“I am not seeing Thomas!” Susan sputtered.
Yost ignored her and turned to Teresa. “It is like this. I am older now, going on in the years Da Hah has given me on this earth. True, there are still some years left, and I had hoped to have a wife to spend the remaining years with me. These are the thoughts I had the first day I visited you, and I pushed them away, believing they were not from Da Hah. Now, though, I must face them. If I wed you, we may have children—many children in the years to come. Even when I am an old man children may come. I am not poor, as you can see. I have cattle and a farm that is paid for. But I do not want to have children in my old age. Especially long after I am too old to work in the fields. The expense would be great. So I must tell you, Teresa, that we will not be wed. I know you want a father for your son, but it cannot be me.”
“Cast me over the barn roof!” Susan said. “Now I’ve heard everything.”
Yost ignored her again. “I will tell the community I have chosen to not honor our promise to each other. I will take on that burden if you will allow me one request,” Yost offered, holding up his hand.
“Yes?” Teresa asked, her eyes intently looking at his bearded face.
“I ask that you clean the house like you planned,” he said. “And that you cook a meal.”
“We brought along a fresh loaf of bread,” Teresa said. “Will that work for the food?”
Yost smiled. “That is a gut start, but I am hoping for a full supper—with mashed potatoes, gravy, and maybe even pie.”
“We’ll do what we can,” Susan interrupted. “We have to get back before dark, so we need to get to work.”
Yost jumped to his feet. “I will get to work in the barn then.”
As soon as Yost was out the door, Susan put her hands on her hips and faced Teresa. “Well, now doesn’t that beat everything! There’s got to be more to this than what Yost told us. The old fellow wouldn’t change his mind that easily. There has to be something else.”
Teresa burst into sobs. “I wonder if Deacon Ray knows about this? Will I still be baptized and accepted into the community? And what about Samuel? What will happen to him?”
“Now, now,” Susan soothed. “You haven’t been listening to a word I said. Teresa, be thankful Yost turned you down! He has more sense than you do. I must say, this is the best news I’ve heard in weeks. Now let’s get busy and then get out of here before he changes his mind.”
“How can you be sure I won’t be thrown out of the instruction class?” Teresa wailed.
“We’ll take that when it comes,” Susan assured her. “I don’t think we should ask many questions right now. I think we should get to work, leave, and when we get back home not say a word about anything until Bishop Henry pours the holy water over your head.”
Teresa nodded and grabbed the broom. She attacked the cobwebs on the ceiling.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
On the Saturday night before baptismal Sunday, James came in late from the barn. He took a seat on the couch across from where his father was reading The Budget.
When his father kept reading, James cleared his throat.
“Is there something you want?” his daett asked, still not moving the paper or looking up.
“I need to tell you something,” James said. “Something about Teresa.”
The paper came down and Deacon Ray glared at his son. “I hope you’re not having wild thoughts about that girl. Because I will hear none of that nonsense. I already told you that.”
James sighed. “Daett, we can make this easy or we can make it hard. It’s up to you. I’m asking Teresa if I can take her home after she’s baptized. You know that Yost broke their engagement.”
“Yes, I know that. And that means nothing to you.” The paper went up again. “Why are you bringing this up on the night before the baptismal? Are you trying to get me to object to Teresa’s baptism?”
“Of course not! Let me put it clearly, Daett. Do you want there to be a stink over this or not?”
His daett lowered the paper again. “Of course I don’t want a problem.”
“I’m telling you this because I don’t want there to be hard feelings between us when this is over. The truth is that I am hoping Teresa will become your daughter-in-law.”
Deacon Ray stared at his son for a long moment. “You’ve spoken with Teresa on this matter? She has agreed and is promised to you?”
“No, but she will agree.”
“You are always sure of yourself, son. But this situation with Teresa is going too far.”
“I know the woman, Daett,” James said. “She has a heart of gold. And she will consent to marry me.”
“And you think she’s gut enough for you? Even with her little boy born out of wedlock? You realize he comes with the package, don’t you?”
“It’s not a question of who’s gut enough for whom. We can all become better persons, Daett. Didn’t you and Mamm grow after your marriage?”
Deacon Ray grunted.
“Now that I’ve told you this, I hope you won’t object to the baptism tomorrow.”
“Are you ordering me around, James?”
“No, Daett. I’m asking as your son. Will you please not make trouble? I love Teresa, Daett.”
“And if the girl eventually leaves you after you’re married? What am I to say then? That I told you so? That would be small comfort for everyone.”
“Teresa will not leave me,” James said. “With all you’ve put her through, she would have left long ago if she were the type to give up.”
Deacon Ray grunted again and raised the paper. “I’ll have to think about this.”
“Thanks, Daett,” James said, getting to his feet. “You will learn to love her someday.”
“I’m not promising anything about tomorrow.”
“I know,” James said, a soft smile on his face. “You have a gut night now.”
The next morning, a blaze of bright sunlight spread across the hardwood floor, bouncing upward to illuminate even the darkest corners of the Millers’ living-room ceiling. Ezra Miller’s wife had done her Saturday cleaning well, Teresa thought, watching the line of boys follow the ministers up the stairs as the congregation sang. Not a cobweb in sight. But then, this wasn’t Yost Byler’s house.
Yost looked happy enough this morning. He was sitting over in the men’s section. He must still be thinking about the big supper we left him. Teresa thought, holding back a smile. Likely he lived on the leftovers for days. This was her baptismal Sunday, and not the time to be smiling on such a somber occasion. The other girls getting to their feet were keeping their eyes on the floor, as properly befitted the day. Teresa fought against the wild happiness springing up inside her. Any minute now she was going to laugh out loud if she wasn’t careful. Surely it must come from the fact that she’d been raised in the Englisha world so she’d always be a little different.
Teresa waited until the last girl was on her feet before handing baby Samuel to Anna. He wrinkled up his face to cry, but Teresa looked away. Samuel would just have to fuss. Anna would take care of him. Slipping down the aisle, Teresa fell into the end of the line. That she was last hadn’t mattered all summer, and it didn’t matter now. The only thing that was important at the moment was making it through the last instruction class and having Bishop Henry baptize her.
Susan had pressed the point on the day they’d driven home after cleaning Yost Byler’s place. “First of all, don’t even tell Mamm how happy you are that Yost backed out.”
“I’m not that happy,” she had protested, her hands tight on the reins.
“Yes, you are,” Susan said. “You just don’t know it yet. Keep your voice down on Sundays when you speak with the other women. Try not to draw attention to yourself. Ask Mamm or me any question you might have about the Ordnungs brief. You don’t want to break any rule—spoken or unspoken. And above all else, don’t speak with James no matter how much he tries to speak with you. He’s up to something, but trust me, it will only mak
e trouble for you if it happens too soon. Time is your best friend now.”
Well…Susan had been wrong about one thing. James hadn’t made any attempts to speak with her. Which shouldn’t have troubled Teresa, but somehow it did. Her whole future was troubled now. At night she lay awake, looking at Samuel’s crib and crying. Samuel had no father to look forward to now. She had failed her son miserably. And Deacon Ray had forbidden James to speak with her—which was clearly the reason he hadn’t tried.
Really, she ought to be crying this morning too instead of feeling this joy bubbling up from her heart. Perhaps the Lord—Da Hah— was looking out for her in some way she couldn’t understand. That must be what it was, and this was His sign. He would help her raise Samuel as a Father Himself. Were those not the words Menno read the other morning from the Scriptures? Something about God being a father to the fatherless?
Ahead of her, the long line of boys and girls moved toward the bedroom door where a round circle of chairs would be set out. Thomas had been in the lead, and he was already inside. He wore what must be a brand-new black suit this morning. Some of the other boys also looked like they had on new suits or freshly brushed ones. Sunlight flittered past the hall window’s blue drapes, revealing hardly a speck of dust on the boys’ black pants.
Susan had spent part of yesterday working on the last touches for Teresa’s new black dress. Teresa looked down at the fabric still crisp and unwrinkled after the ironing this morning. She pressed her eyes together. It would not do to wipe tears with her handkerchief. The crying could come, but later, when it made sense, not during instruction class. She really must stop thinking of Anna and Susan’s kindness or the tears would be flying all over the place.
Teresa entered the bedroom and pulled the door shut behind her. The old latch clicked and she jumped. Bishop Henry smiled in her direction as she sat down. Her face must look on fire from how it was burning. Deacon Ray was looking at the floor, paying her no mind.
Bishop Henry cleared his throat and spoke. “We are glad as a ministry that all of you have come to this day. Your lives have now been observed during the time we have been giving you instructions on the basics of our faith. Today is your baptismal day, when you will make holy vows to God and to the church.”
Teresa watched his face as Bishop Henry stroked his beard. He seemed lost in thought now, and Deacon Ray looked up, waiting. Was something wrong? Susan had assured her last night that if no one had come to speak with her by then, there would be no problem today.
Bishop Henry’s gaze moved down the people sitting in the long line of chairs.
Teresa looked away shyly.
“All of the community stands in agreement today that you are prepared for baptism,” Bishop Henry continued. “I have heard no complaints against any of you from the ministers here in this room or from any of our members. If Deacon Ray will read the last of the instructions, we can continue with this day. Hopefully the hour will not go too late with as many of you as there are.”
Deacon Ray read in his now familiar voice. Teresa listened carefully to each word. Now that the day had arrived and there were apparently no objections to be raised against her, it might not be necessary to listen as closely. But they were still good words, and she wanted to remember them later. Samuel would soon be saying his first words, and he would need to be taught the truths of the faith, especially as he had no father.
Would Menno allow her to continue living at the farm? They couldn’t do that forever, but maybe she could find employment cleaning houses for the Englisha people, like some of the young Amish girls did until she could save up enough money to rent a place.
The tears finally ran down her cheeks, and Teresa let them flow.
“You’ll be one of us,” Susan had told her last night.
Teresa blinked away her tears and looked at Thomas sitting on his chair. He was so strong, so handsome…and so sad. Susan should have been here today, sitting beside him, being baptized the same day as he was. Oh, dear God, she prayed, let me somehow help Susan like she has helped me. But how could she? Susan was so stubborn, and still so upset that James hadn’t come around to speak to Teresa. How strange that was. One day James wasn’t supposed to come around according to Susan, and yet on the next he was supposed to. Teresa bowed her head. It was high time to stop thinking such thoughts about James. She needed to listen to Deacon Ray and the instructions he was reading. The moments passed as Teresa wiped her eyes and concentrated.
When there was silence, Teresa looked up to see Deacon Ray closing his little booklet. They would soon go downstairs to sit in the front row. Susan had been clear on that last night. “Don’t go back to your seat. Follow the others to the front row. Don’t worry if everyone stares at you. That’s what people do when you sit in the front row.”
“I wish now to give you final instructions,” Bishop Henry said. “As church members, you will be expected to keep obeying the rules of the church and to uphold them for the future generations. Our children and our grandchildren cannot be expected to believe like we do if we do not believe our faith with our whole hearts.
“As church members you will be expected to admonish others who do not obey as they ought. This is the way Scripture instructs us to act. If a member fails to listen to you, then you must go to Deacon Ray and explain the matter to him. He will take care of it from there. If there are no questions, instruction is concluded.”
He waited a minute or two. “All right. Please file downstairs and sit on the front benches. The ministers will be down soon.”
The boys went first, with Thomas leading the way. Teresa brought up the end of the line again, closing the door behind her, the loud click of the latch was muffled by their footsteps on the hardwood floor. Keeping her eyes down, Teresa followed the others down the steps to the benches set up between the living room and the kitchen. Across from them the ministers’ bench was empty.
Teresa clasped her hands together to try to still her beating heart. They sat down and joined in the singing, which continued until the ministers filed down the stairs and took their places on their bench. Deacon Ray’s black pant legs and shoes were right in front of Teresa, right in her line of sight as she looked at the floor. Behind her she heard Samuel crying, but Teresa kept her eyes on Deacon Ray’s shoestring holes. It helped her breathe normally, or close to it.
After the first prayer, Deacon Ray read from Scripture, and then Bishop Henry stood for the main sermon, his voice rising and falling as it bounced off the living room walls.
Time seemed to stand still as Teresa tried not to move. Quit worrying that people are looking at you, she told herself. Relax. Everything is going well. Moments of embarrassment continued to come and go as the clock on the wall crept forward. Finally Teresa heard Bishop Henry say, “If it is still the desire of these young people to be baptized, then please kneel.”
Teresa knelt, going down simultaneously with the girl beside her. There was soon movement at the head of the line as words were murmured and water poured. The sounds came closer until the bishop and Deacon Ray were in front of Teresa.
“And now do you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?” Bishop Henry asked, his black shoes planted on the floor in front of her. “Do you believe that God has raised Him from the dead, and do you reject this day the world, the devil, and all his evil works? Do you commit to obeying the voice of God and of His church until your death?”
“Yah,” Teresa whispered as hands came down on her kapp.
“Now I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” Bishop Henry said.
Water poured down Teresa’s cheeks from the pitcher Deacon Ray tipped. Long moments passed as the footsteps retreated to the front of the line. Each one stood to their feet, helped by Bishop Henry. Teresa saw his offered hand and allowed herself to be helped to her feet. Then a woman’s hand found hers and Teresa felt a kiss on the cheek as she was pulled into an embrace by the bishop’s wife. Now would be the moment when the tears should
come bursting out, Teresa thought. Instead an awesome joy flooded her heart. Bishop Henry’s wife gave her a welcoming look and the couple returned to their places as Teresa smiled and sat down.
Moments later the singing of the last song began, and when it stopped the young boys filed outside. Teresa stayed seated until the others on the bench got up to walk to the kitchen. Susan found her and gave her a tight hug. “Come with me!” Susan whispered in her ear. She led her friend out to the washroom.
“What’s going on?” Teresa asked when Susan closed the door.
“You can’t imagine!” Susan said. “James just spoke to me. He had a talk with his daett last night. Everything is going to be okay between the two of you. He wants to take you home tonight. You better not say no!”
“Really?” Teresa gasped. “But that will cause so much trouble! He shouldn’t do that.”
“It’s too late. He already did!” Susan said. “Now, we have to get back inside before someone wonders what we’re talking about. So what shall I tell James?”
Teresa could only hold tight to Susan’s hand and nod. “Tell him yes,” she finally said.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
That night after the hymn singing Teresa pulled on her bonnet and shawl as the girls around her gave her strange looks. Susan was nowhere to be seen and it was plain the girls were wondering what Teresa was doing out here with the girls who were leaving in their boyfriends’ buggies. Joy rose inside as Teresa tried to keep from smiling. Let them look and wonder, because she didn’t understand herself. Why in the world was James taking her home from the hymn singing?
“Hold the door a minute,” one of the girls whispered to someone ready to leave, as she struggled with her bonnet. Teresa waited until they were out the door, then followed them into the darkness. She was now one of them, and no one could turn her away. It felt so gut and so wunderbar she could feel the joy all the way down to her feet.
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