When I got back, she had just finished vomiting on herself. I didn’t have anything to wipe her mouth, nothing. I helped her drink from a disposable cup, ever wary that if she did spit it up, none would go on me. The vomit smelled sour. There was nothing I could do, so I sat there holding her hand. After about ten minutes, I noticed a trickle of blood coming out her nose. She was in great pain and started whispering to someone who was not there. After ten more minutes, the decision was made.
“I will be right back.” In her condition, I doubt she even knew I was there.
Someone, whom I guessed was Jim, was over by the Winnie with Roy. Hammer was to one side holding a small red pouch, waiting for me.
“Morphine, John, I will do it,” he said in an uncharacteristically kind voice.
“Thank you, Hammer, and no, she’s my patient now. I will do it. I have given injections before. Just put the bag down over there. She’s real sick and I don’t know if I am clean.”
“Be careful, John. I look forward to getting to know you and finding out what you haven’t done!”
I looked at Hammer and with a voice full of resignation said, “Kill someone.”
Jim and Roy came over to us.
“Jim would like to say goodbye.” He was maybe forty, tall, fit, and very quiet. I think Robert told me he was an expert sailor, something about soloing the Atlantic last year.
I stared at Roy and whispered, “Does he know?”
“Yes.”
I stayed my distance and just nodded to him. “Okay, Jim, I really don’t know what to say, but you know you can’t touch her or even be close.”
“Roy filled me in.”
“I am sorry, Jim.” What else could I say?
He walked around the bales and I followed, but kept a respectable distance. Roy got the group together and let them know what was happening.
Jim stood about six feet way and quietly called out her name. Lucy was lost. The fever, the pain; whatever had made her sick was rapidly killing her. After a couple of minutes, Jim told her he loved her and she needed some rest. He blew her a kiss, “I’ll see you soon.” After Jim left, I sat down next to her.
Now, amongst an ever-expanding list of issues, I only had one real problem. Having never used intravenous drugs, I didn’t know the amount that would ensure an overdose. I have no clue what the LD50 is or how many milligrams per kilograms are needed. Since she was more than likely not a drug user and would have no tolerance to morphine, I decided to go with one hundred milligrams. It should be massive and more than enough, I hope. Once injected into the IV port, she quickly fell asleep. I monitored her pulse and was really bothered that during all this, my hands didn’t shake. Her whole body started to relax and the bleeding from her eyes and nose got worse. After five minutes, her pulse was thready and weak, her breathing shallow, and by ten, it was over. I pulled both blankets up and covered her head to reduce spray from the bullets impact. I then walked about thirty feet away, took careful aim. Ah, shit! What was I thinking? I can’t fire; the noise could call attention to us. What the hell am I going to do now? I started to panic since I didn’t know how long it would take for her to reanimate. Looking around the barn, I noticed a pile of pipes that were probably from an old irrigation system. I picked up a short one, about four feet long. It was heavy and seemed more than adequate to do what I need to do. I started to sweat. Hell, I already killed her and now I was just doing her a favor, but it was harder than giving the injection. From my angle, the rest of the group couldn’t see me. Standing over Lucy’s body was the loneliest moment of my life. The blow was swift and savage. Feeling the top of the skull cave in, I was relieved that it only took one hit. I am a murderer. I have just killed a real human being. Infected or not, she was human!
Roy, Zack, Robert, and Hammer came over and stood as a shield for Lucy’s body and me. I looked at my clothes, no stains, but I wasn’t sure. I very carefully peeled off my gloves and laid them near Lucy, next my facemask, and last, the goggles. I then put on a new pair of gloves and began to undress. I was completely naked when I walked back to Winnie Two. Roy and Hammer followed me.
“Are you alright?” It was Roy.
“I think so.” The rest of the group walked in. No one said a word. I entered the Winnie, redressed, and went outside to get some air. I looked up at the sky. There was a quiet in me that some part of my brain seemed to recognize as peace, but if only I could hold it together just a few more days till we get to the boats. In a daze, I went to the backside of the barn, sat down, and cried. Liz came over. I motioned for her sit, but to stay away from me, and I slowly composed myself. We were just still and quiet for about ten minutes. How could I have been so cold and calculated? I knew I was in some form of shock, and nauseous.
Liz whispered, “Come on, John, let’s go inside.”
“Okay.”
“She would have died a horrible death, you know that. What you did was a courageous thing. If I was bitten or caught the virus, I hope you would be as kind. John…”
“Let’s not talk about this.”
So we went inside. The mood was sad and somber, but with a distinct undertone of unity, relief. I didn’t know what to do, so I looked for the closest shadow. What did they think of me now? Jim came up to me, tears streaming down his face. I was too stunned to be worried if he would hit or shoot me. I didn’t know what their relationship was. I had never bothered looking for a ring. He gave me a big hug and held me tight. So much for my lame attempt at quarantine.
“Thank you,” he whispered in my ear. He kissed me on the cheek and walked over to Winnie One, totally broken. The only thing going through my mind was a verse from Leonard Cohen, ‘It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah.’ Yet again, I changed. I was now a completely different person from what I was forty-eight hours ago, for better or worse. This shit really needs to end soon.
Roy came up.
“Hell of a thing you did. I am going over to talk with Samuel about what happened and where we can find some motor oil. Why don’t you go take the loft shift? This will give you some time alone.”
“Thanks, Roy, tell everyone not to go near the body. We can’t bury her, it’s just too dangerous. Let me think about what’s next.”
He extended his hand and we shook.
Hammer approached me and put his rather large paw on my shoulder.
“Well, Hammer, I guess I can add another thing to that list.”
“Yeah. Glad you’re on our team.”
I went up to the loft. Our luck was still with us, no zombies in the fields. Lots on the road and by the way they were acting, there were still people trapped in their cars. Later, Liz joined me. We embraced and I held her as close and as hard as I could.
I was coming out of my fog and starting to review the whole shitty day.
“Liz, this is not a good sign. From what I can gather, Lucy wasn’t bitten and I doubt she came into intimate contact with someone who had the virus. This kind of virus doesn’t really go airborne. Yeah, pulmonary cases have happened, but boy, is it rare. Maybe we’re all infected? I wasn’t going to tell you, but I spoke with a friend at the CDC a few days ago. There is a chance that the virus is not natural.”
“Oh, God, John, you have got to be shitting me.”
“Please keep it to yourself. I don’t want people losing faith.”
“Could we really have done this to ourselves? At their core, maybe humans really are mad?”
“Just look what we did to get here.”
We hung out in the loft for the next several hours just holding each other and taking turns scanning the road and field. I wanted to savor the moment and forget what I had just done.
For dinner, it was the pinnacle of Western Culture gastronomic delights, canned Spam, a variety of crackers, cheese, and the last of our rapidly wilting salad mix. I grabbed what I wanted and moved off to myself quickly. Liz sat down next to me and looked at her can.
“Spam?”
Exactly at that moment, becau
se there could be no other, Zack walked by and my mouth was full.
“Don’t knock it. It’s got its own key.”
Oh, Son…Of… A…Bitch! I was going to use that one, a classic. He just looked at me, winked, and pulled out the little black book. Okay, I got to think of more from Day of the Dead, because he is killing me on Dawn. Dumb or not, this one little stupid incident really helped pull me back to whatever was passing as normal these days.
After dinner, Roy called everyone together.
“Okay, I talked with Samuel. He understands we are not leaving as soon as we wanted. He and Nancy appreciate how quiet and low key we’ve been. There is some kind of general store about five miles from here and he is positive they have the motor oil, if any is left. They also have a hunting section, so it could mean more ammo. We are going to take the Hummer. It’s the only thing that can get through all this new mud. It’s going to be me, Hammer, Allison, and John, first thing in the morning. We are in and out and back in an hour. Robert is in charge while we are gone. Doc, I want you in the loft. The rest of you divide the night shifts as you see fit. This has been a trying day for all of us. I know it’s hard, but keep focused and try to get some rest. Thanks.”
Roy walked over to me.
“Samuel would like to see you up at the house when you have the time. And, uh…about tomorrow, I want you on the team not for some bullshit psychobabble reason about keeping your head in the game. Hammer and Robert are the best, so one of them stays here. I have thrown some crap your way and you responded without whining. This side trip is a dangerous pain in the ass, but a necessary one, so I chose you. I don’t know Allison all that well, but she comes highly recommended and could do with some Wild West time.”
“Thanks, Roy. I’ll whine more if that helps.” He just shook his head and walked away. Allison? Who was Allison? Highly recommended by whom?
I grabbed my shotgun, told Liz where I was ordered and headed up to see Samuel and Nancy. I took my time walking the fifty or so yards to their house. When I got to the porch, I stood for a couple of minutes and concentrated on my breathing. So much had happened so fast that for the life of me, I could not recall what I was doing exactly one week ago. I knew I was on the computer, listening to the radio and TV, but did I call anyone? Send any emails? When was the last time I spoke with my mother, brothers, and sister? When was the last time I really thought about them?
Nancy opened the door. She had sad eyes, but a big smile.
“Hello, John. Thank you for coming to see us. I would have visited, but Samuel is adamant about staying out of sight.”
I took my boots off and entered. The drapes were drawn and only two small candles were lit, but it was enough to show me that the living room was exactly as I would have envisioned it; hardwood floors, beautiful fireplace, framed paintings, family photos and practical, comfortable furniture. She led me to a chair and sat on the couch.
“Roy tells me you are a teacher, what discipline?”
“Anthropology, at the university in Bangor.”
“Ah, Anthropology, my my. As a girl, I wanted to be an anthropologist, or an archaeologist, well same discipline, aren’t they? I wanted to travel the world, excavate ancient civilizations, and stay with lost tribes. Be another Levi-Strauss, or Leaky, or Mead.” Nancy had to be in her seventies, but she was not old.
“Yes, me too. How long have you lived here?”
“Forty eight years, it was Samuel’s father’s place and he inherited it when Bob passed. We raised three sons here.” She suddenly stopped and looked at her hands. The past was not something you talked about these days, unless you were really ready.
Samuel came in cradling his double barrel, followed by the two Labs. He kissed Nancy on the forehead, gave me a nod, and sat down. For a couple of minutes, we just shared the intimacy of silence. I felt very comfortable around these nice salt of the earth people and sitting in this twilight was relaxing, but it didn’t take me long before I felt like I had to say something.
“Well, our times are rough and desperate. If not me, then who? From a technical point of view, I think I know the virus better than anyone else in our group does. I know how to give an IV and although I did not want to, I knew I could.” I could hear myself talk and I sounded like a bad actor from some cheap movie.
“I didn’t know her. We were introduced just yesterday.” I didn’t have to justify my actions to anyone, but felt like a really naughty child in front of his parents.
We again sat there in silence, this time for a good five minutes, and then Samuel spoke.
“It’s really one hundred percent fatal?”
“Yes.” I meant to stop talking but the thought of another quiet spell disturbed me, so I babbled on. “It is a painful, horrible way to die and then to end up, well, you know. Humanity is in very deep trouble. Samuel, Nancy, I genuinely hope you decide to come with us. Nobody in our group has experience in farming or animal husbandry, or any of that shi…stuff. We don’t know what we are going to find out there, but we know it’s going to be bad and we need all the help we can get.”
Samuel leaned closer and put his hand on my knee. “You showed a lot of guts and compassion today. John. If a tenth of the survivors have responded to this hell on Earth with your grit, we are going to make it. You, of all people, need to survive. We will pray that God watches over all of you.”
What the hell did he just say? I looked over at both of them. Ah, fuck, they are not coming. I tried to sound upbeat.
“Thank you. Well, I am up early to go get that oil.”
“Oh that reminds me. The guy who owns the store is named Joshua, and knowing Joshua as well as I do, he is still going to be there and he is going to want cash.” We all just looked at each other for a second, and then started laughing.
Nancy turned to me.
“Samuel is right. He is about a million years old and as cantankerous as you know what. He is also going to be armed to the teeth, so you watch your step and mind your Ps and Qs. Let him know we sent you and that Samuel and I are doing bout as well as can be expected.”
“I am sorry I’m not much company. Well, good night folks, I’ll see tomorrow.”
Nancy led me to the door and as I struggled to put my boots on, said, “You stay close to your special someone.”
“What?”
“Don’t give me what, John.”
I smiled, “Yes, Ma’am, I’ll take care of her.” She gave me a hug and I waved goodbye.
I trudged back to the barn as the sun was setting and waved to Leslie who had watch in the turret. Camera in hand, she filmed my walk, giving it some narration that I couldn’t quite make out.
When I entered, people were in various states of getting ready for bed. Liz and I had planned to sleep together, but tonight I blew her off and went to a far corner of the barn to be alone. What a day. It seemed like a week had been squeezed into a few hours, and already the death of Lucy was fading. I should be with my special someone, but that selfish part of me needed my solitude. I wanted to cultivate my armor, and get ready to put my rice-paper-thin badass on for tomorrow.
It had to be around three in the morning when I got a tap on my backside. It was Jim. He had two shovels, a short and a long handle one, and just said with his eyes, ‘yes?’ I nodded yes. We slowly worked our way to the other side of the barn. He had discovered a large canvas tarp we could wrap Lucy with. I put on gloves and removed the IV. We checked things out and found a nice piece of ground behind the barn where the cows would not be able to defecate. It helped that there was a full moon. We worked in silence, just a glance between us now and then. We were extremely cautious and even the people on watch did not hear us, or chose not to. Even with the now rain-softened earth, it took about two hours to dig a proper grave. We shared the last of a canteen of water when it was all done.
Light was just creeping over the eastern horizon when I thought I heard something. A second later, two dark forms came low around the corner of the barn, tails straigh
t down. They came to see what’s up, but didn’t make a sound. I don’t know what it is and I don’t subscribe to this whole animal empathy thing, but they were totally silent. They didn’t even wag their tails The two just sat looking at us with big, sad eyes.
We were very careful about contamination and I got us some gloves and masks from the medical kit. We used the tarp to lift and drag Lucy’s body to her grave. It was hard being quiet. Suddenly, there was Zack. He didn’t say a word, just joined in. Norm came out of the shadows and so did Liz. We all moved Lucy to her grave, which would soon be blanketed with summer wildflowers. With great care, we covered her up and prayed. I stayed the longest, sat in the grass, watched the sunrise, and just wondered. What if she did not have the virus?
Chapter 12 ~ Blood and Oil
May 27th
I was already up and my mind was still fried from the last twenty-four hours, so I just hung out in the loft and whispered with Paul. He had been an executive at some British computer company in the European Real World. He was the company’s colony representative. Paul was in his mid-thirties and loved working on cars. He mentioned that something about the look of a Shelby gave him an instant woody. ‘Sucks, I will never get a chance to drive it.’ Working on the car was his retreat from the pressure of a software start-up that was constantly on the edge of running out of money; one minute you’re a multimillionaire, the next, broke. He seemed like a good guy, a good guy that had just lost a family of three. His wife and daughters went to visit a sister in West Barnstable on Cape Cod. The sister had cancer and stupid or not, the visit seemed like a good idea. When Atlanta went down, they tried to head north, but he never heard from them again. He didn’t exactly tell me how he knew Roy, but when the call came and Bangor was next on the menu, like me, he just left.
“You know if you want me to go on this shopping trip, I would gladly take your place.”
“Thanks, but it looks like the dance card has my name on it. Anyway, I would like to see more of what the area has to offer. Could be a nice place to settle down.” I gave him a fake chuckle and started to crawl away from the open loft door.
Brutal Planet: A Zombie Novel Page 18
