by Carter Ashby
“Well, for the most part, I want Ivy’s happiness. Do you intend to make her happy?”
Jake stood there in the dirt at the foot of the porch steps looking up at Jared leaning against the front door. What was he doing? He wasn’t a teenager asking to take the guy’s daughter to prom. He was a grown man who wanted a grown woman. He’d never realized before how much he cowered on a daily basis. He’d always called it respect. He respected his father, therefore he did as he was told. But that was wrong all along. He knew this now because he wasn’t afraid of the man who stood in front of him. He respected him.
So Jake climbed the steps and faced Jared Turner like a man. “I’d sure like to try, sir.”
Jared grinned. “How long’s this been going on?”
Jake thought back. “I guess two weeks or so? Happened when you sent her to meet with me at the diner that first time.”
Jared nodded.
“Mostly she just yells at me, though. So, I’m not sure if she’s interested.”
“No time like the present to find out. I’ll go call her down. Can I get you something to drink? Iced tea? A beer?”
Jake grinned at the word “beer,” and Jared nodded, disappearing inside. There was a porch swing at the end of the porch, facing inward. Jake sat and rocked slowly. A couple minutes later, Ivy came out, carrying two beers. Her hair was loose. She had on shorts and a thin, flowing tank top, no bra…clearly clothes to be worn when settling in for the evening. Jake stood as she approached, sat when she sat, and opened her beer for her. He rested one arm along the back of the swing, framing her with it, making her a part of his space.
“I’m sorry about all of this,” he said.
“All of what?”
“All of the drama.”
She shrugged and drank deeply from her beer. “Why are you here?”
“I don’t know. I was going home. Turned around and came here instead. Missed you.” He brushed her hair aside so he could watch her blush.
“We don’t even know each other.”
“I was remembering, just now, all the times I noticed you in the past. Just brief moments where you made an impression on me. There’s a lot of them. You were a little kid for the longest time, though, so I don’t think I ever made that transition in my mind to looking at you as a woman.”
She looked up at him. “I guess my jumping on you down by the creek fixed that for you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She scooted closer and relaxed into his side. How she could be so casual was beyond him. The mere feel of her warmth had his heart racing. With her body pressed against his, he was dangerously close to cardiac arrest. “I’m calmed down from earlier,” she said, “but I haven’t changed my mind. Dating is one of those basic steps into adulthood, and if you can’t even break away from your father enough to do that, then I’m not going any further down this road with you.”
“I know. I get it.” A breeze blew in. Her hair tickled his neck. The scent of it filled him deeply.
“So? What’s your plan?”
He blew out a breath. He really hadn’t thought this through. “You need a plan right now?”
“I need an intention right now.”
“Okay, well, I intend to give you what you want. I just don’t quite know how, yet.”
She brought her feet onto the swing and curled against him, his reward for saying the right thing. No, that was the wrong way to look at it. What he’d done, was earn a bit of trust. Enough trust that she was willing to relax against him for a while.
“I’ve been doing some remembering, too,” she said. “I remember I had a crush on you when I was twelve.”
Caught off guard, he momentarily forgot his lust and laughed. “Really?”
She shook her head. “I used to lie in bed at night, hug my pillow, and cry over how much I was in love with you. Stupid teenage girl stuff, but still…it’s kind of funny.”
“How’d you come to even notice me?”
“I tripped and fell running around in the church parking lot. You picked me up, helped me to the bathroom, stood by while Mrs. Harper applied antiseptic. Then you walked me to my car.”
“Twelve. That would have made me, what, twenty-two? I didn’t realize I was so gentlemanly back then.”
“You had a girlfriend. I was heartbroken.”
“Oh, yeah. Melissa, I think.”
Suddenly, she sat up and swung around, straddling him. She reached to set her beer on the porch rail, then took his and did the same. Jake just focused on breathing. Her knees hugged his hips. He had no idea where to put his hands. “You don’t have a girlfriend now,” she said with a sly grin.
“No, ma’am.”
She ran her hands up his neck and into his hair. His eyes rolled shut and a low groan escaped his throat. When he felt her breath on his lips, he opened his eyes just long enough to watch hers close, and then melted into her kiss. In so many ways, he lost consciousness of the outside world as all his senses turned inward, attuned to all the nerve endings in his body that were now lit up like Christmas lights. In other ways, he was more fully aware than he’d ever been. He felt the vertebrae of her spine shift with her subtle, seductive movements. Through that touch, in his mind, he visualized her moving, undulating against him. His other hand cupped her jaw and felt its movement and its fragility. How could something be so delicate yet so strong?
When she kissed her way to the base of his jaw, he opened his eyes to see as much of her as he could. Her hand on his chest, fisting in his shirt. Her bare thigh against his jeans. She was all soft curves and mouthwatering flesh.
He touched her reverently, cupping her shoulder and sliding down to her elbow, watching the light from the sunset filter through the fine hairs on her arm, giving her a soft glow. He kissed her shoulder softly.
“Oh, Jake,” she whispered. She nipped at his ear, and he hissed in a breath. She did it again, this time licking along the outer edge.
“Ivy,” he groaned, and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tightly. This was such a dense concentration of want and need that he thought he might burn up in the heat of it. “You’re trembling,” he whispered.
“I think that’s you.” She pulled back and smiled at him, her cheeks flushed pink. “Look how turned on you are. It’s no wonder you don’t last very long.”
“Don’t make fun of me, Ivy,” he said, because she was right. He was so turned on it hurt, and he only wanted her kindness and her body, just now.
Her expression sobered, her lips still parted from the smile. “I wasn’t meaning to. I just think it’s strange…”
“What?” He stroked her hair. Tucked his hand in the small of her back beneath her shirt, bare flesh warm and damp with sweat. “What’s strange about it?”
She laced her fingers behind his neck and hung on. Her smile faded. Her lips were swollen and wet. For a moment, he saw her as a tousled, uncertain girl. He knew she wasn’t a virgin. Obviously. But in that moment, she looked like one. “It’s strange to see you…”
“See me what, Ivy?”
She shifted on his lap, and he hissed in a breath, still on edge and not sure how long he would last with her sitting on him like this. Her wide eyes sparkled. “To see you such a slave to desire.”
He grinned at that. “I try not to be. You’ve caught me unawares.”
“I’m glad. I like it. I like seeing you weak.”
This time he laughed and brought her against him in a firm embrace. The moment changed, no longer blistering with heat, but rather warm and soft. She rested her cheek on his shoulder. He rubbed her back up and down. “I like you like this,” he said.
“How’s that?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
“Quiet.”
She laughed and squeezed him tighter. “This relationship is going nowhere.”
“Mmm. We’ll see.”
“You’re not usually passionate. I’m not usually quiet. Clearly this is just a fling.”
He turned and k
issed her hair. This wasn’t just a fling. “I’m passionate when it counts. And it happens I like you when you’re loud, too.”
She sighed. “Can we just stay like this forever?”
They couldn’t.
Later, as he walked home in the dark, he tried to remember how the time had ended. It seemed as though one minute he was high as a kite, holding her, swaying in the swing with the evening breeze cooling their skin, and the next, he was trudging down a gravel road in the dark. She hadn’t invited him inside. He hadn’t asked. At some point, they’d separated, and they’d stood, straightened their clothes, and parted.
Now, here he was, halfway home, his head clearing at last, and reality slowly returning to the forefront of his mind. He’d run away, is what he’d done. Run off on an impulse and done something that made him happy. But the plain fact was, dating Ivy was going to cause strife, and for a peacemaker like Jake, that prospect didn’t sit well.
He arrived home, grabbed a beer out of the fridge, and sat on the porch, vaguely wondering where his brothers were, this time of night.
If anyone had the right to storm out, it was Dallas. But since Jake did it first, Dallas was obliged to sit through the rest of the meal with his food burning in his belly and a volcano of rage in his soul on the verge of erupting. As soon as Clara called Boone to help with the dishes, Dallas took off.
He cut through the field as though he were headed home, but rerouted when he was out of sight of the house.
Dumb. It was the reason for everything. Gideon wouldn’t pay for a college degree because it’d be a waste on someone so dumb. Dallas would never get a respectable woman, since he was too dumb.
Maybe if he’d been born first, being dumb wouldn’t matter so much. It sure didn’t matter in Jake’s case. Jake was dumb as shit and the old man didn’t seem to care. Boone wasn’t dumb, but he was a damn idiot. Dallas had never done a thing to earn his father’s prejudice. It was just a box that he stuck Dallas in back when he was a five-year-old boy who accidentally lit his momma’s curtains on fire, and now he was stuck in it.
The sun was setting, but he had his phone on him for a flashlight if it got too dark. He picked up his pace until he caught sight of the tree line by the creek. He jogged until he reached the edge of the shallow creek, and followed it toward the Turner property.
Jake had left trash bags full of those poisonous weeds there. Tons of them. From the low light, Dallas could see that the gallant bastard had even gone to clean out the stuff on the Turner side of the fence. There were at least a dozen large trash bags, but Jake would notice if one was missing. He loved those cows like his own children, so he’d have made sure to count, not wanting any of the poison to make its way back to the cattle.
Dallas leaned back against a tree and pondered. He’d have to take some of the weeds out of each bag. Jake would notice a missing bag, but he’d not notice a little missing from each bag.
He couldn’t very well carry it by hand back and forth, so he’d need to drive the pickup out here. Trouble was, if he got caught, how could he explain himself?
This quandary kept him occupied for the better part of five minutes, and just as the sun dipped below the horizon, he had it figured out. Of course. The bags had to be hauled off. That was likely to be Jake’s first chore in the morning. He’d simply volunteer to do it for him. Show a little brotherly love.
Dallas smiled to himself. Brilliant. He’d get Ivy her sale and be off this property in a week’s time.
Dallas strolled back toward his house. It was full dark when he arrived and found Jake sitting on the back porch, three beers in.
Dallas plopped next to him on the steps and grabbed the fourth beer out of the six pack. “Where’d you run off to?” he asked.
Jake frowned at him. “Here. Been here the whole time.”
“Is that so?” Dallas asked, laughing at the lie. He twisted the cap off his beer and chugged half of it.
“Yeah, that’s so. You got something to say?”
“Nope. Not at all.” No sense pushing his luck. He didn’t really care where Jake had run off to.
Jake shook his head and finished off his bottle.
“So…what’s on the schedule for tomorrow?” Dallas asked, as casually as possible.
It must not have sold, because Jake gave him a funny look. “What are you talking about?”
Dallas shrugged and stared out into the night. “Just wondering what chores we gotta do first thing?”
Jake kept staring at him. “You were born and raised here same as me. If you don’t know what’s gotta be done by now, boy, you oughtta put together a resumé and find another job.”
Dallas laughed nervously. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just meant, you got anything needs done that ain’t been done yet? I mean, I know you were gonna fix that fence down by the creek.”
“I fixed that a week ago.”
“Yeah, okay.” He waited, but Jake was not forthcoming. “What about all them weeds you were wanting to dispose of?”
“I pretty much did all the work. Just gotta haul it out to the dump.”
“I’ll do that for you,” Dallas said.
This elicited outright laughter from Jake. “What’s your angle, man?”
“No angle. Just looking for something to do that gets me out of shoveling shit.”
Jake nodded. “Yeah, well, you can do that and shovel shit.”
Dallas laughed, just to keep things light. “Yeah, whatever,” he said. With Jake’s suspicions aroused, he thought he’d better act a little more unconcerned. “I’m sure you’ll have it shoveled before I’m even awake.”
“Prob’ly.” Jake popped open another beer.
Dallas exhaled slowly. He wouldn’t say anymore on the subject. He finished off his beer and went inside.
I wanna see you.
Cody had sent the text ten minutes ago. He sat in Ivy’s abandoned barn, sure that Jordan wouldn’t refuse him. It hadn’t occurred to him that the kid might not answer.
After five more minutes, he dialed Jordan’s number. It went straight to voicemail. “It’s me. Call me. Please.” He hung up and waited.
The itch had grown unbearable. He regretted everything he’d said to Jordan. All he wanted was a moment with him. Just one moment. One fix.
His phone vibrated.
I’m not interested.
Cody stared at it. I know that’s not true.
No more answer came. Cody sat leaning against the wall, uncertain what to do. At last, he texted again, I’m at the barn. Jordan, I know you want this. Meet me, please.
It was as much desperation as he was willing to show.
After dinner he’d casually mentioned he was going for his walk. He’d established a nightly habit of taking long walks just for this purpose. Sometimes he used the time for peace and quiet. Other times he used it for hookups. But since it was a habit, his family never questioned it.
After listening to his Dad, Cody had a lot of frustration to burn off, and he wanted to burn it off on Jordan.
The sun sank slowly, darkening the barn. Cody closed his eyes and sank into the ache of unrequited need.
“What do you want from me?”
The words were spoken softly, in a deep, young voice. Cody opened his eyes. Jordan stood over him, holding a flashlight. Night had fallen. “I can’t stop thinking about you,” Cody admitted.
“Fuck you. I said as much to you last week and you…you hurt me, Cody. I’m not like you. I don’t do hookups. I thought we had something real.”
Cody stood and looked down at Jordan. He brushed his knuckle along the newly grown stubble of his jaw. “You trying to look tough with this?” Cody asked.
Jordan didn’t smile.
Cody did. “I like it. Makes you look older. More experienced.”
Jordan’s blue eyes softened in the glow of the flashlight.
He’d shown up. Cody took that to mean he was still interested. That he still had feelings. So he leaned in to kiss him.
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But Jordan backed up. “I won’t let you use me.”
Cody straightened and rolled his shoulders back. “What are your terms?”
“Terms?”
“Yeah. What do you need from me to be with me?”
Jordan let out a laugh and fell back a step. “Is this how it works? Negotiation? I want to date like normal people, Cody.”
“We’re not normal people.”
“Sure we are. What about Harry and Martin. They’re married. Nobody bothers them. They’ve got lots of friends. They go to parties and bars together. Chad Baker…he’s gay. Openly. Goes to bars to hook up. Even goes to that other church on Sundays.”
“They don’t have Gideon Deathridge for a father. I’ve stayed under the radar for almost thirty years, I’m not about to rock the boat now. I like you, Jordan. A lot. I wanna keep seeing you. But if you think there’s some chance of the two of us having a ‘normal’ relationship, then I…I just feel sorry for you. You’re never going to have that in this town.”
Jordan shook his head and started walking toward the door. “Then goodbye. I don’t want to do this with you.”
Cody grabbed his arm, panic seizing his throat. “Please,” he begged before he could stop himself. “I need this. I need you. Please, Jordan.”
Jordan’s eyes welled. “If you want me, you can ask me on a date like a man. We’ll go to dinner, have a few drinks, and fuck like animals in the back of your truck. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to be your dirty little secret.”
With that, he left, and with him, Cody’s breath. Cody sank to the ground, leaned against the wall, and waited for the pain to pass. It didn’t, though, not entirely. It swelled like a mushroom cloud and then shrank back to a small ache, but it didn’t disappear. He stood and walked back home.
Molly paced the floor, staring at her phone. He hadn’t called or texted in days. Days. Was he finished with her?
The light in the sitting room was dim, which fit her mood. She was going crazy, desire and fear warring within her. This was a need. A fundamental need. She’d become hooked on Boone Deathridge and now he was withholding from her. She’d texted him a dozen times. Left six voicemails.
