Erin frowned in frustration as she tried to make sense of it all. It felt like she was trying to put together a jigsaw when she’d only been given half of the pieces.
Back in the kitchen, Erin flicked on the kettle to make herself a coffee. Her sleepless nights were taking their toll on her and she was struggling to stay focused throughout the day. Dark bags were forming beneath her eyes, telling the story of her anxious nights spent listening to beasts calling out from beneath her window.
Her hands shook as she retrieved a mug from her cupboard. The close encounter with the Alsatians had really shaken her up, so much so that she realized she was ready to make a life-changing decision.
***
Erin had to endure two more sleepless lights, accompanied by the soundtrack of mournful howling, before Sean returned to her home. When she opened the door to him, relief and longing immediately flooded through her before she could switch off her emotions and be cold toward him.
She threw her arms around him, not caring in that moment if he was crazy or a killer. She cared about Sean, in spite of it all.
“I didn’t expect such a warm welcome.” Sean smiled warmly. Erin blushed slightly as she removed herself from him and allowed him to enter her home.
“So where is the little guy?” Sean asked eagerly.
“He’s in there.” Erin gestured toward the living room where Sean was lying in his travel crib cooing and gurgling to himself, enjoying the sensation of blowing bubbles.
“He looks happy.” Sean reached down and tickled Jack’s tummy. “Hey, little man, your daddy’s here.”
Jack giggled happily, more from the tickling than seeing his father.
Erin stood back and watched Sean interact with his son. There was something wonderful about watching a dominant, masculine male be so unguarded and open with a tiny, baby boy. It made Erin’s feelings for Sean intensify. She wanted to detach herself, to stop having feelings for him but she couldn’t. Each time she saw Sean, she felt drawn to him and wanted nothing and no one except him.
“Are you guys okay?” Sean picked Jack up in his arms and playfully bounced him up and down, but when he spoke the question was delivered to Erin and his eyes were sharp with concern.
“Yeah, we’re fine.” Erin shifted nervously beneath the intensity of Sean’s gaze. He clearly didn’t believe that she was fine.
“I heard about the dog attack,” Sean explained, looking away from her and back at Jack. He broke in to a devastatingly handsome smile as he looked down at his little son and Erin had to remind herself that Sean was potentially a killer, yet still she went weak at the knees upon watching him.
“How did you hear about that?” she asked, suddenly realizing that there was no way Sean could have known about the Alsatians that chased her. “It was nothing, anyway,” she added, not wanting to falsely alarm him.
“I heard they were pretty intent on chasing down you and Jack.”
“Heard from whom?” Erin demanded, folding her arms across her chest. She didn’t like being challenged by anyone.
“Brody, my guy. He scared them off for you. You were lucky he was there. My pack won’t always be on hand to help you, not here.”
“Brody?” The black-haired guy. Erin had been right with her initial instinct that he was a member of Sean’s pack.
“I asked some of the guys to keep an eye on you and Jack. Lucky I did. Like I told you, it’s not safe round here.”
“But they were just dogs, not wolves,” Erin countered.
“Yeah, but dogs still pose a very legitimate threat. Like I said before, canines exist on instinct and are very territorial. Those dogs don’t see you and Jack as two people walking the street. They see you as two dogs from another pack who need to be taught a lesson for daring to go on their turf.”
“Mmm.” Erin hated to admit that it all seemed to make some sort of sense. The Alsatians had definitely been gunning for her with frightening intensity. There had to be some motivation to explain their behavior.
“It’s not safe here for you and Jack,” Sean said softly.
“Look, about that.” Erin sat down and on the sofa and Sean followed suit, balancing Jack on his lap.
“I know you’re reluctant and have reservations about leaving your life here.” Sean was speaking more quickly, desperate to have Erin think about it all reasonably.
“You’re right,” Erin interrupted him before he could continue. “About it being unsafe here, you’re right.”
Sean was rendered speechless by Erin’s words so she continued to explain her change of opinion.
“First that thing…that wolf, broke in to my home and tried to attack me,” Erin’s eyes misted at the painful memory. “And then I’m just out walking Jack and two Alsatians tried to attack us. Sean, I’m scared,” she admitted tearfully.
Sean moved closer, wrapping a strong arm around her. “I’m sorry that those things happened,” he told her, planting a soft kiss upon her forehead. “I don’t want you to be scared, not ever.”
“I thought I was safe here. This is my home. I didn’t want to believe you when you said I had to leave but how can I ignore what is happening? How can I risk putting my own baby in danger?”
Upon Sean’s lap, Jack giggled to himself as he tried to blow bubbles. He was already such a happy, loving baby. Erin refused to let anything happen that would alter that.
“Your maternal instincts are kicking in,” Sean said softly. “That’s a good thing. You’re protective of our son and you should be.”
“What I’m trying to say is that you were right with your original suggestion. I see now that I need to leave here, to come and live with you and your pack on the ranch.”
“You mean it?” Sean couldn’t mask the delight in his voice.
“If it’s what I need to do to keep Jack safe than I’m happy to do it,” Erin confirmed, nodding solemnly.
“Erin, that’s amazing.” Sean beamed.
“I’ll miss this place but it doesn’t feel the same here anymore. Too much has happened.” Her gaze slipped sadly to the floor.
“You’re making the right decision.” Sean got up and put Jack back in his travel crib. The little baby yawned sleepily and immediately closed his eyes.
“Little guy doesn’t have much stamina.” Sean smiled.
“He’s like a couple of days old; everything is new and exhausting to him.”
“He’s got your eyes,” Sean commented.
“You think so?” Erin asked, blushing. She was still so drawn to Sean. She fancied him with such intensity. Even when their moments together were troubled and strained, she still desired him. It was this desire that rendered all other men obsolete to her. Since their first night together, she had been under Sean’s spell and as powerless as she was to break free, she wasn’t sure she really wanted to.
With Jack now sleeping, she felt her old feelings of desire bubbling to the surface. They were alone in her house, the baby was fast asleep, and they could creep upstairs and enjoy one another. She’d missed Sean’s touch. It had been months since they’d been together. She could forget all her misgivings about him just for a few moments of blissful, unrestrained pleasure.
But romance was not on Sean’s mind. After turning away from the travel crib, his brow was furrowed and his body seemed tense.
“What’s wrong?” Erin immediately asked, feeling her own shoulders sag with disappointment as his obvious lack of sexual interest toward her. “I thought you’d be pleased about Jack and me coming to live on your ranch.”
“I am, of course I am.” Sean came to sit beside her again, and he took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “You just need to know exactly what you’d be committing to,” he said sadly.
“What do you mean?” Erin looked bemused. “You said that your whole pack lives out in some ranch in the countryside. I get that it would be communal living, which I admit is far from ideal, but if it means that Jack is safe then that’s what matters. I refuse to let some wolf or d
og tear my baby to shreds.”
“It’s more than just living at the ranch,” Sean began to explain. “Life within the pack means breaking all ties with your current life. Friends, colleagues, family, they cannot know where you are. You have to cease all communication with them.”
“Oh.” Erin’s amorous feelings were completely drowned out upon hearing this. She took in the sincerity of Sean’s statement and thoughtfully bit her lip.
“In order to maintain our safety, we have to exist off the grid, completely. We only interact with other members of the pack.”
“But what about when you joined my office? You weren’t just talking to your pack then,” Erin challenged.
“Yes, but I was just there to earn some money to put toward the ranch. I was operating under a false name, listing one of our apartments as an address. I drift from job to job, never lingering long. It’s how we get by. We all take random jobs from time to time and put our funds together to support the ranch.”
“So, what, is Sean not even your name?” Erin suddenly felt betrayed to not even know Sean’s real name.
“No, it is.” Sean smiled. “But I change the spelling, or my surname. If I kept swapping and changing my first name, I’d struggle to keep up. I’m always Sean, just different variations of that.”
“Oh.” Erin didn’t quite know what to say. It was all so surreal and far removed from her own life. It was as if Sean was living within his own espionage film.
“But when you were at the office, you spent time with me,” Erin said as the thought developed in her mind. Sean had come back to her house. They had quickly become more than colleagues. Was that common practice when he was drifting between jobs?
“I did.” Sean smiled.
“So each job you take, do you find yourself a new woman to fool with all your lies?” Erin asked, hurt.
“No, and Erin, you’re missing the point,” Sean said sternly. “I’m delighted that you and Jack want to come and live at the ranch, truly I am. I just need you to consider how life changing that decision will be for you, as once you are there you can’t come back in to normal society.”
“Why not?” Erin immediately asked, thinking of her mother. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t live at the ranch and still maintain contact with her mother.
“It’s not safe,” Sean told her. “Our very existence depends upon secrecy. If the world knew that werewolves really existed, we would be persecuted.”
“But surely I could still see my mother?”
Sean shook his head sadly.
“But she’s my mother!” Erin declared, angered by the absurdity of it. “How can I stop seeing her?”
“It’s too great a risk, I’m sorry. This is why you need to seriously think it over before joining the pack at the ranch.”
“What alternative do I have?” Erin pleaded, her voice rising. Not wanting to risk waking Jack, she got up and paced in to the kitchen. Sean followed, keeping his distance. He could sense how upset she was.
“If I stay here, I risk dogs or wolves killing my baby!” she cried, able to shout now.
“I know.”
“But if I go live at your ranch I have to turn my back on everything! On my friends, on my job, on my mother!”
“It’s a difficult decision we all had to make at some point,” Sean said sympathetically. “As you say, it’s not safe here, but I know it’s a huge sacrifice to make to come and live at the ranch, but there is no other way.”
“Do you know what you’re asking of me?”
Sean was silent. He didn’t enjoy being made to feel guilty.
“I either stay here and remain in my mother’s life or go to your ranch and protect my baby. You’re asking me to choose between them!”
“I’m sorry it has to be like this.”
“Are you?” Erin demanded, her emotions making her spiteful.
“Of course I am. It’s a terrible amount to ask of anyone. But you are the mother of my son and your safety is my main concern, it always will be. Obviously I want you at the ranch, but I’m not about to demand it of you, not when the price it requires is so high. It has to be your decision, Erin, else you’ll forever regret it.”
“I can’t leave my mother,” Erin said sadly, her anger fading.
“I’m sorry to make things so difficult for you, but you had to know the truth about what life at the ranch would entail.”
“I do appreciate your honesty, Sean, really I do.”
“You belong with my pack. You are one of us now, please remember that.”
“But I belong with my mother, too. She doesn’t deserve for me to just abandon her!”
“Your mother isn’t as innocent as you think she is,” Sean noted cryptically.
“What?” Erin’s anger immediately flared back up. “What do you know of my mother?”
“It’s more what does your mother know of me?” Sean shot back. “She knows of my curse, of my kind, and she’s been lying to you for many years.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Demand the truth from her, and then make your decision,” Sean suggested.
“Truth? What truth? Why can’t you just tell me?” Erin demanded.
“Because it isn’t my story to tell,” Sean replied coolly. “If you want to join the ranch, then now is the time to tie up old ends in your current life. Say goodbye to those who you care about and prepare yourself for your new life within the pack.”
“Sean, what aren’t you telling me?”
“Go to your mother; think on what I’ve told you about the ranch. I’ll give you a week, then I’ll come back and you can let me know your decision.”
Erin didn’t like to admit it but the thought of being away from Sean for a whole week made her feel desperately lost. Throughout her pregnancy, she’d longed for him to be by her side and now he was here, only to disappear again. She knew he was merely keeping a respectful distance while she made up her mind about the ranch, but she still wished he wouldn’t be apart from her for so long.
“A week, okay.” Erin nodded. “I’ll go and see my mother.”
“Good.”
“But, Sean, if you’re lying about her being aware of your curse, I’ll never forgive you, nor will I come with Jack to your ranch.”
“I’m not lying.” Sean confirmed, his eyes flickering with intensity.
“See you in a week then.”
“See you in a week.” Sean kissed Erin upon the cheek before leaving. Her heart was racing as she watched him depart. Even though they had been arguing, she’d spent half of the time wishing he would undress her, imagining his arms around her. Shaking her head, she swept away the remnants of her fantasy and went to check on Jack and to make arrangements for going to visit her mother. She was going to demand answers and she wouldn’t be leaving without them.
***
The car journey to her mother’s was long and the entire trip Erin fretted over what she would say when she arrived. Sean’s words kept lingering in her mind. The fact that he felt that her mother knew something about his werewolf curse made complete sense. All her mother’s ambiguous misgivings about darkness entering Erin’s life seemed intertwined with the wolf and dog attacks. It did seem as if her mother had known about the curse all along.
Erin loathed being lied to. She struggled to contain her mounting rage as her hands tightly gripped the steering wheel. Beside her in his car seat, Jack slept soundly, the drone of the engine acting as a mechanical lullaby for him.
After several hours, Erin pulled in to the driveway of her mother’s home. The place always brought back mixed messages for her. It was the house where she had blossomed from a young girl in to a woman, the house where nightly arguments polluted the air, the house she had been desperate to escape from.
And now Erin had the ultimate escape. If she joined Sean’s pack and moved to his ranch, she could forever close the door on her life. Her mother and their troubled relationship would become nothing more than a distant
memory.
But as Erin lifted a sleepy Jack out of the car, she recalled the phone calls with her mother that had helped her through her pregnancy. As much as she distrusted the older woman and wanted to hate her, she knew she never could. They were bound by blood, history and love and those were the sort of bonds that could never be broken.
Rummaging in her pocket, Erin retrieved the key to her mother’s house and let herself in. The house was eerily quiet and still, making Erin’s heart immediately catch in her mouth.
“Mom!” she called out in to the silence, alerting her mother to her presence. “Mom, it’s Erin, are you here?”
“Erin?” Her mother’s voice was small as she called out to her daughter from her sitting room. Erin followed the sound and found her mother in her favorite armchair, looking forlornly out in to the backyard, the early afternoon sunlight streaking across her face and casting unfavorable shadows upon her many wrinkles and creases.
“Mom, hi.” Erin’s voice softened as she walked in.
“I wasn’t expecting you,” her mother croaked uneasily.
“I wanted to surprise you,” Erin explained. “And I have someone for you to meet.”
As her mother turned, she caught sight of Jack in Erin’s arms. Dressed in a bright blue romper suit, he looked perfect. He face was contorted in discontent, his usual smile gone in place of fatigued grumpiness. He had not appreciated being woken from his car nap.
“Mom, this is Jack. Jack, this is your Nanny.” Erin approached her mother and extended the baby out to her. “Would you like to hold him?”
“Oh.” Her mother’s eyes misted as she accepted the small bundle in to her lap. She looked down at him with only warmth and adoration in her eyes.
“He’s perfect.” Her mother smiled at the little baby boy, who regarded her with confused disinterest.
“I thought you might like to meet him.” Erin sat down across from her mother, grateful to put down the diaper bag that had been strapped across her shoulders. She’d never realized just how many things babies needed close to hand at all times. Traveling light was now a completely foreign concept to her.
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