by Freya Barker
CHAPTER 30
Stacie
“Girl! I was getting worried you dropped me for Starbucks.”
Jen is smiling broadly when I walk in.
“Blasphemy,” I quip. “You know I worship at the altar of your espresso maker.”
The sound of her chuckle warms me, as I consider how well I’ve settled in to this community. Not withstanding recent events, I feel like I’m making a good life here. I have friends, I have more family now than I ever had, and I have a man who only sees the beautiful in me. When you feel balance like that in your life, everything else becomes just a bump in the road.
“Who’s the cake for?” Jen asks, as she creates magic with her shiny, hissing and sputtering, coffee machine.
“We just found out it’s Becca’s birthday Sunday.”
“Poor little thing,” Jen reacts immediately.
Dolores is a small community and everybody pretty much knows everything and everyone. The coffee shop and the pub would be the spots where most information is exchanged.
“You know what the kicker is? I’m not even sure what her favorite movie, or cartoon, or even color is. I know she’s smart, she’s sweet, and she doesn’t complain about anything.”
“Oh, honey. I suspect she may not have a clue yet what she likes, she’s probably learned to be glad with what little she had. No one has taken the time to spoil that girl a little, or love her a lot.” Jen hands me my macchiato and leans with her hands on the counter. “So...let’s give her a cake that every little girl would love.”
I smile at her enthusiasm. The cake, she insists, has to be multi-colored layers, to give that little surprise when you cut into it. Pinks, purples, and teals for the cake, covered with a thin layer of fondant, which she wants to top with cotton candy, like a cloud of confection. My teeth hurt, just listening to the description.
“I’ll make some butterflies with sugar paste for decoration. I should be able to have that done for you late tomorrow afternoon, is that enough time?”
“Sure thing,” I confirm. “I may drag the girls into town tomorrow. We haven’t really been out much and we could all use a few more things before the real cold sets in. I’ll try to get a drop on Becca’s preferences, so I can try and get her something she likes. Maybe I can convince Nick to come,” I suggest, chuckling at the thought of him shopping with three females.
“I’ll pop out and grab her something too. Maybe a book?”
“That’s a great idea. You know what? Do you have time to pop in on Sunday?” I ask her. I haven’t really discussed anything with anyone, and am flying by the seat of my pants here, but surely Henry and Nick won’t mind if we have a few people over for cake.
By the time I walk out of The Pony Express, I’ve made arrangements for Jen to bring the cake Sunday so we can keep it a surprise, and I’ve talked to Isla, who took less than a second to decide she, Noah, Ben, and Uncle Al would be there as well.
I feel pretty accomplished when I walk into the kitchen, where Henry is stirring a cast iron pot on the stove, creating smells that make my mouth water.
“What’s for dinner?”
He looks at me, eyebrows raised.
“Stew. Nick talk to you?”
“Yum.” I lean over his shoulder and take a deep whiff. With my mouth close to his ear, I whisper, “He did and operation birthday is underway.” I quickly kiss his cheek and move around the counter, dropping my purse and keys on top. When I look up, Henry’s eyes are on the pot, but he has a smile on his face.
“Where are the girls?” The TV is off and I can’t see them in the living room.
“Exercising Maisy in the back paddock,” the old coot says, giving me a heart attack.
“They’re out there alone? With a big horse?”
“Like taking a dog for a walk with that horse. She’s as docile as they come.”
“But she’s big. She could easily crush them,” I persist.
“She’s not gonna, and if these kids are expected to grow up on the farm, they’ll have to learn how to take care of the animals,” he says so matter-of-factly that it takes me a second to register what he’s saying.
It brings back some of my current reality. I can’t stop my mind from going where it wants to go; namely to an image of turning this temporary living situation into a permanent one. Would I want that? I love Nick, I love his pops, and God knows I’ve fallen head over heels for Becca. Is this what is best for Mak? For me? We slipped into life here on the farm with barely any ripple, and although I figure Mak might miss being close to the river, the horses and the rest of the animals would more than make up for it.
Jesus, listen to me, I don’t even know Nick’s feelings on this—although I have a strong suspicion—and I’m single-handedly dreaming up a future.
Henry is not the person I should be talking to about this, which is why I head down to the bedroom. I want to get out of these clothes, into something a bit more comfortable, and head out to check on the girls. One thing life has taught me is that you don’t make every decision today. If your heart is in it, there is no reason to rush; another day or two will not change that. If your heart is not, it’ll take that extra time to become clear.
In my more appropriate attire of jeans and one of Nick’s flannel shirts, I head outside to look for the girls.
“Mom!” Mak’s excited voice reaches me, just when I spot them on the far side of the fence. “Look! We’ve got Maisy.”
I can see that. The girls look minute next to the big animal and I struggle to plaster a smile on my face.
“That’s awesome, kiddo!” I yell back, stepping a little closer to the fence.
Becca is quiet, but looks quite content, walking beside Maisy’s big head. I keep my distance, but watch as they bring the horse up to the fence.
“You should pet her, Mom,” Mak invites when they get close enough that I can reach out and touch.
“She doesn’t look like she likes me much, Makenna.”
“Sure she does,” Mak says, full of confidence.
“I think Maisy likes anyone who likes her,” Becca suddenly pipes up.
“So you think I should try?”
“She wants you to.” The look on her face is so serious, and expresses so much, that I get a lump in my throat.
I don’t even attempt to answer and instead reach out my hand. The horse, perhaps sensing my trepidation, lowers her head and I gently rub the rough hairs on her large forehead.
“Look at you.”
The sound of the deep voice startles me, which in turn startles Maisy, who suddenly jerks up her head and has me flying backward. Strong arms wrap around me from behind, holding me on my feet, and a soft familiar chuckle sounds in my ears.
“Sorry,” Nick says, amusement in his voice.
Maisy’s recovery time is better than mine, because even as I’m still catching my breath and waiting for my heart rate to return to normal, she is reaching her long nose over the fence and nuzzles at Nick’s arm.
“Don’t have treats on me, old girl,” he apologizes to the horse, before turning me in his arms and kissing me hello. Quite thoroughly, I might add.
“Missed you,” he mumbles against my lips.
“You just saw me a few hours ago.”
“Time crawled.” I snicker at his dramatic tone.
“Did you see us?” Mak, whose patience is being tested to the max, wants to know.
“I did see you,” Nick answers, loosening his hold on me. “Was it fun? Maisy sure seemed to enjoy herself.”
“She did.”
“Good. Then let’s get the old girl to her pen where she can have her dinner. Who wants to hop on her back?”
“Me!!” Of course, it’s my spawn who has her arm stuck high in the air, jumping up and down, while Becca looks on from a distance.
Curious to see this play out, I step out of the way as Nick walks to the gate in the paddock and leads the horse through. Mak is right there; ready to climb on, when Nick leans down and whispe
rs something in her ear. He straightens up and Mak’s head turns to where Becca is still standing by the fence. She then looks up at Nick and nods, earning her his wide smile.
“You first, Becca,” she says to her friend, and my heart melts a little, because I know it cost her.
My earlier thoughts come flooding back; this is what life could be like.
NICK
The moment Stacie walks out of the bathroom in her nightie, I toss the manila envelope on the bed.
It’s been burning a hole in my pocket, but timing is everything. Now, with the girls in bed, and Pops watching the late news before he turns in, is the window I’ve been waiting for. I was informed earlier that shopping was on the schedule for tomorrow, and judging by the empathic communications Stacie’s eyebrows signaled in my direction, participation was not optional. At least not for me. It meant though, that my original plan, to deal with this tomorrow morning, was no longer viable. Hence the sneak attack in the bedroom.
“What’s that?” she asks suspiciously.
“Open it.”
“Yeah, but what is it?”
“Only one way to find out,” I tease.
Rolling her eyes dramatically for effect, Stacie snatches up the envelope and pulls out the stack of papers. The expression on her face as she scans the documents is difficult to gauge.
“I’ll ask again,” she says sharply this time. “What is this?”
“Hear me out,” I start, noting there is call to tread carefully.
“I told you I’d spoken to Doug about adoption, but it wasn’t just for Becca. I had hopes that sometime soon, when you and I can come to an agreement about our future, I’d be able to adopt Makenna. Those hopes were all but squashed when Borland turned out to be...”
“Don’t even say it,” she hisses. “I’ve decided he was no more than a vial from the sperm bank.”
“Right. Be that as it may, when Drew mentioned he’d hired a hotshot lawyer and was looking to forge a deal, I decided to use that as leverage to keep my hopes alive.”
“You arm wrestled him into signing away his parental rights before he had a chance to claim them.”
“I did and I won’t regret it, because even if you and me...umpf”
The force of her body, as she launches herself at me, causes me to stumble and hit the wall with my back. Not what I expected, but you’re not going to hear a complaint from me, because I’m pinned against the wall by a soft, warm, and apparently very willing and able Stacie.
My arms come up, one rounding her waist and the other curling up along her spine. My hand burrows in her hair and holds her in place, with her mouth latched on my lips. Her tongue lashes an unadulterated assault on mine, and my body goes from zero to fully engaged, in a fraction of a second.
It’s a frantic pace, with Stacie’s hands clawing at my boxer briefs, trying to peel them off my ass, while I’m just trying to catch up. Kicking my underwear off, I manage to help her wrap her legs around my hips, and swing her around so her back is braced against the wall.
“Please,” she mumbles against my lips. “Please, Nick.”
“Condom.” I surprise myself in the heat of the moment, but I’ll have to move to get to the nightstand, and I’ll need her cooperation for that.
“No,” she says, tightening her arms around my neck.
“Anastasia,” I plead, as much to her as to my own common sense to prevail.
“No condom. Whatever happens...happens,” she whispers. “I love you, Nicholas Flynn, so very much.”
And here I thought she’d been furious with me.
“All my heart, Beautiful,” I give her back.
The thick head of my cock brushes through the slick wetness, searching for her opening before surging forward, burying myself to the root.
IT’S STILL DARK OUT when something wakes me.
We ended up falling asleep sated, our bodies tangled underneath the bedsheets, still naked. It only illustrates how spent we were, because with the girls often coming in during the night, we make sure we’re appropriately covered.
Not so now, which is perhaps why I hear Stacie rummaging in the bathroom.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed, grab a pair of PJ pants from the top dresser drawer, and slip into the bathroom, where I find Stacie sitting on the edge of the tub, her head in her hands.
“What’s wrong?”
She lifts her head and I worry when I see she’s been crying. With impatient swipes of her hands, she brushes at her cheeks.
“It’s stupid.”
“If it’s stupid, you wouldn’t be this upset,” I suggest, sitting down beside her on the cold porcelain.
“It’s not like I didn’t know already,” she says, speaking in riddles.
“Know what?” I try again.
“I know it was an accident and only that once. I thought I might be, when I was waiting for the house to explode around me. I’m ashamed to admit; I’d all but given up, when it occurred to me I could have a baby growing inside me.” I wrap my arm around her and hold her close, because that thought may have flitted through my head once or twice as well. “The possibility is what gave me strength to move. That’s what kept me alive, so when I found out in the hospital my blood work came back negative, I was only a little disappointed and put it out of my head.” She chuckles a little, scoffing at herself. “Except it would appear I still carried a little bit of unreasonable hope.”
“Is that why you said earlier, whatever happens, happens?” I pry, pressing my cheek to the top of her head. “You want to try and get pregnant?”
“Yes... Well, no,” she corrects, confusing me even more. “I hoped maybe they’d made a mistake with the test since my period didn’t show. I thought perhaps I already was.”
She turns her head into my shoulder, and I take a moment to process and formulate before I speak.
“You got your period,” I conclude. I’d like to claim it was because I have such excellent insight, but in truth, it’s the box of tampons I just now notice on the vanity counter. “And you’re disappointed.” She doesn’t answer, but nods her head under my chin.
“Come on, this tub is hard on my ass.” I encourage her to get up with me. “You get back in bed, I’ll be right there.”
I quickly clean up and tug on my pants, before following her to bed. She curls up against my side and I cover her hand in the center of my chest with my own.
“I think the doctor prescribed supplements because she thought we were actually trying,” she mumbles.
“So let’s keep trying.”
Her head shoots up at my words as she scrutinizes my face.
“Don’t you think it’s crazy soon?”
“Probably, but look at us; for all intents and purposes we’re living together as a family, complete with two girls and one grumpy old man. It feels like the next logical step.”
I roll to my side, touch my forehead to hers and look her in the eyes.
“Whatever happens...happens.”
CHAPTER 31
Stacie
“Let’s go, ladies!”
Of course, the girls first had to go say goodbye to Maisy, and I hope they won’t stink the car up with eau de horse. Yesterday, when they’d come in from putting the horse in her pen, both ended up riding on her back. I died a thousand little deaths on the inside, while smiling back at the girls, who were clearly enjoying themselves, but they reeked to high heaven. Nick had laughed at me and swore that once Maisy was healed up, he’d take me out on a trail ride.
Right. Like that’s going to happen.
We’re taking my SUV, but of course, Nick is behind the wheel. I’m not sure what makes that a rule; that when men and women share transportation, the man automatically veers toward the driver’s seat. Not only that, but women don’t seem to mind giving them that control. Maybe it’s a ploy.
I mean, I like to hold the reins of my own life, but handing over the wheel for a drive into town seems like a small symbolic sacrifice to give N
ick the impression I’m letting him lead. Fat chance, since women in general, and myself in particular, are formidable backseat drivers.
“Don’t forget the construction on the 145 south of town,” I remind Nick, when we finally round up the kids and get on our way. “It’s faster to take Lebanon Road into Cortez.”
He doesn’t answer, he just looks at me from the corner of his eye and smirks. That, of course, is like a red flag to a bull.
“If you don’t agree, by all means take the 145. I’ll be happy to prove you wrong,” I challenge him.
“Who says I don’t agree?”
I twist in my seat, but he’s not looking at me, he’s staring out on the road, his mouth still tilted up.
“The smirk on your face says.”
“It’s not a smirk,” he disagrees, grinning even wider. “It’s a smile.”
“And what is there to smile about?” This time he turns to face me, his eyes lit up with humor.
“You. You’re cute when you’re bossy, but you’re adorable when you get testy.”
The gall.
“You know calling me cute and adorable does not win you any brownie points, right?” I glare at him, but he’s clearly unaffected, putting his big paw on my thigh. I almost swipe it off, but it feels really good, so I just pretend to ignore it.
“What is testy?” Mak asks from the back seat.
“Is cute a bad thing?” Becca adds, and Nick bursts out laughing.
Rolling my eyes, I straighten in my seat and ignore Nick’s explanation to the girls, holding onto my snit.
But my snit dissipates when I notice him skip the 145, and take the next turn off onto Lebanon Road. His hand gives my leg a squeeze and I sneak a sideways glance at him. He gives me a wink.
