Putting Boys on the Ledge

by Stephanie Rowe

  Oh, like I needed that extra knife in my heart.

  "I think we should all go," Natalie said.

  "Can we?" Allie asked. "Even though we don't go to your school?"

  "You can be our dates," Natalie said. "Right, Blue?"

  "I'm not going." How could I go and watch Colin with that girl? Impossible. And Heath was now dating Vladimir's lover. Which was fine. The way those two went at it in the hallways between acts was certainly not for me. And since we were only three days away from the play, I had to be at rehearsal every night to practice my five minutes of stage time.

  Fortunately, my friends had shown up tonight to entertain me. Well, Frances had appeared to entertain me. I think Allie and Natalie were checking out the boys in the play and using me as an excuse.

  That was fine. They could have all the boys. I was tired of them.

  Frances nudged my arm. "Does Theo have a date for homecoming?"

  "Theo?"

  She nodded, and her cheeks flushed pink. "I mean, not that I care. I was just wondering if the football team all went with each other or if they took dates. Because… Um… I like the quarterback."

  "You like the quarterback?" Theo played wide receiver, and I had a feeling Frances was lying. I really needed to sit down with Allie and Natalie and discuss this issue. "Do you have a thing for Theo?"

  Her cheeks flamed bright red. "No! You know I don't have time for boys. In fact, I need to be studying right now." She immediately pulled out her pre-algebra book and opened it, burying her nose in its pages.

  Okay. I had two choices: I could wallow in my own misery or I could climb out and try to help my friend. Which probably meant trying to distract her with another guy, because Theo just wasn't good enough for her.

  But before I could come up with a response, Mr. Howland called me onstage.

  Oh, great.

  This was the most embarrassing part of my entire life. I had thought it was bad when I'd had to sit alone in the hall watching all the musically talented students practice? Well, three days ago Mr. Howland had decided my humiliation wasn't complete and had innovated a brilliant way to make me feel even more like a fool.

  I had to go onstage for the finale with everyone, but I had to stand in the back row where no one could see me, and I had to mouth the words. Mouth the words! There was a band playing music and twenty-five other people singing and I was so bad I had to lip-synch?

  Surely that qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment.

  My only hope, which I'm sure was a complete delusion, was that no one else realized I wasn't singing. He told me in private to lip-synch, so I really hoped that people just thought I was singing quietly.

  But there was no way for them to miss that I couldn't dance.

  Five foot one and in the back row behind three guys all over six feet tall. How obvious was that?

  I hoped my parents realized they'd scarred me for life by making me stay in this musical.

  * * *

  By the time I got out of my lip-synch practice, my pals were gone. Just me. With a bunch of really talented people.

  Heath gave me a cursory nod as I walked by him, at the same time that he was groping his new girlfriend. I felt absolutely nothing watching him with the other girl, except maybe a bit of nausea at the thought that that could have been me.

  I waved good-bye to the people in the musical who actually spoke to me, which weren't that many, because with my teeny-tiny part, I hadn't had the opportunity to get to know anyone very well.

  I pushed the door open and stepped outside. It was freezing—middle of November and about a hundred degrees below zero in Mapleville.

  Well, not quite a hundred below, but close enough.

  I walked far enough away from school that no one would see me; then I pulled my stocking cap down over my head and tugged my furry mittens over my hands. Uncool, but warm. And I did have a twenty-minute walk home.

  As I started down the street, numerous cars zoomed by. Seniors from the play on their way home. Heath's car went by with the windows already fogged up. Nice.

  A car drove toward me with the headlights on. Okay, so I was now blind. I'd just finished trying to coax the spots out of my eyes when I heard the car stop, turn around, and cruise to a slow stop beside me.

  Oh, God. An axe murderer was going to try to abduct me! Don't look, Blue. I kept my head down, tried to fumble for my cell phone in my pocket. Why hadn't I called my mom for a ride home? It was nearly nine o'clock and I was walking home in the dark by myself because I hadn't wanted anyone to see my mom come get me? And now I was being stalked. I was an idiot. Soon to be a dead idiot, I was certain.

  The car was moving alongside me now, but I refused to look up. Could I pretend I lived in the next house? Just waltz up the doorstep and—

  "Blue?"

  Colin! I caught my breath and looked up. There was Colin in his Bradshaw Landscaping truck, driving along beside me. "Hi, Colin." I'd never felt so relieved to see someone who could make me feel so miserable. Of course, there'd never been anyone who could make me feel as bad as Colin. That dumb Ledge. It was a completely miserable place to be.

  "You walking home?"

  "Uh-huh."

  "Hop in."

  Oh, my gosh. A chance to be near Colin? "Sure."

  Wait a sec. I couldn't handle being that close to him. I'd probably fall to the ground and beg him to like me. "No, I'm fine. I'll walk." Was that girl in his truck? I didn't see her.

  Colin slammed the brakes and his truck skidded to a stop. "Just get in. It's way too late for you to be walking by yourself."

  Hadn't I just been thinking that? We were psychic. It was cold. And dark. I would just have to figure out how to be in Colin's presence and maintain my dignity. I was an accomplished actress now. I could do that. "Fine."

  Trying not to think about being in the same car as Colin, I pulled open the passenger door and climbed in. The moment I shut the door I could smell Colin's familiar scent, and it made my stomach jiggle.

  He waited for me to put on my seat belt, then pulled out into traffic.

  I had no idea what to say. It had been almost a month since I'd spoken to him. "So… Um… is this your dad's truck?"

  He looked surprised. "No, it's mine. Why?"

  "Well, it says 'Bradshaw Landscaping' on it. I thought that was your dad's business." Yes, I was a brilliant conversationalist. But it was better than telling him how much I liked him and making a total fool of myself.

  "Bradshaw Landscaping is my business," Colin said. "I own it."

  I stared at him. "Really?"

  "Yeah."

  "Wow." That was so cool. Colin owned his own business. No, that was bad. It just made me like him even more. I scowled and wedged myself deeper into the seat.

  Silence stretched.

  "How's the play?" Colin asked after a while.

  "Fine."

  He glanced at me. "What's wrong with the musical?"

  He could tell? Of course he could tell. This was Colin. He knew me. "Well, it's sort of embarrassing."

  "What is?" He sounded so genuinely curious, that my resistance faded.

  I wanted to confide in him. I wanted to feel that connection with him again, the one where I knew it was okay to just be me. I sighed. Colin already knew all my idiotic shortcomings. He had another girlfriend. No sense in trying to impress him. I just missed him as a friend. I could at least have that, right? "I have a non-singing part, you know?"

  "Uh-huh."

  "Well, the director decided I had to be in the finale, but he won't let me sing. I'm in the back behind all these tall guys so no one can see my terrible dancing, and I have to lip-synch the words. Can you believe that? It's like the most embarrassing thing ever."

  And with that little story, all the tension between us was gone. Colin laughed. "I think it's cool that you're sticking with it."

  "Really? You don't think I'm an idiot?"

  "So you can't sing or dance. Why does that make you an idiot?"


  Why indeed? "I look like a dork up there."

  "I doubt it."

  "You do?" How annoying to get that fuzzy warm feeling in my belly. After a month apart from him, you'd think I would be immune.

  Colin pursed his lips and turned into my driveway. "We're here."

  "Uh-huh." Guess that meant he wanted me to get out. So he didn't want to lock me in his truck and inhale my presence for a while. Fine. "Okay, I'll see you later."

  I'd just opened the door when he stopped me with a question. "Why didn't Heath drive you home tonight?"

  I took a moment to climb out of the truck before I turned to face him. The light from the dash illuminated his face just enough that I could see it. Just like that day in the stall when he kissed me in the dark. The best day of my life so far.

  This was Colin, the boy who knew my real name was Blueberry. I didn't feel like lying to him anymore. Not that I would ever tell him how much I liked him. I had pride, after all. But I was tired of having to lie to him, to pretend to be someone I wasn't. "Heath and I never dated. I sent him home on our first date. He was a groper. You were right."

  He stared at me. "You…never dated Heath?"

  "Just one date. One short one." Then I took a chance I'd never thought I would have the guts to take. "Are you still dating that girl?"

  He paused so long before answering that I started to get excited, to hope, to— "Yes, I am," he finally said.

  "Oh." Talk about utter deflation. "I have to go. I shut the door before he had a chance to respond.

  I was going to become a nun.

  * * *

  The spotlights were hot, my legs were shaking, and my lips were dry. I held my arms up over my head and moved my lips in silence while the stage shook from the bursting song of the rest of the cast.

  Twenty more seconds and my career as an aspiring actress would be over.

  Thank heavens.

  The curtain slammed shut, the lights faded, and I was free.

  Phew!

  My parents and my friends were in the audience somewhere. They'd come to both performances, even telling me that that they could see me at the back of the stage during the finale and that I actually looked like I knew what I was doing.

  Gotta love family.

  Everyone hugged each other, including me. Some of the girls even started to cry. And for a moment I actually felt a little bit of sadness that it was all over. It really hadn't been that bad. And when I'd done my speaking part onstage, everyone had listened and no one had laughed.

  One of the senior girls gave me a thumbs up. "Great job, Blue. You should try out for the play in the spring."

  "Really?" I hadn't thought about that. But the performance in the spring was a play, with no singing or dancing, just talking. And I'd done just fine with that. Even Theo had said my five minutes had been pretty good.

  Maybe I'd try out for that one.

  A hand came down on my shoulder and I looked up to see the star of our cast directing his charming and dynamic smile my way. "Oh," I sighed, not bothering to hide my weariness. "Hi, Heath."

  "You coming to the cast party tonight?"

  I hadn't planned on it, but now that the torture was over, I felt much more positive about the whole experience. "I think maybe I am."

  "Save me a dance?" He winked at me.

  If I hadn't been graced with an exceptional sense of balance, I would have toppled right over in shock. "What?"

  "A dance." He trailed his finger over my shoulder, which was very bare due to the leotard-type top that I'd been forced to wear for the finale. "This outfit shows off your figure. Cute bod."

  Cute bod? Was he kidding? "What about..." What was that girl's name? I only thought of her as Vladimir's lover. "Priscilla?"

  Heath shrugged and let his fingers trail down my arm. "We broke up last night."

  "You did?"

  "Yeah." He gave me one of his smiles. "So . . . sorry about how everything turned out between us. I thought maybe you'd want to give it another try."

  What? So he could try to molest me? I peeled his hand off my arm. "Sorry, Heath. I'm not interested."

  "Sure you are. How about I meet you out front and I'll give you a ride?"

  I lifted my chin. "No."

  Heath's gaze flickered. "Blue…"

  "Sorry, Heath, but I don't want to date you. Or make out with you."

  He narrowed his eyes, and I knew I'd finally blown any chance I had with him. "Your loss."

  Heath whirled around and stalked across the stage, flinging his arm around the first girl he passed. And I was fine with it.

  "You weren't kidding."

  My heart ricocheted into my throat and I spun around. Colin was standing between the curtains, wearing khakis and a collared shirt. He looked unbelievable. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

  "Wanted to see if you looked as dumb as you thought you did."

  "And?" My heart was beating so loudly, I was quite certain everyone would think there was a buffalo stampede fast approaching.

  He smiled, that warm, adorable smile that I'd missed so much. "You looked cute."

  "I did?" Colin thought I looked cute? Really?

  He pulled his hands out from behind his back to reveal a bouquet of flowers. "Here. For you."

  I stared at the flowers. "Why?"

  "Don't all the stars usually get flowers after their performances?"

  "Maybe. I don't know." Heaven help me, I couldn't even think right now. Leaving the flowers untouched, I looked at Colin. "Why are you doing this?"

  Colin suddenly looked a little nervous. "I broke up with my girlfriend."

  Oh.

  My.

  God.

  "You did? Why? When? Why?" Oops. I'd asked why twice.

  "Two days ago."

  He didn't answer the why. My brain might be spinning, but I was at least somewhat aware of what was going on. "Why?"

  "Because." He held the flowers out again. "There's this girl I like, and I just found out she's available." He smiled. His special smile. For me. "I thought maybe I'd bring her some flowers and see if she wanted to go out on a date with me sometime."

  "You brought me flowers."

  "Exactly."

  "Oh." I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. "Wow."

  "I told myself that if she accepted the flowers, that would mean I had a chance."

  Then he waited.

  Allie would probably tell me to reject the flowers and put Colin on The Ledge, just to make sure he appreciated me.

  I took the flowers. And then he kissed me. For real. My life was perfect.

  Excerpt from STUDYING BOYS

  It's Frances's turn now!

  When Theo pushed open another door and we walked out into the club, I almost passed out from terror right then.

  It was dark. Really dark. And loud. Music was blasting so loud I could actually feel it vibrating in my chest and thudding in my ears. And there were people everywhere. Not boys and girls. Men and women. Dancing. Wearing black and silk, and some of the women weren't wearing all that much at all. No one even looked close to my age, and there sure wasn't any woman there without makeup, wearing jeans, sneakers and a baggy cotton sweater.

  Except me.

  Holy cow.

  "Want a drink?" Theo asked.

  "No." I pulled my hand out of his and backed against the wall. Oh my God. What kind of place was this? Where had I let him take me? It was one thing not to be uptight, but this was something else entirely.

  I was way out of my league. All those people on the dance floor! Going crazy! Making out! There was no way I was going out there!

  Then Theo moved in front of me and blocked my view. "Frances? Are you okay?"

  "No!" I shoved at his chest, and he caught my hands. "Let go of me! How could you bring me here?"

  "Sorry."

  The simple comment caught my attention, and I stopped railing long enough to look at him. Theo, with his dark unruly hair, his leather jacket, and his black tee shirt. A
ll bad boy, all danger, and yet, at the same time, I knew those eyes, that dimple in his cheek. This was Theo, the guy I'd known since I was three. "No smug remark, like the fact I can't handle this proves I'm uptight?"

  Theo shrugged, still holding my hands. "I didn't mean to scare you."

  He sounded like he really meant it. I didn't understand. Where was this Theo coming from? "Why aren't you being a jerk?"

  A grimace pulled at the corner of his mouth. "I don't know."

  "Oh." Not the best answer. It would have been nice if he'd said it was because I was so amazing that he couldn't bring himself to be anything but a perfect gentleman. That might have helped alleviate the fact I was about to have a full panic attack.

  "You want to leave?" He frowned. "We can leave."

  "Well..." Now that he was being all nice, and blocking my view of the raunchy stuff happening on the dance floor, it didn't seem so bad to be there.

  "Want to just hang here, against the wall, for a few minutes while you decide?" he suggested.

  I nodded. "Fine."

  He gave me a slight nod, then dropped my hands and moved to the wall beside me, leaning against it, his arm pressing against my shoulder. Like he was being supportive.

  We stood like that for a while. I watched the people, thought about Theo still leaning against me, not saying anything jerky or anything. Just hanging.

  No one came up and bothered us. No one pointed at me like I stood out as being the only fourteen-year-old in the place.

  "How are you feeling?" Theo asked.

  "Okay."

  "Want to dance?"

  I looked at the dance floor. It was a slow song. "No."

  "Why not?" He moved to stand in front of me again, but he didn't take my hands or anything. "I won't try anything."

  "I just don't want to," I muttered, but my heart was racing, and I was having trouble breathing.

  "You ever slow danced with a guy before?"

  I lifted my chin. "None of your business."

  He shrugged, but there was that challenge thing blazing in his eyes again. "One dance."

  "Why?"

  "Education."

  I almost laughed. "What kind of a line is that? You use that on all your dates?" Not that we were on a date, or anything.

  "The Homework Club." He didn't address the date remark.