by Susan Hatler
****
“You’re home late.” Kristen sat on the couch and twisted toward the front door as I opened it.
“You’re up late.” The cab pulled away from the curb behind me and I turned, shut the door, and locked it. I’d have to get my car tomorrow, but there’s no way I was legal to drive after the number of drinks I had tonight.
She pushed up the sleeves of her flannel pajamas. “Where were you?”
“Out.” Since she had an early routine, I’d been hoping she’d be fast asleep and I wouldn’t have to explain the horrible mistake I’d made tonight.
“With who, Gina?” She patted the cushion next to her. “I talked to Ethan earlier, so you obviously weren’t with him. Great dress, by the way.”
“Thanks.” My world may be collapsing but at least my new dress was a hit.
Chirp! Chirp! My phone went off inside my purse. I checked the screen and it was from Chris: Are you home yet? We need to talk.
Oh, no. We so didn’t need to talk. I barely had the strength to get out of there. It was an insane attraction, that’s all there was to it. Heaps and tons of extremely, hard-core attraction. Who could blame me for the slip? He’s irresistible—like cookie dough ice cream, only lathered with whipped cream and hot fudge as well. How was I supposed to hold out against someone that enticing?
I dropped onto the couch and moaned. “Help me. I kissed Chris tonight.”
Kristen plopped her feet up on the coffee table and wiped her hands together. “Your friend from work? Why?”
The reason was so embarrassing, but at this point I may as well be honest. “Because he makes me feel all tingly inside.”
She leaned her elbow against the couch. “I suspected this would happen. Gina, if you like him so much then what’s the problem?”
My head hung, stunned at what she’d said. I liked Chris? As in liked him liked him? On most levels I already knew that, but to have her say it aloud meant I couldn’t deny it anymore.
I brought my thighs to my chest and buried my nose between my knees. “He’s a total girl hopper and I do this, Kristen. I fall for guys who don’t want commitment. I’m like a bug drawn to the light and I can’t stop myself even though it’s going to kill me—or, at least break my heart and keep me single the rest of my life.”
She blew out a breath and shook her head. “I hate to state the obvious, but what about Ethan? He’s amazing and as part of the female species, you have to feel drawn to him. So why haven’t you invited him to the wedding?”
Keeping my nose to my knees, I threw my hands in the air. “I don’t know! Why don’t you tell me? You’re the counselor, right?”
My head whipped up and I pleaded with my eyes. Surely as a family counselor she had insight into relationship dynamics and knew how to work it. I mean, she selected Jake who seemed to be the definition of perfect. Except for the hardship of him wanting her all the time. Because that must bite. Not.
“The first step to getting what you want is knowing what you want.” Her voice seemed distant almost as if she were talking to herself. “Gina, what do you want?”
Her tone sounded annoyingly clinical, but at least the answer was obvious. “I want to marry a man I adore, have kids, and live happily ever after. I’m not interested in casual dating and I do not, I repeat I do not want to spend another decade with Mr. Wrong.”
Kristen shrugged. “Then, you have to break your bad dating pattern. You’re attracted to the wrong type of guy, one who’ll never give you the relationship you want. Choosing Mr. Wrong, as you put it, is comfortable because it’s what you’re used to. But you’re in control of your future. Keep making the same choices in life and you’ll keep seeing the same results.”
Ew! Was this what therapy was like? All in my face like that? No wonder I’d never gone. “Let’s say you’re right, Dr. Kristen. Can you translate all that human psyche jargon into what I’m supposed to do?”
She wrinkled her nose. “Don’t call me Dr. Kristen. It makes me sound like a radio talk show host with a degree from Lala Land University.” She shuddered. “What I’m suggesting, basically, is to ignore the tinglies you feel around Chris. They’re leading you astray.”
Easier said than done depending on the quantity of Midori Sours consumed. I lowered my lashes. “Even on our best day, George and I’d never had a tenth of the chemistry Chris and I do. It’s all so fun and easy with him.”
Raising her brows at me, she said, “Except it won’t be fun when he moves on to another girl next month. You said that’s what he does, right?”
“Yes.” My body felt numb, knowing I had to be strong. “I caved once, but I won’t let it happen again.”
“Good.” She gave a terse nod. “Call Ethan up, first thing in the morning, and ask him to be your date at Ellen’s wedding. He’s a phenomenal guy, definitely wants to be married, have a family, the whole shebang—everything you want. You do like him, right?”
Tears burned my eyes. Why did finding love have to mean fighting against what you feel? “Sure, I like him. He’s really nice.”
“Then make the healthy choice and pick Ethan. Break your pattern. Unless you want a broken heart or to spend the next ten years trying, in vain, to get your playboy to commit.”
“I’d rather eat granola. Or your smoothies.” My mouth twitched until I spotted an empty carton of ice cream on the coffee table. “Kristen, what’s with—”
“All righty then. Good night and see you in the morning.” She swept off the couch and trotted to her room, shutting the door behind her.
Hmm. Whatever was wrong, I hoped Kristen knew she could talk to me about it. Maybe she’d already gone over whatever it was with Ellen so she didn’t need to rehash it again. With my heart heavy, I dragged my feet to the front door and double-checked that I’d locked it. Then I switched off the living room lights and padded toward my room.
Chirp! Chirp!
A flick of the screen exposed a text from Chris: You must be home by now, which means you’re avoiding me. What I can’t figure out is why. Whatever the reason you never pick Truth, you answered my question anyway. If you really liked this Ethan guy, you wouldn’t have let me kiss you. Gina, let’s go out for real. You and me. What do you say?
I sat down on my bed, an ache in my chest as I stared at the screen, then tapped my response: I can’t.
Chirp! Chirp!
Closing my eyes and inhaling deeply, I opened it: Why???
Suddenly, my eyes burned and the ache in my chest grew because I knew why. And it had nothing to do with Ethan. Or George. Chris wasn’t the only one who’d had his heart broken. Freshman year in college, I had a whirlwind romance with Derek. He was the first guy I’d ever fallen for and I jumped in with both feet. Two months later, he’d moved on to another girl in my dorm, leaving me in excruciating agony as if someone had sliced my heart open with a dull blade.
I’d been naive enough to think first love would last forever.
George came along a few months later and he’d been my safety guy. Instead of the roller coaster romance, George had been slow and steady. I’d loved George and completely thought we’d get married one day, but I hadn’t been in love with George . . . not the way I was starting to feel about Chris. My emotions soared high with Chris, which meant the anguish would be a hundred fold when it fell apart. Which it would, of course. Especially with his penchant for playing the field.
I turned off the light and crawled into bed, still wearing my pretty dress. Pulling the covers up around me, my cell screen lit up and I texted Chris back: I’m sorry. I just can’t.
Painfully masochistic, I slid my fingers across my phone and searched the web until I found Never Say Never by The Fray. The first time through brought tears to my eyes as I remembered every smile, every touch, every kiss from tonight.
Chirp! Chirp!
The sound stunned my heart and my throat went dry as I clicked it open: Come on, honey. I didn’t break up with you, remember? So don’t break up with me.
As I listened to Never Say Never over and over again, the couple always came together in the end. Because it was only a song. Not real life.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Breakfast with Kristen the next morning was all kinds of weird. I mean, she ignored her oatmeal and ate my chocolate puff cereal instead. When I inquired as to what went wrong in the world to make her fall off her health kick (hope the cookie dough dare didn’t start it), she claimed to be late for work and took off.
I kept my office door closed all morning at work, but I knew when Chris showed up because he responded to the dozen group emails with subject lines like Good Luck, We’ll Miss You, and Rock On Stud (that last one had been from Melinda Morgan in customer service, who flirted with all the hot guys in the office). A group email came from Human Resources soon after stating that any comments with sexual intent or innuendo were not proper for the workplace.
Oh, please. Tell that to our biggest competitor’s H.R. manager.
Since I was coordinating Chris’s going away party, I had to arrive early to pay the caterers and show them where we were setting up in the conference room. I asked Ginger Nielsen to come help me in case Chris arrived before the party and wanted to talk.
He didn’t.
Most likely he was slammed tying up loose ends on his last day, but possibly he’d moved on to his next date. The thought made my stomach clench.
“Where’s Ellen today?” Ginger twisted her neck in my direction as she set plates at the beginning of the conference table for the buffet-style lunch.
“Tomorrow’s the wedding so she took the day off.” Tension filled my shoulders and I kept flicking glances toward the entrance as people filed in to serve themselves up a freebie lunch. “Then she and Henry are honeymooning in Hawaii.”
“Which island?”
“Kauai. South shore, I think.” I ducked my head as Chris strode through the doorway, hoping Ginger blocked his view of me. “They’ll be there two weeks.”
“Sounds divine.” She drawled her words completely oblivious to my distress. “An island vacation is exactly what I need. Manning the reception desk is pure exhaustion. Rich Woodward says he has his eye on me though so I’m hoping that means a promotion in the near future.”
Ginger had a college degree and had taken the receptionist position here to get her foot in the door. She worked hard and knew her stuff. I could definitely see her moving up as she paid her dues. “I’ll cross my fingers that Rich advances you soon.”
As if his ears were burning, Rich Woodward, the president of our software company, Woodward Systems Corporation, strolled in. Rumor had it he fought to keep Chris here and wasn’t too happy that he’d gone over to the dark side. Still, once the room was full, he made a short speech wishing Chris all the best in his future endeavors. Then he excused himself for a meeting across town.
A meeting during the lunch hour? Not likely.
“Guess I’m lucky he showed up at all.” Chris had leaned over my shoulder and whispered the words in my ear.
Embarrassed that he’d snuck up and caught me off guard when I’d been trying to hide, my face lit on fire. “I’m sure he’s just sorry to see you go.”
“True enough.” He studied my face as if trying to gauge what to say, then he sighed when I looked away. “Have you come to celebrate my departure as you kick me to the curb?”
His voice sounded playful, but the words weren’t funny. “Of course not.”
“Chris, the second floor’s really going miss you.” Melinda Morgan slid up beside Chris and bit her perfectly painted lip. That pink color had to be all-day-wear because of its mid-day vibrancy. It went disgustingly well with her blonde hair and black dress, too. She looked camera-ready every day and I shuddered at the amount of time that must take each morning. “We want to take you out for drinks tonight so don’t you dare say you have plans.”
“No.” He laughed good-naturedly. “That sounds fun. I’m in.”
“Well, then.” She tapped her finger against his red tie. “Prepare yourself for the best send-off of all time.”
“I’ll try, Mel. Thanks.” His baby blues lit up as he gave her a genuine smile, then he turned to me. “How about it, Gina? Drinks tonight?”
“Oh, I, uh . . .” Truth be told, it seemed like they’d forgotten me standing there. I wondered if this ‘we’ going out for drinks tonight was just ‘Mel,’ but it’s not like I could tag along to find out. “I can’t, guys, sorry. Rehearsal for Ellen’s wedding, then dinner after.”
Mel’s lips pursed as if mentioning the wedding were a personal slight. She could be sensitive sometimes but I knew Ellen didn’t invite many people from work due to the cost. “Not sure how late Ellen’s dinner will run, but call if you can meet up with us after. I’m sure we’ll still be out.”
“Have fun.” I took the opportunity to step away and fill a plate with food. Most people had shaken Chris’s hand, loaded up on grub, then taken it back to their desks. The conference room was a good size, but couldn’t fit more than twenty. Once they’d bid Chris farewell, they disappeared to enjoy the rest of their lunch hour.
For some reason, even with the awkwardness, I felt obligated to stay. I’d paid the caterers and Rach had agreed to do clean-up since I’d organized. But knowing how sad Chris seemed about moving on from a place he loved working, I wanted to be here for him—even if from a distance. So I picked a vacant chair at the end of the table and chatted with Dawn Parsons, the newest addition to the sales team. Until Chris leaves, that is. Dawn’s been assigned to train the new guy replacing Chris on Monday.
After lunch, I gave Chris a hug that was painfully hard to keep brief. His spice-scented cologne brought back memories from last night—mainly the warmth of his lips against mine—and I wanted to sink into him and bury my head in his chest. “Like you said, this is a positive move. They’re lucky to have you.”
His head turned toward me. “Thanks, Gina.”
Since my throat was closing up, I let go, backed up, then all but sped down the hall. I pressed the elevator button and the down arrow lit. Waiting for the doors to open, I blinked back tears. It was better this way. I’d find the lasting relationship I was looking for and he’d find the next flavor of the month. Maybe Mel. She was pretty, seemed interested, and it would no longer break his rule to go out with her. . . .
My stomach roiled and I forced the picture of the two of them together out of my mind.
Ding. The elevator settled onto the floor, then the doors opened. I stepped in, leaned back against the oak-lined side wall and tapped the first floor button, wishing this day were over.
The doors slowly moved toward each other then jerked to a stop when a white-sleeved arm thrust between them.
Chris stepped in. “Going down?”
****
Straightening, I watched as Chris hit the first floor button, then I quickly dabbed the corners of my eyes before he leaned back and stole a glance at me. “Weren’t there still people at your party?”
“Not many.” His tone was even and he stood as straight as I did, both of us facing the elevator doors. Given how stiffly we stood, we could probably have fallback careers as palace guards. “You should join us for drinks after the rehearsal dinner, Gina. At least consider it.”
I had considered it and a shredded heart wasn’t on my wish list. “Not tonight.”
His feet shifted. “Tomorrow night, then?”
“Chris . . . ” I sighed, fighting for the strength to keep turning him down. “Tomorrow night’s the wedding.”
“So?”
“I’m taking Ethan.” If I ever got around to asking him, that is.
He made a bemused sound. “You going to tell him we kissed last night?”
“No.” I growled as the elevat
or wiggled to a halt. “That was a mistake.”
The twin doors opened and Chris followed me into the hall. “Look, Gina.” He quieted a moment as my accounting assistant passed us in the hall with a curious glance. “I didn’t sleep much last night, trying to figure out what has you worked up.”
“I’m not worked up.” I tossed over my shoulder, my annoyed tone contradicting my words. “I just don’t want to go out with you. How many times do I have to say it?”
He followed me into my office and pushed the door shut. “If you didn’t feel something for me, you wouldn’t have kissed me. How difficult is it to pick Truth instead? Not too hard.”
“I never pick Truth.” I spun around and faced him. “Not even in middle school, which is the only other time I’ve played this ridiculous game.”
“Why?” He stepped forward, his voice turning gentle. “Why don’t you ever pick Truth?”
I ached to tell him and struggled to keep myself in check as I remembered Kristen’s psyche wisdom. Keep making the same choices in life and you’ll keep seeing the same results. If I kept going for terminal bachelors, I’d be single forever. “It’s none of your business.”
“When it keeps me up at night, I think it is.” He plunged a hand through his hair. “Man, you can be so frustrating.”
I tried not to show how jostled I felt by the first part of his confession. He’d been thinking about me. At night. So much that he couldn’t sleep! I suppressed the urge to ask for details because, in the end, it wouldn’t change anything. You can’t make a player commit . . . no matter how much you may want them to. “We’ve been friends for five years, Chris. Let’s not end things like this.”
He shook his head. “You’re right.”
That had been too easy. “I am?”
“Yes. We’re not ending things like this.” Instead of leaving, he grabbed the back of a chair, twisted it so it faced the other, then sat down. “I’ve been thinking about what you said last night. That I hop from girl to girl.”
I eyed the chair next to him as he gestured to it, but I refused to sit. “And?”
