort of a job though,” I said. “Are they hiring at the coffee shop?”
Layla shook her head. “No, not right now. Things have been a little slow. I’m trying to convince them to amp up the menu a bit to maybe help bring more business our way, but you know how resistant people around here can be to change.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t I know it.”
I looked out the window and noted that it was starting to snow pretty hard. I checked my watch and groaned. “I should probably start heading back. Looks like the roads are starting to get covered, and you know they aren’t quick at all about salting out our way,” I said.
Living just outside of town, up the mountain a bit, was certainly peaceful, but in winter it could really be a pain in the ass to get back and forth. I finished my breakfast and thanked Layla for treating, promising to return the favor if and when I ever found a damn job.
I stepped out of the diner and checked my surroundings out of habit one more time, before climbing into my car and heading home to Dad. As I drove, the snow started falling even harder; the big fat flakes were hitting my windshield faster than my wipers could clear them. I leaned forward and squinted as I slowed down. The last thing I needed was to end up in a ditch.
Just as I approached the bottom of the mountain, the wind picked up and shook my puny car violently. I gripped my steering wheel so tightly that my hands started to ache and my knuckles turned white. It wasn’t that I hadn’t driven in this type of weather; it was inevitable living halfway up a damn mountain in Montana. But knowing that my dad needed me to get home soon and safely, made me extra cautious.
I blew out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding and turned up the heat in my car, blasting it as high as I could handle. I pressed the gas a little harder as I started my ascent, and prayed like hell I’d be home before the weather got much worse.
Shit, I really could do without this right now.
CHAPTER 3
EVAN
“Hey Liam, what would you like for lunch?” I asked.
“Penuh-butter jelly!”
“I don’t even know why I asked,” I said, grinning.
“Me, too.”
I chuckled at his response while I made the kids’ lunch. Peanut butter and jelly was Liam’s default nowadays and I was thankful that Hadley wasn’t such a picky eater. I carved up apple slices to go with Liam’s lunch before I set it on the table, and he scrambled up into his chair as I poured him some juice. For Hadley, I had pureed bananas and pureed green beans with carrots.
Eat your heart out, Martha.
I chuckled at my corny joke and walked over to the fridge to pull out a bottle I’d made for Hadley earlier. I sat it in front of her, laughing as she practically attacked the spoon I lifted to her face. I would never understand why she thought this goo was so delicious, but I was glad that she was a good eater. Liam’s face was covered with jelly as he chugged back his juice, and I went to grab a washcloth to clean him up.
“Read a story?” Liam asked.
“After you two are done with lunch,” I said.
“Story now,” Liam said, pouting.
“After you’re done eating, okay?” I asked.
I turned around and saw Liam’s lip jutted out. His eyes were welling with tears and his cheeks were turning red. All I needed was a few minutes of peace. Hadley had gotten up at four in the morning and wouldn’t go back to sleep. Liam was still begging for water the moment his feet hit the floor and, despite the fact that I wouldn’t give it to him last night, he still peed through his pull-up. I braced myself for the tantrum as a shriek flew from Liam’s lips, so I made my way to the table and sat down next to him.
“Liam, calm down,” I said soothingly.
“Story! Now! Story! Now!”
“And I told you after you finished eating.”
“No!”
“Do you want to go to your room?” I asked.
“Yes!”
“If you go to your room, you won’t eat again until dinner.”.
“Okay!”
I watched him stomp off to his room while Hadley giggled from her high chair. I sighed as I looked down at his half-eaten plate of food and my stomach began to growl. Liam sulked off to his room and shut his door behind him, and I could hear him throwing things around. For a three-year-old, he could really kick up a fit when he wanted.
I finished off his apple slices and sandwich before I put the plate in the sink. Looking over at Hadley, who was happily sucking down her bottle, I couldn’t help but wonder what my future was going to hold.
Not so long ago, I thought I was going to live the easy life.
When I was asked to leave the company, I found solace in the idea that I’d finally get the break I’d promised myself for years. I had ten million in the bank and I could live very comfortably off just the interest and do whatever the hell I wanted. In the first few months, I did just that. I needed to get my head straight; to kick the pills and the pain of losing Elise.
I shook my head and thought back to the day she’d left me. She’d thrown her ring back at me and said that she wouldn’t waste her life married to a drug addict and stormed out. No amount of promising and begging had won her back. What I didn’t realize at that time was that she was having an affair with my business partner.
Weeks later, after finding out the truth and being forced into retirement, I spent months drunk and screwing just about anything that looked my way. But then life kicked me in the balls, and now I was raising two kids with no clue what in the hell I was doing.
I only hoped that I was doing right by them, and giv
ing them a good life. I had hired a nanny to help me out. I figured if I had some help at least during the day, I could handle things at night. Some days, I struggled even to do that.
I sighed and walked back over to where Hadley sat in her highchair and wiped the excess food and formula from her face and hair – how did she always manage to get it in her hair? I heard Liam calming down in his room and based on the sounds of an electric car I could tell he was playing with the newest toy I’d gotten him, so I felt better about stepping outside for a moment of fresh air. I kissed Hadley on her forehead while she drank her bottle, then I wrapped my coat around my shoulders. It was getting very blustery and the snow was coming down in buckets. By tomorrow morning we’d be completely snowed in.
That meant the nanny wouldn’t be able to get back to us until the snow melted away.
Fuck.
I stood outside and watched as the snow battered against the porch. My hands were shaking just thinking about handling these kids on my own for a few days straight. I’d never been alone with them for that long and I wondered if I could do it without losing my shit. I took deep breaths to calm myself as the chill of the afternoon settled deep within my bones, then my mind started ticking off my imaginary list.
I’d checked the generator a couple of days ago and I had plenty of gas for it in case we lost power. I had a closet full of dried wood and stacks of papers to use for fires. I had plenty of wipes, diapers, and baby food to get us through the next couple of weeks. I bought enough toilet paper, had enough batteries for Liam’s toys, and I’d finish washing their clothes today, so I didn’t have to worry about it in the middle of the storm.
We would be okay. I could handle this. I mean, I’d built a successful company up from the fucking ground. A toddler and a baby couldn’t break me.
