by Terri Pray
“You didn’t.” Sue choked back the tears. How he could ever think she was a dominant when all she now wanted to do was cry was beyond her. Female dominants were strong, haughty, they didn’t care what their submissives felt, except on rare occasions, and they didn’t cry like this.
Did they?
“Then what is it?”
“I thought you were just playing with me. It’s just, no one’s ever taken the time to think about what I might -- how I’d like to hear those words the first time.”
Chapter Fifteen
Alan moved quickly around the table, wrapping his arms about her waist as he pulled her up out of the chair. “Oh love, I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I’d never do that to you. I just didn’t want it to sound as though I was saying something just because you needed to hear it.”
Sue took a deep breath, trembling in his arms.
Did she think he was a jerk?
“Maybe you’re mistaken about me?” She gulped the words.
“I’m not sure what you mean.” He brushed back the hair from her eyes. She was soft, vulnerable, and delicious all rolled into one. How could he be wrong about how he felt towards her? Maybe he should have found a better way to tell her of his feelings, or just blurted them out instead of sounding like a complete moron, but what was done, was done.
“I’m not a dominant. No Mistress would ever start sobbing the way I just did.”
Is that what she was afraid of?
“How can you say that? A dominant is still human; do you think they just switch off everything?”
“Well, no, but nothing I’ve read ever suggested that they cry over things like this, or that they care about how their submissive, or slave, feels.” She scuffed the back of one hand over her eyes.
“Oh love, sheesh. Ever thought that those books of yours wouldn’t sell as well if the dominants ever showed a scrap of real human emotion? They’re fantasy, not reality. Real people think, feel and yes, even cry, regardless of what type of relationship they are involved in.”
“Are you sure?” Sue trembled under his touch, her breath coming in soft gasps as she slowly blinked the last of the tears free from her eyes. “I don’t want you thinking that I’m something I’m not. It wouldn’t be right, it just -- even if it bought us both a few months of fun together it would eventually break down and we’d hate each other.”
“I could never hate you.”
Sue pushed back from him, looking him straight in the eyes. “Yes, you could. If you love someone it’s easy for that love to turn to hate if you feel as though you’ve been betrayed or lied to in some way. They’re two sides of the same coin.”
“I could dispute that.”
Her lips quirked into a slight smile. “Are you disagreeing with your Mistress?”
He laughed, shaking his head. “And here I thought you wanted to take things slowly?”
“I do -- but --”
“And yes, I can disagree with someone even if I’ve submitted to them, just as long as I’m polite about it. Respect, manners, they’re important. Even if you wanted to call me every name under the sun when we’re playing, or I’m, erm, serving you, we’d keep that for our games only, not everyday use.”
“I didn’t know that.”
The tears had passed, her nerves easing, or so it appeared to Alan. Her gaze narrowed then shifted as she glanced over at the clock on the wall. “Do we have time to talk about this now? I mean, we still have to do something about those men and the blogger ring.”
“I think it’s about time you showed me just what they are saying on that ring, don’t you?” He nodded towards his computer in the small office room. “If you wouldn’t mind showing me what you’ve found.”
He’d taken a brief look over the pages, but he’d spent most of his time focusing on Sue. Perhaps too much time. He frowned slightly, only to smile as he shook his head and walked into the office. She was already acting like a dominant, getting him back on track. She might not know much about how a Mistress was supposed to act, but her instincts were there.
“Haven’t you seen it for yourself?” Sue claimed the chair in front of the computer and booted it up.
“Just a quick glance.”
Tiny lines tightened around the corners of her eyes and mouth. “If it was that important to you I would have thought you’ve had spent more time investigating it.”
Color and heat flushed across his cheeks. “I’m afraid I let myself get distracted by you.”
“Hm, not good,” she muttered, waiting for the screen to go through its loading warnings. “You might have missed something important.”
He moved behind her and wrapped his arms about her shoulders, resting his chin on the top of her head. “You’re important to me.”
“And what these men are doing isn’t?”
“No, I didn’t say that.”
“Alan, you help to run a business. Certain things can wait; the business and your responsibilities to it, can’t. I would have understood, or even helped you.” Tension flared across her shoulders and back.
“You’re annoyed with me?”
“A little, yes. My hand’s itching.”
“Pardon?”
She turned a little, looking up at him as he was forced to lift his chin away from her head. “I have this sudden desire to -- well, to spank you and remind you what’s important in life. Sorry. Maybe I’m getting into the idea of being a Mistress far too much.”
“Part of being someone’s dominant is correcting them if they forget things, or they misbehave. Or it can be if the two involved want that.” He nodded towards the screen. “Okay, do you recall the address?”
Sue turned her full attention back to the computer, her fingers dancing over the keyboard as she tapped in the web address. “There.”
The page loaded quickly and as Alan read down the screen his heart sank.
“Looks like they’ve been busy,” Sue murmured, her voice little more than a whisper.
“Another date, another set of stats. And Victoria.” The name threatened to stick in his throat. “There are details about her visit to the office.”
“Who is she?” Sue’s voice turned ice cold. “Naked under her coat, we all know what the boss was up to? What the fuck is going on? I thought you weren’t seeing anyone?”
“I’m not!” How in hell’s name had this Dangerous Liaisons known about Victoria? It had to have been someone who was in the building at the time, that much was obvious. But who would have seen her enter or guess that she was nearly naked under her coat?
His father had known about the visit and some of the details, but his own dad? Try to bring down the company? No, that didn’t make sense. Alan dismissed the idea almost as quickly as it sprang to life.
“Then what was she doing in your office, half naked, if not fully naked. Just what do you think I am? Some sort of desperate fool?”
He took a step back from the chair, trying to read over her shoulder at the same time. “Sue, please, calm down. It wasn’t like that.”
“Then just what was it like? She was in your office the very same day that you asked me out! How could you!”
He opened his mouth, trying to speak. How could he explain to her what had happened? She wasn’t going to believe him. He wouldn’t have if the roles had been reversed.
“No excuses for me?” She crossed her arms under her breasts, staring at him. “Come on, tell me something. Some sweet little lie to make things all better between us? I’m sure you’ve pulled this with other women before.”
“Do you really think that about me? That I’m the sort of man who would jump from one woman to the next?” His shoulders tightened, the muscles threatening to bunch. “Sue, I’m not like that. You know the lies they’ve been spreading on that site, and do you really think I’d take the risk of having sex with someone in my office when anyone might walk in? Please, think about this.”
“You’re the boss, you can stop people from walking in.”
�
�Right, except for one thing. My father comes into the office on a regular basis. Ask around, everyone knows that. He’d been there once already during the day, so why would I risk being caught by my dad? Especially with all the shit that has been going on. Think for a minute. Do I ever even normally date women at work, or hit on them?”
This wasn’t happening.
How could she think he would do something like this to her?
Because every other man she’s been involved with has dumped on her in some way.
“Everyone I’ve spoken to told me you didn’t hit on women at work. Even that secretary of yours was bemoaning the fact you don’t…” Sue’s words tapered off.
Good, think. Work this through, Sue. Please.
She closed her eyes, stepping away from him as she frowned. “I need a minute. Please. I’ll be back, I just need a little space right now.”
“You’re leaving?” Panic clawed at his throat.
“For a walk, I have to. I just need to clear my head.”
He glanced towards the door then back at Sue. “All right, I’ll wait for you here. But please, don’t go home. I don’t want you to storm off on me. I love you, Sue. Please, remember that. I really do love you.”
Chapter Sixteen
Of all the stupid -- God -- why did I trust him? What was I thinking about? Was I truly just that desperate to get laid?
Sue closed the door behind her and headed down the path towards the gate. Her stomach rolled, knotting only to roll once more, leaving her struggling to keep from being sick. There were lies, secrets, things she couldn’t have known when she’d first agreed to go out with him.
And now Alan’s lies were out in the open.
But I jumped into bed with him, not once, but twice. He didn’t twist my arm, I did this on my own!
He’d given her the chance to say no, to stop it at any point she wanted to; she’d had the power.
So why hadn’t he told her about Victoria or whatever the woman’s name actually was?
Was he ashamed? She’d seen the reaction play across his face, the way he’d lost all color. If he’d been happy with whatever had happened in his office then why would he react like that? It didn’t make sense.
Then again, there were a lot of things that didn’t make sense these days. Like actually being hit on without someone setting out to use her from the very beginning?
That’s it, put yourself down a little more, it’s such an easy habit to fall into isn’t it? I mean why bother to wait for someone else to do it when you can hurt yourself, right?
No wonder it was always so easy to believe the worst about herself! She didn’t need people like Bill attacking her, she did it to herself.
So stop bemoaning the fact and stop it!
“This isn’t helping,” she muttered and glanced back towards his home. In her anger she’d already walked far enough away from the house where she couldn’t see the car.
The street was a nice enough one and it was obvious that the houses here belonged to families like Alan’s, ones with enough money to feel comfortable. One or two car drives led down from each house towards a well-kept street. She doubted they ever had to wait for potholes to be fixed. No, with the taxes paid in this part of the town the local council would take care to make sure the residents had no room for complaints.
And he wanted her to share his life here.
Why would he even suggest that if he was busy dipping into Victoria and whoever else? It just didn’t make sense.
Nor did his silence about the events listed on the blogger.
Had something happened that he had been ashamed of?
She stopped in her tracks.
Could it be that simple? He’d not mentioned it to her because he’d been ashamed? If he’d wanted the woman then he wouldn’t have felt that way at all, so either she’d come in and done something he’d reacted to without thinking, or he was protecting the woman in question.
Sue turned back and looked at the house where she knew Alan would be waiting.
It was within his personality, or what she’d seen of it so far.
She wrapped her arms across her stomach. Had she reacted too quickly and not given him the chance to try and explain himself? Well, of course she had, any woman would have after being faced with a post like that on that damn blogger -- she wasn’t made of stone.
So you let something you know is done to make small-minded men feel better about themselves affect things between you and Alan. Smart move -- not.
She was letting them win.
“Like hell I am.” She scowled and began to walk back towards Alan’s house. Whatever the men behind the blogger were trying to do she wasn’t about to let them ruin what could turn out to be the best relationship she’d ever have the chance at.
Alan was a good man; so what if he’d made a mistake in not telling her about the situation? They were still practically strangers and they hadn’t even met when it had happened.
Would he be relieved that she had returned? Maybe he wouldn’t be expecting her to return. She had been angry. No, she was still angry, but the focus of that fury had shifted.
She had no reason, no real reason, to blame Alan.
The men behind the hateful posts on the blogger were another matter entirely.
There was only one way to find out.
Sue rested her hand against the door then slowly pushed it open.
“Alan?”
Silence answered her for a moment. Had he left, gone to bed, was he in the back garden?
“Alan?” She took a step further into the house.
“I’m here, sorry I was…” He colored as he came into view, fastening his pants back up. “Bathroom, sorry.”
She couldn’t help but smile. He looked almost like a little boy caught doing something that he shouldn’t.
“I didn’t expect you to just sit and wait around for me; there’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“But there is. I should have told you about Victoria. If I’d been thinking things through I should have realized that, sooner or later, you’d hear about her visit and how she was dressed, or not as the case may be.”
Sue nodded as she walked back into the living room and settled down on the couch. “So just what did happen?”
“She’s been chasing me for a while and I’ve been keeping her at arm’s length. That morning she got into my office, wearing a fur coat and little else. I was a little shocked, but unfortunately I’m also human so I did react to her. She took that as a go ahead signal, unzipped me, and went down -- well, I won’t lie. A part of me enjoyed it, but as soon as I had my senses back under control I put a stop to it and laughed her out of the room.”
“So why has she been chasing you?”
“My father’s idea. He’s been trying to pair me off with someone for a while now. And Victoria’s family is well off, she’s attractive, at least in the modern, plastic, all fake and enhanced type of way, but she’s not my type. Sorry, I like women who won’t break the first time I…never mind.”
She had a good idea what he was talking about and felt her own cheeks flame.
“I’ve had enough of being the focus of matchmakings, but Victoria has already been invited to the party on Friday and I’ve no doubt that she’s going to try and get close to me. I was going to ask you if you’d like to attend it with me, but I’d understand if you didn’t want to now.”
“I’ll need to think about it,” she admitted.
“That I can understand. A lot has happened, and I don’t want to push you away by acting stupid. You’ll need time.” He sat there with his head bowed slightly, his hands folded on his lap.
“It’s not just time.” Was it her imagination or did he actually look sheepish? “So you didn’t tell me about Victoria because you didn’t think to, or was it something else?”
“I thought if I didn’t talk about it then maybe I could forget that it had happened. I’m not exactly proud of my reactions. It shouldn’t have mattered what she
was, or wasn’t, wearing. It’s just…well, I almost had no control. No, it wasn’t that either. I did have control, I just didn’t use it.”
“So you think you did something wrong?” An idea formed slowly at the back of her mind. One that she hoped would show her clearly if he was lying about his desires or not.
“Well, yes, I guess I do.”
“And you want that feeling to go away?”
His gaze narrowed. “Yes.”
“And you claim you enjoy being submissive.”
“I never actually came out and said that, but yes, I do. Or I think I do. Like you, I don’t have a lot of actual experience in this.” A nervous tic twitched in his left cheek.
“Then maybe you need to explore it a little more, and I believe this might be the right time.”
He paled, swallowing quickly. “Are you suggesting that I submit to being punished for this?”
“If you want to feel better, then yes.”
“And what do you think I should do, then?” His voice dropped into a low whisper, a soft shiver working through his body. Was she imagining it, or was he looking at her with some measure of hope?
Had she hit on the right idea? One that would end the matter between them?
“How are submissives punished?” She wouldn’t use the word slave, it didn’t feel right. He wasn’t her slave, her property, and she certainly wasn’t a Mistress. She didn’t know anywhere near enough to call herself that.
“It varies, Ma’am.” There it was, that shift in address, just enough to let her know that he did need to do this. “But I would think a spanking might be for the best.”
Sue tried to remember what little she’d read about spankings. How they were done, what was said, or used during them to make the submissive feel -- well, submissive. She frowned slightly. Were there other phrases, terms, that she was supposed to learn? Ones that would describe the situation, how people felt, what she was meant to do, and why?
It just meant there were things she had to learn about, study, and come to terms with. Especially if she wanted to be a part of Alan’s life.
