Uncovering Desire

by Kacey Shea

  Jon picks up on my nerves, running one of his hands up and down my back. The other moves between my wetness, sliding two fingers inside.

  “So ready for me to fuck you. Don’t worry Kate, this will feel good.”

  He moves his fingers and replaces them with his hard length. He stretches me as he fills me, moving in and out with slow thrusts until he’s fully sheathed inside. We both groan at the sensation.

  “So fucking tight.” He hisses.

  He grips one of my hips with one of his hands for balance and uses the other to reach around, finding my clit with his index finger to rub in steady circles. He thrusts in and out, quickening his pace.

  I moan loudly.

  “Yeah that’s it, Kate. Let me know what you like. Tell me what you want.”

  His words spur on my pleasure.

  “Harder, Jon. Fuck me harder.” I beg.

  He moves with renewed purpose and drops the hand on my hip. He bends over me, fitting his chest over my back. He weaves a hand into the hair at the nape of my neck and tugs. My head arches with the rest of my body. His lips find my ear, licking and whispering sweet words.

  “So good, Kate. You are so good.”

  His words push me over the edge and our bodies slap together with sweat and desire. I come hard, screaming out his name. A few thrusts later Jon follows me with his own release. He pulls out and stands, pulling me with him.

  Jon turns my body and kisses me, rubbing his hands up and down and all over my back as his tongue dances with mine. His continued enthusiasm has me turned on and ready for a round two. I never experience this. Sex with Jon is intense but also exciting. I want more.

  After a few minutes of kissing he finally releases me from his hold.

  “Let me take care of this.” He motions the condom he’s now holding and I nod as he goes into my bathroom. I’m spent. Turned on, but spent. I lay in the middle of the bed. Jon is amazing. The best sex of my life.

  I smile as Jon comes back into the room. I roll to my side and pat the space beside me on the bed. He grins and walks over to the bed, grabbing his pair of discarded boxer briefs before joining me. I’m a little disappointed that he’s covered up, I like this man naked and was enjoying the free show.

  “So, how does this go?”

  His softly spoken words confuse me. I’m relaxed and replaying the ecstasy we’ve just experienced in my head. His words pull me from my daze.

  “What?”

  “Like what’s the protocol here. How does this usually go? Do I stay or should I leave?”

  Oh. My mind quickly fills in the gaps as I realize what he’s asking me. He thinks I fuck around, that I do this on a regular basis. That this means nothing to me. My gut twists at the knowledge. Of course he does. I’ve led everyone to believe it.

  I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m just disappointed. Disappointed that he doesn’t feel the same as I do. That I’ve let my hopes get wrapped into the pleasure we’ve just shared.

  If he really knew everything. About me. About how I felt about him. He wouldn’t have stayed. I was sure of it. I school my features and smile my most practiced alluring smile.

  “That’s up to you Mr. Army. I got what I needed, but I won’t turn down a round two if you’re offering.” I’m disgusted at my own words, they’re in direct contrast to the feelings bouncing around inside, but I refuse to give him any more than I already have tonight. He doesn’t want to talk about feelings anyway. He just wanted to fuck.

  His face is unreadable as he leans forward and gives my lips one last tender and soft kiss. He pulls back and tries to meet my eyes. I turn my face, choosing to study the thread count of the sheets instead. I have a well-practiced facade, but I feel entirely too vulnerable in this moment. I can’t handle his scrutiny.

  “Okay, I should probably go then. Thank you, Kate.” Jon speaks in a low tone and rolls off the bed to stand. He dresses swiftly.

  I stand, pulling my short satin robe from the bedside on over my lingerie, wrapping the tie around my waist in a loose knot. I glance at Jon to find him staring. I can’t help but blush. He stalks towards me until mere inches separate our bodies. I strain my neck to meet his gaze.

  He looks into my eyes before dropping his gaze to my lips. He doesn’t move to kiss me which confuses me. His expression unreadable and penetrating. We stand like this for what feels likes minutes, though it’s probably only seconds.

  “We should probably talk about what happened tonight.” He finally speaks.

  “We fucked. There we talked about it.” He runs his hands over his head.

  “You know what I mean Kate. This is going to affect our friendship. Are we going to keep this private or tell other people we slept together?” I roll my eyes.

  “Yeah, I get it. I just don’t see how this changes anything since we aren’t best buddies to begin with and I don’t know why the hell we would tell anyone about this. Unless you are meaning Evie.”

  “Well she is a close friend to both of us.”

  “Oh, god. Did you fuck me to make her jealous?” I feel sick to my stomach.

  “What? No!” He scowls and shakes his head.

  “I swear to God Jon if you lie to me right now I will cut off your balls before you leave this apartment. Was this just to make her jealous?” Hands clenched at my sides my body shakes with anger.

  “No. Although if you want a man to tell the truth it helps to not threaten his genitals, just saying.” He grins. “Look, I just want to make sure things won’t be weird the next time we all hang out together. I don’t think it’s anyone’s damn business what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home. I only want to make sure that’s what you want.”

  “Okay good.” I cross my arms around my waist.

  “Good.” He leans down so that our foreheads touch and lightly skims his fingers over the satin of my robe. His scent stirs desire low in my belly. I inhale, committing to memory the smell of sex and sweat and something else that is uniquely Jon. “This doesn’t change anything. I am sure we will be back to irritating the hell out of each other tomorrow, but I had fun tonight, Kate. Lots of fun.”

  He rocks back on his heels, releasing me from his hold and walks to the door. I follow behind. I bite back the urge to tell him not to go and beg him to stay the night. The fact that I even want to say those things scares me enough to keep my mouth shut.

  I was never able to think rationally when it came to Jon. My want for him has always clouded my judgment. Tonight was a mistake, I’m sure of it. If things were different maybe we could have something together, but it would never work. And I don’t deserve him. Jon opens the door and turns to wave, calling out, “good night,” in the hallway before stepping into the elevator. I shut and lock my door.

  My control slips and I practically run to my yoga mat. I ceremoniously roll the foam sheet onto the hardwood floor, already feeling my soul grounding. A few breaths into my flow and I’m once again centered. Being with Jon tonight unsettles the foundation of my heavily guarded heart. I take the experience and shelve it to a place deep inside myself and vow to not visit often.

  With quiet acceptance of the night I understand I’m not meant to have him. I’ll move forward without fixating on the disappointment. My practice drives all thoughts from my head as I connect to my breath. I don’t know how long I’m on my mat but by the time I finish I’m exhausted, physically and mentally. Sleep comes easily as my head meets the pillow.

  CHICKEN SHIT. I’M BEING A total chicken shit.

  It’s been thirteen days since Kate Bryant rocked my world. She was incredible in bed and I couldn’t get the damn woman out of my thoughts. Like a fucking coward I’d been successfully avoiding any direct contact with her. It was easier this way. I could avoid my feelings.

  Today I have to face the music because Evie’s arranged an informal dinner in our apartment. She asked me to cook, thank God, because while Evie’s great at many things, preparing food is not one of them. I agreed, not wanting to se
em weird or act different than I normally would, but inside I wanted to shout a resounding no.

  Being stuck across the table from Kate and her infuriating and sensuous mouth for the next two hours seems cruel and unnecessary punishment. Especially since at the end of the evening I’ll be subjected to Evie and her boyfriend Tate stealing hot glances back and forth until I go to bed alone.

  I’d rather go to bed with Kate.

  Yep, that’s a problem. I can’t drive the images of our one night stand from my mind. The mere act of washing my hands invokes graphic illustrations of skin on skin, wet, needing, wanting. Damn it. There are so many ways I’d like to have her. And with a body like Kate’s my mind conjures endless possibilities.

  Focus. I need to focus. Back to chopping veggies, I toss it all together for the Asian salad and everything’s prepared. The brown rice is steaming, and teriyaki chicken and steak skewers baking in the oven. At least the food will be good.

  The doorbell rings and I know it’s Tate because Kate never uses the bell. She still has a key from when Evie lived here solo and would let herself in whenever she wanted. Evie jogs down the hall in a pair of bright green shorts and a black tank. “Coming!” she shouts, throwing open the locks. She swings the door open revealing a smiling Tate Reynolds.

  Jumping into his arms, he catches her with a big hug. Tate’s the same height as I am, just over six feet tall with a strong muscular physique due to his full-time career as a personal trainer and fitness instructor at a local gym. He has tattoos all over his chest and upper arms. Whereas Tate’s hard and lean, Evie’s soft and luscious. She’s beautiful at five foot seven with her curvy figure and long super straight brown hair. Their opposites complement the other. He makes her happy and in turn I’ve conceded my feelings toward Evie.

  There was a time a few months ago that I’d hoped she would want to begin a romantic relationship with me. Watching them together enlightens that Evie and Tate are meant to be. I’m only a little jealous because I hope to find that for myself one day.

  The happy couple enters the kitchen holding hands. “Hey man, how’s it going?” I offer Tate a greeting.

  “No complaints here. Life is good. Dinner smells good, man. Thanks for cooking and having me over.” Tate takes a seat at the small kitchen table. Evie busies herself in the kitchen, grabbing plates and silverware to set the small dining table.

  “Yeah, no problem. I’m glad you have a night off to spend with us.” A rarity since Tate works evenings and helps his sister out with her boys during much of his free time.

  Sticking a thermometer inside the meat I estimate another five minutes until it’s done. “Evie, you have an ETA on Kate? Dinner’s almost ready.” Our front door swings open with a loud bang. Lifting my chin to a frazzled, wild-eyed Kate waltzing through the threshold.

  “I just got the worst news of my life. Well not worst news, but close to it! I’m being kicked out of my apartment! What the hell am I going to do?” Kate rants her way inside, throwing her bag on the couch and coming over to give Evie a big hug. She nods a greeting at Tate, then me. Her head swings back to Evie.

  “I’m homeless!” Kate throws her head in her hands and Evie pats her on the back.

  “Okay drama mama, start at the beginning. What happened and why are you being kicked out of your apartment?”

  “It all started with pussy.”

  Tate nearly drops the glass of water he’s holding. I slam the salad bowl on the counter. Kate’s head lifts and her shoulders droop.

  “What?” Evie barks.

  “Pussy. Always the damn pussy. Making my life complicated.” Kate muses to herself, eyes raised to the ceiling.

  “Kate Guinevere Bryant! What the hell are you talking about?” Evie grips Kate’s shoulders and gives a slight shake earning her full eye contact. “Get to the point. You are giving the boys a heart attack with all this pussy talk.” It’s true, well, she has our complete attention to say the least.

  “Wait. Your middle name is Guinevere. How did I not know this?” I interrupt.

  “My mom had a thing for King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table—the Monty Python version. Weird I know.” Kate waves a hand, tossing her blonde locks over one tan shoulder.

  “That explains a lot.” I mutter.

  “Okay, so back to the pussy problem.” She blows out an exaggerated breath. “Well, the entire ordeal started when this damn cat decided to go and have her babies in the vent shaft between the third and fourth floors of my building.”

  A collective “ahh” sounds as the lightbulb goes off. That pussy.

  “Mrs. Vanlandingham called the super because she kept hearing them crying. Then, the fire department was called out to try and rescue them, but they were tucked into a hard to reach space. No one wanted to the kill the poor creatures because then the entire building would smell like dead animal, so they cut into the walls to make an entry point and that’s when they found it…”

  Kate stops her story, closing her eyes to shake her head.

  “What? What did they find? Please tell me the kittens were okay?” Of course Evie’s concerned about the damn strays.

  “The kittens were fine. But they found asbestos in my building and it’s apparently toxic or something so they have to remove it from all five floors. Pain in my ass. I’d rather take my chances with poisoning.”

  “I doubt that Kate, it’s really dangerous shit. Causes cancer and all that.” I add and she glances my direction, eyebrows raised.

  “Yeah, okay. I guess it’s best. But now I have to find a place to live for the next three weeks.”

  “Why don’t you just stay here?” Evie suggests. Oh god, please no. Please say no.

  “No, no. I couldn’t impose on you and Jon like that. Besides there’s not enough room for me and my clothes!” Kate laughs before adding in a much sadder tone, “I’ll just have to find an extended stay hotel or something. Yuck, I hate those places.”

  “You are welcome to bum showers at the gym if you decide to live in your car.” Tate teases.

  Kate laughs. “I’m good, but thanks.”

  “Wait. Don’t your parents still live here in Arizona? Why don’t you just stay with them?” Both Evie and Kate pin me with a horrified glare. Kate’s posture stiffens and she places her hands on her hips with attitude.

  “Just because they brought me into the world does not mean I can stand their company. You should know how that feels better than anyone, Jon.”

  Her taut, harsh words ring true. Although I don’t remember her having such negative feelings for her parents. My own parents had gone through a nasty divorce, with me as the chess piece in the middle, during my junior year of high school. One of several reasons I couldn’t wait to join the Army and get out of town the minute we graduated. I still haven’t been by to visit my mom or my dad since moving back to Arizona.

  Opening the oven door I pull the kabobs of chicken and steak out, setting them on the range.

  “Evie, why don’t you come stay with me for a few weeks? Kate can stay here with plenty of room for her wardrobe and that way everyone’s problem is solved.” Tate, Mr. Helpful, chimes in. Slamming down the oven mitts I contemplate punching him in the face.

  “I don’t know, are you sure? You really think Carly would be okay with that?” Evie bites her lip. Tate stands from his chair, pulling Evie close and wrapping her into a loose hug.

  “Well, it’s my house, so technically I can do whatever I want, but believe me she won’t mind. She loves you and so do the boys. Hell, she’ll probably be happy because she can hit us up for free babysitting.” Tate smiles wide, his dimples on display. Fuck. This doesn’t look promising.

  Evie worries her lip with her teeth. “I just don’t want to put you on the spot. You should think about it first and make sure you’re really okay with me staying with you.” Tate leans in but we can all hear his soft reply. I’d bet Kate is straining to overhear just as much as I am.

  “It’s my dream to be able to hold y
ou in my arms every night and wake up with you in my arms every morning. So, yeah. I think I’ll be okay with it. I don’t need time to consider.” Evie grins, placing a sweet kiss on his lips. “I may never let you leave.” Tate growls.

  “Alright, alright. Enough with the lovebird shit. Thank you Tate, that’d be fantastic. Thanks, Evie. As soon as my place is fixed I’ll be out of here.” Kate disrupts the couple but my mind is reeling. What. The. Fuck. This entire situation has disaster painted over it in giant graffiti lettering.

  “Kate? Can I please speak with you in private?”

  “Yeah, sure. Let me just text back my super first.” Focusing on her phone screen and nonchalant about the fact we’re soon to be roommates angers me further.

  “No, Kate. Now. Let’s go take a walk. We’ll be right back guys. Evie and Tate, can you please cover the food so it doesn’t get cold?” I don’t wait for replies. Grabbing Kate’s arm, I drag her out of the apartment. I keep a brisk pace until we’re far enough from any watching eyes or listening ears. I turn to Kate, downright exasperated.

  “Don’t you think it’s going to be a little weird living together after we—you know—” Spit out the words, Beltran.

  “What? Because we fucked?” Damn it if my dick doesn’t twitch just at the mention of that dirty word coming from her sassy mouth.

  “Yes!” I growl in frustration.

  “Why would that make it weird, Jon?” She tilts her face with a most earnest expression. Is she really so clueless? Had our one night stand meant nothing for her? Was I the only one of us hung up on that night? I shake my thoughts away.

  “Because… being in such close quarters might make it difficult. Feelings could resurface and I just don’t want there to be any confusion about our relationship.” I try to explain but she laughs in my face.

  “Oh my god! What? Just because we fucked one time you think I want to fuck you again? Like I wouldn’t be able to control myself just by being around you? Ha! You think awfully highly of yourself big guy.” Her passing attitude about my concerns pisses me off and anger boils to the surface. “Look, I just need a place to stay and this is my best option. Nothing personal but I could care less about who I stay with as long as it’s not my parents.”