by Betina Krahn
“Wow,” he murmured. “In all my life, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard complete silence.” He reached out and found her hand in the dark. “There’s always some sort of noise in the city, even when it’s quiet. It hums.”
“Shh! Hear that?”
He listened and heard the flutter of wings behind them. “What is that?”
“Owl,” she said. “Probably got a mouse. There are all kinds of things moving in the woods at night. In the summer, it’s like a symphony of sound. But in the winter, the snow muffles everything.”
He could barely see the features of her face in the moonlight, but he could hear the smile in her voice. “What if we get lost?” he said. “Will you protect me from the bears and the wolves?”
“We won’t get lost. I know every inch of these woods. Every tree. I grew up here.” She turned on the flashlight and began walking again, her snowshoes crunching against the snow. Alex followed her until she stopped at a large tree.
“See,” she said, pointing to the trunk. Her gloved finger ran over an arrow carved into the tree, the head pointing down.
“Did you do that?”
Tenley nodded. “Underneath all this snow and about a foot or two of dirt is an old cigar tin. My brother and I buried a time capsule on our eighth birthday. We were going to dig it up when we turned eighteen.”
“Did you? Dig it up?”
Tenley shook her head. “I didn’t have the heart. I can’t even remember what we put inside. Maybe this summer, I’ll come here and find out.”
“What was he like?”
“He was…like me. In every way. It was like we shared a brain. We knew what the other was thinking all the time. I could look at him and know the next words that were going to come out of his mouth. Some people say twins have a psychic connection. When I come out here sometimes, I can feel him. Does that sound crazy?”
“No,” Alex said.
“I just wish I could go back and fix the mistakes I made.”
“What mistakes?” Alex knew the answer to his question, but he wanted her to tell him. And to his surprise, she started talking. Maybe it was the fact that she couldn’t see him in the dark or that they were out in the cold, alone.
“It was my idea to go out that night,” she began. “I dared him to sail out to the island. He said no, but I wouldn’t let it go. I kept picking at him and picking at him until he agreed.”
“It’s not your fault, Tenley. You were just a kid. You didn’t know.”
“I did. That’s the point. I knew it was dangerous. So did he. But I wanted him to admire me. I wanted him to think I was the most important person in the world. I wanted proof that he loved me the best.”
“But he did. You were important to him.”
“I wasn’t. Not anymore.”
“I don’t understand.”
He heard her draw a ragged breath. “Tommy had a girlfriend. He told me all about her, how much he liked her. How he was going to ask her to go sailing with him that weekend. I knew she’d be afraid to go outside the harbor. But I wasn’t afraid. I had to prove to him that I was better than she was.”
Alex reached out for her, but she pulled away, stepping back into the darkness. “Tenley, what happened was an accident. You didn’t cause it. There’s a million and one ways that bad things can happen. A million and one reasons why they do. You didn’t create the bad weather, the cold water or the wave that turned over the boat.”
“We were out there because of me,” she said, bitterness suffusing her tone. “Because I was jealous of some silly girl with blond hair and pretty clothes.”
He saw the tears streaming down her face, glittering in the moonlight. Alex wanted to take her into his arms and make everything better. But he knew how much it had cost her to tell him. By trying to brush it away, he would only trivialize her feelings. “What if you had been the one to die that night? What if Tommy had lived? And he’d tortured himself the same way you’ve been doing? How would you have felt about that?”
“Angry,” she said. “But I wouldn’t blame him. He’d never do anything to deliberately hurt me.”
“Don’t you think he knew that about you? Don’t you think he realized how much you loved him? He wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your life mourning his death. Hell, I don’t know Tommy. But if he was anything like you, he’d tell you to stop acting like such a baby and get on with your life.”
Tenley sat down in the snow. “I feel like I’m ready to let it go. But I’m afraid if I do, I’ll forget him. And then I won’t have anyone.”
He squatted down in front of her, reaching out to cup her face in his gloved hands. “You’ll have me,” Alex said.
“No, I won’t. You’re leaving in a few days.”
“I don’t live that far away, Tenley.”
“Don’t,” she murmured, brushing his hands away. “Don’t make any promises you can’t keep. I’m fine with what we’ve had. I don’t need anything more.”
This was it, Alex thought. Her grandfather had warned him it was coming, but he hadn’t expected her to turn on him for no reason—and so soon. “What if I do? Need more, I mean.”
“I’m sure you’ll find plenty of girls eager to take care of your needs.”
“Do you think that’s what this is about? Sex?”
She stumbled to her feet and brushed the snow off her backside. Then she shone the flashlight in his face. “That’s all this was ever about. We enjoy each other in bed. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I don’t believe you,” Alex said. “I refuse to believe you don’t feel something more.”
“What I feel doesn’t make a difference. Come on, Alex, be reasonable. We can pretend that we’ll see each other again, we might even make plans. But once we’re apart, the desire is bound to fade. I can deal with that. Don’t worry, I’m not going to fall apart on you.”
Alex felt a surge of anger inside of him. She sounded so indifferent, but he knew it was a lie. He had seen it in her eyes, had felt it in the way she touched him. They shared a connection that couldn’t be broken with just a few words and a wave goodbye.
“We should go back,” she muttered. “I’m getting cold.”
He knew what would happen when they returned to the cabin. Tenley would find a way to smooth over their discussion and she’d lure him into bed. And once again, he’d be left certain he was falling in love with her, yet completely unsure of her feelings for him.
Alex had to wonder if he’d ever know how she truly felt. Would she ever be brave enough to admit that she needed him? Or that she wanted someone to share her life? Maybe Tenley was right. Maybe they both ought to just move on.
She pointed the flashlight out in front of them and retraced their steps in the snow. Alex had no choice but to follow her. They walked for a long while in silence, but when he saw the lights from the yard, Alex suddenly regretted giving up his room at the inn.
He wasn’t angry with her. He knew why Tenley was pushing him away. But Alex wondered if she could ever fully trust him. Or trust any man. He found it odd that her insecurities didn’t come from a series of bad relationships, but from never having experienced a relationship at all.
She’d obviously had sex before. She was far too comfortable in bed. But he suspected she treated sex the same way she treated a hike or a ride in her sleigh—a pleasant activity to pass the time and nothing more. Truth be told, that was the way he’d always approached it as well—until he’d met her.
From the moment he’d first touched her, Alex felt something powerful between them. And sex became more than just physical release—it became a way to communicate his feelings for her. For the first time in his life, he was actually making love.
“I think I’m going to work for a while,” Tenley said. “I’ll be in later. Don’t wait up.”
“Fine,” he said.
They parted ways on the porch, Alex watching as she walked toward the barn. He ought to pack his bags and leave. Let her see how much sh
e liked her life without him in it. Maybe, with some time apart, she’d actually realize what they’d shared was special.
He unbuckled his snowshoes, then stepped inside to find the dogs waiting. “Go ahead,” he said, moving aside. They bounded out into the snow in a flurry of flying feet and wagging tails. He watched them play. Dog and Pup.
She hadn’t even bothered to name her dogs. Was she afraid they were going to leave her, too, someday? He wasn’t sure what the two cats were named, if they even had names. And as far as she was concerned, he was probably just…Guy or Dude.
Alex had cast aside more women than he cared to count. Why couldn’t he bring himself to do the same with Tenley? Instead of being apathetic, he found himself angry. He’d made a difference in her life and she refused to acknowledge it. They were better people together than they were apart.
He saw the light go on in the tower studio and stepped into the shadows of the porch. Tenley appeared in the window overlooking the cabin. He watched as she moved about, remembering the previous afternoon and how she’d talked him out of his clothes.
Alex shook his head, wondering how this would all end. Hell, he couldn’t believe it had begun in the first place. Had he not ended up in that snowdrift, none of this would have happened. Eventually, he would have tracked down Tenley, made his proposal and been on his way. On any other day, he might have looked right past her, unaware of the incredible woman she was.
But something had brought them together, some great karmic design, some strange twist of fate. And he had to believe that same force would keep them together, even though she was doing her damnedest to drive them apart.
“IT’S BETTER THIS WAY,” Tenley murmured to herself. She paced back and forth across the width of the studio, her nerves on edge, her mind spinning endlessly. She wasn’t supposed to fall in love. She’d never meant for it to happen. But now that it had, Tenley needed to find a way to stop herself.
Though she’d heard of people who’d fallen in love at first sight, Tenley never believed it was possible. Lust at first sight, maybe. But love took time to grow. How could you possibly love someone you didn’t know?
“That’s right,” she muttered. “You can’t love Alex. You don’t even know him.”
She pressed her hand to her heart. It wasn’t love. But it sure felt like something she’d never experienced before. And she’d never been in love in her life.
Tenley stopped in front of the table and picked up the new drawing she’d done for the second chapter. It was as close to perfect as she could make it and it was good. Even she was proud of the effort, and Tenley was her own worst critic.
The fact that she was able to believe in herself as an artist was Alex’s doing. She owed him a huge debt of gratitude. But did she owe him her heart? It seemed to be the only thing he wanted from her. Tenley’s heart was a mangled mess, shattered in a million pieces and stuck back together again with duct tape and school paste and chewing gum.
Who would want a heart like that, a heart so close to breaking again? A heart that wasn’t strong enough to love. Tenley sat down in her chair and cupped her chin in her hand. Slowly, she flipped through her story.
And it was her story. Cyd was everything she’d wanted to be—strong, determined, blessed with powers that could alter the past. But as she looked at the pictures she’d drawn, Tenley saw that Cyd was just ink on paper. Every move she made was part of an intricate plot planned out ahead of time. She had all the answers.
Real life was a different matter. Tenley had no control over the plot. There was no plan. Nothing was black and white. Instead, she was left to navigate through a world filled with shades of gray.
Did she love Alex or didn’t she? The answer wasn’t that simple. Perhaps she had the potential to love him. Maybe there was a tiny part of her that loved him already. But if asked for a yes or no answer, Tenley couldn’t give one.
She shoved the papers back and stood, the walls of the studio closing in around her. Grabbing her coat, Tenley ran down the stairs and out into the cold night. She wrapped her arms around herself and tipped her head up to the sky, staring at the stars.
What came next in her story? Would she let it unfold in front of her? Or would she try to manipulate the plot? Though it might be nice to possess a superpower or two, Tenley suspected there was no power in the world that could make Alex love her if he didn’t want to. She had to be prepared to let him go and to do it without any regrets.
The snow crunched beneath her boots as she walked back to the cabin. The great room was lit only by the fading fire and the light from above the kitchen sink. Pup and Dog came out to greet her and she gave them both a pat on the head. Tenley tiptoed down the hall and peeked into her bedroom. A stab of disappointment pierced her heart when she saw Alex wasn’t waiting in her bed.
The door to the guest room was closed and she could only assume he was sending her a signal. She wasn’t welcome. Tenley walked back to the kitchen, her wet boots squeaking on the wood plank floor. She kicked them off at the door and shrugged out of her jacket, tossing it over the back of the sofa.
A survey of the refrigerator yielded nothing interesting to eat, but she felt compelled to munch in an effort to take her mind off the man sleeping in her guest room. They’d spent the past four nights in each other’s arms. It didn’t seem right, sleeping all alone.
Tenley grabbed an apple from the basket on the counter, then walked back to her bedroom. She took a huge bite, then tossed the apple on the bed and began to remove her clothes. But in the end, exhaustion overwhelmed her and she flopped down, face-first on the sheets, still half-dressed. She found the apple and took another bite, then carefully considered her options.
She could do the sensible thing, crawl beneath the covers of her own bed, close her eyes and pray she’d fall asleep before giving in to her impulses. Or she could do the reckless thing and strip off all her clothes, walk into the guest room and get into bed with Alex. Or she could lie here and think of other options.
The cats were curled up on her pillow and she rolled over and pressed her face into Kittie’s fur. Kattie opened her eyes and watched Tenley for a moment, then nuzzled her face into her paws and went back to sleep. This was what she’d be reduced to after Alex left—searching for affection from her pets.
She’d survived on their love before he’d walked into her life. So why did the prospect seem so unsatisfying now? “I love you,” she murmured to the cats. “I do.” But they didn’t open their eyes. “I know you love me. You don’t have to say the words. I can tell by the way you’re lying there that you love me.” She paused. “God, am I pathetic.”
With that, Tenley sat up and raked her hands through her hair. Then she grabbed a book from the pile on her bedside table. But as she flipped through the pages, one by one, she couldn’t find anything that might occupy her mind. She could bake some cookies. Or clean the fireplace. Or scrub the bathroom floor. Tenley drew a deep breath. Or she could walk into Alex’s room and do what she really wanted to do—make love to him for the rest of the night.
She crawled out of bed and tiptoed to his door, then slowly opened it, wincing at the squeaky hinges. The room was dark, the only light coming from the hall. Tenley stood next to his bed, then silently knelt down beside it, her gaze searching his face.
There were times when his beauty took her breath away. Men weren’t supposed to be beautiful, but she could look at Alex with an artist’s eye and see the perfection of his long limbs and muscled torso. This was the kind of man the Greeks sculpted in ancient times, the epitome of the human form, from his well-shaped hands to his lovely feet.
She thought back to the sketches she’d made of Alex. For the first time in her life, she’d felt like an artist. And she’d understood the need for a muse. Drawing Alex brought out her passion for her art. When she looked at his naked body, everything she saw through her eyes came out on the sketchpad.
Her fingers clenched and she longed for a pencil and pad, wanting to captu
re this scene in front of her. The frustration she felt earlier was gone and now she felt nothing but regret for her sharp words. He didn’t deserve them. Alex had been nothing but kind and encouraging. No matter what those other women claimed, he’d been a perfect gentleman.
Tenley didn’t know how much longer this would last. She suspected the feelings might fade once he returned to Chicago. But they still had three more days together. The least she could do was put aside her insecurities and make their moments together count for something.
Holding her breath, Tenley crawled into bed beside him, still dressed in her jeans and long-sleeved T-shirt. She felt him move behind her and then his arms circled around her waist and he pulled her against his body. His soft sigh tickled the back of her neck and a moment later, he pressed his lips to the same spot.
Tenley smiled, holding on to his hands and allowing her body to relax. He didn’t need to say a word. Just his touch was enough to know that she’d been forgiven. And though Tenley wanted to strip off her clothes and make love to him, there was something wonderful about just being in his arms, lying next to him in his bed.
They had three more days and two more nights. There would be plenty of time to reignite the passion between them. She closed her eyes and waited for sleep to take the last of her tensions from her body.
But the noise in her head refused to quiet. Tenley drew a deep breath and then let it out slowly, before turning in Alex’s embrace. Facing him, she smoothed her hands over his features, memorizing the feel of them in the dark.
When he brushed his mouth against hers, Tenley realized he was awake. She touched her lips to his and slowly the kiss grew deeper and more passionate. But there was an edge of desperation to each caress they shared, as if they both knew that the clock was ticking down on their time together.
With each soft sigh and each whispered word, Tenley grew more frantic to feel him inside her. When he began to undress her, she impatiently tore off her shirt and kicked out of her jeans. Once she was naked, Alex pulled her beneath the sheets, into the warmth of his body.
