I screamed and buried my face in her chest and sobbed harder.
Snow began to fall as I sat holding Anastasia. The winter biting chills seeped through my fingers and feet but I refused to move, because if I did, I would have to let go of Anastasia. But the whole world was already deprived of all life in that very moment.
Chapter 30
After what had seemed like forever, I brought Anastasia on a horseback to the wood near the mountain slope. I sighed in relief when I found the safe house, standing inconspicuously and surrounded by its typical Siberian landscape. The roof was coated with frosty snow. The house was hidden among white trunks of the snow-covered pines.
Without delay, I hurried Stardust towards the warm shelter. A terrifying knowledge that Anastasia's life was in a dire state twisted my heart with sharp pain. I tried to push the thoughts out of my mind. Against all odds and logic, I still dared to hope. She could not leave me like this. I would not allow it!
After swinging myself off the horse, I grabbed Anastasia's listless form off the saddle. She was still wrapped in my red cape. Her face showed no expressions. Her cold body was limp in my arms as I carried her to the house.
I gave a hard kick on the rusty-hinged door and it flung open, stirring a plume of dust into the air. I quickly brought Anastasia through the threshold. The air inside was stale and in contrast to the crisp winter breeze outside. The house had been kept shut for so long. I never thought I would have a need of it again.
I placed Anastasia on the stone floor by the fireplace, then I went to start a fire. My trembling hands were still numb from the cold as I worked. Inside the house was everything I needed. I made sure the chimney was swept clean before I opened the damper. The smoke billowed out when the hot glow of burning flame illuminated the dark room. I hurried outside and brought back kettleful of fresh snow to hang over the fire.
I went around the house looking for clean linens. There was a large wooden chest, which I kept hidden under the floorboards. Inside, I gathered the thickest wool blankets and laid them out on the floor. Then I moved Anastasia over and made her as comfortable as possible. I refused to think that she was gone. Tears sprang from my eyes when I looked at her pale beautiful face again.
After I had sheltered Stardust in a small stable filled with dry hay and water to drink, I came back to check on Anastasia. She lay still where I left her. It broke my heart even more knowing my hope was slipping away with each passing moment, yet I refused to give in to my despair.
"You have to stay with me, Anastasia," I said through my clenched teeth. "You can't leave me!"
Once the water boiled, I wet a cloth to clean away the blood stains and dirt from her body. I tore off her dress so I could tend to her wounds. Then I wiped her face gently, so gently like I was bathing a newborn baby. I tried to give her my blood again, but she did not drink it.
"Damn you!" I cried in frustrated tears.
I did everything I could think of, but there was no sign of her waking up. I was left with a dreadful silence and a heart filled to the brim with sorrow.
The hoarfrost had covered all the windows, leaving only a blurry view of the falling snow outside. Strong winds began to blow through tiny cracks on the walls. They made a whistling sound every now and then. The sky began to darken as snowstorm was approaching from the mountain.
I sat unmoving while staring at Anastasia. The firelight cast over her smooth face. She had probably gone back to her state of nothingness, but this time I feared that she would never come back again. Burning tears rolled off my cheeks, landing on the clenched fists on my lap.
I would do anything to bring Anastasia back, even if it meant giving up my own life. Like a pending storm, all the gripping agony and grief began to spin like raging blizzard around me. I heard slow wailing sound that arose from the pit of my stomach. With sorrow trickling down like icy avalanches, I moved over to Anastasia and threw the cover off her naked body.
"No! No! You wake up! Wake up!" I screamed in madness and shook her shoulders desperately. "Wake up, Anastasia! Please, I beg you. Don't go like this...don't leave me!"
Endless tears streamed down from my ruddy eyes. I flopped down over her lifeless form. There was neither breath nor heartbeat that I could hear to relieve me from this torment. Everything was silent as if death had already claimed the whole world.
"I love you," I said over and over as I sobbed uncontrollably. My voice choked with tears. "Why did you do this to me?"
I kissed her neck and ran my fingers through her blonde lock. Her bare skin bathed gloriously in golden light. She was beautiful even now. How could she be...dead? The thought wreaked me with another wave of emotional havoc. In a burst of desperation, I rose and moved over to straddle her. Staring at her closed eyelids, I leaned in and kissed them each gently.
"I promise to love you and cherish you," I whispered as my hands came over to stroke her cheeks longingly. "I love you, Anastasia. You belong to me here. Please come back."
I undid my leather belt and slipped out of my ripped coat and shirt. Once my clothes were removed, I brought her hand over my breast. My heart pounded in a wild anguish. My lips landed on the tip of her nose and moved down to her soft cold mouth. I kissed her there desperately and pleadingly, begging her to wake up. My hands caressed her body as if I could melt her frozen heart with my warmth. I brought her between my legs. A whimpering sigh echoed from the depth of my tear-coated throat as I made her touch me.
I was heartbroken and desperate.
With my hand placed over hers, I pressed harder as my hips started to grind against her body. I continued to kiss her lips and bare chest. The tides began to rise inside of me, and I gasped through unshed tears.
Outside the storm was raging and hissing, but I did not care. The world could end any moment now, and it wouldn't matter to me anymore.
My throbbing heart pounded faster. I arched my back as I climbed up to the brink of ecstasy. My quickened breaths turned into moans. Then my body stiffened and shuddered, and I slowly and hopelessly let myself fall off the edge. The pleasure was as intense as the pain in my chest.
When it was over, I felt hollow inside. My heart was still broken and a great emptiness enveloped me once again. I burrowed my head deeper into Anastasia's shoulder and let out another anguished cry.
As I was lost in the deep abyss of my own sorrow, an extreme exhaustion, like nothing I'd ever felt in my entire life, washed over me. It paralyzed me down to the marrow of my bones. I just wanted to lie there with Anastasia forever.
Oh, how I had underestimated the love I had for this princess!
I stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity until there came to my ears a low, dull, quick sound, like a clock ticking. My eyes flung open, yet I refrained from moving. I kept still and scarcely breathed for fear that I might not hear it again.
Then the sound came back, a bit louder this time. My mouth slackened when it grew stronger and turned into a lively blissful rhythm. I gasped with joy bubbling inside my chest. I did not dare to move at first, but I had to look for assurance.
And just like that, I saw those eyelids begin to move and their long feathery lashes struggled to flutter open like the wings of a resurrected butterfly.
"Anastasia..." I gasped.
Then her crimson lips parted to draw in a soft inhale.
At the sound of my voice, her eyes finally opened, the light gleaming off their golden hue. Slowly Anastasia tilted her head to look at me. I was too shocked to speak. Her face was just as I had remembered her— lovely and kind. I covered my mouth with my hand as tears of joy welled up and spilled down my cheeks.
Chapter 31
I dropped a wild rabbit onto Anastasia's lap.
"You must feed," I said. When the storm had slackened outside, I went out for a quick hunt near the wood.
Anastasia was sitting on the floor. She had properly dressed after I bandaged her wounds. It was a wonder how she could heal and recover so fast, but then again, she was
n't a normal vampire. Although there was still a glint of tiredness in her eyes, she was now in a better state than she had been a while go.
It still terrified me how I came so close to losing her. And never in my life had I felt this tremendous flood of relief when I saw that face came alive again. The sorrow and grief dispersed like dark clouds breaking away from the sky. Now my beloved princess was glowing in her own immortal radiance again.
"How could you find a rabbit at a time like this?" Anastasia asked, sounding quite impressed with my hunting skills. I could feel my heart grow warm inside my chest when she gazed at me. At the same time, I was also embarrassed by the memory of my impetuous act towards her. I prayed that Anastasia wasn't aware of the thing I did.
"I was raised by wolves," I merely said. "I, at least, share some of their instincts."
She pursed her lips for a moment as if to decide whether or not to take my words seriously.
"Fair enough," she said at last. Then her attention drifted back to the fluffy white animal nestling by her feet. The light from the burning fireplace sent a warmth golden glow.
It could have been my own imagination, but in that moment, I saw a shadow crossed her sculpted face as Anastasia scooped up the little creature into her arms. I had never seen a more delicate and innocent gesture than this. For a while, she was just patting the rabbit in silence.
"How could you ask me to kill such a lovely thing?" she said without looking away from the twitching animal.
"What is there for you to care?"
Anastasia looked up at me, and I just wanted to smack myself for having said that. Her face revealed no trace of anger. Instead she pressed her lips in an amused smile.
"Don't you pity him?" she asked almost in a mischievous tone. I frowned back.
"I'm a hunter, not a saint," I said. "We kill to survive."
When she just sat there, I lost my patience and knelt down next to her. One of my hands drew out my hunting knife while the other reached over and grabbed the rabbit by the ears, but Anastasia swiftly grasped my wrist. Her touch was still cold on my skin, but it wasn't too frighteningly cold anymore.
"Valerina, no!" she said hurriedly and shook her head at me. In that moment, she looked like a little girl whose heart was so pure and innocent that she couldn't bear to witness such cruelty.
"You need blood, Anastasia," I told her sternly. "I can't provide you anymore. You need your strength back."
"I'm alright," she said stubbornly.
"Stop being so difficult about it, princess," I snapped, irritated by her unusual sentiment. "What is it with you and bunnies anyway?"
Anastasia's face suddenly marred with a nostalgic look, which startled me. And the way those beautiful golden eyes bore into mine made me forget how to breathe. They seemed to hold some untold story. Then she dropped her gaze from mine again.
With a soft sigh, she kept stroking the animal in her arms.
"Anastasia..." I began to speak.
"Can we just let the rabbit go?" she cut me off, looking back at me with pleading eyes. "Please?"
The last word stopped the beating of my heart. It was clearly impossible to deny her puerile request, but secretly, I was also enjoying this sweet endearing side of her.
With an exaggerated grunt, I nodded. Anastasia smiled brightly again and took my hand, coaxing me to sit beside her. She held up the white animal for me to see.
"Look at his pinkish eyes!" she said with a childish glee. "They seem to say, 'Please, don't eat me, fang lady!'"
I tried not to laugh at her imitation of the rabbit's voice.
"Well, just so you know, it's a she," I told her.
"A girl?" she said, turning the bunny around to examine it like a curious child. "How could you tell?!"
I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Then I brushed my fingers over the soft cottony coat of the rabbit, too. I felt the tingling sensation when our hands touched.
"You were raised in the palace," I said. "Something like this you wouldn't know."
Anastasia narrowed her eyes at me.
"You think I was the prim and proper little princess?" she said. "You have no idea. As a child, typical masculine habits didn't pass unheeded by me."
"Oh, really? Like what?"
"Well, I played pranks on the palace maids and my governesses. I liked climbing trees, and sometimes out of sheer mischief, I refused to come down until they called my father."
This rebellious streak was uncommon among the royal families. It made me chuckle at how adorable she must have been.
"You sounded like a naughty tomboy," I said, and Anastasia chuckled back and shrugged smugly.
"Sometimes, my brother, Alexai and I crept under the table and pinched guests while they were meeting my father. This unlady-like manner drove him crazy," she said and laughed some more. "It got me into troubles often, too. I remember when we were under house arrest in Yekaterinburg, I became so upset over the locked and painted windows that I burst one open to look outside. A sentry saw me and fired, narrowly missing me! I never tried it again."
Then she let out another amused yet sarcastic laugh, but I stayed quiet. Yekaterinburg was where she and her family were killed later on. Trotsky had told me the story about the imperial family a long time ago.
"You can keep the bunny if you want," I said to change the subject. Anastasia just shook her head as she stared at the white fluffy animal.
"I tried to give a rabbit to someone once. It looked just like this, but..." she said then she stopped herself. I realized she had that same look on her face from earlier. My eyes kept staring at her perplexedly as the sentence hang in the air.
"But...what?" I asked. The question seemed to wake her from her silent stupor.
"She never got to see it," she said with a low sigh.
"Who was that person?" I asked.
"Someone I used to be with."
"She must be someone special," I noted.
"Yes, she was," Anastasia said.
I felt a stabbing angst in my heart. I wasn't jealous with her past relationships but something told me that whatever they had between them was strong enough that it could make Anastasia gloomy. Perhaps, it was the same reason she was that arrogant princess I first met.
"What happened then?" I asked. Anastasia put the bunny down on the floor and stroked it gently.
"I turned her into a monster..." she said, "like me."
She sounded so bitter and cold that it agonized me.
"You're not a monster, Anastasia," I told her. She just gave me a weak smile.
"I didn't want to do it but I had to...for my sister's sake."
Her enigmatic words only took me a moment to get what she meant.
"Something was wrong with her?" I asked.
Anastasia nodded.
"She was dying. She sacrificed herself to save my sister’s life," she said with a grim look. "Three years ago, there was an attempted assassination on Alexandra. She was attacked by the hunters. My ex-lover, Nikol, betrayed her."
The mention of her ex's name shocked me.
"Nikol?" I said.
"You knew her?"
"She killed Roza," I said. "Roza was my sister's companion since they were young."
Anastasia turned her gaze at me again. I could see a look of surprise and deep apology on her face.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. I shook my head back.
"It wasn't your fault."
"No wonder why your sister hates me so much."
"Not just you — she hates everyone," I said and laughed dryly. Anastasia stared at me for a long moment.
"You two seem to have a tough sibling love."
"I'm the reason why Roza was captured by the vampire soldiers that day," I told her and shrugged. At that point, shock had intensified within Anastasia's eyes.
"Do you mind telling me about it?"
"No, it's fine. I was still young back then," I said. "Roza and I went out hunting one evening. Out of nowhere, the vampire soldiers appe
ared. Roza hid me and went off to sidetrack their chase. They caught her, took her away, and I never heard from her again."
I tried not to feel the never-ending guilt that was buried inside me. I told Anastasia how my sister had harbored all her anger and pain and turned them into hatred. She had been training to kill and wishing to wipe the vampire race off the face of the earth. We had never spoken of Roza again, but I knew there was nothing I could have done to redeem the past.
After I finished, we fell in an empty silence together. I kept staring at the bunny that was roaming freely on the floor beside us.
Then I felt a pair of hands encompassed me. My head leaned into Anastasia's chest, and we both sat there like two victims of the cruel world. Before I knew it, I was shaking in my own anguished sobs. Anastasia smoothened my hair and rubbed my back soothingly.
"I'm sorry for what happened to you and Roza," she said. "But at the same time, I'm so relieved and grateful that it wasn't you. It might sound terribly selfish of me but I couldn't imagine living in this world any longer if there was no you out there waiting for me."
A long while later, I sat up again and looked at her. Anastasia wiped my face with the cloak I had given her to wear. Her long slender fingers tugged a strand of hair back behind my ear. They traced down along my cheek with longing. The fidgeting animal hopped away from the wool rug.
"The girl you loved," I said in a scratchy voice. "Why did she leave you?"
"Because it turned out she didn't love me," she said almost too casually. "She's in love with my sister."
"How could she be so stupid not to choose you?"
Anastasia laughed. "You would choose my sister, too, if you met her."
"Never!" I said firmly while staring deep into her eyes. "I already know who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with."
Anastasia reached for my hand and laced our fingers together.
Anastasia Romanov Page 17
