by Vanished
“I have never told my husband …perhaps if he knew … if he had known …” Perhaps there would never have been Teddy, or even a marriage.
“You can tell me.” He wanted her to trust him.
“And then? You tell the press?” Her eyes bored into his, but he shook his head slowly.
“I can't promise you anything. But I give you my word. I'll do my damnedest to keep your secrets, unless they mean Teddy's safety. Is that a deal?”
She nodded in answer, and looked away again out into the garden. “We had a son, Charles and I … a little boy named Andre …” She could feel her throat tighten as she said his name. “He was born eleven months after we were married … he had shining black hair, and big blue eyes. He was like a little angel … a little fat cherub, and we adored him. We took him everywhere.” She turned to look at John again, suddenly she had to tell him the story. “He was so beautiful, and he was always laughing.
Wherever we went with him, people knew him.” John was watching her as she spoke, and he didn't like the look in her eyes, or the way she told the story. “Charles adored him …and so did I …and one year we went to Switzerland for Christmas. Andre was two and a half years old, and we had a wonderful time, playing in the snow. We even built a snowman.” There were tears beginning to slide down her cheeks, tears of pain, and he didn't interrupt her. “One afternoon, Charles wanted to go up the mountain to go skiing, but I wanted to stay in Geneva. So Andre and I took a walk around the lake, we talked and we played, and the lake was frozen, and there was a group of women and children, and we stopped and chatted. And I was talking to one of them, about little boys his age …” She could barely speak now, but she still went on, fighting for air as she struggled with each word. “You know how women are, they love to talk about their children, so she and I were talking about how mischievous two-year-old boys are, and as we spoke … as we spoke …” she touched her eyes with a trembling hand, and without thinking, he reached out to her, as though to help her on, and she clung to his fingers “… while we were talking, he ran out on the ice with some other children, and then suddenly, there was this terrible …terrible …” She could barely go on, the room seemed so airless, but John squeezed her hand as tightly as he could and she continued. She was unaware of him now, she was lost in a time that had almost killed her.
“…There was a terrible crackling noise … almost like thunder …and the ice cracked …three of the children fell in …one of them was Andre … I rushed out on the ice, with the other women, and people were shouting. I was the first one to reach the hole …I got both of the little girls out … I got them,” she sobbed … “I got them …but I couldn't get him … I tried … I tried so hard … I tried everything I could … I even climbed into the water, but he had slipped under the ice, and then I found him …” Her voice was distorted by pain, and as he listened John Taylor was crying…. “He was all blue, and he lay in my arms so tiny and cold and so still. … I tried everything … I tried to breathe for him, I tried to warm him …the ambulance came and we took him to the hospital, but …” She looked up at John, seeing him again then, and they were both crying for the little boy who had died beneath the ice in Geneva. “They couldn't save him. He had died in my arms, they said, when I first pulled him out …but he wasn't even breathing then …how could they know when he died?” And what did it matter? “It was all my fault … I should have been watching him, and I wasn't. I was talking to those damn women …about him …and then he was gone …one moment of talking to them, and I killed him….”
“And Charles?” He had asked the key words, and he had barely recovered from what he'd just heard, but he could see there was more from her face, still ravaged by the story she had just told him.
“He blamed me of course. They kept me in the hospital, and I wanted to be there anyway …with Andre …they let me hold him for a long, long time. I held him so close to me, I kept thinking that if only I could get him warm again, but of course …” She sounded a little mad, as she went on with the story.
“What did Charles do when he got to the hospital?” His voice was gentle. He had asked an important question, and she looked at John Taylor without seeing him as she answered.
“He hit me …hard …again and again …afterward …they said … I thought … it didn't matter …they said that when I jumped into the ice …”
“What did he do to you, Marielle?”
“He tried to beat me … he said I'd killed Andre, that it was all my fault … he hit me …but I deserved it …and …” She gulped on a terrible sob, and made a sound that he had never heard another human make, it was a keening of pain that was almost like baying. “… I lost the baby….” She looked up at him again, and this time, he put an arm around her and pulled her close to him to let her sob against his shoulders. He held her against his chest, and stroked her hair without thinking.
“Oh my God.” He suddenly understood. “…You were pregnant …”
“Five months … a little girl …she died that night, on the same day as Andre.” She sat then for a long time, in silence, crying quietly, as John Taylor held her.
“I'm so sorry …I'm so sorry for what happened to you …and to put you through this now.” But he had had to. He had to know what she was hiding. He had seen it in her eyes, but he hadn't known it would be like this.
“I'm all right,” she said quietly, and in a way she was, but in another way, she wasn't. She had suddenly remembered that Teddy was gone …and that added to the others made it too much. That was why John Taylor had to find him. “I wasn't all right then. For a long time. I guess … I guess you'd call it a nervous breakdown, or something more. I suppose Charles went more than a little mad too. They had to tear him off me that night, and he collapsed at the funeral, I was told. I don't know …they wouldn't let me go. They put me in a private clinic in Villars, and I was there for twenty-six months. Charles paid for it, but I never saw him. They finally let him come to see me before they let me go, and he asked me to come back, but I couldn't. I knew we both thought that I had killed our child, if not both of them. Not only had I let Andre drown, but I had jumped into the icy water and killed the baby.”
“And what were you supposed to do? Let him drown?”
“No, I did what I had to do, but it took me two years to figure that out, and it's taken me another six to live with it since then. I think that,” she began to cry harder again, “I decided …when Teddy was born that God had decided to forgive me. I had a terrible time getting pregnant with him, and I always thought I was being punished.”
“That's crazy. You were punished enough. What did you ever do to deserve that?”
She smiled sadly at the man she had just shared her life with. “I've spent most of my life trying to figure that out.” He touched her hand again, and poured a small amount of brandy into the cup of tea she'd been sipping. He had helped himself to one of Malcolm's decanters, and he still had a hard time believing she'd never told her husband. What a lonely burden she'd had to live with, no wonder she suffered from migraines.
“And the meeting in the church?” But he had figured that out now.
“It was the anniversary of …the children's death. I always go to church and light candles for them, and my parents. And suddenly there was Charles, rather like a vision.” Taylor wondered if it was a welcome one. He was fascinated by her now, and all she had been through, and yet she had survived it. She was much stronger than she looked, and much deeper.
“Are you still in love with him?” He wanted to know now.
“Yes, I suppose part of me always will be.” She was so honest with him, so open, there was something about her which seemed so fair. It made his skin crawl now when he thought of the chauffeur's accusation that she had a “boyfriend.” “But that part of my life is over.” She sounded as though she meant it.
“Is that what he wanted? For you to come back to him?”
“I don't know. I only saw him at Saint Patrick's for that l
ittle while, and we were both upset. He kept telling me it wasn't my fault, but I know he always thought it was. He accused me of murdering our son, of being negligent….” She looked away from John again, and this time he forced her to take a sip of the brandy, “The truth is that I was. I was a twenty-one-year-old girl, and I made a terrible mistake. I talked to that woman for only a moment, and he was gone…. I'm surprised Charles is willing to forgive me at all, given how he felt about me then.”
“Are you sure he has?”
She looked honestly at the inspector. That was the big question. “I don't know. I thought he had when I saw him at Saint Patrick's on Friday. I told him I was married again, and I think he was surprised, and perhaps not pleased, but he seemed to accept it. But the next day, when we saw him at the park … he was furious about Teddy, furious that I have another child …and he doesn't. He said I didn't deserve it, and I felt as though he were threatening me, but I think they were just words. He said he could take the child, in order to make me come with him.” John Taylor had just heard the music he wanted to hear, and he was almost sure they had their man now. All they had to do was find him. Thank God she had confided in him. With any luck at all now they'd find the boy, and they could lock her ex-husband up and forget him. As sorry as he felt for her, with all she'd been through, Taylor felt far less sympathetic for Charles, who had beaten her up in the hospital when she was pregnant, and instead of consoling her, had accused her of murdering their children. He had left her in a hospital for two years, and had somehow let her carry the burden for the rest of her life that it was her fault their son had died. As far as John Taylor was concerned, the guy deserved to be punished.
“Do you think he was serious when he said those things?”
“I'm not sure. I just don't know. I can't imagine him harming anyone, least of all a child. But I'm not sure how angry he still is, and I was afraid not to tell you what had happened.” In the end, it had turned out to be a blessing that the chauffeur had accused her of having a boyfriend.
It was six o'clock in the morning by then, and there were no further developments, no new clues about Teddy. But the information she'd just given him would go far. He carefully wrote down Charles's name and address, and promised to have a discreet talk with him in a couple of hours. If he was satisfied with his alibi, and believed what he said, the matter of Charles Delauney would be closed, and nothing more needed to be said. But if not, he would have to act on what he found. Secretly, he hoped that he was going to find something. If nothing else, the guy was a fool, and he had clearly threatened her. It was entirely possible he had taken the boy, even as revenge for the children he had lost and because he still blamed her for their deaths, or just because he misguidedly wanted to draw her to him. But he had promised her not to tell the press, or the FBI, or Malcolm, until he had spoken to Charles Delauney. It was the best he could do for her, and she appreciated his efforts.
It was almost seven o'clock when they left the library, and it was still dark, as they stood in the front hall and talked for a long time. He looked down at her, wishing that he could promise her he would find Teddy. If nothing else in this life, she deserved it. He had a feeling that her marriage to Malcolm Patterson was nothing more than an arrangement. All she had was Teddy, and he was gone. And Taylor could sense how much she adored him. It was clear that she was never going to return to Charles, wisely so as far as Taylor was concerned, but she really had no one in her life to help her. It was impossible to understand how the boy had disappeared at midnight that night, without a trace or a sound. He had simply been taken from his bed with his red pajamas on …and vanished.
After her lengthy conversation with John Taylor, Marielle wandered through the house like a ghost. At first, she went back to her room but she found she couldn't bear to be there. The walls seemed to be closing in on her, and she almost couldn't breathe. And without even planning to, she found her feet on the stairs, and she was back in Teddy's room before she knew it. It was the only place she wanted to be, the only room where she could feel him close to her. It was impossible to believe …impossible to understand. Who would do this and why? But it was obvious, it had to be for money. Extra phone lines had already been put into the house, and there were police everywhere. They were waiting for a call, or a ransom note. The morning newspapers were already being scoured for messages from the kidnappers. All the usual methods were being used. And more men from the FBI were waiting to talk to Malcolm. But she felt useless now. There was nothing she could do, except pray that her son was still alive. She knelt next to his bed, and laid her head down, as she remembered the feel and touch of him, only hours before when she had put him to bed in his little red pajamas with the embroidered blue collar. Miss Griffin had made them for him, and Marielle wondered if he was cold now, or afraid … if they were kind to him, or if he had eaten. It was unbearable not knowing where he was, and Marielle had to gasp for air as she knelt there. She heard a sound in the room, and turned suddenly, in time to see Miss Griffin standing behind her, still looking pale, but starched in her uniform, and for the first time in years she looked kindly at Marielle. There was something she felt she had to say to her, and like Marielle, she could hardly get the words out.
“I'm …” Her lips trembled, and she looked away from her. She couldn't bear to see the agony in the young woman's face. It mirrored all too clearly exactly what she herself was feeling. “I'm sorry … I should have been … I should have heard …” She burst into tears as she said the words that were torturing her. “I should have been able to stop them.”
“You couldn't know …and there must have been too many of them.” Armed with ropes and chloroform, and perhaps guns, they were well equipped for what they had come for. “You mustn't blame yourself.” She rose slowly to her feet, so dignified and so kind, and without a word she went and put her arms around the older woman. She was crying too, but she stood and held the old woman like a child and tried to reassure her. It made the governess feel even worse, knowing how hard she had always been to her. But she had always thought her so weak, so self-indulgent, so foolish. And now she saw something she had never known was there, a silent strength not only for herself, but for everyone around her to draw on.
The two women stood together for a long time, deriving strength from each other without speaking, and then Marielle went downstairs again. And as she did, there was a stir, she heard voices shouting and realized there were reporters outside, trying to force their way in past the police as the front door opened.
“He's here!” She heard a shout from the police, wondering who it was, praying that it was someone who would make a difference. And as she looked over the banister, she realized that it was Malcolm. He was home, looking aristocratic and pale, in his black coat, his dark suit, and his homburg. He looked so funereal as he came up the stairs and they met halfway up, she still in her dressing gown, and still barefoot. He opened his arms to her, and for a long time he just stood there and held her, and then finally they went upstairs and he spoke to her once they were in her bedroom.
“How could this have happened, Marielle? How could they force their way in and take over so completely? Where was Haverford? Where were the maids? Where was Miss Griffin?” It was as though he had expected her to keep their child and their home safe, and she had failed him. She saw now that his eyes were full of reproach and pain, and the look he gave her cut her to the core. There was no excuse she could give, no explanation. She couldn't even explain it to herself. She could barely even allow herself to understand what had happened.
“I don't know … I don't understand it either … I heard a sound while we were speaking, but I didn't think anything of it …it never occurred to me that someone was in the house, other than the servants, I mean … I didn't even know Edith was out. …” The dress had been returned to her by then, dirty, stained, with lipstick on it, and smelling of cigarette smoke and cheap whiskey. But she didn't care about the dress. She only cared about her baby.
“You should dress,” he said quietly, letting himself down heavily into a chair, “there are policemen everywhere, and the press are in throngs outside. For the next few days, if we go out, we'll have to try and get out through the garden.” He looked at her even more somberly then. “The police say there's been no request for ransom. I've already called the bank, and they're ready with marked bills when we get a call, or a note.” It was all they could do as they waited, and suddenly Marielle was relieved that he was home. He would take charge, he would make the right things happen. He would force them to bring Teddy home. She looked up at him then, feeling more than ever that she had let him down, which was something he had never done to her. He had never let her down. Never. Not in all the years that they'd been married.
