by Jourdan Lane
Good.
I kicked his belongings to the far wall before continuing down the hall. Deciding against putting up the gun for the moment, I tucked it in the back of my pants, the slight warmth of the barrel comforting. As I entered into the restricted area, I remembered just why I was coming down here.
Xander stepped out of the viewing room, a concerned look on his face. "Did I just hear a gunshot?"
I nodded, but didn't offer an explanation.
He frowned and scrubbed a hand over his face. "Look, Peter, I—"
"I just came down to talk to you about the fight tonight," I said, cutting him off. "You need to know that you are excluded from fighting for position as team leader."
"What?" He shook his head. "Why the fuck can't I?"
"As leader of the pack, you have an obligation to remain as leader of the pack. If you're out leading the team, you can't lead the pack. The same rule applies to me and Lucien. Neither of us would ever be eligible for team leader."
"Did Lucien give the order for this?"
"It doesn't matter. Lucien's order is my order."
"This is fucking bullshit!" He shouldered his way past me. "Are you trying to burn every last bridge between us?"
"No, Xander. I think you'll end up doing a pretty good job of that on your own."
He growled and stormed out, slamming the steel door behind him. For a moment, I stood there, just inhaling his scent. I half expected him to come waltzing back, but every moment that he stayed gone was a hard reminder that things had changed and Xander wasn't interested in anything I had to offer.
Chains rattled nearby and I cocked my head, considering whether to go in with Caleb or to just walk far and fast to avoid him. No one had given me a report on his condition, though I think it had more to do with me and how distracted I was than with any sort of disrespect.
I turned and buzzed myself into Caleb's cell. He looked up at me in shock, his eyes wide and his body frozen in place in the corner where he'd been sitting. I raised a brow as I glared down at him.
"You dare to look upon me?"
Caleb's gaze snapped to the floor, but he remained silent.
"Can you speak?"
"Yes… sir." His voice was nothing more than a whisper. "I can speak."
"Good." I grabbed a chair that had obviously been brought in by Xander, if the scent on the wood was anything to go by, turned it around and straddled it, never taking my eyes off Caleb. "Because I'd like you to tell me why I should bother letting you keep your head."
Caleb shifted and got onto his knees, head bowed. "M-may I address you informally?"
"Why should I give you that?"
"I don't really know how…"
"How to what?"
"To be formal. Lu… I never learned."
"Then I guess now is the perfect time."
He tucked his head tight to his chest and went silent. I waited and waited for him to respond, and was about to call him out for being obstinate, when the chains at his hands clinked softly. I glanced at his lap, where his hands were clasped tightly together. He was shaking steadily, body tensed up and making it more pronounced.
He wasn't being obstinate, and hell, wasn't even bowing. He was cowering. Like a dog that'd been repeatedly kicked by its owner, he was waiting for that next blow. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but I was ten seconds away from going to him and putting my hand on his shoulder to comfort him. To let him know that I wasn't about to beat the shit out of him—even if he did deserve it.
Instead, I stood and kicked the chair back and walked out the door. I entered into the viewing room and slammed the door behind me, looking around for… something.
A forgotten pack of cigarettes lay on the table. I walked over and picked it up, giving it a shake, hoping it wouldn't be empty, knowing it probably would be. But it wasn't. There was something inside the box. I flipped the top open and smiled. Inside the box was a slim red plastic lighter and two cigarettes. 100's.
Nikolas.
I slid a cigarette out and the lighter, helping myself. That first drag was nice. It didn't turn my world up on its side like Silver's smokes did, but the nicotine rush was something I'd missed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement in the area of the window.
Caleb had lain down in the floor and curled up into a ball. He was shaking and for a moment I thought maybe he'd been drained too much and then not fed enough in return. But there wasn't anything wrong with him physically and he wasn't shaking out of fear anymore.
He was crying.
It hit a nerve and I wanted – more than anything – to go in and scream at him to suck it up—that he didn't have the right to cry. As much pain as he'd inflicted on Lucien, he deserved…
What? To sit there stone-faced and angry? Yeah, that'd have pissed me off more. So what did I expect from him? Him smiling and happy? Not a fucking chance. I wanted to hate Caleb. I wanted to punish him and make him hurt and bleed. My own words to Lucien flashed through my mind.
A Master is like a father. He loves, he cherishes, but he does not hesitate to punish to keep his children on the right path.
Did a father hate? No experience there, but common sense said no. So, if a master was like a father, a master wouldn't hate either. I took another drag and stared at Caleb. I guessed fathers were disappointed in their children all the time. Did it lessen the trust? I was sure of it. But the love?
Okay. So, maybe I was going about this thing all wrong. I was trying so hard to hate him when all I really was… was angry with him. Very angry, but angry nonetheless.
I took a final drag off the cigarette and ground it out in an ashtray on the table, then left the viewing room. When I walked back into Caleb's cell, he looked up with wide eyes, but quickly snapped his gaze to the floor and got to his knees.
"Forgive me, Lucien."
"Peter?" Lucien waited, I felt him there in my head, confused and concerned. "Peter! What are you—?"
I knew he'd be coming to get me as soon as he could, but I was going to take this chance to try to get some answers while I could. I imagined a wall between me and Lucien. Nothing concrete, just enough of a block to let him know I didn't want him in my head. Not right now.
I grabbed the chair and carried it across the room. I put it right in front of Caleb and sat down.
"Relax, Caleb," I said with a sigh. "We're gonna talk this out. Just you and me."
He breathed a small sigh of relief. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me yet. Have you been fed?"
"Yes, sir."
"The last time I was down here, you just wanted me to fuck off. I told you that when I figured out what your punishment would be, I'd be back. Do you remember that?"
He shook his head. "No."
"No?"
"There are things… things I can't remember. Others that—" A sob racked his body and he covered his face. "Others that are so horrible, but I can't get them out of my head. Things that I've done…"
To keep from reaching out, I took the last drag off the cigarette and flicked it across the room. I curled my fingers into my thighs.
"Well. In any case, I have decided what your punishment will be. Nothing you tell me now will change that punishment. Do you understand?"
"Yes, sir."
"Let's talk about Cyril."
At the mention of Cyril's name, Caleb ducked, his eyes darting around the room. "He's not here, is he? Oh, God, he's everywhere! You can't get away from him!"
"Cyril is in custody, Caleb. He's nowhere near here."
"Are you sure? He hides. He finds you when you think you're safe." Caleb looked at the floor, head shaking slowly back and forth. "His touch goes deep."
I sat forward. "How deep, Caleb?"
He looked up at me, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Deep enough to leave a black stain on my soul. I feel… wrong. Dirty."
"Did you feel dirty when he was fucking you?"
Caleb straightened defensively. "I never—"
"Do not try to
lie to me, Caleb. I've got it on video."
"If I did…" His brow creased as he seemed to try to think back. He shook his head. "Oh, God, if I did…"
"What is it that you want me to believe, Caleb? That you hold no responsibility for your actions? When did you meet Cyril? Where did you meet him? How did you get involved with him?"
"At the club, I think." He shook his head, closing his eyes. He swayed back and forth a little, as if he was in some sort of trance. "Or maybe while I was on patrol. I can't say when—six months ago? Maybe? He offered to feed me. I was so hungry, but his blood… It was…bitter. Made me gag."
"Yet you continued to feed from him?"
"It got better. The blood was…addictive. And he was always there. It was like he knew when I hungered."
"You are a child of Lucien's. Do you really expect me to believe there was no sex involved for you?"
"I don't…"
"Caleb? I watched you offer yourself up to him as if you had a hundred times before, loving each and every moment. I watched and heard him promise you that you'd have Lucien back—and that I'd be gone forever. Out of your hair."
"I'd never want you gone!"
I propped myself on my knees with my elbows.
"See? Here's the thing. Cyril fucked with you. I'll give you that. I'll even give you that maybe he fucked with your head so much that you weren't sure what was real and what was not. But in order for him to get anywhere with you, there had to be something there first. There had to be some underlying jealousy or hatred—I'm not sure which. Maybe you can tell me?"
"No! I swear—"
"Be careful what you swear at this moment," I said. "I want your complete honesty. If that requires you to give it some thought, then so be it. But I will have those answers, one way or another."
He inched forward so that his shoulder almost touched my shin. But each time he seemed to settle back to think, he'd move again. Finally, he touched his forehead to my knee.
"I don't know where to start."
"As I recall, you seemed to like me well enough when we first met."
"Oh, God, yes. I did—I do! You made me feel like I was special. Looked right past my scars and saw me. That may not sound like much, but vampires are a vain bunch at times."
"So what happened, Caleb? What changed?"
"I guess I just realized my place—finally." He looked up at me, tears streaming down his cheeks. "For so long, I'd been with Lucien. I knew he loved me, but that he didn't love me."
"And I became your competition."
"No! It wasn't like that. I mean, it was, but it wasn't." He shook his head. "God, that doesn't make sense. And it has nothing to do with now. I got over it, I dealt with it. I was happy for you and Lucien both. If it wasn't for you, Xander and I never would have come together."
"Maybe you didn't deal with it as well as you thought you did."
"I swear it on my life—I thought I had. I was happy. Happy that you and Lucien were happy."
"I know that you had moments in all of this when you knew you were in trouble, that you needed help. Why didn't you come to one of us? To me, to Lucien, or even to Xander?"
"I did. Once." He frowned as if the memory just came to him out of nowhere. "I remember standing outside the private entrance for the office. He said he had me where he wanted me, that I was his now. It scared me."
"Why didn't you come up?"
"You were leaving. Ran into me on your way out. When I tried to help you up…" He looked up at me and shrugged. "You were in a hurry."
"When was this, Caleb? The night Lucien met with Adam?"
"Adam." Caleb's eyes widened. "Oh! Did Lucien do it? Did he bring him over?"
"I thought you knew. Didn't you see him after? He's been at the mansion ever since."
"I didn't know." He breathed a sigh of relief. "But I'm glad he's okay. Thank you for telling me."
I had a sinking feeling that the night Caleb might have been coming to talk to me, I might well have told him off. "Did I say anything to you that night?"
Caleb looked down and away.
"Caleb?"
"To fuck off, I think. Something close, anyway."
"I'm sorry, Caleb."
I reached out and rested my hand on his head. When he moved into my touch, I pulled his head down into my lap. He buried his face against my thighs, arms wrapping around my legs.
My God.
Had my selfishness paved the way for everything that had happened?
"I'm so sorry, Peter." He was sobbing heavily now, entire body shaking. "I know it's not worth much, but I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I didn't mean to hurt Lucien. I didn't mean… Didn't mean to hurt anyone."
I listened to him repeat himself over and over again. The anger had subsided at some point and I kept waiting for it to come back. When it did, it wasn't Caleb it was directed at—but Cyril. I didn't care what it took, I would see that bastard fry in the fiery pits of hell.
Something else occurred to me. "Caleb? One more question: You haven't asked about how Lucien is."
"I didn't figure I had any right." Caleb sucked in a harsh breath, trying to get himself back under control. "And Xander told me both what I did and how Lucien was doing. Please don't be mad at him. I asked – begged – him to tell me what was happening."
"Look at me, please." When he turned those beautiful brown eyes up at me, I leaned forward, grasping his face between my hands. "I am angry and I am disappointed. And like I said before, you will be punished."
"I accept whatever punishment you give me. Anything to make this right."
"Things may never be right again. I want you to know and understand that. Some things are just… They can't be undone and they can't be fixed. I'm going to be honest with you: I don't trust you."
"You have no reason to."
"Trust is earned and once shattered?" I shook my head. "But I want you to know that I do love you."
He went to throw his arms around me, but hesitated. I pulled him into an embrace and rested my chin on the top of his head. It may not have been what others would have done, but I've never been one to follow the crowd. Right now, what Caleb needed most was a stern hand and a reminder that he was loved.
* * *
Just as I closed the door to Caleb's cell, the door to the viewing room opened. Lucien stepped out into the hall and walked up to me, drawing me into his arms. I held onto him tight, but it seemed he was trying to comfort me as much as I was trying to comfort him.
Finally, I pulled back. "You know? You're gonna have to stop shielding and sneaking up on people."
"Then they would know I was there. Where's the fun in that?"
"How much of that did you hear?"
"Pretty much all of it from the black stain on his soul onward." He glanced at the door to Caleb's cell. "I almost came in."
"Yeah?"
He nodded. "I thought it best to let you finish the talk with him instead."
I wanted, more than anything, to change the subject. I'd had enough of dealing with and talking to Caleb for one evening. "Did Xander come to see you?"
"He did." Lucien rolled his eyes. "When I told him he was more than welcome to fight for the position if he gave up his status as Lycan leader, he quickly changed his tune."
"You fight dirty."
"I fight to win." He winked. "Speaking of fighting: we need to get out to the field and give everyone our undivided attention."
"I don't know about undivided…"
He slid an arm around my back and urged me to walk with him. His hand brushed the gun stuffed into the back of my pants and he paused, raising a brow. "Were you going to shoot someone?"
"That fucking hunter we've got locked up. He pissed me off."
Lucien laughed, the sound rich and deep and just music to my ears. "Did he, now?"
"Yes." I glared at him and continued walking again. "Bastard didn't believe I'd shoot him."
"He obviously hasn't seen anyone tell you no."
"I didn't used to be like that." I nudged Lucien with my hip, smirking. "So. Anything I need to know about tonight?"
"Yes, there is. Let's get outside of the dungeon before we discuss that, though."
He gestured to the hunter who was on his bed, curled up as far into the corner of the wall as he could go. The hunter's eyes widened when he saw me and I slowed, eyeing him through the bars. I wasn't sure he'd even blinked since he'd laid eyes on me. I met his gaze and held it, grinning.
