by Liz Long
I grimaced at the thought. That would’ve scared the bejesus out of me if I’d woken up in the middle of the night to cloaked figures in my room. I shuddered just thinking about it. Matt chuckled again.
“We don’t do that anymore, for the record.”
Another idea struck me. “You guys don’t have, you know, a mascot do you?”
Again Matt’s eyes went to his lap and I knew I’d hit a nerve. When he didn’t say anything, I knew I’d have to prod. “You’d make a terrible poker player with that tell.”
He let out a small puff of breath and I knew I needed to close the investigation before he got too frustrated. When I pulled my hand away from his, he relented.
“There used to be a joke about demon worship and how we could communicate with Death himself,” he said. My head jerked up and he quickly waved the idea away. “A joke, that’s all it is. None of us really like to talk about it because obviously it’s not the best impression for new recruits. Members have spent years trying to drop the insinuation. We’re not into Satanism or anything like that. ”
Not all of them, anyway, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. I pretended to laugh it off. “Of course not.”
“So you wanna tell me why you’re giving me the third degree?” he asked, a playfulness to his question.
I shrugged, trying to sound casual. “Oh, I was just curious. It’s such an interesting concept, to have a secret society on a college campus. I’ve never heard of anything like it.”
“I happen to agree,” he said. “But what’s the deal with Brady? Do you not like him or something?”
“Just looking out for Allison,” I answered honestly. He took me at my word and I knew I needed to hurry back to home base. I made a show of looking at the clock on his desk.
“Look at the time,” I said, feigning surprise. “I’m late for…something. Thanks for the chat, it was fun.”
I got up and began to walk off, already considering the few options we had. I’d nearly gotten to the door when Matt stopped me.
“Hey!” he exclaimed behind me.
I froze where I stood, worried he’d somehow figured out the truth. Surely my interrogation seemed suspicious. He was about to ask me what I was up to, or why I had a sudden interest in Brady. Or worse, reveal he was about to give me over to Alistair.
I braced myself, slowly turning on my heel to face him. “Yeah?”
“Much as I love watching you walk away, I definitely need a kiss goodbye. I earned it after your Q&A,” he said with a wink.
I let out a quick sigh of relief, forcing a laugh at his reaction. I leaned down and planted one on him, enjoying the brief second. When I pulled away, he smiled.
“I’ll see you later?” he asked.
“I hope so.” At least that was another honest answer.
I slipped out of the room and, after making sure I was alone, disappeared. I quickly returned to Tessa’s, where she and Tully still sat at her table. They’d obviously been waiting for me to return, though at my appearance they both pretended to flip through book pages.
I filled them in on what I’d learned, right down to Brady’s sudden arrival on campus and insistence on getting into BAD.
“Stroke of luck, my ass. I’d bet my jar of lizard eyes he used magic to get in. He planned this from the get-go,” Tessa said.
“Seems that way. Sneaky bastard,” I said.
“This Matthew probably isn’t far off when he mentioned the demon worship,” Tully said.
“Matt,” I corrected without thinking.
“Even so,” he continued after shooting me a look, “if the modern members see no truth to that, that rumor emanated from somewhere. Perhaps Brady caught wind of it and decided it was how he would gain his power.”
“Makes sense,” Tessa said with a slow nod. “He hears about a secret society who works with demons and thinks he’s found a way to become a fully grown witch. Only it pulled in Alistair and Moloch instead.”
“If this Beta…,” Tully said, pausing in confusion about the name, “group was able to communicate with the dead, then perhaps that is the connection to why Alistair is working with him.”
Tessa’s eyes flashed purple; she’d realized something. “Brady thought the frat boys worked with Death. Maybe he was stupid enough to think he could harness Death, control the Reapers into getting full power. Alistair got pulled in and saw his chance at Ascension.”
“Yeah and now that Brady’s actually seen Moloch, he knows he’s in too deep, whether he wants to admit it or not,” I added.
“Perhaps we can appeal to that side of him,” Tully said.
“Fat chance,” Tessa said. “You didn’t see his apartment; after playing around with that stuff, he’ll have a hard time going back. That kind of magic sticks with you.”
“And on that note, I’m going to check on Allison.” I stood up and grabbed my backpack off the chair. “You guys keep looking; I need to make sure Brady hasn’t turned up for an above ground visit.”
Neither of them looked up from the books on the table. Tully now pored over the page containing the Reaper containment sigil. A little shiver went through me at the sketch. I looped my arms through my straps, closed my eyes and thought of my little sister.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
When I appeared outside Allison’s dorm, I walked around the corner to see students sitting at the usual tables out front. While I waited for an unsuspecting freshmen to open the key-carded door, I heard that familiar deep voice that gave me that fluttery feeling.
“Long time no see,” Matt said behind me. He walked up and kissed me, waving off his friends’ catcalls. “You get your thing done or whatever it was?”
“What? Oh, yeah,” I said, hoping he didn’t need me to get more descriptive. Apparently not, because he pulled me to an empty bench and wrapped an arm around my waist.
“I’m glad I ran into you again. I forgot to tell you that I can’t hang out tonight. The guys and I get together for fantasy football every Thursday.”
“Oh yeah, who’s your quarterback?”
“Tom Brady, of course.”
“Nice. I’m a Patriots fan, too.” I’d been an avid football viewer since birth, thanks to my father’s New England heritage.
His blue eyes widened. “You like football?”
I shrugged. “Haven’t seen many games since uh, being in school and all, but yeah. I don’t play fantasy football or anything, but I used to check the scores every week.”
“Man, my dad would love you. You two will totally hit it off when you meet.” He nudged his shoulder against mine.
I chuckled, but inside the statement hit me. He wanted me to meet his family. As in, he was thinking about a future with me. A future he — or I — could never have. No boy would ever try to make me smile, to love and marry me.
I laid my head on his shoulder so Matt didn’t see my lip quiver. My chest tightened as a panic threatened to overcome me. I wasn’t human and his compliment reminded me of that painful fact. Tully and Tessa were right - I’d gotten too deep, too human. I couldn’t do this, not to Matt. Or myself, because the last thing I wanted was to be a vengeful spirit wandering the earth forever.
“Matt, we need to talk,” I said, wincing as the words left my mouth.
He grew serious. “Uh oh. What’s wrong?”
I racked my brain for an answer, at something that didn’t make everything a completely heartbreaking mess.
“I’m leaving,” I said, telling at least a half-truth.
His face fell. “What, why?”
“My mom’s sick,” I said. I had no idea where that lie came from, but I’d take it. “That thing I had earlier, it was her doctor’s appointment. It’s all very sudden, I know, but it’s not great. I’m dropping out to help her.”
“Oh, no.” Matt instantly put his arms around me, pulling me into him. “I am so sorry, Evie. I hate it for you, but I totally get it. I’d do the same thing if it were me.”
“Thanks for under
standing. I’m going to be pretty busy helping her. I don’t want to lead you on; I won’t have a lot of time for anything else and it’s not fair to you if I wasn’t honest.”
“Hey, your mom’s the biggest priority. I get it. I’m just sorry about the whole thing.” He squeezed me tight against him.
Relief flooded through me. It wasn’t exactly a nice lie, but at least this way he didn’t think it was somehow his fault. I could’ve broken up with him in a dramatic fashion, but didn’t want to mar his memories. If I was being honest, I didn’t want to ruin my memories either. This excuse wouldn’t end on a terrible note or somehow traumatize him — couldn’t exactly tell him I was dead, after all.
I let myself stay in the hug for a few minutes, already missing the feel of his warm skin. I’d miss this, even if I’d only had it for a few days. Had I been human, Allison would be my sister, a link to my past; Matt, however, could’ve been a part of my future. The glimpse into this possible life I might’ve lead was both fulfilling and bittersweet.
Matt didn’t ask any more questions. He held me until I gently extracted myself from his arms.
“I have to be honest, spending time with you was some of the most fun I’ve had in a long time,” I said.
“Me too,” he said, his expression regretful. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, meaning it more than he would ever know.
“Hey, it’s not your fault. You can’t help that your mom got sick. I just hope she’ll be okay.”
He put his hands on my face and leaned in to kiss me. I made it count, savoring the softness of his lips. When he pulled away, he looked a bit dazed. I admired the blueness of his eyes, hoping I’d still remember the color in a few hundred years.
“I’m definitely going to miss doing that,” he said. “Can I do that a few more times before you leave?”
Matt could even make me laugh at a time like this one. Of course I agreed; we spent a few more minutes together before I finally got up and said my goodbyes. Time for me to say goodbye to Allison, “go pack” and head home.
I couldn’t help turning back for one last look at him as I went to catch the now open door. He still sat there on the bench alone, a sad look on his face. He lifted a hand when he saw me; I returned it and forced my feet to head inside. One last peek out the window saw him walking away, hands in his pockets with a dejected posture.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
I went upstairs to Allison’s room with my book in hand, pretending I’d been in the building and happened to stop by. She greeted me with gusto, inviting me in without question. Despite my sadness over “breaking up” with Matt, I couldn’t help but have fun with my sister, even if she didn’t know it was me. We spent the next half hour pretending to study but mostly talking about music and books. Every time she let out a peal of laughter, I almost felt my dead heart swell.
I pulled the bag of jalapeño chips from my backpack and opened it up, savoring the flavor on my tongue. I offered Allison one and she hesitated, surprise crossing her pretty face.
“You don’t need to watch your figure,” I said, unsure of her reaction.
Hair swished around her face as she shook her head. “Sorry, I’m being silly. Those were Grace’s favorite kind, right down to the brand.”
I nearly choked on a chip, never having considered the memory. Oops.
“I’ll be right back, Evie,” Allison said, getting up and going into her bathroom.
I stuffed the chips back into my bag and got up, mindlessly looking at the posters on the wall and photos on the corkboard. I swallowed hard at the collage of photos Allison had up of her family, of me and her together. There was the photo of us at my high school graduation; the snowy afternoon we’d spent building forts and snowmen with the twins; and a selfie we’d taken the night before I’d died.
I remembered the exact moment we’d taken it. Allison had been fretting about college applications and being separated from me. I’d nearly put her into a headlock and tickled her to distract from her anxiety; we were both red-faced and grinning like madmen in this shot, full with our freckled faces. I’d left for the hospital the next morning and been killed by a drunk driver twelve hours later. Had I been able to cry, that would’ve been the moment.
My reflection in her dresser mirror caught my attention and I gasped. Blonde pixie Evie no longer stood in my place. Brown eyes looked back at me; I glanced down to see my bright pink scrubs. In all the chaos, Tessa’s spell had worn off and I hadn’t been keeping track of when to get out of there.
“Crap, crap, crap,” I muttered, staring at my own pale skin and long, dark hair. I had to get out and find Tessa; I could explain Evie’s disappearance later. I prepared to teleport out of there, but the pause took too long. I hadn’t heard the bathroom door open. An odd choking noise sounded behind me.
“Grace?” Ally’s shocked voice made my eyes squeeze shut. I had no way out except to teleport and that could possibly make it worse.
I froze, mentally berated myself for being seen. I had no idea how to handle this situation. Forget any progress Tully and I had made; he’d be furious at my unprofessionalism in this moment.
I turned slowly to prevent panic, my hands up in truce to keep her calm. Her wide eyes and stunned expression only made me feel worse. I had possibly short-circuited my sister’s fragile mind, the horror clear in her face.
“Ally—” I caught myself, bit my tongue to stop the flow of words about to spill from my mouth. There were too many things I wanted to say and she couldn’t know any of them. It was too dangerous.
“Oh my god, this is it. This is where I turn myself into the nuthouse,” she muttered. Her hands clenched and unclenched by her sides, her eyes on her shoes.
“You’re not crazy,” I said without thinking. I bit my lip to keep from speaking, instinct telling me to cool it.
“Wha—I don’t understand. Am I dreaming?” Though she stood in front of me, she sounded far away, lightheaded at my appearance. Her fingers pinched her arm in an attempt to wake herself up.
“Allison, I’m sorry, just pretend you never saw me,” I babbled and she cut me off in disbelief.
“Pretend I never saw you? Are you kidding me? If this is real and you’re here, then what the hell is wrong with me?”
Her breath caught in her throat; tears welled in her eyes, sending a wave of guilt over me. She swayed on her feet and my arms went up to catch her. At my motion, she took a step back, over to her roommate’s bed where she sank down in shock.
I gaped at her because I didn’t know what else to do. If I stepped into the spiritual plane now, it might damage her sanity. Then again, I might’ve done that ten seconds ago.
“Grace,” she snapped. Her voice sounded so much like when I was alive, maybe even a little annoyed.
I couldn’t lie to her, instead gave her a helpless glance and shrugged. “I’m sorry. You’re not dreaming, but I’m not alive either.”
“You’re…,” she paused, swallowed hard, “a ghost?”
“Uh, sort of.” In that definitely dead sort of way.
Her arms crossed over her chest. “What’s the correct answer?”
“I help people, souls,” I added hastily, “I help them find their way.”
I hadn’t thought she could get any paler, but Allison whitened further. “Am I dying?”
“No!” My hands waved frantically at her. “No, I’ve been, you know, watching over you or whatever. I’m not your guardian angel or anything, but there’s been some stuff going on. I wanted to make sure you were safe.”
My voice died at the look on her face, like she was torn between shock and pain. Her hand went up to her belly, an old habit from getting stomachaches when stressed. For a moment I worried she would pass out but then I saw her register the entirety of my response.
Her voice came out high pitched as she looked at me with wide eyes. “What kind of stuff? What could you possibly fear as a ghost?”
“
Nothing, when you’re like me, but it’s not easy fearing for you,” I said, my voice trailing off.
“What do you mean?” I could tell she didn’t really want to know the answer.
“There are…things out there that you can’t understand. Things I don’t want you to understand,” I added quickly.
Fear clouded her face and my instinct kicked in. She was strong, but this I would not let her handle. She would live to do good in the world, her soul destined for a fulfilled life.
I straightened up. Time to be the role I knew, a role I was originally born to be. “You don’t need to be afraid, Ally. I’m right here and nothing is going to happen to you.”
“Yeah, but what about when you’re not around?” she asked, twisting her hands together. “Don’t you have, like, things to do? Sending people one direction or another?”
“We’re close,” I said, lowering my voice. My eyes went to the door and window, but no supernatural creatures were around. We were safe.
“We?” Her hushed tone gave way to astonishment and I grimaced. Her knowledge had to be minimal. I pulled the older sister card.
“Need to know.” She scowled at the familiar term, knowing she’d get nothing out of me. Even if I weren’t already dead, she’d never had any luck with learning my gossip in high school either.
I tried to cheer her up. “In any case, you’re taking this whole thing pretty well.”
Allison snorted, her face still pale as she watched me from her spot on the bed. “What happens now?”
I shrugged. “You continue being normal. You can’t tell anyone about me.”
“Who would believe me?” she retorted.
“Fair enough. I’m Evie and we’re going to keep an eye on each other.”
“Evie?” she repeated. “But she’s - you’ve been my study partner for months.”
I shook my head. “Just a couple of days. There was some magic involved.”
“Magic…” Allison hardly moved, her eyes still as wide as dinner plates. Her lips moved as though talking to herself and I knew she needed a minute. However, there was no time. I had to drop the final bomb.
