“What are you thinking?” Sean asked, noticing the distant look in Erin’s eyes.
“Nothing.” Erin shook her head and smiled sweetly at him.
“I should randomly swing by more often,” Sean said, flashing her a mischievous grin. Fully dressed, he continued to linger by Erin, as if not wanting to break the bond between them. Usually he was eager to leave post-coital moments. It felt like something between them had intensified, though neither of them acknowledged it.
“You’re welcome anytime,” Erin replied flirtatiously. It felt good to flirt. like reconnecting with her old, pre-pregnancy self. She missed the old, vivacious Erin and it was nice to feel like slowly, bit by bit, she was returning.
The sharp sound of Jack crying shattered the remaining moment between them, and Erin quickly pulled on her clothes and headed into the living room. Jack’s small face was red and scrunched up as he wailed within his crib.
“He’s got an impressive set of lungs on him,” Sean noted as he leaned against the doorway and watched Erin lift up the small screaming bundle and fumble with her shirt to reveal a breast for him to suckle upon.
“He’s hungry, that’s all,” Erin explained, sitting down on the sofa and allowing Jack to feed. Sean didn’t come and join her; he continued to linger in the doorway. The closeness she had previously felt with him seemed to be thawing away.
“I should get going,” Sean declared, confirming Erin’s fears that he was once more slipping away from her.
“Actually, I was hoping you’d stay a while,” Erin said hopefully. She wasn’t willing to give up on her fairy tale ending, not yet.
Sean wavered uneasily upon hearing that she wanted him to stay. He glanced furtively at the living room door. Erin noticed him avert his eyes and instantly felt dejected and humiliated.
“You know what, just leave,” she said tersely, trying to stop her bottom lip from trembling.
“Erin, I’m happy to stay a while,” Sean uttered defensively.
“You don’t look happy,” Erin sulked. “In fact, you look the complete opposite of happy, like you just want to run out through my front door the first chance you get.”
“That’s unfair.”
“What’s unfair is how you treat me,” Erin announced, her voice pained. Jack concluded his feed and she began to pat his back, helping him release any trapped wind.
“What are you talking about?”
Erin ignored the question. She refused to have an argument while her son was present. She made Sean wait until Jack was all sorted and back in his travel crib before leaving the living room and striding in to the hallway. Sheepishly, Sean followed her.
She was about to walk through to the kitchen but stopped herself. The kitchen was the scene of their latest sexual encounter and she didn’t want to spoil the memory by conducting an argument in the remnants of the passion-filled air. Instead, she stopped in the hallway and turned to face Sean, hands on hips, ready for a confrontation.
Instinctively, Sean closed the living room door behind him so that any raised voices wouldn’t disturb Jack. “Erin, what’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” Erin almost choked on the ridiculousness of the question. It infuriated her how Sean could be so blind about what was troubling her. Despite having a child together, he seemed incapable of breaking the devastating pattern between them. They’d have a wonderful time together and then as elusive as a phantom he’d leave, with Erin having no way of knowing when he’d return.
Sean didn’t have a cell phone or a legitimate address she could use to get hold of him. He remained a mystery to her and that mysteriousness kept him at arm’s length. They couldn’t progress to any semblance of a relationship while so much secrecy existed between them.
Erin remembered their first fateful night together, how she had awoken to find him gone after having the greatest sex of her life. She’d felt completely broken by his absence, as if he had used her and now tossed her aside. He wasn’t the first guy to treat Erin badly, she had a habit of being drawn to reclusive, troubled men, but he was the first guy to truly hurt her through leaving. She thought that they’d shared something magical together, but he clearly didn’t feel the same else he wouldn’t have left.
And now history was cruelly repeating itself. The sex in the kitchen had been electric but before they could even behave like a semi-functional family, Sean wanted to leave. It was time Erin faced the harsh truth that there was nothing but sex between them. There was no way she was going to move to his ranch and be part of some harem he probably had going, made to feel like a concubine. She’d rather risk taking on wolves and dogs and keep her dignity intact.
Sean brooded silently in the hallway as Erin tried to think of a way to explain how hurt and betrayed she was feeling without appearing whiney or worse, needy. But she did need Sean and it killed her that he seemingly didn’t need her in return.
“You’re always so eager to leave,” Erin began, surprising Sean with a small, pitiful voice. He expected her to be angry and direct fiery rage at him; instead, she appeared genuinely hurt and vulnerable.
“We have an amazing time together, but then before I’ve even put my clothes back on, you’re preparing to get away. I wanted to believe that this was more than sex. I wanted to believe that we had the foundations of something great but clearly we don’t.”
Deflated, Erin sat herself down on the staircase while Sean remained unmoving, his face locked in intense thought.
“Clearly, you’ve got someone else who you run back to. Maybe there are several someones, who knows? I hazard that Jack isn’t your only child; it would explain why you have so little time for him.”
Erin looked up at Sean to see that his hard demeanor had melted away, and he was looking at her with sad, desperate eyes. Whatever she’d said, something had struck a chord.
The sadness reflected in Sean’s eyes convinced Erin that she was right in thinking that he had another lover. A lump gathered in her throat, which she fought to keep down as she spoke. Once he was gone, she would release the grief welling up inside her.
“I don’t want a relationship where I’m one of many. Call me old-fashioned, but I want to find one guy to love me who I love in return. Maybe there will be a white dress and vows, but even if there wasn’t, I wouldn’t care as the love is what matters. And I deserve to be able to find that. I get that you are cursed and that my son is now too. But when the time comes for him to commence changing, we will figure out what to do about it on our own. So, Sean, you can go, but this time I don’t want you coming back, not ever.”
Sean looked at Erin with watery eyes but did not move despite being told to leave.
“Have I not made myself clear?” Erin asked, struggling to keep it together. She wished it would just leave and allow her to grieve the death of their relationship, if you could even call it that. She’d been so foolish to believe that they could have a happy ever after. Sean was a nomad, cursed by the moon. What sort of a future could she ever have with a guy like that?
“You’ve made yourself perfectly clear,” Sean said, clearing his throat uneasily. “I fear that the problem is that I’ve not been quite so clear with my own intentions.”
This admission made Erin frown in confusion. “Perhaps you should explain yourself then,” she stated.
“I never wanted to scare you away, that’s why I kept the truth from you.” Sean began, fiddling nervously with his hands as he spoke. It was something Erin had never seen him do before. He always appeared so confident and in control but now his nerves were getting the better of him, which was a rare sight to behold.
“What truth?”
“You think that I leave after we’ve made love because I’m unfaithful, that I’m running to some other woman’s bed when that’s not the case at all.”
Erin felt instantly relieved to learn that there wasn’t someone else but it still didn’t explain his continued absence, or why he never stayed too long.
“After we’ve been t
ogether, I have to leave to release the animal within me.” Sean looked extremely embarrassed as he spoke and Erin realized that she was being told a closely guarded secret that had never been shared before.
“The sex between us is so electric, so amazing that it makes the wolf within me rise to the surface, and I have to change and run wild outside else I’d go crazy. To me, Erin, you are as powerful as the moon, affecting me so deeply that I can change in to my wolf form and after it first occurred I knew exactly what it meant.”
“What does it mean?” Erin edged forward expectantly.
“But that’s just it,” Sean said sadly. “I kept the truth from you as I didn’t want to scare you.”
“What truth?”
Sean opened his mouth to speak but he was interrupted by the sharp shrill of Jack crying. A few seconds passed before Erin sighed and headed in to the living room.
“What’s up, baby boy?” She put on her best sing-song voice as she lifted Jack in to her arms and tried to banish Sean’s mysterious comments of truth from her mind and focus solely on being a mother.
“Shhh, come on now.” She rocked Jack in her arms as she tried to assess what was making him cry. It didn’t take her very long to locate the source of his anguish.
“He needs changing,” she explained coolly to Sean, who was hovering nervously in the doorway, once more looking like a deer caught in headlights, desperate to bolt to safety and freedom. Whatever truth he was referring to, he feared the power it held over him, which made Erin all the more desperate to hear it.
“You’ve got great timing,” she whispered dryly to Jack as she placed him down on his changing table. The little baby was instantly happy as he was freed from his soiled diaper and began to squirm about in celebration.
“Jack, hold still,” Erin pleaded with him. Sean suddenly appeared at her side to assist, distracting the baby with silly faces so that Erin could swiftly clean him up and put him in a new, dry diaper.
Once Jack was all clean and changed, she proudly held him up and kissed his cherub cheek. He smiled at her and for a brief moment Erin felt perfectly content. Then she sensed Sean beside her and the weight of the unfinished conversation grew heavy upon her slender shoulders.
“There, all clean.” She smiled at Jack before lifting him back in to his travel cot. He instantly fell asleep, having exhausted himself through crying.
“I wish sleep came that easy for me.” Erin sighed as she looked down at him.
“I’m sorry that it doesn’t,” Sean said sincerely.
“Whatever this truth is that you talk about, you at least owe it to me.” Erin turned and looked Sean directly in the eye.
“We have a son together, Sean, surely that should mean there are no secrets.”
“You’re right.” Sean moved and sat on the sofa, rubbing his temple as if his mind were troubling him.
“So what is it?” Erin pressed, sitting down beside him. “You’ve already told me of your werewolf curse, what other secrets could you possibly have?”
Sean coughed uneasily before responding. “In werewolf lore, there is a saying; ‘she who can turn man from beast shall take his heart to forever keep.’”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that when a man finds a woman who can affect him so deeply that he turns, that she is his soul mate and they are fated to be together. Only his true love can make him turn.”
Erin felt her heart begin to race as she began to understand what Sean was saying.
“Erin, you make me turn because I love you,” he admitted, unable to look her in the eye.
“What’s so bad about that?” Erin almost laughed. She appreciated that for the dark, brooding type like Sean it must be hard to admit to such intense feelings but still, she had been anticipating some terrible secret about other lovers, not that he actually loved just her.
“Nothing.” Sean shook his head. “But there’s more to it than that.”
“There is?”
“And I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to scare you.”
“Scare me how?” Erin wondered how anything could be more terrifying than vengeful wolves breaking in to her home. She hoped that Sean had no darker skeletons in his closet for her to deal with.
“When a wolf mates, he mates for life,” Sean explained, glancing across at Jack.
“Oh.” Erin lowered her head in understanding. It wasn’t just that Sean loved her, it was that for him, they were now bound together forever.
Forever. It finally made sense what her mother meant. Erin felt a shiver run down her spine. It wasn’t just Sean who was bound to her forever, it went both ways. Erin in turn was also bound to him. It explained why her mother couldn’t join her at the ranch, somehow she was still bound to Erin’s father because they had mated together and that meant that they eternally belonged to one another.
“It’s a difficult concept to grasp,” Sean admitted. “Especially in this modern world where relationships are interchangeable.”
“But you do love me?” Erin needed to hear him say it, needed to believe that he truly meant what he was saying.
Sean turned and took Erin’s hands in his, gazing deep in to her eyes and making butterflies dance wildly within her stomach.
“Erin, I love you with all my heart. I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you, I knew that we were destined to be together.”
Sean’s words hung deliciously in Erin’s mind. She had waited so long to hear them and wanted to cherish the sentiment for the rest of her life.
“But I thought that if you knew just how deeply I felt, how intense our connection really was that you’d be scared and pull away from me.”
“I couldn’t do that.” Erin squeezed Sean’s hands. “Because I love you too. I felt it after our first night together. It completely blew my mind. I’d never known sex like it.”
This made Sean smile proudly.
“I get that you didn’t want to frighten me with declarations of love and promises of forever but I knew right from the start that this was different, that this was no ordinary love.”
“So you’re happy to be my mate?” Sean asked eagerly.
“I’d prefer the term girlfriend.” Erin smiled.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner how I felt.” Sean was excited and speaking quickly. It was unusual to see him so buoyed and almost giddy with delight. Erin liked seeing this side of him.
“Growing up, we were always taught to be cautious when we met the one, else we risked sending her away, but even then we’d be tied together.”
Erin removed her hands from Sean’s and looked sadly down at her lap.
“What’s wrong?” Sean asked anxiously, placing an arm across her shoulders and gazing at her.
“It’s my mother,” Erin admitted. “What you said about wolves mating for life and being bound to one another, it made me think. I’m pretty sure that my father was a wolf, which explains why she could never be around me when I was pregnant, and why she was scared when I took Jack to meet her. She’s still bound to my father, isn’t she? Even after all these years? His pack still controls her and monitors her life.”
Sean nodded solemnly at this.
“Why didn’t she ever tell me?” Erin fumed. Her whole life suddenly felt like a lie, as though her identify belonged to someone else, to a stranger.
“She was protecting you,” Sean said soothingly. “When a woman denounces her mate, while she can choose not to live her life with him, she cannot escape him and his pack dictating what she does. They would have watched you, growing up. They would have tried to mate you with one of their own, to return you to the fold. When you got with me, you diverted dangerously from the path your father would have set out for you. And your mother wanted you to know true freedom, not to be held to a mate for the rest of your life as she was.”
Erin’s happiness over hearing Sean declare his love for her was eclipsed by the reality of what her mother must have endured over the years. She
was held prisoner by a paranormal romance, unable to break free of its supernatural bonds. Of course she’d wanted Erin to evade the darkness of such a life, she’d wanted her daughter to have free will.
But regardless of her mother’s wishes, Erin had found Sean and she was certain that it had been fate. From the moment she saw him, she wanted him and felt inexplicably drawn to him. Jack had been the product of true love, she was certain of that now and it comforted her.
A new, frightening thought developed in Erin’s mind. She recalled the night of the wolf attack and felt sick at the thought that her mother could suffer a similar fate.
“Is my mother in danger? Did my visit to her put her at risk?”
Sean shook his head. “Your father’s pack wouldn’t attack your mother, not now. She’s seemingly fading away, isn’t she?”
“Yes.” Erin looked surprised at how Sean could possibly know that.
“And there seems no medical reason for it? She’s just growing weaker day by day.”
“How could you know that?”
“Your father was killed a few years ago. Since then, your mother has been slowly slipping away. It is the fate of the surviving mate. When one dies, the other cannot survive, despite how hard they try. Your mother is fighting it but there are powers at work stronger than you or I. Desire means nothing when up against fate.”
“So she’s dying because my father died?”
“Exactly.”
“So…if you died, if you were killed by another wolf…”
“Then you’d slowly start dying too. The process would be quicker if we were still connected and in love, but either way, it would be the start of your end also.” Sean looked troubled as he explained this, aware of what a great burden it was to put on any relationship.
Erin thought over what he had said, grabbing on this hand as she did so.
“So are you still happy to be my mate?” Sean enquired nervously.
“Yes,” Erin declared sincerely, much to his delight. “Whatever the future may have in store for us, we shall face it together. I’m willing to die for this, Sean, for us.”
Phases of Passions II (Trilogy Bundle) (Werewolf Romance - Paranormal Romance) Page 8
