Chapter 80
My legs felt as rubbery walking into the hospital as they had at the end of the bike trip. The alcohol smells, the shiny hallways, families gathered in the waiting room, all of it got to me.
The nurses in the cancer ICU really looked stressed. It must be hard taking care of dying people, especially getting attached to kids and then seeing them only get worse, no matter how hard you work.
“He’s hanging on,” Mr. Alexander said. “They did a brain scan and found a big change since last week. The tumor is pressing against some vital areas.”
“Can they do another operation?” I said.
Mr. Alexander frowned. “I wish. The way it’s positioned, they really can’t.”
He said more stuff that I didn’t understand. I just wanted to see my friend. Finally he walked me to Jeff’s room. Mrs. Alexander forced a smile and took my hand.
Jeff’s cheeks were sunken, and there were tubes hooked to him and machines beeping and blipping.
I just stared, feeling helpless. This was way harder than I expected.
“I think he needs our permission,” Mrs. Alexander whispered.
“Our permission?”
She spoke so softly I was sure nobody else could hear. “The doctors say something happens near the end. The patient cares so much about those he’s leaving that it’s hard for him to let go.”
“You mean, we have to let him know it’s okay to . . . ?”
Mrs. Alexander nodded. “We’ve told him. Maybe he needs to hear it from you.” She stepped back.
I pulled a chair next to the bed and leaned toward Jeff. For the past few days I had heard Jeff’s breathing through the microphone in our helmets. I had no idea what he had been going through and what the headaches really meant.
“Hey, buddy,” I said softly. “That was some finish.”
His eyelids flickered and his hand twitched.
“You should have seen us on TV. You would have thought we’d won a gold medal.”
I told Jeff how much money had been raised, and I imagined I saw him smile. I was supposed to be letting him go, but part of me didn’t want to. I wanted to go to the eighth grade with Jeff.
But it wasn’t fair to make him hang on like this. He was headed to a lot better place, where no tumors grow and people don’t die in plane crashes.
“Remember what you said about seeing my dad?” I whispered. We had talked about it one night during the trip. Jeff said he wanted to find my dad and talk with him once he got to heaven. “Don’t forget to tell him I love him and miss him. Tell him about the bike ride and how we worked together. Tell him my mom’s a Christian now—that’ll make him really happy. And tell him Ashley and I are Christians too and that we’ll all be together one day.”
I paused, but I didn’t sense any response. “You can go now, Jeff. Your mom and dad know how much you love them, and the rest of us do too.” A tear rolled down his cheek, and I’m sure he was trying to smile. “And don’t forget to thank Todd for me.”
Chapter 81
When Bryce got home he looked like someone had sucked the marrow from his bones. He didn’t want to talk.
We heard nothing from the hospital the rest of the night, and I had a hard time sleeping. I wondered if we’d ever get Jeff’s things back, but now a few signed footballs and baseballs didn’t seem to matter.
I dreamed that Hayley’s cousin broke into our house and took Mom’s computer—the one that has her book manuscripts on it. I ran after him and found myself in the hallway of the middle school. In my nightgown. Skeeter Messler offered his coat, but I ran into the gym. Everybody laughed at me, pointing and taking pictures.
The next few days went by slowly. Bryce slept a lot, trying to recuperate from the trip. We got an update from Jeff’s parents each day, but we hated bothering them.
On Sunday, Mom drove Bryce, Dylan, and me to church (Sam and Leigh only go on Christmas and Easter), and it felt good to be with my friends in Sunday school.
Our youth pastor had Bryce tell about his trip, and we all prayed for Jeff. Some kids acted out a couple of dramas that were pretty funny, but I couldn’t laugh.
Our church service usually begins with some kind of praise song, but when the musicians ended the prelude, our senior pastor, Reverend Jackson, walked to the pulpit. “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away,” he said. “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
A hush fell over the congregation.
“As most of you know, we’ve had the privilege of knowing a special young man in this church the past few years.”
Jeff’s seventh-grade photo flashed on the screen, showing him smiling big, like he couldn’t stop laughing.
“Today, our loss is heaven’s gain. Jeff Alexander went to be with Jesus just minutes ago. His parents knew you would want to know.” Pastor Jackson looked down at his Bible.
I saw kids crying. Bryce sat staring out the window that faces the mountains.
“I wish I had the answers to the questions running through all our minds right now,” Pastor Jackson said with a shaky voice. “All I know is that when one of his dear friends passed away, Jesus wept. He feels the heartache, but he also holds our friend in his arms. And someday we’ll see Jeff again because of Jesus.”
Chapter 82
Cars ringed the Alexanders’ house. An older woman answered the door, and I guessed she was Jeff’s grandmother. She was red-eyed, like everybody else. Jeff’s mom saw Ashley and me and rushed to hug us.
“I came for the digital recorder,” I said. “Jeff made some notes on it and asked me to write his last newspaper column.”
She nodded. “We put his things in his room. You can go on up.”
Jeff’s helmet lay on the bed along with his dress clothes. His parents had probably picked them out for his funeral. I felt guilty being in there, like we were on holy ground.
The recorder was on his nightstand. As we turned to leave I noticed a poster on Jeff’s wall. The painting was from a runner’s perspective, and golden sunlight filtered down to red rocks. The next step was a drop, a precipice over a huge chasm. It was clear the runner was going to jump to the other side to a beautiful forest and waterfall.
Underneath the scene were these words: Success is the ability to focus not on what’s behind or around, but on what’s ahead.
Chapter 83
Bryce took the laptop computer to his room. I offered to help him write the column, but he wanted to do it himself. He asked if I’d phone the editor at the paper and tell her it was coming.
When I told her what Bryce was doing, she said, “I’m so sorry about Jeff. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for his parents.”
She told me she would run Bryce’s article in the morning with the story on Jeff’s death, “if he can transmit it to me tonight.”
I waited in my room, tried listening to music, lighting a candle, and writing in my journal, but I couldn’t get my mind off Jeff. Mom gave me a book about heaven that had lots of quotes from the Bible and famous Christians.
I found one from a man named C. S. Lewis who wrote a lot of books about being a Christian. “I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others do the same.”
Chapter 84
It was weird hearing Jeff’s voice on the recorder. Most were random thoughts. The color of the trees. The way the mountains looked as we rode past. Jeff had a great eye, and he noticed things I didn’t.
I typed everything he said. How was I going to make a column out of this? Why had he wanted me to write it myself? Ashley would have been a big help. My mom could have done it in her sleep. I started three times, then erased what I’d written.
Mom says she sometimes starts in the middle of what she wants to say, then goes back and writes the beginning. I tried that and found the words coming easier. I tried to write what Jeff w
ould say.
Mom called us to dinner, but I kept working. I knew she’d understand. When I finished, I went back and wrote a beginning. It was okay, but I tinkered with it for a long time. Finally I saved and printed it.
“Want me to take a look?” Mom said. She put a pencil behind her ear and walked around the dining-room table, reading. I kept waiting for her to mark it up like my English teacher, but finally she stopped in front of our big windows, turned, and gently set the paper on the table.
“I wouldn’t change a thing,” she said, tears in her eyes.
Chapter 85
Jeff’s Diary
by Bryce Timberline
I’ve known Jeff Alexander since I moved to Red Rock a few years ago. I was excited when he asked me to join him on a long bike trip to raise money for cancer research, and I want to thank everyone who gave money to support Jeff and the cause. To be honest, I didn’t know if we’d be able to finish.
If you’ve read his columns, you know how much Jeff loved life. As we rode, he kept noticing things I didn’t. Like the boulders he called “dinosaur eggs.” And the way Pikes Peak changes with the way the sun hits it. It’s the same mountain all day, but it looks different at different times.
When we were just about finished, Jeff moved to the front seat of our bike. He wasn’t well, but this was his dream, and he pushed himself to the end.
Jeff wasn’t perfect. He was a teenager, which meant he got angry, was selfish, said things he regretted, and even forgot to do his homework a few times. He was not a saint, but he did have the biggest heart of anybody I’ve ever known. I wish there were some way to prove that, but you’ll just have to take my word.
It’s hard saying good-bye to someone who has meant so much to so many people. If Jeff were writing this instead of me, he’d want to tell you how much God loves you and wants you to know him. He’d probably describe the last sunset he saw behind Pikes Peak. But the last thing Jeff would want you to be would be sorry for him.
The truth is, this morning when Jeff took his last breath, he got to see the most beautiful sight ever. That any of us will ever see. He got to be with the one who loved him so much that he died for him. Jeff doesn’t have to worry about tumors anymore, and he doesn’t have to deal with headaches and blood work and hospital rooms.
If you think of Jeff in the weeks to come, I hope you’ll pray for his mom and dad and those of us who knew him. If you’re like me, you have questions about why it happened to him and how God could allow it. I learned at church this week that it’s okay to ask those questions, but be open to letting God speak to you through the Bible.
I promised Jeff I would write this for him. Thanks for reading it.
Chapter 86
I felt numb the whole next day. The same feelings came back as after we learned our dad had died in the plane crash. We wanted the whole world to stop, but it didn’t. Everything kept on going like it was normal. Bryce and I didn’t feel like doing anything, but we agreed it would be good to keep going with our investigation.
“Okay, back to the last stuff Jeff said. What’s it mean?”
Bryce scratched his head. “I’ve been trying to think of some place we went only once. The whole bike trip was the first time we’d been to those places. But I still don’t know who DM is. And how could he know we were trying to solve a mystery?”
“Maybe he figured it out.”
“Yeah, I still had my helmet on when I talked with you.”
Ashley snapped her fingers. “Wait, maybe he meant the trip you, me, and Hayley took.”
Bryce stared at me.
At the same time we both said, “The tree house!”
We wanted to take our ATVs, but Sam has a rule about us not riding on main roads. Bryce suggested we call Hayley, and we met her at her aunt’s house. From there it was up the hill toward the haunted house.
We brought Hayley up to date on what we had learned, and she said they had heard nothing further about Gunnar. We rode side by side until a car came. Then we rode single file. Once a dark car passed us and kicked up so much dust we had to pull over and let it settle.
I couldn’t help thinking of Jeff. It seemed like only a few days ago that we were riding and laughing together. The road seemed even longer now. Finally, the house came into view. Instead of stopping and enjoying it, the three of us raced around the hill, past the house, and on to the graveyard. The way the shadows hit it made it look spooky.
I looked for the spot where Jeff had said his grave would be. There was no gravedigger in sight or upturned dirt.
We climbed up the tree and looked around. There were some old magazines piled in a corner and a couple of stumps Jeff used for seats. Jeff kept a waterproof radio on a branch, but we couldn’t find it. Bryce said Jeff and his dad had built it together and kept it up here to listen to Rockies games.
There was some plastic in the corner, and Bryce reached it before me. He pulled it away, but the space underneath was empty.
“I guess this tarp is in case it rains.”
Hayley sat on one of the stumps. We tried to think of any place all three of us had been with Jeff in the past few weeks. “I can’t think of anywhere else unless it’s in there,” Hayley said, pointing to the haunted house.
Bryce looked at the house. “It’s worth a try.”
Chapter 87
The sun was going down behind the mountain when we walked inside the run-down kitchen. The old house was so big, I didn’t know where to start. Ashley walked quickly into the dining room, and I followed. On top of a ramshackle table sat a box, its top covered.
“This wasn’t here the last time we came,” Ashley said.
I grabbed the cover and pulled it off. We all gasped. The signed football, several pictures, and other memorabilia were inside.
“How did Jeff leave this here without us seeing?” Hayley said. “He stayed behind while we came in, didn’t he?”
I nodded. “He came in the secret entrance, but I don’t think he would have had time to put it here.”
Ashley shook her head. “I don’t get it.”
“Maybe Jeff didn’t bring this stuff in here,” Hayley said. “Maybe it was somebody else.”
“Who?”
“The construction guy,” Ashley said.
“How would Jeff know about that guy?” I said.
“Wait, is this all the stuff?” Hayley said.
“No,” I said. “There’s a lot still missing.”
A board creaked above us, and the three of us held our breath. I knew the windows upstairs were broken and that wind blew through and made noise, but this didn’t sound like wind.
“Keep talking like we didn’t hear anything,” I whispered.
“What are you going to do?” Ashley said.
I didn’t answer and stole outside through the kitchen. Ashley said something, and as I passed the broken window at the side I heard Hayley give a nervous laugh.
I found the secret entrance and slipped inside, taking the stairs two at a time, slowly, testing them to make sure I didn’t make noise. I held on to the sides of the narrow passage, supporting myself by pushing my hands against both sides. At the top of the stairs I paused and listened. All I could hear was Ashley and Hayley talking below.
I sucked in some air, grabbed the doorknob, and burst into the room.
A man with a full beard jumped back, losing his footing and tumbling. It was like a tiger being scared by a kitten.
Something on the floor caught my eye. I walked forward, my stomach in a knot. “That’s Jeff’s radio. What are you doing with it?”
He looked at it, then scrambled to his feet and headed for the door. He stopped short, staring at the hallway like another kitten had jumped at him.
Hayley and Ashley reached the top of the stairs.
“Gunnar?” Hayley said. “Is that you?”
Chapter 88
Gunnar reeled when he saw Hayley. She stepped toward him like she wanted to hug him, but he moved back, looking at
Bryce and the passage he was blocking.
“We’ve all been worried about you,” Hayley said. “Have you been here all this time?”
Gunnar clenched his teeth. “You don’t know what you’ve just done. All three of you. You have to promise you won’t tell anybody where I am.”
“Why?” Bryce said. “Give us a reason.”
“Yeah, especially since you stole a sick kid’s stuff,” I said.
“What are you talking about?”
I pointed at the floor. “The radio and the stuff downstairs. It’s Jeff’s. Why’d you steal it?”
“You’re crazy,” he said.
My stomach boiled. “Jeff’s dead. What were you going to do, sell it after you waited long enough?”
“I found a box under the plastic out there and brought it in. The radio too.” He ran his hands through his brown hair. I’d seen Gunnar’s picture at Hayley’s aunt’s house and in the newspaper. Though he looked haggard, there was something about him that was kind of cute.
“You have to leave and not tell anybody you saw me,” he said.
“We’re not going anywhere until you tell us what’s going on,” Bryce said. I could tell he meant it by the tone of his voice. “Why did you drown your Jeep? Why’d you leave your dog?”
“How is Jenny?”
“Fine,” Hayley said. “But answer the question. What’s going on?”
Gunnar paced in front of the window. Cobwebs hung from the ceiling and wafted in the breeze. This was the man everyone in Colorado was looking for.
Bryce pulled out his cell phone. “I’ve had enough of this.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. Put that away.”
Bryce shoved the phone in his pocket and crossed his arms, still standing in front of the exit.
“I got in some trouble,” Gunnar said. “I had to run.”
Bryce waved a hand and pulled his phone out again. “Forget it. I’m calling the—”
Grave Shadows Page 9
