by A. C. Bextor
“I’m letting her go, Cherry. I am. But…” he smiles, but it’s a stressful and upsetting smile hiding his sadness. “I’m doin’ it knowin’ I was the only one holding on.”
“I’m sorry.” He’s broken. This large man in front of me is so broken, by mostly self-inflicted hurt, but in so much pain nonetheless. Realization is dawning that no matter what he does, he’s powerless. Ace doesn’t do well with the feeling that goes along with being helpless.
Powering through his tortured admission, he continues. “I thought, while you were out with Trav, that I would have to let you go, too. It’s stupid and ridiculous, but it’s the truth. I swear, I’m telling you the truth.”
“I don’t understand.”
Hesitantly, he keeps going. “I thought that you and he…”
“It’s not like that, Ace. I told you already — Travis and I are friends.”
Using his finger to gesture back and forth between us, he explains the obvious. “You and I are friends.”
Using a gentle voice to be certain he continues, I answer. “Yes.”
“Then why do I hate that you…” He stops his thought mid-sentence, unsure if he should continue.
I’ve seen many faces of Ace; he wears them hesitantly, but they’re there. Anger, resentment, lust, love, yes, but confusion has never been one of them.
Standing on my tiptoes, I press into him, wrapping my arms around his neck, ensuring him that I’m here; safe and still his in whatever capacity he needs. He doesn’t make a move toward me, but I hear him draw in a ragged breath.
I kiss his neck, small and quick, one after another aiming to find his ear, and once there whispering, “I’m right here.” I run my hands to the back of his shoulders, then his neck, finally running my fingers through his hair. “Here, Ace.”
He doesn’t respond; still standing motionless, but allowing me to be this close to him while he’s this exposed. Seconds pass with him in my arms.
Stepping back but leaving my hands on his chest for connection, I look directly at him. His face is still broken, his eyes still glassy. “I’m your friend, and you can talk to me… even if you want to talk about her.”
His only response is to shake his head, and the silence surrounding us is deafening. I don’t know what else to say or do. While I was out with Travis today, seeing the town, getting to know my new friend, Ace was home in this apartment nervous for my safety and thinking about Sadey. I can’t make him talk about her and being honest with myself, this isn’t my problem. I didn’t come here to heal his heart or give him lessons on how to handle heartache and loss.
Momentarily giving up and turning away, I head toward the bags I had dropped when I came in. I bought him a present when we were out today. I wanted to give him something, anything, as a way to thank him for letting me into his life here in California. A small token, but it holds no less meaning.
Before I can bend over completely to find the right bag, I’m hauled up into the air as Ace grabs my waist, sending me flying, and my back landing against his chest. His breath in my ear is heavy, and his fingers digging into my waist are unforgiving. He’s clinging to me without thought or remorse. I close my eyes to enjoy the sensation.
Bending down, he whispers in my ear. “The truth is…” Wrapping his arms around me completely and tugging softly, he continues. “I missed you today.”
I shiver. The tone of his voice, the feel of the grasp he has on me, and the safety I embrace while being in his arms cause my body to react on its own. My eyes still closed, Ace turns me around to face him. I don’t want to chance a look at that beautiful face.
His mouth touches mine, slowly tracing my lips with his tongue. I don’t respond, giving him a chance to back away; to think about what he’s doing. We’ve not had sex in months and although I’m in love with him, I know his feelings for me aren’t the same, not even close.
Moving his hands to my face, holding it in place, he leans back, and finally, I open my eyes. His look is predatory. He looks hungry and judging by the feel of him hard against me, I’m certain he’s hungry for me. Ace’s dark eyes penetrate mine; scorching, and driven.
Staring down at me, he searches my face for reaction to his words. When it doesn’t happen he kisses me again, but this time there’s no coaxing or hesitation.
Using his tongue to open my mouth, he pushes through. My stomach warms and I feel light on my feet. My head is hazy as it accepts the feel of him, familiar but yet not. His hands make their way to my hair, and he’s using his strength to draw me into him.
This is the exact reason I fell in love with him. Any other man I’ve been with has been far less than gentle and further less in caring. Ace does love me, even though it’s not with the intentions I had always hoped for. In this moment, he’s taking his time with me; he’s caressing me, exposing me to a gentleness I never knew he had.
He breaks the kiss and pulls my head back with his hands. My eyes are still closed, my body lost to the moment he just gave me. His voice is strangled, but his words are certain. “Cherry, stop me.” Resting his forehead on mine, I feel his breath on my face. “Please. Tell me to stop.”
His face moves to my neck, his heavy breathing causing me to momentarily close my eyes again to savor the closeness. His hands are pulling up the hem of my shirt on each side. The heat in his fingers caresses the skin at my waist. Moving them further up, he finds the lace of my bra, running this thumb under the base of my breast.
God, this feels good; safe and comfortable. It can’t last, though. I won’t let it.
Sadey is here. Although not physically, but she may as well be here in person and standing between us.
“Stop.” My only word causes the only reaction I could’ve expected.
Stepping back, taking his warmth with him, he hangs his head and studies the floor between us. “I get it.” I believe him.
“I’m sorry.” Reaching out to him, he catches my hand before I can touch him. He holds it in his after squeezing gently; a sign of unspoken truce.
Lifting his head, he studies me for a moment, then answers my apology with direction. “Going out. Sleep in my room. I’ll be back later.”
Kissing my temple, he walks out the apartment door, leaving me alone with time to think about what just happened.
ACE DIDN’T COME home last night until after I had already fallen asleep. I had figured he would avoid me after what happened yesterday when I got home and, I was right, he did. Once he made it back, he slept on the couch; the mess of blankets and pillows are still there. I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit I was curious but also concerned on where and with whom he spent the evening. I’m trying not to let it bother me, but it does.
Sitting at the bar, enjoying my first cup of coffee, I hear Sarah in her room gathering her things for school. Mondays suck for everyone and as frustrated as she looks as she comes stomping out of her room, I see her day is starting no better than mine.
“Good morning,” she mumbles on her way to the fridge, pulling out a carton of orange juice. At least I got an acknowledgement.
“Good morning. I think Ace already headed to work. I can drive you to school if I can borrow Bean’s car.”
Dropping the orange juice on the counter, she opens it and starts to pour us both a glass. I hate the taste of it, but I’m not about to bring this up with her unstable mood. I’ll wait until she leaves and dump it.
“No, but thanks anyway. Ace woke me at four-thirty this morning.” Her eyebrows bunch up as she loses herself to frustration. “Who, in this house, gets up at four-thirty? The sun wasn’t even coming up yet, Cherry.” Rolling her eyes and working her way through the bagel bag twist tie, she continues on a huff. “He told me Travis is coming to pick me up to take me. What the hell? Not Travis.” Now her voice gentles, as if she’s picturing another person’s face in place of Trav’s. “I wish he would have asked Hayden. That would have given me some motivation, but Travis is just as cranky as Ace.”
“Oh, Travis i
sn’t so bad.”
“He is just as bad. Sometimes he’s worse.” Rolling her eyes, she mocks him. “‘Wear your seat belt, Sarah.’ ‘Don’t choke on that candy, squirt.’ Cherry, I don’t like bagels, but you see me getting ready to make one? It’s ‘cause I’m gonna torment him with it all the way to school.”
“Wow. You really don’t wake up well.” I exaggerate my words slowly, hoping she admits she’s over-dramatizing a quick ride to school.
I shouldn’t have bothered, because she misses my point completely. “I would’ve woken up happy if Hayden was taking me.”
“You like Hayden, huh?”
“I like to look at Hayden. C’mon, don’t act like you don’t see what I see when you look at him. He’s hawwwt.”
“Don’t let Ace hear you talk about him like that. You’re fourteen.”
Packing up the orange juice and putting away the bagel bag, Sarah’s frustration eases. “I’m almost fifteen and whatever, fourteen or forty, the man is fine. Are you telling me you don’t look at him when he’s not looking or when Ace isn’t around?”
“I’m human, but Travis seems more sincere and Ace trusts him.”
“Whatever.”
As she continue to discuss the pros and cons of Ace’s friends, my phone chimes with an incoming message I didn’t expect.
Ace 07:42 a.m. Had to leave early. Be ready at 6. I’m going to take you to dinner.
I’m confused and will admit my heart sinks a little in my chest wondering if Ace meant this text to be for me.
07:42 a.m. What?
Ace 07:43 a.m. Dinner, Cherry. I’m on break and don’t have time to spell this shit out. Be ready at 6.
I’m still confused as to why he’s wanting to take me to dinner, but I comply with his request mainly because I’m too tired to argue and Sarah is still rattling on about the obvious hot factor of Hayden Flynn.
07:45 a.m. Okay
Ace 07:48 a.m. You wanted to date. This is me making sure you get that date.
Ace is taking me out? On a date? I like this. My moment is short-lived as soon as the next text message arrives.
Ace 07:50 a.m. Don’t overthink it. We’re friends.
Ouch.
As I hear Sarah finishing in the bathroom, the sounds of hair products being thrown around is obvious. She’s pissed. Then I hear Travis knocking at the door. I look like hell from not sleeping and I’m only half-dressed, but I answer it anyway.
Finally, someone who doesn’t look or speak in angry tones. “Heya, Raegan. Squirt here? I’m supposed to take her to school on my way to work.”
“Yep. C’mon in. She’s in the bathroom.”
Sarcastically, he comments, “Great. She’s pissed isn’t she?”
“Yep. She doesn’t like that Ace told you to take her.” The honesty of my answer doesn’t matter, he already knows.
“She would prefer Hayden do it, I know. You don’t have to tell me.”
Smiling, I reply. “Then I won’t.”
Travis’s face follows the movement behind my shoulder and I see his jaw tick, just as Ace’s does when he’s pissed. His voice is cold, all signs of casual and care disappear. “Squirt, you gotta get dressed; we’re leaving and I can’t be late for work.”
At his insinuation that she’s not dressed, Sarah freaks. I mean, she freaks. Her voice is high and scratchy, her arms fly around in annoyance, and her face turns red as she yells at me while ignoring the product of her anger. “See what I mean, Cherry? Do you see this shit? This is what I’m talking about. He’s no better than Ace!”
A small growl comes from Travis as he pushes me aside and walks closer to Sarah. Pointing at her face, he levels his eyes to her. “Watch your mouth. You sound like trash when you talk like that.”
“Well, apparently you think I look like trash, too. This,” she gestures her hand up and down her body, “is what I’m wearing to school. I’ve already changed!”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake, get in the Jeep. I’ll be down in a minute. We’re gonna be late.”
Saluting him as she pushes past him, she sends a sly, smart smile my way and makes her way outside after grabbing her book bag by the door.
“See ya, Sarah.”
Slamming the door behind her, I hear her yell through it, “Later, Cherry.”
Turning back to Travis, I see he’s flustered. His hands are on his hips, and his head is hanging down as he attempts to calm down. When he looks up at me, I can’t tell what he’s thinking until he tells me. “I swear that kid is half devil. If she weren’t Ace’s kid sister, I’d…”
“You’d do what?” Curious, I want him to finish. I could use the laugh.
“Well, I don’t fuckin’ know. Sometimes she’s sweet as ever and other times she’s the spawn of Satan.”
“She’s a teenager and she’s hormonal. I think that’s normal.” I try to offer any guidance I can.
“Those clothes aren’t acceptable, and I’m surprised Ace lets her wear them.”
“Those are my clothes, Trav. She got them from me.”
“You’re a woman, Rae.”
“So is she. She started her…”
“Oh, God, stop. Please, for the love of God, don’t say anymore.”
Travis walks past me, giving me his narrowed eyes once he sees me laughing. I can’t help it. It’s funny to see Travis and Ace sucked into the power of a fourteen-year-old.
“See ya, Trav. Have a good day at work.”
Before he slams the door as Sarah did, I hear him mumble, “Right.”
Finally, just as I thought I was going to enjoy a cup of coffee, I hear Bean in her room. “Who’s so busy slamming all the doors in this house?”
“Never mind, Bean. Go back to bed.”
“I will, thank you.”
It’s like rush hour at the damn circus in here this morning.
True to my word, I’m here to pick Cherry up at six o’clock for her “date.” I’m unsure if I’m looking forward to this evening or if I’m dreading it like the plague. Last night, Cherry insinuated she may or may not start dating. This rattled me, and I’m not ashamed to admit that the thought leaves me with a tight feeling in my chest. Imagining anyone ever touching her, in any way, bothers me even though I know it shouldn’t.
After leaving her here last night, I went out to drown myself in beer and found it to be a good form of avoidance. That was, until Hayden forced me out of The Ward and brought my drunk ass home. I couldn’t face going into my room and seeing her laying on my bed alone and waiting for me, so I slept on the couch.
I knew I made her uncomfortable when I put my hands on her, kissed her, and tried to make her mine. Cherry’s not mine to have. I was reaching out to her, just as I always have in the past. I had intended to use her to help me forget about my heartbreak. She was out with Travis all fucking day and I really did miss her, causing me to take what I needed without thinking of the consequence. Thankfully, she did.
My decision to take her out tonight was a questionable one. She deserves to feel good about herself and by me locking her up and not allowing her to experience the things that normal people in this city do, I’m holding back her progress. I saw the excitement on her face yesterday when she got home; she was happy and relaxed. Then, I ruined it with my nervous thoughts about how she’d eventually find someone else to take care of her.
It’s the way I think and always have. She’s my friend, and I love her for all she’s ever done for me so because of this, she’s getting the date she’s obviously been thinking about.
As soon as I hit the door, all my thoughts of friendship go to shit when I catch what she’s fucking wearing. I blurt my thought without worrying how she’ll accept it. “That shirt doesn’t fit.”
It’s a tank top. This one is pink with a black Harley Davidson logo displayed across her chest. Of course it fits, but that same logo that’s stretched out across her chest will have me concentrating on nothing more for the evening, making this friendly date a moot point the moment I
attempt to take it off her.
Looking down and pulling it from her body at the waist causes her to reveal her tan stomach and navel piercing. She answers the question I didn’t ask. “Yes, it does.”
Ignoring her reply, I move on to the other issue blatantly threatening to make me shift my cock in my jeans. That being those goddamn ripped, cut-off shorts that ride high on her just-as-tan muscular thighs. “You’ll also need pants, not shorts or whatever the fuck those goddamn things are.”
I watch as her mind races, waiting for explanation. “For what?”
Not wanting to explain but wanting to escape this room before I can’t resist the urge to kiss her again, I keep going. “Your hair needs to be put up. Can’t wear a helmet with all that shit flying around.”
Now she’s excited; she knows I’m talking about my bike. She asked me on the way here from Ohio if I still had it. When I told her I had put it in storage, she immediately asked me to take it out so she could ride with me. I told her we would see. “We’re going on your bike?”
“Yes. My bike, Cherry.” Moving my fingers in a circular motion, I try to get her to go away. “Can you turn around and go back and change please?”
“I didn’t really think you still had your bike.”
Moving my hands to my hips as my patience wears thin, I hear myself bark at her. “We need to discuss this now or do you wanna go eat? I’m hungry. We can talk about it on the way.”
“We can’t talk if we’re on the bike.”
Turning around to face the door, expecting her to do as I told her, I snap. “Thank fuck for that, let’s go.”
Once Cherry has changed into something only slightly-less revealing, we’re on our way to Belleni’s. I know it’s a stretch, about an hour drive from the apartment, but when I took Cherry to the ocean when we arrived here a few weeks ago, she fell in love with it. I’m taking her to an Italian restaurant that sits near the pier. I’m about to spoil her for every other man who tries to take her out, my buddy Travis included.
