I knew she would want to be involved because she was under the impression that I was going to be a single mother. If only she knew, I had a baby daddy who couldn’t wait for our child to get here so that he could spoil them senseless. I’d lied to her enough today, so I nodded, took the paper, and placed it inside my purse. I quickly left out, and I’m sure that she probably thought that I was crazy, but oh well.
Back inside my car, I felt defeated. This would have been so much easier if Vonte was still alive. Then, I would just have to live with him hating me for cheating and getting pregnant by someone else. Now, I had a mother who was mourning the death of her son and probably couldn’t wait to meet her new grandchild. How does one fix their mouth to say that this baby doesn’t belong to her son after all?
Jashae Johnson
We’d gotten back hours ago from the gravesite. I was okay today. I’ve been doing so much crying these past few weeks, that I guess I didn’t have any tears left. I thought today would be worse, but I got through it. We sang happy birthday to my son at his gravesite. No keys were being given to him to a brand new Mustang, which was the car that I’d promised I was going to get for him when he turned eighteen. No jumping up and down and picking me up while spinning me around, letting me know that I was the best mother in the world happened today, and sadly, I was okay with that.
I brought my son’s favorite cake, which was red velvet, and me, my grandma, my daddy, and Mahogany all gathered outside and ate together. Miami called me this morning and told me how much he wished that he could have been there, but he wouldn’t get back to Miami until late tonight since he was away on business and wouldn’t be able to make it. I completely understood.
Speaking of Miami, he’s been around, but I’ve been pushing him away the same way Mr. Ogilvie would push Ms. Parker away from the old hit show, The Parkers. I couldn’t have anything happen to Miami behind me. Yes, he was the king of the south, and he’d earned that title by the good deeds and the many doors that he’s opened for young boys in Miami, but that didn’t make him invincible.
I wouldn’t mind being down with the king of the South, but Trip’s stupid ass friends, from that stupid ass gang approaching us after the funeral was an eye-opener. That was basically God showing me the big ass red sign, telling me to stop and leave Miami alone, so I was going to do just that, no matter how much I liked him.
The chemistry between Miami and I was just there, and as lonely as I was, I could use him taking up some of the time that I had in my life, but I wouldn’t. Just from Trip finding out from his friends that Miami even hugged me, I got my ass dragged and thrown to the floor. If it weren’t for the correctional officers stopping him, he would have more than likely killed me. I didn’t want to test Trip like that.
When our son was here, he told me then that he would have someone take me out for dealing with Miami, and now that Vonte was gone, I knew that Trip would definitely have it done because he would have nothing to lose. Vonte was gone already.
I hadn’t talked to Trip since the day that I’d gone down to the prison. Seems like I’ve been less stressed since I haven’t been in any association with him. I didn’t have to worry about someone putting me down every chance he called or running my life the way he saw fit.
Right now, it was a little bit after midnight, and I was in the living room with a blanket wrapped around my body as I watched old recordings from a disc that I had with all types of footage of Vonte. Right now, his fifth birthday party was playing on the screen, and I found myself laughing, crying, and falling in love with my baby boy all over again because I’d literally birthed the most handsome baby in the world.
Mahogany had run out an hour ago, talking about she needed to get some things from the store, but I knew that her ass was somewhere chasing after Jabari. I didn’t mind her being gone because it left me to be able to sit here and have this moment to myself without someone worrying about me for crying. I’ll admit that I was sleepy as hell though. Nothing was in my system that was making me sleepy because after Mahogany had flushed my pills down the toilet, I never re-upped on them. That was definitely an eye-opener for me.
Although I wasn’t trying to kill myself, it was still reckless of me to have stayed in that tub, knowing that I’d previously popped pills, and knowing how tired I was. Since then, every now and then, I’d get a little quiet because I’ll think back to that day and ask myself a bunch of what if questions. Honestly, what if Mahogany didn’t bust down the door and pull me out just in time before I drowned? I would have died, and as much as I wanted to meet my mother and be around my son again, I still had so much to live for.
Because Mahogany couldn’t hold water, she ended up telling my grandmother what I’d done, and if my grandma could have taken off her belt and beat me, I’m pretty sure that she would have. God, she was so disappointed in me that day. My eyes felt so heavy, and I knew that I should have just gone ahead and turned the TV off so that I could go in my room and get in the bed, but I chose to stay out there. Just when my eyes were closing, my doorbell rang.
“I swear this is her second time losing her key. I’m not giving her another one after this.” I groaned out loud as I shoved the covers away from my body, and I angrily got up after maybe two minutes of lying there once the doorbell rang.
I knew it was Mahogany. No one else would be ringing my doorbell at this time of the night. I slipped my feet into my house shoes and headed for the door. Just to be sure that it was her, I looked out of the window that was on the side of the door, and to my surprise, it wasn’t Mahogany. It was actually Miami. I released a sigh, although on the inside I was screaming and jumping up and down with joy that he was there.
I went over to the alarm system, which wasn’t too far from the door, and I disarmed it before I unlocked the door and opened it for him. The moment the door opened, I could smell a mixture of weed and his good smelling cologne coming from him. I’m not sure how he was able to wear a basic white V-neck, with basic white jeans and some white, low top Forces, and still be the most beautiful man in the world to me.
“I felt bad that I wasn’t able to go to the gravesite with y’all earlier today, so I just wanted to come over and check on you. I just wanted to make sure everything was alright with you,” he said.
The fact that he was so sincere looked so sexy on him. His beautiful, hazel eyes gleamed in the night light, and I stepped aside from the door, making way for him to come inside. Once he was, I closed the door behind him, locked it, and I led the way to the living room, where I had been watching TV.
Instead of taking a seat on the other couch, like he’d done that time he’d come over, he chose to take a seat on the same couch as me, sitting right next to me. I pulled the blanket that I originally had back over my body and focused my attention on the screen.
“You know when your girl gets high, she gets diarrhea of the mouth, right? She’s with Jabari right now, and I’m not even sure where they at, but I know they smoking. She told my cousin how you tried to kill yourself in here the other night. I landed about an hour ago, and he called me and shared that with me, so that’s why I’m really over here to figure out what you got going on. If you had called me, I would have stopped whatever the fuck I was doing, just to give you some company if you were feeling lonely. You popping pills now? Who you even get that shit from because I know you didn’t get it from a pharmacist?” he asked, hitting the nail right on the head.
When Trip was out, there were times that I would pop up on him, so I knew where to get what from. I knew who the hood pharmacists were, so that’s where I’d gotten the pills.
“I’m going to kill Mahogany for telling my damn business. While her high ass is spreading false reports, I hope she also tells him how I beat her ass that night too. For the thousand time, I was not trying to kill myself. I was taking pills so I could sleep. Damn, I can’t win for losing with y’all. When I don’t sleep, y’all worried about me. When I do sleep, y’all worried about me too. Why do you even
care?” I asked.
I could feel myself getting mad. Since that day that Mahogany pretty much saved my life, I felt like people have been treating me like a fuckin’ invalid. I was fine!
“The question is why the fuck don’t you care? You tripping. The people that are serving you those pills, you think they give a fuck if you get some sleep or not? Them niggas all about their fuckin’ money. Everybody knows that you’re Vonte’s mother; therefore they know that you just lost a son. You not in your right mind and them niggas served you some shit that they knew it was a strong possibility that you would overdose on that shit.
“To answer your question, I care because I care about your dumb ass! How many times have I told you that I’m here and I got you? The main nigga that’s trying to be here, you running him away. I guess you like when a nigga drags your ass across a table and slam you. Since I’m not going to rough you up like that, I guess you not interested, right?” he asked.
Miami was pissed. I could tell by the way his jaws kept flexing, and his caramel skin was turning red. I was shocked that he even knew about Miami handling me the way that he did. Then again, a lot of the dudes that were locked up with Trip were from Miami, so who knows who told Miami what went down that day inside the visitation room. I didn’t bother responding to Miami. I felt like we were too close to be arguing, so it was better that I didn’t say anything.
“What can I do to make this shit a little easier for you? I ain’t trying to get a phone call one day, saying that you harmed yourself or turn on the news and see that you overdosed. What I gotta do, Jashae?” he asked.
The fact that he didn’t call me by my nickname like he usually did, further confirmed that he was pissed off at me. I let out a sarcastic laugh and threw the blanket away from my body because I’d all of a sudden gotten hot. I picked up the remote that was on the ottoman, paused the TV, and I threw the remote with so much force that it hit the glass lamp that I had in my living room and quickly broke.
“Do you have super powers, Toddrick? Do you have a time machine where you can go back in time and bring my baby back? No, you can’t, so to answer your question, there isn’t shit you can do for me! You can do what everyone else is doing and leave me the fuck alone and allow me to get over this on my own! Thank you!” I yelled.
I tried to stand up and walk away from him, but he grabbed me by my arms and pulled me into him.
“He’s gone, shorty. Can’t nobody bring him back. If I had superpowers, you don’t think I would have been gave you your son back? I don’t find pleasure in seeing you like this, yo! You need to get some help, Jashae. You sitting up inside this pitch ass dark house and not getting out. Why you doing this to yourself? You know Vonte wouldn’t have wanted you punishing yourself like this,” he yelled.
I could hear it in his voice that he genuinely cared, but I was getting mad because I didn’t get why he cared so much.
“Let go of me, Toddrick! Get the fuck out too! I’m serious,” I yelled, struggling to get away from him, but he wasn’t letting up.
“I ain’t going nowhere, shorty. I don’t have a peace of mind that you’re okay, so I ain’t going no fuckin’ where!” he barked.
I got so angry, that I started swinging my hands wildly at him when he finally let them go. I landed slaps, scratches, everything on his face, and it felt good to just release. He sat there and took it. He let me do it.
“Get it out your system, yo! Do what you gotta do,” he said.
The whole time I was hitting him, I was crying. I got emotional when he said that Vonte was gone and no one would ever be able to bring him back. Granted, I knew that shit already, but to actually hear someone say it out loud like that sent me over the edge. I had made myself so tired that I ended up falling back on the floor, and I held my head in the palm of my hands and cried.
I felt Miami come over, and when he tried to touch me, I tried to kick and scream my way away from him, but he was able to get me down on my back, and his hands held both of my arms over my head. I was in a tank top gown, so when he pulled my hands over my head, my dress went up, showing the black, lace panties that I was wearing. My legs were even spread open a little bit, but he wasn’t even paying attention to any of that. His eyes were on me.
I had left long scratches all over his face, and because of the way that I was slapping him, his face had turned red. Any other nigga would have probably thrown my little ass off him or probably hit me back, but he didn’t. For five minutes, I lay out on the floor, letting out every emotion that I felt, and he allowed me to without interrupting me.
When I eventually calmed down, I was so embarrassed. I had allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of this man, and in the midst of doing that, I lost myself too. He eventually let go of my arms, and I used my hands to wipe my face. I didn’t even bother getting up, and neither did he.
He rolled over and lay next to me on the carpeted floor. The emotions and everything that I was feeling had me tired as hell. I couldn’t even fight it anymore because eventually, I fell asleep.
Toddrick “Miami” King
Light snores came from Jashae. This woman had literally kicked, cried, and screamed herself to sleep. My face felt like a bunch of cats had scratched me up, and I knew I had some deep cuts too without even looking in the mirror. I could just tell by the way that my face was stinging that she’d marked me up good. I would never allow a woman to put her hands on me, but I allowed myself to be Jashae’s punching bag if only for tonight because I knew she could use the release.
When my ole girl died, I had plenty of releases. Not on an opponent because I was liable to kill someone. I simply used my punching bag, and I took all of my anger and frustrations out on it. I broke down and cried just like she did too. I would never judge Choc for having emotions because, at the end of the day, I don’t know what it’s like to lose a child, but at the same time, I wasn’t going to condone her popping pills.
When Jabari told me that shit, I was angry for two reasons. One because she was better than that, and two because I couldn’t lose someone that I really cared about. I meant what I said when I told Choc that she needed help. I had to seek help when my ole girl died and start going to therapy because I needed someone to talk to. Niggas that I knew thought that giving me a fat ass blunt and some hard liquor was going to help with my problems, but once that bullshit is out your system, the hurt is still there.
She needed to seek professional help because I didn’t want her to go down a tough road and not be able to kick this shit on her own. As she slept, she had a tight ass hold on my shirt. I don’t know if she was doing that because she didn’t want me to leave or what.
I stood up from the floor and bent back down to lift her in my arms. I carried her to the back where her room was. It was by the grace of God that I didn’t drop her ass because she had this fuckin’ house so dark that it felt like we were in a haunted house somewhere. I could hardly see where the hell I was walking. I ended up having to pull my phone from my pocket so I could use the flashlight. The whole time I was stumbling over shit, and she didn’t wake up, which proved to me that she needed this sleep.
I finally found her room, and in there, she had a lamp on. Holding her up with one arm, I pulled the covers back on the bed, and when I tried to place her in it, she held on tighter to my shirt.
“You’re leaving?” she questioned with her eyes still closed.
“No, I’m just putting you in the bed. Go back to sleep,” I told her.
I put her small body underneath the sheets, and once she was in, I pulled the covers over her body. While she slept, I crept into the bathroom that was adjacent to her bedroom. When I saw the way she fucked up my face, all I could do was shake my head. I used clean water and a clean washcloth that she had in a small basket with other clean washcloths to wash my face. The scratches were still there, but the blood was all cleaned up.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, letting me know that I had a text message. It was from my baby mama, Tahira, s
ending me a screenshot of the itinerary for her and my daughter’s flight in the morning. She was flying with Taniya, but only my baby girl was staying. She would be staying for a whole two weeks, and I couldn’t wait. I texted her back, letting her know how I couldn’t wait to see my baby girl. After that, I placed the phone back in my pocket and went back into the bedroom where Choc was still sleeping.
I looked at her, and all I could do was shake my head. I wanted to break that nigga’s neck for doing to her what he’d done. I can bet you my last dollar that if I hadn’t found out what Trip did to her, she would have never told me. Keith, a nigga I grew up with for the majority of my life was locked up and serving a five-year sentence with just a little over a year left to serve, was there the morning that Trip slammed Shae.
Keith and I talked maybe once a week, and I made it my duty to keep money on his books since I couldn’t get up there to see him as much as I would like to. On our last conversation, which was yesterday, he told me what happened. Trip was a pussy, and I couldn’t respect a nigga who put his hands on a female. A female like Shae at that. We talking about a woman who was punishing herself for that silly ass nigga, loyal to him by holding him down while he was never getting out, and he had the nerve to disrespect her like that?
Truth is, Trip, nor those corny ass Miami Boyz niggas scared me. If it was that much of a problem with me entertaining his baby mama, I felt like those niggas would have already touched me. Yeah, it was probably wrong for me to fuck with Shae, especially since Trip and I were once friends, but I would get her and treat her ten times better than that nigga could ever treat her. I could have her so much in love with me to the point that it hurt.
Down With the King of the South Page 17
