by Erin Zak
Chapter Fifteen
Stevie was so insanely good at undressing her, Bernadette thought. How was that possible? How could someone be so fucking good at taking off clothes? A sweater? Slipping off boots? Unbuttoning jeans?
When she was growing up and realized she was always going to be a little heavier than most of her friends, she started to fear being naked. PE class was always the hardest as she tried to hide while everyone else undressed. Over time, she learned how to accentuate her curves instead of hiding them, so things became a little easier. College was when everything started to come together for her, even though she weighed more than her mother thought she should. She started to exercise, take care of herself, and love what she had, curves and all. She discovered the wonder of bra fittings and wore panties that made her feel sexy, and slowly but surely, she was noticed by everyone, men and women alike. The attention wasn’t always wonderful, but she at least knew she was doing something right. Being undressed by someone was no longer scary so much as it was a means to an end.
Of course, being undressed by this woman who accidentally managed to sneak her way into her soul was another story altogether.
She perched on the side of Stevie’s double bed. The duvet cover was green with tiny blue and white stripes, and the material was soft against the back of her bare thighs. She was focusing on the softness of the material because the vacant expression on Stevie’s face was making her anxiety spring to life. Was Stevie disgusted? Was she regretting removing all of Bernadette’s clothes? Was she as terrified as Bernadette was?
She closed her eyes, pulled a deep breath into her lungs, then another one. Calm down, Bernadette. It’s only sex. She pursed her lips as she talked herself back from the edge of catastrophic thinking. It was only sex, wasn’t it? Everything was going to be fine. She knew she was good in bed. She knew what to do, how to act, how to make other people feel good. The problem this time was, as many times as she had sex throughout her life, she’d absolutely never felt like this about the other person. But what was this? It was sensual and raw, and it made her weak one second and strong the next.
Was this what love felt like?
Bernadette opened her eyes as her entire body filled with warmth. She watched Stevie’s trembling hand as she reached forward and lightly ran her fingertips down Bernadette’s bare stomach. Her light touch jolted through Bernadette’s body, so she swallowed, pushed the idea of love out of her mind, and focused on the possibility that Stevie wanted this, and her, as badly as she wanted Stevie. But this ache inside her throat that started out so tiny had grown and grown until it spread throughout her entire body, into her soul, and Stevie seemed to be the only relief.
What if it is love?
“I can’t believe you’re wearing a fucking thong.” Stevie’s whisper broke the silence as she curled both index fingers around the waistband. It was almost as if she’d meant to keep the thought to herself, but she definitely said it out loud.
“You sound upset by this discovery,” Bernadette said with a small laugh. She didn’t really think Stevie was upset, but the sound of her voice was filled with some sort of revelation that Bernadette absolutely wanted to be privy to.
“I’m surprised by it.”
“Can I ask why?”
Stevie was kneeling on the rug in her bedroom. Her chest was visibly rising and falling with each intake of breath. Her bra was a deep red, and the straps seemed to sparkle in the dim light sneaking in the makeshift doorway to her bedroom. Stevie lifted her chin, and her gaze landed on Bernadette’s eyes, and there was a moment when Bernadette forgot how to breathe. The look in Stevie’s eyes and all over her face was not fear. It was not disgust or regret. That facial expression projected exactly what Bernadette was feeling, and that was when she knew whatever was going to happen between them was going to change both of them forever. Whether the change would be magnificent or horrifying remained to be seen.
Stevie started to pull gently on the thong, never taking her eyes from Bernadette’s. “You don’t seem like the thong type.”
“Oh, honey,” Bernadette said softly as she reached forward and lightly pushed Stevie’s hair behind her ear. “You have no idea.”
Stevie’s eyes widened, and her left eyebrow arched. “Are you serious?”
Bernadette placed both of her hands on the bed and pushed herself up to lift her hips. “Take them off.” She lowered her voice on purpose when she said those words because she knew it would drive Stevie wild, but when she saw the chills erupt on Stevie’s arms and across her chest, she felt a power she didn’t know existed. Stevie did as instructed, but she did it slowly, dragging her rounded nails down Bernadette’s legs the entire time. When she was finally free of the thong, Stevie held the material in the air between her thumb and forefinger before she dropped it onto the floor. “Take yours off, too. And that bra.” She leaned back and propped herself up with her hands. “Now.” The smile that appeared on Stevie’s face as she stood was breathtaking, as was the shape of her slender frame. Bernadette avoided sleeping with anyone who was smaller than her, because even the thought made her even more self-conscious. But seeing Stevie naked was helping, not hurting, and it was making her feel so much more at ease. There was something about Stevie’s pale skin and gentle curves that made her so incredibly real. She had a dark brown birthmark shaped like a heart under her right breast, and as Stevie reached around to unsnap her red bra, Bernadette noticed a scar along Stevie’s right hip. It was slightly hidden by her red and white polka-dot hipster panties.
“It’s from the car accident,” Stevie said, her voice breaking the silence.
Her eyes snapped back up to Stevie’s face as the bra went limp and slid down her arms. Guilt flooded her from being called out for staring. “Oh.”
“It wasn’t as bad as it looks.” Stevie dropped the bra, then pulled the side of her panties down with her thumb and looked at the scar. “I don’t remember much.”
“Like how it all happened?”
Stevie’s head was still bowed as she nodded. “It’s not something I talk about.” She shrugged, head still down. “Especially when I have sex with someone.”
“Hey,” Bernadette said as she leaned forward and reached to grab onto Stevie’s non-existent hips. She brushed her thumb over the scar, and when Stevie finally made eye contact, she softly dug her fingers into the exposed soft skin of Stevie’s ass. “You don’t have to talk about it now. Okay?” Stevie blinked rapidly, almost as if she was fighting off tears, so Bernadette slid her hands under the polka dot panties and pushed them over Stevie’s smooth ass and thighs, until gravity assisted at Stevie’s knees and pulled them the rest of the way to the floor. She ran the soft pad of her thumb once more over the dark scar. “Okay?”
Stevie moved slowly as she started to straddle Bernadette, one knee at a time before she situated herself on Bernadette’s lap. The sensation of Stevie’s weight, her naked body, was intoxicating. She took a deep breath to center herself, to refocus her attention on Stevie’s words.
“That accident changed my entire life,” Stevie whispered. Her fingertips danced down Bernadette’s arms, then up along her shoulders, until she ran her index finger down Bernadette’s neck.
“Stevie, baby, I know. I know.”
“I never learned to drive because of that night.” Stevie took a deep breath, held it for one count, two, before she let it out. “I have never let myself fall in love with anyone because of that night. But…”
Her ability to breathe seemed to disappear. Please don’t say it…
“I—”
“Stevie.” She absolutely did not want her to finish whatever she was going to say. She wasn’t ready for what could be on the end of that sentence. Oh God, she wasn’t ready. And Stevie couldn’t be ready, either.
“But what if another accident takes someone important away from me?” Stevie reached up and ran her fingers through Bernadette’s hair from her scalp to the ends, then pulled on it gently. Stevie was biting her
lip so hard a white mark remained when she opened her mouth and finished with, “What if you get taken away from me?” Stevie’s words were barely above a whisper, but Bernadette could hear every thread of emotion that was holding Stevie together.
And her own emotions were running wild. Her heart was beating so hard she could feel the vibrations in her eardrums. This was what love felt like, wasn’t it? The all-consuming fear that something, anything could happen, and it could ruin everything. “I’m not going anywhere.” She wrapped her arms around Stevie’s small waist and pulled her as close as possible. “Y’know,” she said against Stevie’s naked chest before she pulled back a tiny amount. “The tarot reading was basically an accident, too.” She watched as the words seemed to roll around in Stevie’s brain. “Think about it. You stumbled into the reading room, I caught you—when I’m not supposed to ever touch the clients—and for whatever reason, some higher power or chakra or whatever compelled Connie to give you a reading. For free. And she never gives readings for free. Ever.” She paused, the memory of the feel of Stevie’s energy coursing through her own body almost too much to handle. “And the reading turned out to be a love reading, even though your question had exactly nothing to do with love. So if you think about it, the whole evening was maybe the best accident that ever happened.” She stopped and considered her words before she added, as softly as possible, “To either of us.”
There was the start of a smile on Stevie’s lips as she looked down at Bernadette. “So you’re telling me this whole relationship started because I accidentally stumbled through that goddamn beaded curtain?”
Bernadette shrugged. “It’s definitely a good story.”
“It’s a beautiful story,” Stevie said softly before she leaned down and placed her lips on Bernadette’s. As Stevie deepened the kiss, Bernadette’s only regret was she wished she could let go of her fear now and just tell Stevie she loved her. Because who was she trying to kid? It wasn’t too soon at all.
* * *
The moans coming out of Bernadette’s mouth were almost unrecognizable to her. Was that really her making those sounds? Everything about Stevie was causing her to do things she would never do. From falling for someone to being vocal during sex, Stevie was changing everything about her. Her heart, her mind, her soul. Every. Single. Thing. She was handing every last part of herself over to Stevie without question or hesitation. And as Stevie’s fingers were buried deep inside her, there was a fleeting moment when she wondered how she was going to handle the heartbreak when it inevitably happened. But as Stevie sucked Bernadette’s clit into her mouth and flicked it with precision, the thought dissipated quickly. Especially when Stevie curled her fingers slightly and began to hit a spot on each thrust that made her entire body feel as if it was ready to combust.
She leaned her head back, gripped the bottom sheet so hard that it snapped off the edge of the mattress, and moaned Stevie’s name. “Holy fuck,” she shouted as she rode out the orgasm ripping through her body. Her voice echoed against the ceiling of the apartment, but she didn’t care. The first orgasm Stevie gave her was short, sweet, and to the point. It was quick and dirty with Stevie’s fingers massaging her clit when they finally lay back on the bed. But this orgasm? The one that just happened? She was fairly positive she pulled a muscle in her thigh from clenching and oh God, oh God, oh God, did she come so hard that she literally came? She could feel it between her legs, and the embarrassment bubbling over inside caused her entire body to flush.
Stevie crawled up next to her as she rolled onto her side, shielding her face with her arm. “Are you okay?”
“No.” Her voice was muffled. “I’m not okay.”
“Did I hurt you?”
Still covering her face, she groaned. “No. God. I actually came, didn’t I?” And Stevie chuckled. She fucking chuckled. Bernadette moved her arm and glared at Stevie. “It’s not funny.”
Stevie sprang into action and rolled Bernadette until she was on her back. “Do you know how much of a compliment this is for me?”
“I am so embarrassed, though.”
“Bernadette, baby,” Stevie whispered as she got super close to her face. “You are fucking incredible. You taste amazing, and you absolutely should not be embarrassed. I feel so lucky I got to see you…so open and honest and real. You are gorgeous and special. Please…don’t be embarrassed.”
“It’s never happened to me before.”
Stevie beamed. “Oh yeah?”
After a groan and a gentle smack to Stevie’s arm, Bernadette laughed. “Don’t go getting a big head.”
“Well, you’re older than me, so I figured you’d been all the way around the block a couple times.”
Bernadette gasped. “Stevie Adams. You take that back right now.” Stevie was laughing so hard now her entire body was shaking. Bernadette maneuvered her body quickly and was on top of Stevie in seconds. She straddled Stevie’s hips and pinned Stevie’s hands over her head in one fluid motion. “Me being older could be a good thing, y’know?”
Stevie smiled as she attempted to lift her hips to meet Bernadette’s center with hers. “You being older is one of my favorite things about you.”
“Yeah?” Bernadette leaned down, balancing on one hand while still firmly holding Stevie’s hand with the other. She got as close as possible to Stevie’s lips without touching her. “You like older women, hmm?”
“Jesus Christ…” Stevie’s words were whispered as she poorly struggled against Bernadette’s restraint.
Bernadette released her grip on Stevie’s hands before she positioned herself between Stevie’s legs. “Don’t forget—I’m very good with my hands.”
* * *
Stevie saw Bernadette for the first time that night. It was fun and real and everything Stevie had hoped it would be. Especially the way Bernadette reached for her with trembling hands that weren’t unsure so much as they were wanting and needing. It was amazing, that first feel of Bernadette’s naked body. Her clothes had come off so quickly and so easily that Stevie didn’t remember every detail, which she sort of hated because she wanted to remember everything. But Bernadette’s skin was smooth. Oh God, was Bernadette smooth…Her stomach, the way her sides curved to her hips, the black thong she was wearing, the indent of her navel. Everything was exactly how Stevie pictured it but also nothing at all as she expected. Bernadette was perfect, and it made her want to ask questions about how and why and where, but also, she wanted to cry because it was finally happening.
Bernadette had become the unattainable dream Stevie finally wanted a chance with. And when she came back to the bed after getting herself a glass of water from the bathroom sink, she ran her fingers down Bernadette’s smooth, smooth stomach to her center with its velvet folds and wondered fleetingly if this was a dream. Was it going to end like everything else good in her life always did? Or was this as real as it seemed?
Stevie lifted the covers, and Bernadette slid next to her, her naked body completely pressed against hers. She kissed Stevie’s clavicle, the soft skin that led from shoulder to chest, her breasts. Stevie was slightly self-conscious after seeing Bernadette’s body, her curves, her full breasts. She’d always run to the skinny side, her breasts there, but barely. She had trouble finding pants to fit, because…hips? What were those? She’d been mesmerized when Bernadette lifted herself so she could pull Bernadette’s black thong—Jesus Christ, that black thong—over her hips, her ass, down her thighs. She had a body that made everything inside Stevie weak. And she was so confident and sure of herself. Stevie would never admit it to anyone, but she rarely slept with someone whose self-esteem challenged hers, risked bringing her insecurities to the forefront.
For the first time ever, though, Stevie felt completely at ease. Everything about Bernadette made Stevie take a breath and calm down. It was all so foreign, but at the same time, it felt familiar and right, almost as if everything that happened, the accident, her broken heart, the possibility that she might leave, led her to the tarot re
ading, to Bernadette, and to love.
Love.
“You okay?” Bernadette asked. Stevie felt the words against her skin, Bernadette’s warm breath as she looked up at Stevie. “You seem not okay.”
“I am more than okay.”
“You promise?”
“I swear on everything.” Stevie sighed. “I’m just thinking.”
“About?”
“You. And how I don’t know what to do with these feelings I have for you.” Stevie knew it was too soon to have the conversation. She knew it. And Bernadette must have felt the same way because Stevie felt her entire body stiffen. “I’m fine, though. I promise. I’m just…”
“Being a sentimental girl?”
“Exactly.” Stevie laughed, and as her laugh died down, Bernadette rearranged herself so she was completely on her side, facing Stevie, eye to eye, mouth to mouth.
“You are the most amazing and beautiful girl I’ve ever been around in my entire life.” Bernadette whispered that confession, and something about the way Bernadette said it made Stevie wet again. Her deep voice, the arch of her eyebrow, the way her hair still looked damn near perfect even after three rounds of fairly wild sex. She was so gorgeous that Stevie had a hard time dealing with it sometimes.
“You’re so fucking sexy.” Stevie leaned forward and pulled Bernadette closer, and her deep, throaty chuckle was so sensual, all Stevie could think to do was lunge forward and capture Bernadette’s slightly bruised full lips with hers. She moaned into the kiss. “You’re going to ruin me.” The words were mumbled around lips and teeth, and Bernadette pulled away from the kiss. She watched Stevie, her eyes searching, as if looking for some sort of answer to questions neither wanted to ask, but both knew were there. What was happening was more than likely going to ruin them both, but did they care? Did they want to stop?
“Ditto,” Bernadette said softly, but she started to smile until she was all teeth, and when Stevie saw wetness sparkling in Bernadette’s eyes, she couldn’t hold back the tears that sprang to her own eyes. “Everything will seem less compared to this…to you.”
