by L A Cotton
“I’m not—”
Oh, who was I kidding?
Of course I was still hiding.
“You came to SU for a reason, don’t forget that.”
She was right.
I hadn’t picked up my camera in almost eight months, since Mom had gotten her diagnosis. The one thing that had always been my sanctuary, my escape, had become too painful.
“I used to take photographs.”
“Yeah?” Josie asked, and I nodded. “I did wonder. You have all those cool photos on your wall above your desk.”
“It was my thing back in high school. I never felt like I fit in. It was impossible to shine when Callum was the brightest star in our school. My mom got me my first ever camera. An old Nikon. She didn’t know the first thing about them, but I learned how to use it. Spent hours in our yard trying to capture the perfect shot.” Pain splintered through me, remembering how happy it made her to see me come alive behind the lens, how happy it made me feel.
“Callum was athletic. He lived for the spotlight and attention.” I nursed my beer, letting myself fall into the memories. “But I preferred observing, being behind the lens... for those few moments, it let you into another world. There was something thrilling about that. I didn’t want to be the person in the shot, but it was nice to experience what it was like to be them just for a second.”
“You don’t take photographs anymore?”
“I can’t... every time I’ve tried to pick up my camera... it’s just too hard, you know?” I shrugged, draining the rest of my beer. “Xavier,” I called, “can I get something stronger?”
His eyes flicked to Josie and she chuckled. “I’m not her keeper, Xav. If the girl wants the strong stuff, fetch her the strong stuff. I’ve got her.”
“Okay, something stronger coming right up.” He returned a minute later and pushed a glass toward me. I didn’t even sniff the contents, just took a big mouthful, shuddering at the bitter taste.
“Atta girl.” He winked before leaving us alone again.
“I always wanted to come to SU. They have one of the best photographic arts programs in the state. I knew Callum would be here, but I didn’t care. Then Mom got sick and I started talking about changing my plans, taking a year out to figure out what I wanted to do with my life... but she wouldn’t have it. She made me promise...” Silent tears ran down my cheeks as I tried not to fall apart in a biker bar, of all freaking places.
“Oh, babe. Come here.” Josie leaned over and hugged me, as I blubbered into her shoulder.
I was a mess.
“You know what we need?” She held me at arm’s length. “Shooters.”
“Oh, I’m not sure—”
“Relax, I won’t let you get blitzed like you did at the party.”
God, the party.
It felt like a lifetime away, when in reality, it had barely even been a month. And in that time, I’d seen my father once for a few minutes and my brother only long enough to give him a small piece of my mind.
Josie flagged Xavier down and leaned over the bar to whisper something to him. His brows furrowed but then he said, “Yeah, yeah, okay.”
I dried my eyes on my SU hoodie sleeve. It was warm out, but the bar had AC and I’d been cold the last time we were here. “What are we getting?” I asked.
Josie smirked at me and chuckled. “You’ll see.”
“Do you know what else I hate?” I was draped all over Josie, the room spinning as I tried to hold my head upright. “Pickles,” I hiccoughed. “I really hate pickles.”
“Not the best idea you’ve ever had, Jos.”
I squinted up to find Xavier glaring at me. “Xavier,” I shrieked. “Look, Jos, it’s Xavier. I bet Xav would make a good big brother. He wouldn’t abandon me and then pretend I didn’t exist, would you Xavy wavy.” I tapped my hands against his stubbled cheeks.
“Yeah, lighten up, Xavier,” Josie added. “You sound like my brother.”
“Which one?” I asked, hiccoughing again.
She squinted her eyes, pondering the answer. “Both of them. Definitely both of them. God, big brothers suck.”
“That’s it, I’m cutting you off.” Xavier started clearing up our drinks. “Both of you.”
“What?” Josie’s shrill voice set my teeth on edge. “I’m fine. Tell him, Calli. Tell him I’m fine.”
“She’s fine... I mean look at her... whoa, there’s like two of you.” I blinked trying to make everything go back to normal.
“Fuck,” Xavier grumbled. “You two, don’t move. I mean it, Josie. Don’t pull any teenage escape bullshit.” He jabbed his finger at her.
“Ooh he’s so growly, like a bear.” I snickered.
“I bet he’s calling the cavalry,” she grumbled.
“Cavalry?”
“Yup, Joel.”
“Oh no!” My eyes almost bugged. I didn’t want Joel to see me like this. In fact, I didn’t want to see him at all. I’d done a horrible thing leading him on.
I was a bad person, a horrible, bad person.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” I groaned into the crook of my arm.
“We weren’t supposed to get drunk?” Josie asked.
“No! I wasn’t supposed to be a horrible person to your brother.”
“Ah, don’t worry about Joely. He soon got over you, banging one of the cheerleaders at a party.”
“He did that?”
“Oh shiiiit, did I say that out loud?” She clapped a hand over her eyes.
“He really did that?” My stomach sank.
Josie nodded. “The night of the fair.” Sympathy shone in her eyes as she peeled her fingers away. “I’m so sorry.”
“I deserve it.”
“Don’t talk crazy. You had your reasons. Besides, he has that stupid rule.”
“You mean the ‘don’t touch a teammate’s sister’ rule?”
“Yes, it’s a stupid, stupid rule. What if the sister is hot?” She flung her arm wide. “What if she’s clever and smart and has amazing tongue tricks? What if she can do this incredible thing with her—”
“I get it, I get it. She’s a catch.”
“Damn right, she’s a catch. Any teammate would be a lucky guy to snag her.”
“Brad is—”
“Don’t.” She smushed my lips together with her fingers. “Don’t you dare say it. I knew, I fucking knew he was a Scorpion, and I went there anyway and then I went and caught all these stupid feelings... dammit, Calli, what am I going to do? Joel is going to lose his shit if he ever finds out.”
“I’m too drunk to give you any advice.” My head hung on my shoulders like a limp noodle. “Not that I have any. I mean look at me. I’ve been sneaking around with Zach—”
Josie’s eyes widened, but she wasn’t looking me at me anymore. She was looking over my shoulder. “You need to revisit the part where you just said you’ve been sneaking around with Zach.” She smirked.
I didn’t need to turn around to see him, I felt him. The hairs along the back of my neck prickled with awareness as I inhaled a shaky breath.
“You’re not Joel,” Josie said bluntly.
“He was... busy. I said I’d come.”
“I bet you did.” She shot me a knowing glance.
“So what is this exactly?”
I finally found the courage to turn around and face him. His eyes glittered with something or maybe it was just the alcohol swimming through my veins.
“We’re drunk.”
“You don’t say.” His brows drew together making him look funny.
“Calli’s father called and upset her so we decided to—”
My hand flew out covering her mouth. “You can go,” I said, trying to sound as sober as possible. “We can call an Uber.”
“There’s some scary guy over there expecting me to give you both a ride home, so not gonna happen, sweet pea. Let’s go.”
“Sweet pea, you call her sweet pea? Oh my god—” I pressed my hand closer to Josie’s lips, trying to drow
n out her words.
Zach lowered his face, rubbing the back of his neck as if he couldn’t quite believe what he’d walked in on. But I saw the trace of a smirk lift the corner of his mouth as he looked at me through his thick lashes.
My stomach clenched.
Damn him.
Why did he have to be standing there looking all gorgeous? Like a handsome white knight sent to save the princess from her ivory tower. I snickered, imagining him riding in on a beautiful horse.
“Horse?” he asked.
Oops.
I must have said that out loud.
“You should have a drink with us, Messiah,” Josie suggested. “One for the road.”
“I think you’ve had enough.” He glanced around the bar before his eyes grazed my face again.
He looked pissed.
“Come on, let’s go.”
“Party pooper.” With a reluctant huff, Josie slid off the stool and stumbled into him. “Oops, I must have tripped.”
“Yeah, I bet you did. What the fuck did you give them?”
“Hey, don’t look at me, man,” Xavier replied. “Your girl can be hella persuasive.”
“Oh, I’m not his—”
“She’s eighteen,” Zach growled.
“It’s a college town, everyone is eighteen. You need a hand with that?”
“I think you’ve done enough.”
“Suit yourself, man.”
“Bye, Xavy wavy, thanks for the drinks,” I sang, climbing down off the stool. Zach tried to help me, but I shooed him off. “I’m fine.”
He grumbled something beneath his breath, but I didn’t catch it over the roar of blood in my ears.
Zach was here... he was here, and he was going to give us a ride home.
Why?
Why was he being so nice all of a sudden, so freaking reasonable?
My head hurt just thinking about it.
“You have a car?” I blurted out, leaning closer to his arm despite refusing his offer of help. I was fine, even if the room was spinning so quick, I felt like I was on a Tilt-A-Whirl.
“Whoa.” I grabbed ahold of his thick bicep, steadying myself.
“You good?” His gruff voice was magnetic, and slowly, I lifted my eyes to his, electricity crackling between us.
“Do you feel that?” I said part-awed, part-freaked the hell out.
“Yeah.” He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple pressing against his throat. I’d never noticed anyone’s throat before. but Zach had a nice throat, the kind of throat I wanted to lean in and lick.
“Calli?”
His voice startled me, and I blinked up at him. “Y- yeah?”
“You look like you’re about to kiss me… or bite me.”
“I...” Heat rolled through me.
“Hey, lovebirds,” Josie yelled from the door breaking our connection, “let’s roll.”
“Jesus, this isn’t what I had in mind.” Zach went to walk off, but I grabbed his arm again.
“What did you have in mind?”
His eyes grew darker. “Trust me, sweet pea, you don’t want to know.”
Zach
Fuck.
I wanted to kiss her.
I wanted to take Calli in my arms and slide my mouth over hers until we both had no other choice but to use each other for air.
But anger vibrated inside me. She was drunk with Josie at some dive bar on the edge of town.
What the fuck was she doing there?
When Joel had gotten the call, we were all hanging out at the frat house. I didn’t particularly want to be there, but the exhibition game was this weekend. And Brad was right, the team were cautious after Callum and I had gone at it. We’d drunk some beer, shot some pool, and bonded over our hopes and dreams for the upcoming season.
I’d overheard Joel yelling down the phone at someone and tried to do the right thing asking him if everything was okay.
I hadn’t expected him to ask me if I could go pick up Josie and Calli from some biker bar.
We managed to get outside. Calli was still draped over me like a bad rash but Josie seemed okay. “Brad didn’t want to come?” she blurted out.
“I didn’t ask him,” I replied. The second Joel had said the girls were at a bar drunk, I’d hightailed it out of there.
“Oh.” Her expression fell as she stared up at me. “Were you guys—no, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.”
“We were at the frat house,” I said. “Guys only. But Josie, a little word of advice...”
Fuck what was I saying?
I didn’t care if little Molineux got her heart broken by one of the guys.
Did I?
My eyes flickered to the drunk girl by my side. I was a fucking hypocrite if I lectured Josie and Brad on their relationship, when I was imagining being balls deep in Calli every time I saw her.
“I don’t feel so good,” Calli croaked.
“Come on.” I slid my arms under her legs and hoisted her up against my body.
Josie fought a knowing smile, despite the hurt in her eyes. She knew it was different with us—she knew we had history. Deep down, I also think she knew that I wasn’t like the other guys on the team.
“You good?” I asked her.
“Yeah.” Josie nodded. “Be careful with her.”
Calli was barely awake as we walked the remaining distance to my car.
“Think you can stand?” I whispered against her hair.
“Hmm-mmm.”
Lowering her down, I leaned her against the car while I dug out my keys. Josie climbed into the back and I helped Calli in the front. I couldn’t explain it, but I needed her close.
I went around and got in the driver’s side, taking a second to watch Calli. Her head was pressed against the window, her eyes screwed shut. In fact, her whole face seemed tense as if she was warding off a nightmare... or the urge to puke.
“Sweet pea?”
“Uh... yeah...?” She cracked an eye open at me.
“You going to be okay?”
“I don’t know.” Her sad smile almost gutted me. “It hurts, Zach. Everything hurts.”
I knew she wasn’t talking about her impending hangover.
Gripping the wheel, I stared straight ahead, trying to tamper down the tsunami of emotion I felt every time I looked at her.
She was my Achilles heel. My Kryptonite. Still, after all this time, Calli was my weakness.
I was done denying it.
I just needed to figure out what the fuck I intended on doing about it. Because Brad was right. She was off-limits. The team wouldn’t bend their stupid sister code for anyone. Especially not me, their star point guard. They wanted me to be focused, one hundred and ten percent on the ball. I was their meal ticket, their secret weapon to take them all the way to March Madness... to help them win.
Calli shuffled on the seat, leaning her head to the other side. She was closer now, and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch her, to brush the hair from her face and lose myself in her big whiskey eyes.
“Zach,” she croaked.
“Yeah, Calli?”
“Drive fast... I’m trying really hard not to ruin your nice car.”
Quiet laughter spilled from my lips as I gunned the engine and pulled into the flow of traffic.
This girl.
This fucking girl.
I pulled up to Abrams ten minutes later and cut the engine. Calli was out cold, the gentle rise and fall of her chest hypnotic.
“I need my bed,” Josie groaned. “Are you okay dealing with sleeping beauty if I head up to my dorm?”
“Give me a second and we’ll all walk up together.”
She met my narrowed gaze in the rear-view mirror. “I appreciate your concern, Messiah, but I think I’ve got it.”
“Straight to your dorm, Josie. You don’t want to go over there and do something you might regret.”
“I wasn’t—” She stopped herself, guilt shining in her eyes. “Fine.” An indi
gnant huff slipped through her lips as she slid across the seat and shouldered the door. Climbing out, Josie paused at the last second. “Zach?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for not letting me go over there and do something stupid.”
I nodded, too overwhelmed to reply.
I watched Josie as she disappeared into the dorm building and then I got out and went around to the passenger side. I’d have to carry Calli unless by some small miracle she woke up and found her legs.
“Z- Zach?” It was a muted groan.
“Yeah, sweet pea, it’s me.” I managed to pull her from the car and into my arms.
“What’s happening?” she asked.
“Ssh. I’ve got you.”
That seemed to settle her, but it only made my heart beat harder.
I cradled her against my chest as I carried her into Abrams. A couple of girls were milling in the hall and gasped when they saw me.
“Is she okay?” one asked.
“Nothing a good night’s sleep and a gallon of water won’t fix.”
They both sighed dreamily as I stalked off toward the elevator. Of course she had to live on the second floor.
Thankfully, Calli’s hall was empty when the doors pinged open. Until I realized my rookie error. Her key card. How the fuck was I going to find her key card?
“Calli?” I whispered, shaking her gently as we came to stop outside her door. “Calli.”
“Hmm-mmm.” She murmured, cuddling up closer to my body.
Shit, I was going to have to put her down.
Holding her weight with one arm, I gently lowered her legs to the ground, keeping her close to my body as I fumbled in her pockets to search for the key card. Eventually, it grazed my fingers and I plucked it out, reaching around her to open the door.
“Let’s get you to bed,” I mumbled to myself since Calli was still out of it.
I picked her up again and carried her straight into the bedroom, laying her on the bed. “Z- Zach?” Her eyes flickered open, and I froze. “What are you—”
“Ssh, sweet pea,” I said, brushing the flyaway hairs out of her face. “Sleep.”
“Stay...” she whispered, her fingers twisting into my t-shirt. “Please.”
“Calli, I’m not sure—”
“Please.” Her glassy eyes pleaded with me. “Things always felt better when you were next to me.”
