Permanent Rose

by Hilary McKay

  There were only two platforms. A train was in at the nearest one as they arrived, a huge intercity London-bound express. The doors were opened, and people were queuing to board. Caddy was one of them. David and Rose spotted her just as she heaved her rucksack up the high step of the doorway, and nimbly climbed up afterwards.

  ‘Quick!’ said David, towing Rose across to the door. ‘Up you get! Run along until you find her, give her the ring, and get off at the next open door!’

  ‘But I will have to tell her I took it!’ wailed Rose.

  ‘Serves you right! I’ll wait here!’

  Before Rose could argue any more he had thrust the ring into her hand and boosted her up the step. And then he had to get out of the way because a whole family, with pushchairs and babies and dozens of bags, came crowding up to the doorway. Then there were two old ladies who moved terribly slowly, followed by a bunch of noisy boys with no luggage except skateboards.

  David began to panic because he suddenly realised he had lost sight of Rose.

  She was trapped in a narrow aisle full of cases and bags and legs sticking out from seats, surrounded by people twice her height, all pushing her forwards. Every now and then she would get a glimpse of David’s face, bobbing up at a window for a moment. He was pointing to his watch, and then along the train, signalling to her that she should hurry.

  It was impossible to hurry. It was impossible to do anything except inch forward very slowly. Rose began to feel very alone and frightened, but this did not last for long, because she suddenly spotted Caddy, at the far end of the carriage.

  David was still bobbing up and down, but now his message had changed.

  ‘Get off! Get off!’ mouthed David through the window. And then there was a tremendous slamming of doors, and hissing of steam as the brakes came off, followed by the shrill whistling that meant the train was about to leave.

  It would serve him right, thought Rose (who, with Caddy in sight, had stopped worrying completely), it would serve him right if it started to move.

  It started to move.

  Back at the Casson house Saffron and Eve were alone together. Eve had managed to find a photograph of Saffron with her mother that Saffron had not seen before. ‘It was put away with Grandad’s things,’ Eve explained. ‘That’s why I didn’t have it when I was making your album. See how Linda is looking at you! She thought you were perfect, which of course you were!’

  ‘Did you truly never ask my mother about my father, Eve?’

  ‘Of course I didn’t! I know I am a tatty old hippy who lives in a shed, Saffy darling, but I do know better than to go around asking single mothers who the fathers of their children are!’

  ‘You’re not a tatty old hippy!’ said Saffron, laughing.

  ‘Well, there’s much worse things to be! Now then, Saffy, I must dash! It’s my last day at the hospital (although they have asked me to come back and do Accident and Emergency next summer)…(Horrible thought!)…(Kind though). And I must say I have transformed Geriatrics and Children’s beyond belief, although I know darling Bill would say it was Not Exactly Art…Where’s Rose?’

  They searched for Rose in the house and the garden and the street. They rang Michael on his mobile, and Sarah at home. And then they put the phone down, and it rang itself, straight away.

  The train that Caddy had boarded, that David had boosted Rose on to, that went all the way to London with only one stop, began to pick up speed. Rose had just time for one triumphant, Look-what-you-got-me-into glance at David (now reeling backwards on the platform with his arms flung wide in despair) and then they were out of the station, and out of the town. She was still stuck in a slow-moving queue of people, but the aisle was gradually beginning to clear. She peered round someone’s elbow to check on Caddy. She was still there. Rose waved, but Caddy had her eyes shut and did not wave back.

  Caddy was very tired. She had been awake most of the night, thinking about Michael and wondering what was the right thing to do if you loved someone tremendously, but not quite enough to marry them, and had nevertheless accepted (and lost) a diamond and platinum ring.

  It was a relief to be on the train. Caddy always enjoyed travelling on trains. She liked it because while you were on a train you were nowhere. No longer where you came from, and not yet where you were going. And (unless you had a mobile phone and were prepared to answer it) (which Caddy was not) nobody could get to you.

  Caddy dumped her rucksack on the opposite seat, snuggled down in the corner, and fell fast asleep. She did not notice Rose tiptoeing towards her, moving the rucksack, and sitting down in its place. She did not notice anything for ages and ages, not until they had nearly reached London. Then Rose, who had sat as quiet as a mouse, putting off the horrible moment when she would have to tell Caddy she had stolen her ring, joggled her apologetically and said, ‘Caddy, the ticket collector is coming.’

  At first Caddy only murmured, ‘Ticket collector…OK…right…’ and groped for her rucksack.

  Then she woke up enough to realise that it was not where she had left it.

  ‘Bag’s gone,’ she said, squinting round with her eyes nearly shut and one hand up to screen the light from the window.

  ‘Here,’ said Rose, pushing it towards her.

  ‘Oh thanks.’

  Caddy took the rucksack and shut her eyes, clearly preparing to go to sleep again.

  ‘Ticket collector,’ reminded Rose.

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Caddy dopily, and then she sat up, stared in disbelief, and asked, ‘Rose? No. Sorry. Dreaming…No I’m not! ROSE!’

  ‘Could you buy me a ticket?’ asked Rose. ‘I’ll pay you back when I’m rich.’

  ‘ROSE!’ repeated Caddy. ‘ROSE!’ and then the ticket collector was beside them so she had to stop saying ‘Rose!’ and find her ticket and buy another one for Rose, and by then she was awake enough to demand, ‘What on earth are you doing here?’

  ‘I’ve been here all the time,’ said Rose, still putting off the horrible moment.

  ‘Right from home?’ asked Caddy, as if Rose might have somehow dropped in through the carriage roof half way along the journey.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Goodness!’ said Caddy, feebly.

  ‘Go back to sleep if you like,’ suggested Rose hopefully.

  Caddy did not go back to sleep. She stared at Rose, with a puzzled, but not angry expression on her face. She appeared to be if not actually thinking, at least coming round at last.

  ‘Are you coming to Daddy’s too, then?’ she asked.

  Rose was astonished. She had never planned such a thing. She had never planned any of it. David had blackmailed her into going to the station and shoved her on the train. And here she was. She said, ‘I suppose I am!’

  She sounded so surprised Caddy started to laugh.

  ‘Would you mind?’

  ‘Not a bit, Rosy Pose!’ said Caddy, still laughing. ‘As long as you don’t talk to me about you-know-who.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Darling Michael who I promise I love but that’s not the same as wanting to marry! Goodness! Look! We’re here!’

  Caddy stood up and began heaving on her rucksack, as if suddenly in the most frantic hurry. All around them, Rose noticed, their fellow passengers were doing the same. ‘Get your things, Rosy Pose!’ ordered Caddy.

  Rose did not have any things. Her only luggage was one diamond and platinum ring, rather warm and sticky from being clutched all the way to London. She started to stuff it in her pocket, remembered the hole, and said urgently, ‘Caddy, I do have to talk to you One Thing about Michael because…’

  ‘Wait till we’re off the train,’ said Caddy, pushing Rose into the aisle. ‘Come on! Off you get! Where have you gone? Rose?’

  ‘I’m here!’ said Rose, reappearing on the platform beside her. ‘Caddy, I’ve got to talk to you one little very important bit about Michael because I’ve got…’

  People were streaming all around. They did not seem to notice that Caddy and Rose we
re together. They walked between them as if they were two strangers. Caddy lost Rose again, spun frantically round, grabbed her by the arm and ordered, ‘Stay with me!’

  ‘I am! Caddy, listen!’

  ‘Shut up, darling Rose, while I look at this underground map and find out where…Rose! You’ve got to stop wandering off!’

  ‘I wasn’t! Please listen!’

  ‘This way!’

  ‘Why have we got to hurry? Stand still and listen!’

  ‘Have you any change, Rose darling?’

  ‘No. Caddy, I’ve got…’

  ‘Just let me find a change machine that is working…Over here…Tickets…Which zone? Rose! ’

  For the first time ever Caddy saw how small Rose was. And losable. Somehow, in the moment Caddy’s back was turned she had been elbowed out of the change machine queue. And then stepped aside because someone said, ‘Excuse me, sweetie!’ And then lost sight of Caddy, run around the back of the queue in the hope of finding her again and suddenly become quite far away.

  ‘Rose! Hold on to me and don’t let go!’ said Caddy angrily. ‘Now we’ve got to queue all over again!’

  ‘But…’

  ‘Don’t say a word! Now come on! Across here! Please stay very close! It’s terribly crowded!’

  Rose gave up and hurried along with Caddy, clutching the ring so hard her fingers locked with cramp. On the underground train she tried again.

  ‘Caddy!’

  Caddy, who had pushed Rose into the only empty seat and was swaying beside her, shook her head and pointed to her ears to indicate she could not hear a thing. ‘Wait till we get there!’ she shouted.

  That was how Rose managed to get all the way to her father’s front door without explaining to Caddy why she had got on the train in the first place.

  Caddy was scrabbling through her bag.

  ‘There’s a number you key in for the door to open,’ she told Rose. ‘I’ve got it written down…Yes, here!’

  Rose was struck by a sudden thought.

  ‘Do you think he will mind me coming?’

  ‘Too late if he does,’ said Caddy heartlessly. ‘Anyway, he’s going away himself tomorrow. Besides, you’re here, aren’t you? Why are you here, Rose?’

  This was the horrible moment, arrived at last. Wordlessly Rose unclamped her fingers and held out the ring.

  ‘Rose! Rose, where did you find that?’

  ‘I didn’t find it. I had it all the time.’

  ‘All the time I was looking for it?’

  Rose nodded.

  Caddy held the ring on the palm of her hand. It was far more beautiful than she remembered. It really was like a star.

  ‘Michael thought you were going to give it back to him. You couldn’t if you didn’t have it.’

  Caddy was only half listening, turning the ring distractedly over and over in her hand.

  ‘Poor Michael,’ she said. ‘He thinks I lost it. Or sold it. Or gave it away. I have to see him right now! I have to talk to him properly…’

  She stopped and looked down at Rose. The thought of rushing her across London again was too much. Once had been enough. A desperate plan began to form in Caddy’s head.

  It is only till morning, she told herself. I will come back then.

  ‘You’re cross!’ said Rose.

  ‘I’m not! Not with you, anyway! I’m cross with myself.’ Caddy keyed in the security number she had found. ‘I’ve been awful to Michael.’ The door buzzed to show it was unlocked. ‘In here, Rose…Daddy is at the top. Very posh. Lift or stairs?’

  ‘Stairs,’ said Rose.

  ‘I’ll just take you up, and make sure someone’s in…And then…Don’t look so worried, Rose!’

  ‘Samantha will be there as well as Daddy, won’t she?’

  ‘Yes, but you’ll be surprised. She’s really nice. I thought I’d hate her, but I didn’t. No one could. Here we are! Ring the bell!’

  The door was answered almost at once by a very pretty woman with long red curls.

  ‘Caddy!’ she exclaimed in a very pleased voice. ‘I thought I heard…’

  ‘Darling Samantha,’ said Caddy, taking Rose by the shoulders and pushing her forward. ‘This is Rose! Would you be terribly kind and look after her (she gets lost very easily) because I must just dash back for a…’

  ‘Of course I will look after Rose!’ said Samantha at once. ‘Come in, both of you!’

  ‘Not me,’ said Caddy hurriedly, stooping down to hug Rose. ‘Just Rose. Bye bye, Rose darling. I’m not cross a bit! Thank you, Samantha!’

  By the time Bill arrived she was gone, flying down the stairs two at a time, racing for the front door.

  ‘See you very soon!’ she called, and then they heard the door slam behind her, and then she was gone.

  ‘CADDY!’ roared Bill.

  Chapter Ten

  Bill had been based in London (as he liked to put it) since before Rose was born, in order to have peace and quiet in which to work. He did not encourage his family to visit him because they were not peaceful and quiet people. Eve had been once or twice, long ago, and Caddy had barged in several times since she started university and became London-based herself, but Rose had never been there at all.

  Rose peered curiously round her father as he stood blocking the doorway. She had a glimpse of high ceilings and shining floors and clear spaces between objects. It could not have been less like the Casson house, and yet she found herself feeling at home almost at once. Even before she stepped inside she became embroiled in a very familiar situation.

  The situation was this:

  Successful, talented, tolerant-within-limits, first-to-admit-he-was-far-from-perfect, established artist

  i.e.: BILL

  vs.

  Successful, talented, tolerant-within-limits, first-to-admit-he-was-far-from-perfect, established artist’s

  (i.e. BILL’S)

  MUCH-LOVED OFFSPRING

  with

  Person Who Should Have More Sense (usually Eve but in this case Samantha) coming down illogically and disloyally on the Much-Loved Offspring’s side.

  ‘CADDY!’ Bill roared at the slamming door, but it did not open again.

  ‘She’s gone!’ exclaimed Bill indignantly. ‘Gone! Who’d be a father!’

  ‘That’s not a very nice thing to say,’ remarked Rose.

  ‘No,’ agreed Bill, and he gave a big sigh, raised his hands to his face, smoothed out the creases on his forehead before they turned into wrinkles, and said, ‘Sorry, Rose!’

  ‘It’s OK.’

  ‘Well, give me a hug and tell me why you are here! Not that it isn’t wonderful to see you…Your hands are very dirty, Rose!’

  Rose put them quickly behind her back.

  ‘I really do need to know what is going on. And aren’t you going to say hello to Samantha?’

  ‘Hello, Samantha,’ said Rose.

  ‘Hello, Rose,’ replied Samantha. ‘I’ve wanted to meet you for ages and ages!’

  Rose was looking round in amazement at her father’s home. She said, ‘Our house must seem really scruffy to you!’

  ‘Of course not!’

  ‘And then when you come back here you must feel really cool and posh, like a different person.’

  ‘Rose, where has Caddy gone and why are you here?’

  ‘Rose,’ said Samantha. ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘But why?’

  ‘I was only thinking of something Saffy said.’

  ‘Rose!’ said Bill warningly.

  ‘I wasn’t going to tell her!’ said Rose indignantly.

  ‘Now you will have to!’ said Samantha. ‘Does Saffron hate me, Rose?’

  ‘When you have quite finished, Samantha,’ said Bill (doing the neck exercises he did to relieve stress), ‘it would be very nice if Rose took the time to answer my questions!’

  Rose ignored him and turned to Samantha, who she found herself liking already. ‘Saffy doesn’t hate yo
u!’ she said kindly. ‘It’s not like Daddy is her real father. All she said was that we should call you Stepmother and scare the knickers off you. But don’t worry. I won’t.’

  ‘Thank you!’

  ‘Anyway, you wouldn’t be my stepmother unless you properly married Daddy. And murdered Eve. (That’s Mummy.) Actually, I don’t know if you would have to murder Eve these days. (You would have in Indigo’s olden days.) Anyway, it wouldn’t be worth trying because we’d guess who’d done it.’

  ‘Rose, be quiet!’ ordered Bill.

  ‘Better just to live in sin,’ advised Rose, taking no notice of him. ‘Like you are doing,’ she added, wandering round the sitting room inspecting her father’s possessions. ‘What’s this?’

  ‘It is a glass sculpture by a friend of mine,’ said Bill. ‘Please don’t pick it up! Your fingerprints will mark the gold leaf. Rose, I need to know when Caddy will be back. I have rather a lot to go through with her.’

  ‘I don’t know. She didn’t say. Can’t I just lift it up very carefully?’

  ‘I’d rather you didn’t,’ said Bill. ‘In fact, I’d rather you didn’t touch anything with those hands! Samantha, do you think you could take Rose to the bathroom and see she has a good wash?’

  ‘I expect Rose can take herself to the bathroom,’ said Samantha. ‘Can’t you, Rose?’

  ‘Oh all right. Where is it?’

  ‘Haven’t you been here before?’ asked Samantha.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Oh.’

  Samantha showed Rose where to go without further comment. When she returned Bill was putting his sculpture away at the back of a high shelf which he hoped Rose could not reach.

  ‘You will hurt her feelings.’

  ‘Samantha darling, whose side are you on?’

  ‘Have I got to choose?’

  Bill groaned, and did some more wrinkle smoothing. Then Rose returned, less grubby but rather damp. She saw straight away that the sculpture had been moved in her absence, and anyone could see that her feelings were hurt.

  ‘So,’ said Bill, giving her a kiss on the top of her head to cover up the fact that Samantha was right. ‘What about a drink, Rosy Pose, while we wait for Caddy? And you can get to know Samantha a little.’