My heart hammered against my chest and I felt heat spreading through my body.
After that night at the wedding, I had tried my best to revise history; I had tried to convince myself that I had been seeing Josh through Cabernet goggles, and I had tried to tell myself that he wasn’t actually as sexy as he looked in my memories…
But now, as I felt my insides turn into lava, I realized that my memories hadn’t been doing him justice; he was even sexier than I recalled. My eyes took him all in: those muscles bulging through the tight-fitting Firehouse 56 t-shirt he was wearing…that messy brown hair…and that tree trunk that I knew he had hidden in the front of his pants…
“Today we’ve talked about the many ways that we can stay safe and prevent fires,” Josh said, stepping back behind the podium. “But there’s one more thing I need to talk to you guys about.”
“A few months ago,” he continued, “Firehouse 56 was called to a fire that had started in a restaurant kitchen. By the time we got to the scene, the fire had spread to the daycare next door.”
There were a few murmurs across the classroom, and a few children squirmed uncomfortably in their seats.
“That was your daycare,” Josh said. “Who remembers that day?”
Every hand in the room shot up, even from the teachers huddled around me.
“Now because your teachers were very brave and very smart, they were able to get everybody outside,” Josh explained. “But unfortunately, one of your classmates got separated from the group, and she became trapped in the building.”
Josh walked down the aisle of tables, and he stopped in front of a little blonde girl.
“Mia,” he grinned down at her and offered his hand. The little girl eagerly slapped her palm in his, and he guided her towards the front of the classroom.
“By the time I found Mia,” Josh explained to the class, “The fire had spread, and she wasn’t able to find her way out of the building. So, she was hiding in one of the cubbies.”
Mia nodded proudly, confirming Josh’s story.
“I was there to rescue Mia,” Josh continued, “But when she saw my big helmet and bulky uniform, she was scared. She thought I was a monster.”
There were a few snickers across the classroom, but Josh held up a hand to silence them:
“Don’t laugh,” he said flatly. “Mia was incredibly brave. But she had never seen a fireman’s uniform before, so she didn’t know that I was there to protect her.”
Josh reached under the podium and grabbed an ash-stained helmet.
“This is the helmet I was wearing that day,” he said, holding the helmet up for all of the class to see. “But since Mia was frightened by the way I looked in this helmet, I had to take it off and let her try it on.”
He handed the helmet down to Mia, and she slipped it over her head with a proud grin. The class giggled again, this time at the sight of their classmate wearing the oversized headgear.
“I wore the coat too!” Mia announced proudly.
“That’s right,” Josh smiled, holding up a heavy black jacket emblazoned with ‘HUDSON’ along the bottom hem. “I let Mia wear my turnout coat, too.”
My brow furrowed and my mind raced, piecing everything together:
This fire happened a few months ago…around the time of the wedding. He gave up his coat for this little girl…that meant that he was exposing himself to the fire inside the burning building. Those burns I saw on his arms at the wedding…did he get those burns, from protecting this little girl?
The lump in the back of my throat multiplied.
He really is a hero…I thought to myself. My eyes glazed over as I watched Josh crouch down next to the little girl. Mia threw her arms around Josh’s shoulders, hugging him tight. She adored him, and he…he was a natural.
I can’t do this…I realized. The rush of emotions was too strong…I needed to get out. I needed to get some fresh air. I needed to get away from Josh, and I needed to get away from the tugging sensation that I felt on my heart when I watched him hug that little girl…
I turned to leave the classroom, but I failed to notice that another Firehouse 56 crew member had stepped into the room and was blocking the door. I narrowly missed colliding with him but, in the process of dodging him, I tripped on my Jack Rogers sandal and flopped straight forward.
My hands flung out ahead of me and caught the brick wall before I fell face-first onto the ground. But it didn’t matter; the damage had already been done. I had already made a commotion.
I knew that every pair of eyes in the room was glued to me, but as I shifted my gaze up, there was only one set of eyes that I cared about. And I found them: those stormy grey eyes, staring straight back at me.
CHAPTER NINE | JOSH
“I really don’t think I need this,” she insisted, holding up the EMS-grade instant cold pack that I had given her. “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be putting ice on,” she added. “Unless you have one of these that’s big enough for a pulverized ego…”
“It’s for your hands,” I told her. “Your palms ate a lot of brick when you broke your fall on that wall.”
Her cheeks flushed pink and she grimaced.
“Please don’t remind me,” she groaned. I just smiled and reached for her hands.
“Here,” I said, “Let me see…”
She let me take her hands in mine, and I studied the imprint that the brick had left on the heels of her palms.
“Are you a doctor now, too?” she asked, grinning up at me.
“A fireman wears many hats,” I shrugged. I pressed the cold pack down on her swollen palm, pinching it between her hand and mine. The flash of cold startled her, and she bucked up in her chair as she sucked in a sharp inhale.
“Easy, Pinky,” I told her.
“Pinky?” she repeated with a confused frown.
“Yeah,” I said. “Like pinky promise.”
She blinked up at me a few times, then I saw a flash of understanding light up her eyes.
“Did you really think I forgot about you?” I asked. I slid out the chair next to the one she was sitting in and I took a seat beside her at the table.
We were in the firehouse kitchen. That’s where I had taken her, after handing off the daycare group tour to one of my colleagues. As much as I loved giving safety demonstrations to a bunch of precocious preschoolers, this was a matter that demanded my immediate attention.
I recognized her the instant I locked eyes on her from across the training room: she was the woman from the wedding.
Somehow, she was even more stunning than I remembered. And that was saying something, because I remembered everything about that night that we spent together: the way her ass glistened in the moonlight, the way she tasted like melting sugar on my tongue…and the way she had vanished without a trace.
“I waited around for you,” I told her, still pinching the ice pack onto her palm with mine. “At the wedding. I tried to find you on the dance floor, but you were gone…”
“It was just sex,” she blurted out. Her voice was soft and faint, like a whisper. I could hear the drumming of her heart, and I could feel her pulse rattling through her veins as I cupped her hand in mine.
“Are you sure that’s all it was?” I asked, staring into the vortex of her hazel eyes. She swayed towards me, and I could feel the soft puff of her hot breath as she exhaled.
If it was just sex…I thought to myself, then why haven’t I been able to get you out of my head for the last three months?
I wasn’t the kind of guy who got hung up on women. Hell, my idea of a ‘long term relationship’ was when I sent a drunk booty call to the same number two weekends in a row.
I didn’t have anything against dating or relationships…I just never really considered myself cut out for those types of things. Brady was the one who was destined to get married and have the white picket fence and happily-ever-after ending.
Me, on the other hand? I was destined
to be a lone wolf. And I was fine with that; I had accepted my fate. At least…I thought I had.
Then that night happened. And afterwards, all I could think about was her. Every time some pretty little thing in a tight dress tried to buy me a drink or slip me their number at Rusty’s, my mind raced back to that night behind the Pond House.
Memories flooded my veins; the way she felt, the way she tasted, the way she moaned…
“We pinky-promised,” she said, snapping me back to reality. “Remember?”
“I remember a lot about that night,” I told her. I wanted to use my hands to show her the parts that I remembered the best, but instead I released the grip I had on her hand and I sat back in my chair.
“I remember you being stubborn,” I grinned. “And adorably clumsy...”
“Stubborn and clumsy?” she wrinkled her nose. “I remember you being cocky and totally full of yourself.”
“You couldn’t keep your hands off of my cock,” I reminded her. “And you were practically begging to be full of me…”
Her breathing grew heavier, and I saw the strain in her throat as she forced each breath in, then out…
“Admit it,” I said. “That was the best sex you’ve ever had.”
She tried to scoff, but it came out like more of a giggle. Her cheeks flooded with pink again, and I smiled.
You’re cute, I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue.
“There you go again,” she shook her head. “You really do think you’re hot shit.”
“You think I’m hot shit too, Pinky.”
“No way,” she insisted unconvincingly.
I raised an eyebrow. “Then why’d you come here looking for me?”
“I…” her voice trailed off and her eyes went blank, like she was free-falling. “I um…”
“You couldn’t stay away?” I teased. “You know, if you’re trying to seduce me, that little tumble you took back there in the training room really did the trick…”
“I’m not trying to seduce you!” she squirmed in her seat.
“Pinky promise?” I asked, narrowing my eyes playfully.
“Pinky promise,” she said flatly, but she didn’t offer me her pinky this time.
“Ok,” I sat back in my chair. “So…what are you doing here?”
She hesitated, glaring down at the floor as she squeezed the ice pack between her fingers. Then her eyes flicked back up to me.
“I never introduced myself,” she said. “I’m Vanessa.”
Then she dropped the ice pack on the kitchen table and flung her hand towards me awkwardly. I took her hand in mine and gave it a firm shake, warming through the patch of cold flesh on her palm.
“Vanessa,” I repeated. “Nice to finally meet you. I’m Josh.”
“I know who you are,” she blurted out. Then, blushing, she clarified: “I mean…I knew who you were, from the wedding party…”
“The plot thickens,” I cocked my head.
She gulped and I noticed that her hands were shaking. A conflicted expression spread across her face, and worry started swirling beneath the flecks of gold that freckled her hazel eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I said sincerely. “I’m just messing around. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable--”
“You didn’t make me uncomfortable,” she said quickly. “It’s not that. There’s something else.”
“What is it?” I frowned.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” she said.
I felt the steady vibrations of a pulse, and I wasn’t sure if it was hers or mine.
“What’s up?” I asked.
Her lips spread open and her face froze, and then the words fell out:
“I’m pregnant.”
I felt the entire room dissolve around me as I sank deeper into my chair. My eyes floated up and my gaze got lost somewhere in the constellation of dots that speckled the white ceiling tiles.
Pregnant? I repeated the word over and over, trying to make sense of it.
My mind raced back to that night, and I remembered how amazing her bare skin had felt as I thrust inside of her...and how amazing it had felt, to come together…
How could I have been so fucking stupid?! I asked myself now.
I opened my mouth, but there were no words. I had no idea what to say or how to respond. She was staring at me, studying my face, waiting to see how I would respond…
Is this some kind of test? I wondered as I watched her eyes search my face for clues. Why do I feel like this is a test?
My mouth suddenly flooded with questions, but before I could get a word out, I was interrupted by the loud, shrill screech of a siren.
The alarm flooded the kitchen, vibrating off of the walls and wailing mercilessly.
Her face tightened and the emotion disappeared from her eyes. Then she shrugged:
“Saved by the bell.”
She stood up to leave, and for the second time I watched her walk away from me. This time, I stopped her.
“Wait!” I said, sprinting after her. I caught her by the door, and she turned to face me.
“We need to talk about this,” I said. “Not now, because I have to go. But…tonight. Can I see you tonight?”
“Ok,” she said.
“Pinky promise?” I stuck my pinky out and she glared up at me. Then her face softened and she hooked her pinky through mine.
CHAPTER TEN | VANESSA
After our meeting at the firehouse, I drove straight home and poured myself a gigantic bubble bath. I needed to clear my head and process everything that had happened: from making a fool of myself in front of an entire daycare center, to the way that Josh’s face had frozen when I finally spit out the truth about the pregnancy.
It was times like this that I wished I was a crier. There was something so simple and easy about crying your eyes out; the immediate release of emotions, the relief of not holding anything in anymore. I envied people that could cry. But…I wasn’t one of them.
I pinched my eyes shut, willing the tears to form, but they never came. Instead, I just felt more frustrated. I sank further down into the bath water, hiding my body entirely under a blanket of sudsy white bubbles.
My mind replayed the conversation at the firehouse. It hadn’t played out anything like the script that I had rehearsed for Summer, but it could have been worse…
It was obvious that I wasn’t the only one still hung up on that night we shared together. The way he kept alluding to the things that we had done together, and the way his eyes flickered with familiarity as they wandered over every inch of my body, from top to bottom…
I felt a hot contraction clench through my walls, just thinking about the way he’d looked at me. I reached my hand underwater, tracing the curve of my mound and finding the soft peak of my clitoris. I slid back into the bathtub, resting my head on the porcelain surround as I retraced the path his fingers had made on my body, all those months ago…
Maybe I couldn’t cry, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t find release another way. I thought about his body as my fingers explored under the water, and I thought about how he had used his fingers and tongue to make me come…
My body stiffened with desire as I lost my breath, racing towards a climax. I drove my finger harder into my slit, rubbing furiously, trying to replicate the way that he had felt…
But I couldn’t. I had reached the peak but, no matter what my fingers did, I couldn’t cross over and make the descent into pure bliss.
Frustrated, I drained the bathtub and toweled off. Then I got ready to meet Josh for dinner.
***
Josh was already at the restaurant when I arrived. He was waiting for me in a corner booth, and he had cleaned up since the last time I saw him: his hair was damp from a shower, and he smelled like Ivory soap and Ralph Lauren.
“Hey,” he stood up when he saw me, and then he shuffled awkwardly towards me, offering a hand to help me down into the booth.
>
“I’m just pregnant,” I reminded him with a playful smile. “My legs still work.”
“Sorry,” he grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. Still, he waited until I had slid into my seat before he sat down across the table from me.
“You hungry?” he asked.
“Starving,” I groaned, reaching for menu. My eyes scanned over the page and, even though I had eaten lunch less than three hours earlier, I felt my stomach rumble. “I think I could eat everything on this menu.”
“Go for it,” he told me.
I narrowed my eyes and glared up at him over the top of my menu.
“I mean it,” he said. “Order whatever you want. After seeing the amount of food that the guys at the station put away, nothing can shock me.”
Don’t challenge a pregnant woman, I joked dryly to myself. Then I felt my stomach tighten: that was the first time I had actually referred to myself as a ‘pregnant woman.’ I cringed.
This is going to take some getting used to…
“So,” Josh said, drumming his fingertips on the tabletop absently. “I was thinking about it, and…I owe you an apology.”
“You do?” I glanced up over the top of the menu again.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “When you told me that you were pregnant earlier today at the firehouse, I didn’t handle it very well. I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t exactly handle it well when I first found out, either,” I shrugged, folding the menu closed and setting it on the table in front of me.
“Well I want you to know,” he said, “That whatever you want to do…I’m going to stand behind you one-hundred percent.”
“That’s sweet of you,” I sighed, “But you don’t need to do that, Josh.”
“Do what?”
“You know…feel obligated,” I said. “I don’t expect you to drop everything and play house with me. Really, I don’t.”
“Vanessa--”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, too,” I said, “And I think that I want to raise this baby. But I want you to know that I’m taking full responsibility, and I don’t expect or need anything from you.”
February Burning: A Firefighter Secret Baby Romance Page 6
