by Tara Lain
“I grabbed the kid and put him behind me and approached the guy, talking quietly. Sometimes wife beaters are really drunk, and that’s what I expected, but this guy was cold sober. Mean as piss. I called him ‘sir’—that made my teeth itch—and tried to get him to let the woman go. He was focused on me, just staring, and suddenly the woman pulled away and ran.” Ryan’s breath came hard, but JJ’s thumbs dug into the soles of his feet, soothing him and letting him continue.
His breath grew short. “At that second, the guy reached for a gun in his pants. I didn’t even have my weapon drawn, since I knew that would freak him. I wasn’t sure if he planned to shoot me or her. I’m not sure he knew either, but by the time I drew my revolver, he focused on me.” God, Ryan could feel the hot city streets under his feet. “He fired. I dodged and shot back. He missed. I didn’t. He fell, and I thought he was dead. End of story.”
“How terrible.” JJ’s voice was soft.
“What?”
“Having to shoot someone.”
Ryan tensed. “It’s part of the job.”
JJ kept rubbing. “I’ve read that most cops never draw their weapons in the course of their careers.”
“Not in New York City.” The bullet came toward him like slow motion.
JJ’s voice came from a long way off. “But this isn’t New York. This is Laguna Beach.”
“What?” He could smell the burn. The perp grimaced as Ryan’s finger squeezed the trigger.
“You don’t expect to have to shoot a man in Laguna.”
Ryan’s gut heaved. His partner, Louis, stood behind the perp with a strange expression on his face and no weapon in his hand. Bile rose in Ryan’s throat, and he slapped a hand over his mouth.
“Ryan. Are you okay?”
Ryan felt a strong arm under his shoulders.
“Gonna be sick.”
“C’mon.” JJ reached down and picked him up. Shit, the guy was actually carrying his ass. He wanted to stop him, but his stomach heaved. One second later he was kneeling on the cool tile and tossing his cookies in the toilet. Just like he had on that hot street three years ago.
Chapter
Six
JJ WIPED the cool washcloth across Ryan’s forehead and pulled the covers over his bare shoulder. “Feel any better?”
Ryan looked half-annoyed and half-embarrassed, and it wasn’t clear which emotion would win. “Yeah. Thanks.” He turned his head away from the cloth and reached up and grabbed it from JJ. “I’m okay. I just felt nauseated.”
“Hope it wasn’t my cooking?” JJ laughed, but Ryan’s abruptness hurt. He’d just wanted to help.
“No. I probably forgot to eat today, and when I ate your great cooking, my stomach went into shock.” The stony expression lightened a little.
JJ smiled.
Ryan looked at his hands. “I really appreciate you coming over and cooking for me and stuff.”
JJ wanted to say My pleasure. “Sure.”
“You work today?”
“I go in at two. Since I worked late at the Winter Fantasy.”
“Yeah.”
Sigh. “So I’ll go and let you get some sleep.”
“Yeah.” Ryan looked up at JJ, his eyes so hooded he could barely tell they were blue. Under those covers the guy had on nothing at all. JJ knew that, too well. After he’d helped Ryan into the bedroom and sat him down, JJ had gone looking for some pajamas or something in the chest of drawers, since Ryan had messed up his sweats in the bathroom. When JJ’d turned back, Ryan was under the blanket. He might have underwear on, but not likely considering his stated dislike for boxers or briefs.
Right now the bed covers had an interesting tent-like structure in the center. Hard to keep his eyes off it.
He should go. This was a hardassed man with whom JJ had nothing in common. Hanging around could compromise every battle he’d fought to be himself. His gaze crept back to the big-top tent.
Why had he come over anyway? Stupid, simple answer. Because he cared. And Ryan didn’t care. Not for the pretend JJ or the real one. Lying there, looking delicious, was heartache on a platter. “Bye.”
He stood from the edge of the bed and walked to the bedroom door.
“Don’t go.”
JJ stopped dead. He wouldn’t have bet on hearing those two words. Now that he had, did they matter? If he’d been a woman, JJ would say Ryan only wanted him for one thing. But then, a lot of guys only wanted JJ for one thing, and the difference was, he wanted this guy back. Badly. Pretty much all the time.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
The rough tone of Ryan’s voice made JJ freeze. No, wait. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He turned back toward Ryan, who had propped himself up on his elbow. “Why do you want me to stay? So you can fuck me and not remember who I am tomorrow? I can have meaningless sex with people who actually like me.” Shit, did he just say that? A hand came up to fan his face but he squeezed it into a fist, turned, and walked out the bedroom door.
“Please.”
Two steps down the hall, JJ barely heard the voice. His feet stopped. His heart too. He walked back into the room. Did he really see pleading on Ryan’s face?
The guy shrugged. “We don’t have to have sex. Would you just stay for a little while? I… I could use the company.” Ryan shook his head. “No, I mean I could use your company.”
Well, hell. JJ took a couple more steps toward Ryan.
“I do like you, JJ. You know how I know that?”
JJ shook his head.
Ryan gazed at his hands. “Because I hardly like anybody, so you stand out.”
JJ sighed. Yeah, Ryan liked this macho JJ who would stand up to him. No way he’d like the guy who was scared of spiders and any kind of violence.
Ryan looked up again. “What you did. Coming here to check on me and making me breakfast. That was one of the nicest things anybody ever did for me.”
Okay, that was really sweet and kind of sad.
“Sorry I upchucked it. I think last night got to me a little.”
“You had to shoot a man. That can’t be easy.” At least, he hoped it wasn’t.
RYAN STARED at the big, beautiful guy with his sweet face and comfortable certainty. Ryan would give a lot to have that. The words just fell out of his mouth. “Again. I had to shoot a man again.”
JJ frowned and cleared the space to the bed in two steps. He sat down. “Oh God, that’s awful.”
Ryan shook his head. Why had he said that? “It’s not that, exactly. I mean, shooting a person is awful. If it’s a bad person who’s threatening other people, it’s part of my job.” He shrugged. “You make peace with that. It whittles a piece out of you, but you accept it.” He looked into those big JJ eyes. Like a doe or something. “I couldn’t be a cop otherwise.”
JJ nodded, but there was no way JJ could ever kill anybody, so he couldn’t really understand.
“It’s something else.” Okay, he should quit now, but Ryan liked this guy. He didn’t want JJ to think he didn’t care about him at all. “I had this partner in New York, see. I mean, police partner.” He looked at JJ, who nodded.
“I thought of him as a friend. Not close but good. I was closeted at the station, but I really hated it. I got all full of myself and decided I was well enough respected that they’d accept the fact that I was gay. I came out. Some guys were okay with it, others not so much. Everybody treated me differently. My partner most of all. He asked to get a new partner. The dude wouldn’t even talk to me. It pissed me off, but I lived with it.” Ryan ran a hand through his hair.
“They didn’t want to reassign him. We’d been a good team. One of the best, and the chief didn’t want to change it. My partner was pissed.
“We got this call that some gang members were robbing a warehouse. I went in the front, my partner the back. I took out one guy. Got him on the floor and cuffed. I heard the guy behind me before I saw him. I turned, and this gangbanger was aiming right for my fucking head.” Shit. It still gave h
im the willies.
“The bullet barely grazed me—to this day I don’t know how he could have missed at such short range—and I fired. Killed him dead.” He took a breath and let it out slowly. He could hear it shaking.
JJ gripped his hands into fists. “That’s horrible. That you had to do that.”
Ryan shrugged. “Yeah, well, my so-called partner was standing behind the guy’s body, staring at me. He’d been there all along but never raised a hand to stop the shooter. He’d rather I was dead than him have a gay partner.”
JJ puffed air out in a stream. “Oh God. I’m so sorry.”
Ryan looked at JJ. His big eyes were watering, and he swiped at them. Gazing at that sweet face made Ryan want to leap tall buildings in a single bound, or curl up in a ball and cry, whichever came first. “I guess I wanted you to know that my being in the closet isn’t just cowardice. It’s the result of a hard lesson. I really wish it was some other way.” He gazed into those teary eyes. “You make me wish it was some other way.”
JJ sat there looking at Ryan’s face. Some war raged behind those eyes. Then slowly he lowered his head and brushed his soft lips over Ryan’s. Hell yeah. He didn’t open up much. He was no bleeding heart. But for this kind of reward, he’d learn to get California touchy-feely. JJ’s lips slid back and forth like silk on Ryan’s skin. JJ’s tongue darted out and caressed, then slipped back into his mouth. Back and forth. Soft, sweet, gentle.
Bullshit. Ryan felt about as sweet as a belt of bourbon. He wrapped an arm around JJ’s neck and pulled him down until that hard, lean chest pressed on Ryan. Good, but not good enough. Ryan scooted and prodded until JJ raised up, and Ryan slid his hips under. A little adjustment and bull’s-eye! Cock to cock with unnecessary layers of sheet and denim in between.
Ryan wrapped his arms tight around JJ’s strong back. Didn’t want him to get away. He kept kissing and set up a hard rhythm with his hips, pressing up into JJ’s groin and then relaxing just enough to make them both want it back bad. Up, throb, thrill, down. His tongue explored soft, wet recesses, and all he could hear were whimpers and mewls like he was holding a two-hundred-pound kitten.
JJ ripped his lips away but then pressed those hot hips down so hard on Ryan, he knew he’d be bruised in the best places. JJ’s lilting voice came out in a growl. “Fuck me.”
Ryan gazed into big brown eyes. “You sure? I didn’t tell you about New York to woo you into bed. Well, not entirely.” He laughed.
“Shut up and fuck me.”
“Shit, that will be my pleasure.”
Ryan rolled and managed to flip JJ under him even though the man outweighed Ryan by a good thirty pounds. The move proved not quite the success he’d imagined, since he now had covers wrapped around both of them. JJ laughed, and Ryan joined in.
He unwound himself and sat up, cock pointing toward the ceiling. “We need serious clothing removal.” JJ pawed at the covers, but he was wrapped too tight, and Ryan was sitting on the escape hatch. Ryan backed off the bed and stood up. Whoa. A little woozy. He put a hand on the dresser behind him.
“You okay?” JJ peered up from his cover cocoon.
“Yeah. Just lost some electrolytes in all that barfing.”
“You want to do this?”
Ryan pointed at his rigid rod. “Does this look like equivocation?”
JJ pushed off the covers and rose up to his knees. In one move he popped his button, slid down his zipper, reached inside, and pulled out the Olympic champion he had in his pants. Hard as nails. JJ grinned. Sexy devil. Then, with his big cock bobbing in front of him, he yanked his long-sleeved T-shirt over his head. Holy shit, look at that body. Not muscle-bound at all, but lean and the kind of ripped that suggested great genes and moderate exercise.
For a moment, JJ just looked at Ryan. Wanting approval? “You’re gorgeous, JJ.”
His belt came next. He unfastened it, and his pants drooped out from the open zipper, making a V-shaped frame for that pretty penis with his black boxer briefs tucked under his big balls.
Ryan’s mouth watered. “Lie down and let me get those pants off you.”
JJ lay back and stuck out his legs. Ryan grabbed both pant hems and pulled hard. The jeans resisted a little over his taut butt, then slid off without a whimper—unlike their owner, who had grabbed his own cock and was making little moaning sounds as he cranked it in his big hands.
Ryan threw the jeans on the floor and slipped his thumbs into JJ’s black briefs. Gone. Much better. He reached out and stilled JJ’s pumping hands. “Hang on. You’re having way too much fun without me.”
JJ stopped, reached down, grabbed his own legs, and pulled them up high on either side of his shoulders. A beautiful, beige rosette winked at Ryan. “Holy shit. What about you isn’t sexy?”
JJ gave him a funny look, then pointed at his hole. “You got something that can make this thing stop screaming?”
Ryan held out his thick baby. “I got the horse right here.”
JJ laughed. “Is his name Paul Revere?”
What? “Oh, that’s a musical, right?”
JJ kind of shrugged. Was he blushing?
Ryan leaned over to the nightstand, grabbed some lube and condoms, and tossed them on the rumpled sheets. He ripped open a package and slipped the jacket on his erection. Had it ever been this hard? It actually hurt. But not for long. He squeezed lube into his hand and scooped some on two fingers, then leaned down beside that perfectly presented ass. He wrapped one hand around JJ’s big penis and started to jack it. “Feel good?”
“Yeah, but put some fire in the hole.”
Ryan slid one finger into the tight pucker. Wow, tight was the word. He slipped in a little farther and felt the squeeze. “You’re really locked up.”
JJ looked to the side. “I, uh, top more than I bottom.”
“Hell, you want to top me?” He liked to lead, but right now, he’d do anything to have some of JJ.
“No, no, I love to bottom. I just don’t get too much chance.”
Ryan smiled and pushed that finger in deeper. “Everyone wants the big, strong man to fuck them, huh?”
“Something like that.”
Ryan leaned down by JJ’s ear. A really cute ear, all shell-like and pink. “I’ll fuck you all day and all night if you want it, baby. I’ll pound your ass till you can’t walk and don’t care.”
JJ breathed out hard. “Sounds good.”
Ryan pulled out his finger, and before JJ could even protest, he shoved in two.
“Oh crap, that’s so great.”
JJ loved it? He was going to get it. Still ramming in his fingers, Ryan squeezed the lube bottle on his own condomed cock and watched the thick fluid drip down the sides. “Ready?”
“Hell yeah.”
Ryan pulled out his fingers, grabbed his cock, and pushed that fat fuck into JJ’s tight ass. Push, pop, hot! “Holy crap!” He was inside. His whole body shuddered from the scorching pleasure flowing in wave after wave from his cock into his balls and out to every cell. “Oh, JJ.”
“Unhhhh.”
Had to fuck. Hard. Fast. His hips pumped, then pumped harder. Couldn’t get in far enough. Couldn’t pound hard enough.
JJ moaned and mewled, his eyes squeezed tight shut and mouth open. His hips rose up to meet every thrust like he couldn’t get enough either. JJ was a starving man, and it seemed like Ryan’s cock was a three-course meal, plus dessert.
Ryan set up a rhythm, fucking and fucking, sliding his dick across JJ’s gland and feeling the hot squeeze on every thrust. Sweet Jesus, this was good.
Boiling heat gathered in Ryan’s balls, but he fought it. Didn’t want to stop. This was way too great.
JJ’s eyes opened wide. “Oh God, I’m going to come. Keep doing it. Keep—oh God!” His hips rammed up onto Ryan’s cock, his beautiful head pressed back on the pillow, and hot cum squirted out of his cock pressed tight against his own belly and Ryan’s chest. “Oh, oh.”
Shit, how beautiful could you get? JJ looked tra
nsported, his eyes rolled back, his mouth wide, and lovely animal sounds pouring out of him.
That was it. Watching that intense orgasm pass through JJ’s big body clicked the control switch in Ryan’s brain and…. Shee-it! Gone. Over the edge. “Oh my God.” He froze. Couldn’t move. No control. Like somebody lit his balls on fire in a good way. Pump after pump of cum poured out of him and into the condom. Lightning flashed behind his eyes and every cell redefined pleasure. His hips kept thrusting in little rabbit fucks as he rode out the most amazing orgasm of his life.
He couldn’t hold himself up anymore. He crashed dead weight onto JJ’s sticky chest and tried to breathe.
Gradually he stopped gasping and could feel JJ’s heart beating under him. How could he be so sweet and so hot at the same time?
Oh God, he was screwed.
JJ BREATHED deeply and felt Ryan’s weight on his chest. Aftershocks of pleasure rippled through his arms and legs. This was sex to a new power. Wow. Yeah, he’d succumbed, proved what a patsy he was. Give him a sob story and he fell apart. But it was tough to find anything bad about this experience. Later, maybe.
He let his hand smooth over the taut skin of Ryan’s shoulder. What had just happened? What was it about Ryan Star that made sex irresistible even when JJ knew he was asking for heartache? Was Star just a misanthrope? The undeniable bad boy that haunted the dreams of every good guy and girl? No, that didn’t explain the odd flashes of tenderness and the well of loneliness that screamed to be filled with… love.
Still, it was great and it was over. What in the name of bewildered fruitcakes did he do now?
Ryan stirred. “Am I crushing you?”
