5,331 Miles

by Aster, Willow

  “What?” Jaxson asked. He tugged her to the side and she leaned into him, crying harder.

  Miles walked over while I got my books out of my locker. “What’s going on with them?” he asked.

  “Long story. My mum and I kind of saw something and she told Jaxson’s mum about it.” I shook my head. “I feel bad.”

  He looked confused, but I didn’t bother to enlighten him. The bell rang and Jaxson looked at me over Heather’s head.

  “I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

  He nodded at me and rubbed Heather’s back. It felt wrong, seeing his hands on someone else. My brain flipped back to him leaning over Heather in the car and I felt the familiar anger surge up again.

  * * *

  By the end of the week, it was all over the school that Jaxson and Heather had broken up. Various rumors about her being pregnant and losing the baby, he’d been cheating, she had feelings for someone else…and then occasionally, I’d hear someone get it close to right. She was homebound for the month, grounded, and she couldn’t see Jaxson again because they’d been caught having sex in public…at school. So not perfectly right, but even I didn’t know all the details at this point. Jaxson had stayed away from me, and Heather shot daggers through me anytime we were near each other.

  I felt bad. I didn’t like Heather, and I really didn’t like them together, but after meeting her mother and stepdad, I’d softened toward her somewhat.

  Friday afternoon, during our last period, Miles leaned over and handed me a note, his expression hopeful.

  Will you go out with me tonight? Just you and me, a legit date…

  I paused—I didn’t know why. I bit my bottom lip and glanced up quickly to see if he was looking. He was. UGH. His hopeful expression was long gone.

  “It’s okay,” he whispered.

  “No, I…it’s just…I don’t know,” I finished lamely.

  “We can talk after class,” he whispered.

  I nodded and then all during class I tried to think of what I’d say to him. What is wrong with me? I argued with myself until the bell rang, not having any idea what I’d missed in class.

  We walked to our lockers, neither of us saying anything.

  “I’m an idiot,” I said finally. “You are so cute and so sweet…I have so much fun with you.”

  “And I’m so not who you’re interested in,” he finished.

  I looked at him, alarmed. He put his hands in his pockets and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

  “I’m not saying I could never,” I told him. “I’m just not there right now.”

  “Understood.” He cleared his throat. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Is something going on between you and Jax?”

  I swallowed and shut my locker door, facing him fully. I took long enough to answer that he nodded.

  “Enough said,” he said.

  “No, it’s not like that—nothing’s going on with him, not really.”

  “But you want there to be,” he said.

  I looked at him and my eyes welled up.

  His face softened and he looked like he felt sorry for me.

  “Well, if you change your mind about me, I’ll be right here,” he said.

  He walked across the hall to his locker and turned around one more time.

  “Thanks, Miles,” I said. “You’re as near perfect as anyone I’ve met. You deserve the very best.”

  He gave me a close-lipped smile, and I walked away.

  * * *

  I went home and Mum came in from work not long afterward.

  “We’re going to the Marshalls’ for dinner,” she said.

  “What? No, I think I’ll just stay home and do homework,” I told her.

  “I already told Anne you’d come and you will,” she said. “No arguments tonight about it,” she said. “Wear something pretty.”

  I sulked the entire time I dressed, wanting to look a mess to spite her but too vain to go through with it. I came out with my hair and makeup spot on, an extremely short skirt, and on anyone else, a top with a modest neckline, but on my body type, it showed a good amount of cleavage. A jean jacket tempered the whole look. Liesl was with me when I tried on this outfit and she’d screamed that I looked like a movie star. Of course, I had to buy it.

  I carried my boots and sat on the couch to put them on.

  Mum winced when she saw me. “At least put some tights on.”

  “The boots cover a lot of my leg.” I stood up and she eyed the boots that came well over my knees.

  “I can’t tell if you look like a slag or quite stylish,” she said, brows furrowed.

  “Let’s go with quite stylish.”

  * * *

  We were about to sit down at the dining table when Jaxson came in, apologizing to his mother for being late. He halted when he saw me, grinning as he looked me over.

  “Hello, Bells,” he said, moving to sit next to me. “Every time I see you, you’re knocking me arse over tit.”

  I giggled. When we were kids, we’d laugh hysterically any time we heard anyone else say that.

  “Jaxson!” Anne admonished him.

  “Like the two of you haven’t said it plenty—am I right, Bells?” he said, pointing to our mums.

  Their shoulders started shaking and Anne tsked a bit more, but all was forgiven.

  Conversation was light the rest of the meal. We mostly laughed at our mums—they were endless entertainment when they got together.

  “Are you still liking your job, Mira?” Charles asked.

  “I love it,” I said, smiling at him.

  “You hoping to own your own salon one day?”

  “That’s a possibility. I’ll probably focus more on being a freelance makeup artist.” I looked down, shy now that all the attention was on me. “It’d be fun to work on films, or I might just stick with weddings. They pay well. And I could be a lot busier than I am with that.”

  “Just make sure you go to college—a business degree will help you, no matter what you decide,” he said.

  Jaxson rolled his eyes. “Here we go,” he whispered. Then louder, “Want to go to my room, hang out for a while? Or we could go out by the pool…”

  “Sure.”

  We took our dishes to the kitchen and went to his room.

  “It’s been a long time since I’ve been in here. Looks a lot different,” I said.

  “We redid it two years ago,” he said, picking up his laptop. “We could watch a movie…”

  “Okay.” I didn’t know where to sit exactly, and it was weird being alone with him…I hadn’t been alone with him since we’d kissed.

  “I don’t really have chairs, sorry.” He sat on his bed and leaned against the headboard. “Is this okay?”

  I nodded and sat beside him. I didn’t want to put my boots on his bed, so I unzipped them and pulled them off.

  “Those boots are the sexiest things I’ve ever seen,” he said.

  I flushed. “Badass,” I corrected.

  “That too,” he agreed.

  He turned on a show and we looked at the screen. I couldn’t focus on anything but how close Jaxson and I were sitting, the air popping with awareness between the two of us.

  “Are you and Heather really broken up or are you just acting like it to make her parents happy?” I asked, my skin getting hotter with every word.

  “We’re broken up,” he said. “It’s…complicated. She has a hard time at home. We’ve always looked out for each other.”

  I wondered if she ever still “looked out” for Derek in the same way. It took everything in me not to tell him she wasn’t as innocent as he thought she was, but I actually felt bad for her at times too. Maybe I had made her out to be worse than she really was.

  “Who knew you’d turn out to be such a slut?” I said.

  His mouth fell open and he busted out laughing. “I haven’t…not that many people…only two.”

  “Two! What the hell! Who else?”
>
  “There was a stretch when Heather and I weren’t…doing anything…and I slept with Danielle.”

  “I am so disgusted with you right now.”

  “I know,” he groaned. “It’s not like I’m proud of it,” he added. He was quiet for a moment. “Bells?”

  “Yeah?” I turned to look at him and our faces were close to each other.

  “I’m really glad you’re here,” he whispered.

  “Me too,” I whispered back. “But you stay on your side of the bed, you filthy manwhore.”

  “Yeah.” He laughed, his hand drawing a line down the barely there space between us. “Whatever you say, Bells.”

  27

  Present

  August 2019

  Biceps are the one redeeming quality of the male sex.

  I mean, there are other things, like excellent kisses…but those get you in trouble. For the most part, biceps are pretty awesome and far less trouble than kisses.

  Peace out,

  Mira

  “It’s about time I see you. Where have you been all summer? I hardly saw you,” Maddie whines, wrapping her arms around me.

  “I stayed pretty busy. But I did miss you,” I tell her.

  She pets Winston and he doesn’t growl. Yet. Hopefully he won’t when she catches him off guard later, but chances of that are slim. He’s still a jumpy guy. We’re moving into an apartment right by school that allows small animals. Winston barely passed the mark, being twenty pounds. Our lease is through the school year and we’re on the first floor; it’s not the cutest space I’ve ever seen by any means, but it’s a thousand times better than the dorms.

  She kisses me on the cheek and goes back to unpacking. “I forgive you. Once I realized how much Jaxson is in the picture, I couldn’t be too mad at you. That boy is too hot to pass over.”

  I laugh and move a box to the counter to start unpacking it. “Jaxson is a friend,” I tell her. “Nothing more.”

  “Pssh. Right. He wants to be your everything,” she sings. “You forget, I heard “Blue-Eyed Shadow” or “Black-Haired Beauty”…whatever that song was called. He wants you bad.”

  I roll my eyes but don’t encourage her further. The less she thinks about Jaxson and me as a couple, the easier it will be. Once she gets her mind on something, it’s hard to veer it elsewhere.

  “Is anything happening with his music? His band was incredible. I’ve thought about him a lot and know they have what it takes to go big.”

  “He’s working with his stepdad right now. I know he likes the work, but I think deep down, he’d rather be doing music. He fought to go to Berklee—I can’t figure out why he argued with his stepdad so much over going there if he was just going to do music on the side…”

  It’s something I’ve brought up more than once, and while I love Jaxson’s strong work ethic, I want him to be sure he’s doing what he wants to do.

  “That is weird. Well, let me know when they’re playing next. We can go hear them,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows.

  I groan. “If you keep making that face every time we talk about him, we will NOT be going to hear him play…ever.”

  She scrunches her face up. “You’re no fun.”

  She dumps the utensils into the drawer and then tries to organize them. I don’t bother to tell her there could’ve been a simpler way; she does things her own way.

  “If we’re not lusting after Jaxson, that means everyone else is a potential subject,” she says. “I should see if Alex has any friends!”

  “No. Back off. I’m good,” I tell her. “I just want to focus on school.”

  “No FUN,” she reiterates.

  * * *

  When classes start and I find myself missing Jaxson far more than I’m comfortable with, I rethink my stance with Maddie. Maybe meeting someone new is exactly what I need to get my heart and libido back on track.

  That’s never made much of a difference before, my heart argues with me.

  But he’s back in your life, and that’s all you’ve really wanted, my brain shuts down my heart.

  And he doesn’t make it easier, sending me flowers the first week of school, and filling my nights with sweet text messages.

  I drove to Fiesta Island today, missing you and Winston. I can’t let Winston forget me—he was just starting to warm up to me. When can I come see you? I mean…him. :)

  Me: Soon!

  And on another night…

  I read a book—can you believe it? It was called “How to Win the Heart of your Best Friend”…or maybe it was “I’m Hopelessly in Love with Her and Other Truths”…something like that. Great read. Hopeful. Bittersweet. Infuriating. And very, very hot. You should check it out.

  Me: eye roll emoji

  And another…

  I sold a hugely lucrative property today. Success! It feels dim without you here to celebrate it with me. You’re not that far away. Please have dinner with me. I’m beginning to think you’re avoiding me.

  Me: When did you become so annoying?

  Is it working?

  Me: Let me get used to this new schedule and we’ll put something on the calendar.

  UGH. It’s not working as quickly as I’d hoped. Pencil me in soon, please.

  * * *

  Part of me is relieved to have the smallest bit of distance between us. It had been too easy to blur the lines when we saw each other regularly. I immerse myself into my classes and Winston and wedding jobs on the weekends.

  During the third week of classes, I walk out of my marketing class and run into the guy in front of me. My papers go flying and I look up, already apologizing.

  “Miles?” I say, grinning.

  “I can’t believe it,” he says. He bends down and helps me pick up the papers, handing them to me as we both stand back up. “Mira Hart, how are you?”

  “I’m great. How are you? I had no idea you were here!”

  “I transferred closer to home. My mom is going through a divorce,” he adds, eyes clouding over.

  “Oh no. I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Thanks.” He gives me an appreciative look. “You’re even more beautiful than I remember. Damn,” he adds, grinning wide.

  “You’re pretty spectacular too,” I flirt back. “I don’t remember these arms in high school.” I eye his muscular arms and then get embarrassed at the way I’m ogling him. He was cute before, but now he is hot.

  “We should get together, catch up,” he says. “Are you doing anything Friday night?”

  “I have an early morning Saturday, but I could go out for a bit,” I tell him.

  We exchange numbers and I walk away smiling. I’ve always had a special place in my heart for Miles. He looked out for me when I needed him most. It’s so good to see him again.

  * * *

  When Friday rolls around, I try to get out of the apartment without Maddie knowing I’m going out. I change into clothes that are cute but not too cute, and when she asks me to go with her and another friend to the restaurant a block over, I tell her I’m going to hit the library.

  “I miss my Mira,” she sulks.

  “We can do something fun on Sunday,” I tell her. “I have to work tomorrow, but Sunday is yours.”

  “Deal,” she says.

  I meet Miles at a restaurant he wanted to try and we hug shyly when we see each other.

  “Is there a reason you insisted on meeting here instead of me picking you up?” he asks.

  “I have a very nosy roommate,” I answer. He laughs and leaves it alone.

  We cover the small talk of what we’ve been up to since senior year and then he hits me with the question I know he’s been dying to ask.

  “So, are you still hung up on Jax Marshall?”

  I choke out a laugh and take a sip of my Coke. “Jaxson and I have recently been in each other’s lives again,” I answer. “We’re friends. He thinks he wants to be more. I don’t. Seems like maybe we’ll always be complicated, but bottom line, we are friends.” I tap out the
last three words with my hands on the table.

  He leans in, his eyes twinkling in the low lights. “Hmm. Complicated.” His lips move to one side as he studies me. “Would you say that there’s any hope for me yet?”

  “I’d certainly put you at the top of the list for options,” I tell him, smiling. “If I was looking, I mean…”

  “Oh, right…when will you be looking?”

  My heart ping-pongs along with our banter. “I always had a bit of a crush on you, in spite of being hopeless about Jaxson in high school.”

  “Had I known that, I would’ve tried a lot harder.” His eyes fall to my mouth then and I flush, wondering if he’s remembering.

  He seems to know exactly when to move the conversation to lighter, safer territory, and the rest of the night, we both talk freely about anything and everything. I’m shocked when I look at my watch and see that it’s eleven o’clock. I look around and see that the restaurant is closing and we’re the last of the remaining customers.

  “I think they’ve been shooing everyone out of here but us. They must have known we needed the time,” he says, grinning.

  He walks me to my car and there’s the first twinge of awkwardness as we look at one another.

  “It’s really good to see you again, Mira,” he says.

  “It’s great to—” I start and am cut off with his kiss. I’m so surprised, I don’t kiss him back at first, but then I snap out of my daze and kiss him back. I hold onto his firm biceps and swoon into his mouth. When we finally pull away from each other, I feel weak.

  “You’re not going to run this time, are you?” he asks, wiping his thumb over my bottom lip.

  Still breathing hard, I shake my head. I hope not, I think. “No,” I say.

  He kisses me again, smiling this time when our lips first meet. “Good,” he says when we part. “I could get used to this mouth,” he says, leaning in for one more kiss. “You better go before I kiss you all night.”