by James Joyce
As he so set off with his father’s sword, his lancia spezzata, he was girded on, and with that between his legs and his tarheels, our once in only Bragspear, he clanked, to my clinking, from veetoes to threetop every inch of an immortal.
He had not walked over a pentiad of parsecs from his azylium when at the turning of the Shinshone Lanteran near Saint Bowery’s-without-his-Walls he came (secunding to the one one oneth of the propecies, Amnis Limina Permanent) upon the most unconsciously boggylooking stream he ever locked his eyes with. Out of the colliens it took a rise by daubing itself Ninon. It looked little and it smelt of brown and it thought in narrows and it talked showshallow. And as it rinn it dribbled like any lively purl-it-easy: My, my, my! Me and me! Little down dream, don’t I love thee!
And, I declare, what was there on the yonder bank of the stream that would be a river, parched on a limb of the olum, bolt downright, but the Gripes? And no doubt he was fit to be dried for why had he not been having the juice of his times?
His pips had been neatly all drowned on him; his polps were charging odours every older minute; he was quickly for getting the dresser’s desdaign on the flyleaf of his frons; and he was quietly for giving the bailiff’s distrain on to the bulkside of his cul de pompe. In all his specious heavings, as he lived by Optimus Maximus, the Mookse had never seen his Dubville brooder-on-low so nigh to a pickle.
Adrian (that was the Mookse now’s assumptinome) stuccstill phiz-à-phiz to the Gripes in an accessit of aurignacian. But Allmookse must to Moodend much as Allrouts, austereways or wastersways, in roaming run through Room. Hic sor a stone, singularly illud, and on hoc stone Seter satt huc sate which it filled quite poposterously and by acclammitation to its fullest justotoryum and whereopum with his unfallable encyclicling upom his alloilable, diupetriark of the wouest, and the athemystsprinkled pederect he always walked with, Deusdedit, cheek by jowel with his frisherman’s blague, Bellua Triumphans, his everyway addedto wallat’s collectium, for yea longer he lieved yea broader he betaught of it, the fetter, the summe and the haul it cost, he looked the first and last micahlike laicness of Quartus the Fifth and Quintus the Sixth and Sixtus the Seventh giving allnight sitting to Lio the Faultyfindth.
— Good appetite us, Sir Mookse! How do you do it? cheeped the Gripes in a wherry whiggy maudelenian woice and the jackasses all within bawl laughed and brayed for his intentions for they knew their sly toad lowry now. I am rarumominum blessed to see you, my dear mouster. Will you not perhopes tell me everything, if you are pleased, sanity? All about aulne and lithial and allsall allinall about awn and liseias. Ney?
Think of it! O miserendissimest retempter! A Gripes!
— Rats! bullowed the Mookse most telesphorously, the concionator, and the sissymusses and the zozzymusses in their robenhauses quailed to hear his tardeynois at all, for you cannot wake a silken nouse out of a hoarse oar. Blast yourself and your anathomy infairioriboos! No, hang you for an animal rurale! I am superbly in my supremest poncif! Abase you, baldyqueens! Gather behind me, satraps! Rots!
— I am till infinity obliged with you, bowed the Gripes, his whine having gone to his palpruy head. I am still always having a wish on all my extremities. By the
watch, what is the time, pace?
Figure it! The pining peever! To a Mookse!
— Ask my index! Mund my achilles! Swell my obolum! Woshup my nase serene! answered the Mookse, rapidly byturning clement, urban, eugenious and celestian in the most formose of good grogory humours. Quote awhore? That is quite about what I came on my missions with my paladin’s intentions laudibiliter to settle with you, barbarousse. Let thor be orlog. Let Pauline be Irene. Let you be Beeton. And let me be Los Angeles. Now measure your length! Now estimate my capacity! Well, sour? Is this space of our couple of hours too dimensional for you, temporiser? Will you give you up? Como? Fuert it!
Sancta Patientia! You should have heard the voice that answered him! Culla vosellina.
— I was just thinkling upon that, swees Mooksey, but, for all the rime on my raisins, if I cannow make my submission, I canoss give you up, the Gripes whimpered from the nethermost of his wanhope. Ishallassoboundbewilsothoutoosezit. My tumble, loudy bullocker, is my own. My velicity is too fit in one stockend. And my spetial inexshellsis the belowing things ab ove. But I will never be abler to tell Your Honoriousness (here he near lost his limb), though my corked father was bott a pseudowaiter, whose o’cloak you ware.
Incredible? Well, hear the inevitable!
— Your temple, sus in cribro! Semperexcommunicambiambisumers. Tugurios-in-Newrobe or Tukurias-in-Ashies. Novarome, my creature, blievend bleives. My building space in lyonine city is always to let to leonlike Men, the Mookse with immediate jurisdiction constantinently concluded. (What a crammer for the shapewrucked Gripes!) And I regret to proclaim that it is out of my temporal to help you from being killed by inchies (what a thrust!) as we first met each other newwhere so airly. (Poor little sowsieved subsquashed Gripes! I begin to feel contemption for him!) My side, thank decretals, is as safe as motherour’s houses, he continued, and I can seen from my holeydome what it is to be wholly sane. Union-jok and be joined to yok! Parysis, tu sais, crucycrooks, belongs to him who parises himself. And there I must leave you subject for the pressing. I can prove that against you, weight a momentum, mein goot enemy, or Cospol’s not our star. I bet you this dozen odd. This foluminous dozen odd. Quas primas—but ’tis bitter to compote my knowledge’s fructos of. Tomes.
Elevating, to give peint to his blick, his jewelled pederect to the allmysty cielung, he luckystruck blueild out a few shouldbe santillants, a cloister of starabouts over Maples, a lucciolys in Teresa street and a stopsign before Sophy Barratt’s. He gaddered togodder the odds docence of his vellumes, gresk, letton and russicruxian, onto the lapse of his prolegs, into umfullth onescuppered, and sat about his widerproof.
He proved it pompifically, in a most consistorous allocution, well whoonearth dry and drysick times, and vremiament, tu cesses, to the extinction of Niklaus altogether (Niklaus Alopysius having been the once Gripes’s popwilled nimbum), by Neuclidius and by Inexagoras, by Mumfsen and by Thumpsen, by Orasmus and by Amenius, by Anacletus the Jew and by Malachy the Augurer and by the Cappon’s collection and all the mummyscrips in Sick Bokes’ Juncroom. And after that, with Cheekee’s gelatine and Alldaybrandy’s formolon, he reproved it ehrltogether, when not in that order sundering in some different order, alter three thirty and a hundred times, by the binomial dioram and the penic walls and the ind, the inklespill legends and the rure, the rule of the hoop and the blessons of expedience and the jus, the jugicants of Pontius Pilax and the Chapters for the Cunning of the Chapters of the Conning Fox by Tail.
While that Mooksius with preprocession and with proprecession, duplicitly and diplussedly, was promulgating ipsofacts and sadcontras this raskolly Gripos he had allbust seceded in monophysicking his illsobordunates. But asawfulas he had caught his base semenoyous sarchnaktiers to combuccinate upon the silipses of his aspillouts and the acheporeoozers of his haggyown pneumax to synerethetise with the breadchestviousness of his sweeatovular ducose sofarfully the loggerthuds of his sakellaries were fond at variance with the synodals of his somepooliom and his babskissed nepogreasymost got the hoof from his philioquus.
— Efter thousand yaws, Oh Gropes, con my sheepskins, yow will be belined to the world, enscayed Mookse the pius.
— Ofter thousand yores, amsered Gripes the gregary, be the goat of Mac-Hammud’s, Ah Mookse, yours may be still more botheared.
— Us shall be chosen as the first of the last by the electress of Vale Hallow, obselved the Mookse nobily, for, par the unicum of Elelijiacks, Us am in Our stabulary and that is what Ruby and Roby fall for, blissim.
The Pills, the Nasal Wash (Yardly’s), the Army Man Cut. As british as bond strict and as straightcut as when that brokenarched traveller from Nuzuland…
— Wee, cumfussed the Gripes limply, shall not even be the last of the first, wee hope, when oust are visitate
d by the veiled horror. And, he added, Mee are relying entirely, see the fortethurd of Elissabed, on the weightiness of mear’s breath. Puffut!
Unsightbared embouscher, relentloose foe to social and business success! (Hourihaleine.) It might have been a happy evening but …
And they viterberated each and other, canis et coluber, with the wildest ever wielded since Tarriestinus lashed Pissasphaltium.
— Unuchorn!
— Ungulant!
— Uvuloid!
— Uskybeak!
And bullfolly answered volleyball.
Nuvoletta in her lightdress, spunn of sisteen shimmers, was looking down on them, leaning over the bannistars and listening all she childishly could. How she was brightened when Shouldrups in his glaubering hochskied his welkinstuck and how she was overclused when Kneesknobs on his zwivvel was makeacting such a paulse of himshelp! She was alone. All her nubied compinions were asleeping with the squirrels. Their mivver, Mrs Moonan, was off in the Fuerst quarter scrubbing the backsteps of Number 28. And as for fuvver, that Skand, he was up in Norwood’s sokaparlour eating oceans of Voking’s Blemish. Nuvoletta listened as she reflected herself, though the heavenly one with his constellatria and his emanations stood between, and she tried all she tried to make the Mookse look up at her (but he was fore too adiaptotously farseeing) and to make the Gripes hear how coy she could be (though he was much too schystimatically auricular about his ens to heed her) but it was all mild’s vapour moist. Not even her feignt reflection, Nuvoluccia, could they take their gnoses off, for their minds with intrepifide fate and bungless curiasity were conclaved with Heliogobbleus and Commodus and Enobarbarus and whatever the coordinal dickens they did as their damprauch of papyrs and buchstubs said. As if that was their spiration! As if theirs could duiparate her queendim! As if she would be third perty to search on search proceedings! She tried all the winsome wonsome ways her four winds had taught her. She tossed her sfumastelliacinous hair like la princesse de la Petite Bretagne and she rounded her mignons arms like Mrs Cornwallis-West and she smiled over herself like the beauty of the image of the pose of the daughter of the queen of the Emperour of Irelande and she sighed after herself as were she born to bride with Tristis Tristior Tristissimus. But, sweet madonine, she might fair as well have carried her daisy’s worth to Florida. For the Mookse, a dogmad Accanite, were not amoosed and the Gripes, a dubliboused Catalick, wis pinefully obliviscent.
— I see, she sighed. There are menner.
The siss of the whisp of the sigh of the softzing at the stir of the ver grose O arundo of a long one in midias reeds: and shades began to glidder along the banks, greepsing, greepsing, duusk unto duusk, and it was as glooming as gloaming could be in the waste of all peacable wolds. Metamnisia was allsoonone coloroform brune; citherior spiane an eaulande, innemorous and unnumerose. The Mookse had a sound eyes right but he would not all hear. The Gripes had light ears left yet he could but ill see. So he ceased, and he ceased, tung and trit, and it was never-soever so dusky of both of them. But still Moo thought on the deeps of the undths he would profoundth come the morrokse and still Gri feeled of the scripes he would escipe if by grice he had luck enoupes.
O, how it was duusk! From Vallee Maraia to Grasyaplaina, dormimust echo! Ah dew! Ah dew! It was so duusk that the tears of night began to fall, at first by ones and twos, then by threes and fours, at last by fives and sixes of sevens, for the tired ones were weeping, as we weep now with them. O! O! O! Par la pluie!
Then there came down to the thither bank a woman of no appearance (I believe she was a Black with chills at her feet) and she gathered up his hoariness the Mookse motamourfully where he was spread and caried him away to her invisible dwelling, thats hights, Aquila Rapax, for he was the holy sacred solemn and poshup spit of her boshop’s apron. So you see the Mookse he had reason as I knew and you knew and he knew all along. And there came down to the hither bank a woman to all important (though they say that she was comely, spite the cold in her heed) and, for he was as like it as blow it to a hawker’s hank, she plucked down the Gripes, torn panicky autotone, in angeu from his limb and cariad away its beotitubes with her to her unseen shieling, it is, De Rore Coeli. And so the poor Gripes got wrong, for that is always how a Gripes is, always was and always will be. And it was never so thoughtful of either of them. And there were left now an only elmtree and but a stone. Polled with pietrous, sierre but saule. O, yes! And Nuvoletta, a lass.
Then Nuvoletta reflected for the last time in her little long life and she made up all her myriads of drifting minds in one. She cancelled all her engauzements. She climbed over the bannistars. She gave a childy cloudy cry: Nuée! Nuée! A lightdress fluttered. She was gone. And into the river that had been a stream (for a thousand of tears had gone on her and come on her and she was stout and struck on dancing and her muddied name was Missisliffi) there fell a tear, a singult tear, the loveliest of all tears (I mean for those crylove fables fans who are “keen” on the pretty-pretty commonface sort of thing you meet by hopeharrods) for it was a leaptear. But the river tripped on her by and by, lapping as though her heart was brook: Why, why, why! Weh, O weh! I’se so silly to be flowing but I no canna stay!
No applause, please! Bast! The romescot rattleshaker will go round your circulation in diu cursus.
Allaboy Major, I’ll take your reactions in another place after themes. Nolan-Browne, you may now leave the classroom. Joe Peters, Fox.
As I have now successfully explained to you my own naturalborn rations which are even in excise of my vaultybrain insure me that I am a mouth’s more deserving case by genius. I’m Armory, so herald me, but he’s merely the size of his shirt. The Jonases were juanisers in Lyoness before the first Schmied started to forge. For see my stitchwork! A boche beuglant in a field flam. Motto: Twist im ann insulte! Mookse makes for Muth and his Muth makes for Mastery wile Gripes yields to Guile but his Guile’ll yield the faster he is Faced in Front and Forced to acknowledge that the Roarer Rules the Knaves Leonidas!
Mookse, Mookse, Mookse! I could face a phalanx philistine!
And Gripes, Gripes, Gripes! I could chor em wiv zis jor of mine!
For I feel like Samsen, Hamsen and Yan Yammesen. But nevertheleast also I feel in symbathos for my ever devoted friend and halfaloafonwashed brother, Gnaccus Gnoccovitch. Darling germ! Darling smallfox! Horose-shoew! I could love that man like my own ambo for being so baileycliaver though he’s a nawful cyrillass and I must slav to methodiousness. I want him to go and live like a theabild in charge of the night brigade on Tristan da Cunha, isle of manoverboard, where he’ll make Number 106 and be near Inaccessible.
(The meeting of mahoganies, be the waves, rementions me that this exposed sight though it pines for an umbrella of its own and needs a shelter belt of the true service sort to keep its boles clean—the weeping beeches, Picea and Tillia, are in a wild state about it—ought to be classified, as Cricketbutt Willowm and his two nurserymen advisers suggested, under genus Inexhaustible when we refloat upon all the butternut, sweet gum and manna ash redcedera which is so purvulent there as if there was howthorns in Curraghchasa which ought to look as plane as a lodgepole to anybody until we are introduced to that pinetacotta of Verney Rubens where the deodarty is pinctured for us in a pure stand, which we do not doubt he has a habitat of doing, but without those selfsown seedlings which are a species of proof that the largest individual can occur at or in an olivetion such as East Conna Hillock where it mixes with foolth accacians and common sallies and is tender. Vux populus, as we say in hickoryhockery, and I wish we had some more glasses of arbor vitae. Why root by the roadside or awn over alum pot? Alderman Whitebeam is oaky-o.)
He ought to go away for a change of ideas. And he’d have a world of things to look back on. Do, sweet Daniel! If I weren’t a jones in myself I’d elect myself to be his dolphin in the wildsbillow because he is such a bare-footed rubber with my supersocks pulled over his face which I publicked in my bestback garden for the laetification of siderodromites and to the iro
ny of the stars. And he wants my addition of meal, meat, bread, butter, dripping, eggs, tea and cabbage with a doorstep! I ought not to indulge on this stage still I will think he is so very allirish! You will say it is most un-english and I shall hope to hear that you will not be wrong about it. But I further, feeling a bit husky in my truths …
Will you please come over and let us mooremoore murgessly to each’s other down below our vices. i am being underheerd by old billfaust. wilsh is full of curks. the coolskittle is philip deblinite. mr wist is thereover beyeind the wantnot. wilsh and wist are as thick of thins udder as faust on the deblinite. Sgunoshooto estas preter la tapizo malgranda. Li legas al si en sia chambro. Kelkefoje funcktas, kelkefoje srumpas shultroj. Houdiau kiel vi fartas, mia nigra sinjoro? And from the poignt of fun where I am crying to arrive you at they are on all fore as foibleminded as you can feel they are fablebodied.
My heeders will recoil with great leisure how at the outbreak before trespassing on the space question where even michelangelines have fooled to dread I proved to mindself as to your sotisfiction how his abject all through (the quickquid of Professor Ciondoloni’s too frequently hypothecated Bettlermensch) is nothing so much more than a mere cashdime, however genteel he may want ours, if we please (I am speaking to us in the second person), to feel about it, for to this graded intellacktuals dime is cash and the cash system (you must not be allowed to forget that this is all contained, I mean the system, in the dogmarks of origen on spurios) means that I cannot now have or nothave a piece of cheeps in your pocket at the same time and with the same manners as you can now nothalf or half the cheek apiece I’ve in mind unless Burrus and Caseous have not or not have seemaultaneously sysentangled themselves, selldear to soldthere, once in the dairy days of buy and buy.
