I was able to give Bull a heads up that I was coming to the club and he’s supposed to pick me up from the airport. Now I’m just waiting for his unpunctual ass to arrive.
I’ve already gotten a cup of coffee and I’m sippin’ on it when I see a decked-out Ford F-350 rollin’ up. I think it could be him, but I’m not sure until he rolls the window down and sticks his tongue out at me like a child. Looks like Bull went ahead and got some new wheels. He’s always been very responsible, but I know he must be doin’ something on the side to make this kinda cash. In the time I’ve known him, he’s bought a new truck every single year. And I don’t mean any sorta basic truck— he personalizes it to the extreme.
I grab my duffel bag from the floor and walk out to his truck, open the passenger side door, and hop on in. “Damn, you must’ve missed us loads to be leavin’ the warmth and comin’ back to Antarctica.”
“Eh, I didn’t miss you a bit. I came here for Raven,” I joke with him, but little does he know there is a layer of seriousness attached to my words.
Bull looks in his rearview mirror and checks his blind spot to make sure no one is coming when he turns to the left and we start to leave the airport. “Damn! I should’ve known. You might be a little too late though, brother.”
I furrow my brows, “What do you mean?”
“I mean you might’ve let that little bird slip through your fingers already,” Bull says.
“Alright. You need to elaborate. What the hell am I missing?”
“I don’t know who it was. But, brother . . . someone was fucking her pretty hardcore the other night. I got a really nice view of the tits on that one. Holy shit, more than a fuckin’ mouthful. Mmm.”
Anger courses through me. Not at Raven, but whoever was fucking her. My brothers all knew I had a thing for her. I may not have claimed her yet, but she was off-limits. If anything, my brother should’ve spoken to me first. “You’re sure?” I ask, needing clarification before I let myself get too pissed.
“Yeah, dude. If that wasn’t enough, Frank bitched about having to sleep on the couch because she was upstairs with someone.”
“Did Frank say who?”
“No, but I’ve got a couple of guesses,” Bull admits.
I crank my neck to the side and look at him, waiting for him to spill his guts but he doesn’t. “Dude, fess up! I’m not a fuckin’ mind reader!”
“Okay, alright. Damn! I want to think it’s Dixon or Zorro, but somethin’ just doesn’t sit well with me there. You know who she’s been hangin’ around a lot, don’t you?”
I shake my head from side to side. “No, but I’m expectin’ you to tell me.”
“Fist.” At his words, I almost feel my heart stop beating.
“Fist,” I repeat and Bull nods as we turn onto the interstate.
“Yeah, she’s been spending a lot of time around him. I thought she wanted to help get him out of his emotional rut, but maybe she’s just been helpin’ him get out of that damn robe and liftin’ his spirits in other ways.”
Fuck. I want to strangle someone right now. Even more than that, I want to punch my own fist through a fuckin’ wall because out of any man in the club, it has to be my Prez . . . or old Prez. Fuck me sideways. I never prepared myself for this.
“How positive are you it’s Fist?”
“Brother, I’m not positive at all. The only thing I’m goin’ on is height and I saw the glimmer of a ring in the window. You know Fist is always wearing a ring.”
I nod. “Yeah, it’s somethin’ his dad gave him, right?”
“Mhm . . . oh fuck, Hawk!” Bull hollers, lookin’ straight at me. “You know who else wears a ring?”
I think about it for a moment but can’t put my finger on it. “Not Dixon or Zorro,” I reply.
“Correct, but Zane wears a ring just like his father.”
“No, Zane wouldn’t have fucked her. He knows I’ve been into her,” I quickly dismiss this theory. It has to be Fist, and I’ll deal with it as soon as I get back on the property.
Fuck, I feel like I’m in a difficult position. I wish I would’ve claimed Raven before I left. Now that I didn’t, someone else has had what was only supposed to be mine. Regardless, I can’t do a damn thing about it now. The only thing I can do is accept it and claim her as soon as possible. After I do that, no one will ever touch what belongs to me.
13
“He gave her the thing that she wanted most. He made her feel desired.”
~ Purely Sensual Visions
Raven
“Any idea when they’re going to get a start on construction?” Frank asks, peering out our bedroom window. I rise from the bed and go over to the window to look and see where the clubhouse once stood.
“I’m not sure. I’m betting it depends on whether or not it’s snowed, if the ground is frozen, and all that sorta stuff, I guess,” I reply. I have no construction background whatsoever so how am I to know when things would start to get a move on?
“Yeah, you make a valid point. I’m betting they’ll have to wait until the winter season is over and the ground warms up to start the process. Everyone keeps saying we’re bound to have an awful snow season,” Frank says as he looks at me with a hint of sadness in his eyes.
“What’s the matter?” I ask, thinking I already know what’s bothering him. He came out of the closet to his family and to say they’ve been less than accepting is an understatement.
“I called my dad last night and it doesn’t even ring anymore.” He shuts his eyes, clearly trying to hide his pain.
I furrow my brows, thinking about it. A phone doesn’t just stop ringing. “How is that possible?”
“He either blocked me or changed his phone number. I get one of those basic voicemail messages that tell me the number isn’t in service. I thought it was odd, so I called my mom and got the same thing. Shit, I remember what he said to me when I was twenty-two and hadn’t brought a girl home. Told me if I was gay, he’d take me out back and shoot me like a rabid dog. This may sound awful, but it would hurt less than being discarded like trash.”
I wrap my arms around my friend and hold him close, letting him find comfort in me. “I know it hurts, but just remember that family isn’t only blood. Family is what you make it. You’re my family. The Reapers are now my family. Ivy is my family. Do you see my point?” I ask, looking up into his eyes.
He nods once, and for the first time ever, when I stare at him, I see his struggle. It’s almost like I can feel every bit of pain radiating off him like the sun on the sand. I’m lucky I don’t have to experience what he’s going through, being neglected and outcast by his family . . . however, I can only imagine what it feels like. Especially when these are the people who are supposed to love you and be there for you no matter what, through thick and thin. Family is supposed to pick you up when you fall, hold you together when you’re broken, and support you in every way possible as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. “I can’t tell you how ready I am to leave Montana, Raven. I thought if they were supportive, I might stay . . . especially ‘cause the farm is our livelihood and legacy but I can’t do it. I can’t fathom staying in Montana and seeing them purposefully avoid me. It would break my heart.”
“We’ll leave soon. I told Ivy we’d be down in Vegas by Christmas and I don’t plan on going back on my word.” I think back to what I said when Ivy asked me to go down to Vegas with her that day, how I told her my family needed me and I couldn’t just abandon them. I don’t give two shits about my Momma anymore, not after what she did . . . but Matthew would show up every now and again asking for money.
He tried to shield me from shit when we were growing up, and because of the guilt I have when it comes to that . . . I ended up giving him cash. Now that I’m thinking about it, it makes sense how Momma got my number and figured out where I was. Matthew led her straight to me. Hell, he could’ve been giving her all the cash I gave him. Jesus Christ. I feel so stupid right now. My brother was playing me like a god damned vi
olin.
“What’s on your mind?” Frank asks, jogging me back into the present and outta my head.
Instead of lying, I’m honest with my friend. “Hearing you talk about your issues makes me think about mine. You’re not the only one with serious family issues.”
I’ve never told Frank too much about them. I confided more in Ivy and even then I was only giving her a few details here and there. She doesn’t know everything and I doubt I’ll tell anyone everything that went on. Fuck, there’s a big chunk of my childhood that I can’t remember at all. It’s a complete blur. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to remember my dad before he left or what, but the memory of him leaving our house is burned into my mind. I didn’t hate him when he left. Instead, I was totally okay with it. I remember feeling a distinction on that day as I watched him walk to his car with nothing but a suitcase.
Normal girls would’ve been crying, screaming, and pleading for their dad to stay, to not leave his family. But not me. I stood at my living room window and watched him drive away. The only thing I felt was relief. But I don’t remember why.
Now that I’m thinking about it, the last time I saw Matthew was at the bar before I was shot. If I’m remembering correctly, he asked for my cell phone number a few days before. He never needed it prior because he knew where I worked . . . so I’m betting he did give it to Momma. He’d come by the bar every couple of weeks. I’m starting to think it would be a good idea to keep my eyes open when I’m there tonight and see if he ends up coming in.
The owner had said they were going to keep it closed indefinitely, but there’s a sign up out front saying they’re opening back up tonight. Little do Matthew or Momma know, I’m starting to piece everything together.
Lord help Matthew if he does show up. ‘Cause I can guarantee it won’t be pretty.
14
And even if you’re not here to stay, I’m happy the universe allowed your soul to stop by.
~ Word Porn
Hawk
I’m trying to not let what Bull said bug me, but it's at the forefront of my mind. Shit, I’ve been sitting in his truck the last five minutes since we’ve been back wondering if he was tryin’ to stir shit up between Fist and I. Bull isn’t a gossipy type of person, but boy, he’s always loved to throw a wrench in someone's life. Motherfucker.
“You ready to go in there or what?” Bull asks, raising his brows like I’m some nervous teenage girl.
“Jesus, dude. Chill,” I grumble, picking my duffel bag up from the floor, I exit the truck and head toward Fist’s house.
I figured I’d be freezing my ass off since it’s so damn cold up here, but I must be a little more warm-blooded than I thought. Maybe it’s because of all my years up here. My body could’ve become accustomed to it or somethin’. I make my way up the few steps onto Fist’s wraparound porch and place my hand on the storm door. Only now am I becoming a little anxious. It’s just because I don’t know what the hell I’m walking into.
For all I know, I could go in and see Raven sitting on Fist’s lap with her tongue down his throat. I’ll pray to God I don’t see it . . . but I’d better be prepared for the worst-case scenario. I pull the storm door open and push the next one open. I see Blackjack, Grim, and Hammer all sitting at Fist’s table.
There’s not a woman in sight and I take that as kinda odd considering the clubwhores are supposed to be sleeping in Fist’s house from what I remember. Grim stands first, coming over to me and gives me a quick hug. “It’s good to see you, brother. How are things down in Vegas?”
“They’re not too bad. Better than up here, that’s for sure.”
“I’d imagine so,” Grim says,
I crack a smile as I pull out my favorite nickname for him. “Kinda missed you, Mr. Clean.”
Grim smacks me on the shoulder. “Shit, man! You’ll never stop with that.”
“Not as long as we’re still both breathin’, brother,” I smirk.
“You gotta tell me, is the pussy good down there?” Zorro asks, causing me to immediately roll my eyes. He’s got a one-track mind. I swear the only thing he thinks about is pussy. I’d say he’s a manwhore, but he’d have to sleep around a hell of a lot more to get any that title. If memory serves me right, he only gets his dick wet from the clubwhores within the club.
Out of everyone here, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him lock down a woman for real. He’s always bitchin’ about how they’re too much work and he doesn’t need anyone complainin’ in his ear.
“I wouldn’t be able to tell you, brother. Haven’t touched a thing,” I admit.
“Shit, no bitches into you? Don’t you have those whores livin’ at your club too?”
I nod. “Yeah, their madame keeps tryin’, but I’m not tryin’ to get any STDs. She’s not my type anyway. I don’t like bitches who beg.”
Zorro throws his head back into laughter. “Fuck, man! I’ve missed you.”
The sound of heavy footsteps causes me to look up the stairs and I see Zane comin’ my way. “Didn’t know you were coming back,” he says, sounding a little irritated I’m here, to be honest. If what I’m hearing is right, Fist has been in a deep, grueling depression. Zane could just be pissed his old man is down for the count.
Honestly, I don’t know if Zane is ready for the responsibility that comes with being Prez. He’s been preparing for this since he was a kid, but none of us thought he’d have the gavel yet. Maybe in five to ten years from now, but not at this point. If that wasn’t difficult enough, I’m pretty sure this speeds up every aspect of his life. If I’m remembering correctly, he has to marry one of the Raiders MC daughters from an alliance their fathers set up when they were kids. I have a feeling this pushes the fast forward button on him now.
“Yeah, sorry I didn’t call or nothin’. I only told Bull when my flight situation got sorted.”
Zane looks down at Bull, obviously displeased he didn’t share any information. “All good, brother. It’s great to have you back. How long you staying?”
“Not sure yet. I think I’m just gonna have to see.”
“Alright. Wish I would’ve known you were coming back up. We’re a little tight on bed space,” Zane mutters as he finishes his trek down the stairs and takes a seat at the table.
“I’m sure I can find somewhere to sleep,” I retort back, with a hint of annoyance laced in my tone. Fuck, if I knew Zane had a bug up his ass, I might’ve decided to stay back in Vegas. Actually, I take that back. Either way, I would’ve come up here ‘cause I’ve been worried as fuck about Raven. She still hasn’t texted me, further giving me the right to be concerned.
From the corner of my eyes, I see Grim looking between Zane and me. It only confirms there’s some sort of unspoken tension between the two of us. Although, I’m shocked Grim isn’t bringing it up. He’s either dead quiet, and grim as all hell— it’s how he got his name. Or he’s the biggest class clown. Shit, if his road name would’ve been Clown, we all would’ve died. We got away with Booger ‘cause he came into the club later.
“Hawk?” I hear the voice of an angel and shift my direction to the back of me. She’s in a puffy winter coat that makes everyone look like the Michelin man . . . but somehow still manages to look like a goddess.
In the time we’ve been apart, her hair has grown out a bit. Black roots span down until her hair is a dark shade of blue flowing down to the bottom. Her lips are as plump as I remember with that taut plumberry look. It takes every bit of control inside me not to walk over and see for myself if she has lipstick on or if it's her natural shade.
“Surprise, Baby Bird.” I smile as her eyes go wide in shock. It further confirms something did happen, and me showing up threw her for a loop. I’m not mad at her in the slightest, but Lord help whoever fucked her. Regardless, they’ll know she’s mine sooner or later.
15
One lie is enough to question all truths
~ Unknown
Raven
I take in a quick breath
as I slyly pinch myself. I need to make sure this isn’t a dream . . . that he’s really standing here in front of me right now. It’s odd how I could miss a man I’ve only seen once before. What’s more interesting is how my body relaxed at the sound of his voice. I haven’t trusted a man like this in years, longer than I can remember. I didn’t even trust CJ like this and we were on-again, off-again almost every other week for years. I finally got the courage to kick him to the curb a few weeks ago, realizing I deserve so much more than the way he continuously treated me.
I about melted into the floor when he called me Baby Bird but guilt stabbed me in the stomach at realizing what I just did a couple of days ago. Or rather who I just did. “What’s wrong, you not happy to see me?” Hawk asks, narrowing his eyes on me. I feel like Alice when she’s in that checkered room and everything is closing in on her.
“That’s absurd. Of course, I’m happy to see you,” I say, walking up to him to give him a hug. It feels weird, especially because I hold him a little longer than I should. I just need to feel the way his body presses up against mine. I’ve had naughty, dirty— no, they weren’t dirty, they were filthy—filthy dreams about the way his body feels against mine and now here we are in the flesh. I pull my body away from his after I realize how long I’ve been in his embrace. With the look on Grim’s face, everyone else noticed it too.
“You’d better be, girl. But I think you and I should have a little chat,” he muses, giving me a stern look.
Fuck, I think I know why he wants to talk. I’ve been ghosting him since I fucked Zane ‘cause I felt so guilty about it. At the moment, I felt like it was the right thing to do given my stress level, and it didn’t mean anything to me. I know people use that excuse all the time, but truly, it didn’t mean anything. It was strictly sex.
Hawk: Reapers MC Book #6 Page 6
