The land around them drew her interest for a while. The village and its people had been a stark mixture of wealth and deep poverty, but she had seen many such disparities in France, too. The land itself, however, was different. France, too, had hills and rocks and trees and all the rest, but here it all looked so much more wild, even harsh. She knew the grey, misty weather added to that, but it was not the only reason it all looked so strange to her. And yet, she mused, it was also beautiful. She took a deep breath and could almost smell the wildness, the challenge the land offered anyone who wanted to try to survive in it. Gisele decided that she could easily come to love the place nearly as much as she loved one of its sons.
She fixed her gaze on Nigel's broad back as they rode. Now that he was actually on Scottish soil she could almost feel his eagerness to get back to his family and his lands. Gisele wished she could share in his happy anticipation. She was accused of killing her husband, and she was not even sure Nigel believed in her innocence. It was hard to believe that his family would accept her as their honored guest. Even if they did allow her into their keep, graciously offering her shelter there, a great deal of trouble could follow right behind her. To bring that to the gates of a family who offered her their hospitality seemed, at the very least, extremely rude. Gisele decided that she was going to have to thoroughly discuss the matter with Nigel when they stopped to camp for the night.
"Rude?” Nigel briefly halted in unsaddling their horses to stare at Gisele in amazement. “Ye are worried about being rude?"
"That is not all I am concerned about, but, oui it is a consideration,” she replied. The way Nigel was looking at her—as if her wits had been lost over the side of that ship along with the contents of her stomach, was making her feel very defensive. “It is no small thing to ask your family to shelter someone who has half of France searching for her. And, might I remind you, someone you are not even sure is innocent."
"I shall vouch for you, and that is all they will need to hear."
Silently cursing, she made the fire and spread out their bedding as he tended to the horses. She was pulling some food out of their packs when she realized what he had just said. He would vouch for her. Gisele quickly pushed aside a surge of hope that Nigel now believed in her innocence. That was not exactly what he had said. He could simply mean that he would assure his family that she would not kill him or steal all their valuables and creep away in the night. She had no way of knowing what he had meant, and should cease trying to measure his every word.
After setting their food down on their bedding, she slipped away to relieve herself and wash away the day's dust. She also needed to get away from Nigel for a while, just long enough to compose herself. It would gain her nothing if she demanded to know what he meant by vouching for her. If he did not immediately say that he now believed she had not killed her husband, she would be painfully disappointed yet again, and this time she was afraid he would see the hurt he inflicted clearly displayed upon her face. Now that she knew she loved him, had reluctantly accepted that truth, her emotions were so strong and so close to the surface that she was no longer sure she could hide anything from the man. She was turning her face aside or slipping away for a moment alone more and more.
When she felt strong enough to face him she returned to the camp and sat down beside him. He handed her some bread and cheese, and she sighed with resignation as she ate. The food was filling and good, but she was growing weary of it. She wanted to sit at a table and eat a proper meal. Gisele realized that she could not clearly recall the last time she had done so. Even when she had stayed with one of the few relatives who would shelter her, she had had to remain hidden away, unable to participate in even something as simple as the family meal. She knew she should be grateful that she and Nigel had any food to eat at all, but that gratitude did not ease the longing for a return to the comforts she had been raised with.
"Some food in your belly will help ye recover,” Nigel said as he handed her the wineskin.
Gisele took a long drink before handing the wine back to him. “It has already helped. I feel more settled and stronger."
"I wondered, for ye looked somewhat pensive."
She smiled. “I was just feeling sorry for myself. Do not mistake me. You have provided for me very well, but I realized that it has been a very long time since I have sat down at a table for a proper meal."
Nigel grinned and draped his arm around her shoulders, then nodded. “It has been a long time for me, as weel. I understand the longing. Aye, not only to sit up at table, but to have a choice of foods."
"Oui, that would be lovely. The game you caught and cooked was most delicious and very welcome,” she added hastily.
"But rarely provided. I ken it, and I ken, too, that ye dinnae mean any criticism. My brother's people set a fine table. Ye will find all ye could want, and a lot of it. If naught happens to slow us down, we should be sitting at that table in a week, mayhap less."
Her mouth watered just thinking about it, but then she pushed aside her selfish longings. Nigel had shrugged aside her growing concerns about imposing upon his family, but they had to be discussed. When he had first presented her with the plan it had seemed to be a very good one, but matters were different now. The hunt for her had intensified, and if Vachel was as furious about her escape as she suspected he was it could grow even worse. Only a proclamation of her innocence would stop the hunt, and she could not be sure when or if that would happen. That was a lot of trouble to set upon the threshold of people who did not even know her.
"And seated with us at that table will be a great deal of trouble,” she said quietly.
"Ye worry too much about that, lass."
"One of us should. Ye are about to ask a lot of your family. Indeed, ye may be pulling them deep into a fight that is none of their doing and from which they gain nothing."
"Your life isnae nothing,” he said in a soft, solemn voice. “Love, they will want to join this fight, and not simply because I ask it of them or because I have sworn upon my honor that I will protect you. They will help you because it is right to do so. It is wrong for the DeVeaux to hunt you like this, to demand your blood for the life of that bastard ye were forced to marry. Any fool can see that, and I dinnae have any fools in my family. Well, not at this moment."
She smiled briefly, fleetingly amused by his last words, but then looked straight at him, making no attempt to hide her deep concern. “You must give them the choice. You must tell them the full truth about why I am being hunted."
"I intend to. It will make no difference. They will see why honor—"
"Non,” she interrupted sharply. “Do not tell them of your vow and do not speak of honor, yours or theirs. Do not tell them that you have sworn to protect me. That is to push them toward what we want them to do, and in their hearts they may wish to say non. They will feel that if you are bound by honor they are bound just as tightly, for they will not wish to blacken your name."
"They will still say ‘aye’ to taking ye into their care,” he asserted.
"No word of your vow. Do you agree to this?"
"Aye. Ye will see that I speak the truth, however. They willnae act because they wish to save my poor, wee, tattered honor, but because they honestly wish to save you."
Gisele squeaked in surprise when he abruptly pushed her down onto their bed. “And thus ends our discussion?"
Nigel laughed as he began to remove her clothes. “Did ye have anything else to say?"
"Just one thing. If they do decide that I am more trouble than they wish to set upon their shoulders, might I have a proper meal just once before I must leave?"
She laughed along with him, then greedily returned his kiss. It was undoubtedly foolish, but she realized that she felt safe. She also felt hungry for Nigel. The journey had kept her sick for nearly every mile from France to Scotland, and the only touch Nigel had given her was the occasional comforting pat on the back, or to hold her head up while she was ill. Although she was tired
, she did not wish to lose another night of savoring the passion they shared.
As she matched him stroke for stroke and kiss for kiss, she silently revealed her love for him. When they were both caught up in the heady grip of desire she had neither the strength nor the will to hide how she felt. Since he was as captivated as she was, Gisele did not fear that he would guess how she felt. She was sure that such a feeling required words to confirm its existence.
Expressing her love through passion, through each caress, each kiss, also gave her the strength to hide it the rest of the time. It was as if the feeling grew so large at times it threatened to flow out of her, and she feared she would babble it all out in a confused confession to an unwilling Nigel. The very last thing she wished to do was bare her heart to the man and have him graciously hand it back. Within the confines of their lovemaking, she could feel free to let her heart rule.
Once they had shared their release, the strength of which always astonished her, Gisele let her exhaustion take hold. She curled herself around Nigel, loving the warm feel of his body so close to hers, and closed her eyes. If passion were any indication of how a person felt, then Nigel had to love her too, but she knew that was a fool's hope. Passion did not have to rule a man's heart as it did a woman's. At best, she might become the finest lover he had ever known. As sleep dragged her into its hold, she decided that that was better than nothing. At least she would linger in his mind as a sweet memory. It would be better to be loved in return, but she could find some solace in knowing she would not be forgotten.
Nigel stared down at the small woman sleeping so soundly in his arms. Soon they would be at the gates of Donncoill, and Gisele would be face-to-face with Maldie. It was time he told Gisele about the woman, but he was too much of a coward. It was an awkward tale to tell, and he was embarrassed by it all. He still felt as if he had betrayed his brother Balfour in some way, even though he had never touched Maldie. It did not ease his embarrassment at all knowing that everyone who mattered to him at Donncoill was fully aware of why he had left, including Maldie.
For a little while he had deceived himself by thinking that there was not really that much similarity between the two women. Almost the moment he had stepped upon the shores of Scotland, he had felt that comfortable lie fall to pieces. Gisele and Maldie were both small women, both had black hair and green eyes, and they shared a strikingly similar spirit. Even if he were able to cling to the lie, he would be the only one who would believe it.
Somehow, he was going to have to tell Gisele something between now and the moment they reached the gates of Donncoill or he could find the warm lover he held so close turning very cold. That was a loss he did not want to face. Sadly, telling her could easily bring the same results.
Nigel silently cursed and accepted the fact that he would probably get very little sleep until the dreaded confrontation was over. He had the sick feeling that he was also going to let his cowardice rule and hope for the best. After all, telling her now would bring the same consequences as letting her see for herself. Why deprive himself of a few more nights in her arms?
"What is this?” Gisele asked as she sat down and lightly brushed her hand over the soft mound of delicate white flowers.
"Heather,” Nigel answered as he sat down next to her.
"Ah, the thing you and Duncan were so eager to smell."
He smiled and reverently touched the plant. “Aye, ‘tis what we said. I think we mean more than that, however. I think we mean the whole land, the smell of Scotland herself. The heather, beautiful though it is when it covers the hills with color, is but a wee part of it all."
She kissed his cheek when he grimaced. “I understand. There is a wildness in the air, a challenge to the people who walk these hills."
Nigel gently pushed her down onto the soft moss-covered ground, amazed and delighted that she understood, that she shared the feeling. They were only a few hours ride from Donncoill, but he had reined in his eagerness to finish the journey and stopped for a rest. Knowing that she could soon be compelled to turn away from him, he ruefully admitted that he had stopped in the hope of making love to her one more time. Her words revealed that she already felt some kinship to the land and that, he knew, was going to make losing her all the harder to bear.
There was one thing he knew he could do, one thing that might stop her from thinking the worst of him. He could tell Gisele that he loved her, could offer marriage. She would still be hurt when she saw Maldie, and would undoubtedly question the veracity of his vow, but those three little words could mean that she would give him a chance to explain. Nigel knew he could not do it, however. He was not sure, his confusion deep and unrelenting. No woman had affected him the way Gisele had, none had stirred his passion as fiercely as she could with just one little smile, and none had kept his mind as interested in her as his body for so long. None except Maldie. He did not want to promise Gisele love and marriage, faithfulness and devotion, then take one look at Maldie and know it was all a lie. If nothing else, he could not hurt Gisele by offering her a heart that was still tightly bound to another woman.
Gisele reached up and smoothed away the frown between his eyes. “For a man who is but a few miles from the beloved home he has not seen in seven long years, you are not looking very happy."
"I think I grow uncertain of my welcome,” he replied.
"Because of why you left?” She inwardly tensed, wondering if he would tell her the whole truth about what had driven him to spend so many years away from a land he so clearly loved.
"Aye, that is some of it. There is also the fact that after so long, things will have changed, so will have some of the people. I believe I have changed a little, as weel."
Nigel silently cursed himself for the greatest coward on two legs. There had been a perfect chance to confess all, and he had dodged it as swiftly as he would have dodged a sword stroke. It was a secret, albeit not a very well kept one, that he did not want to have to tell, not unless he was forced to. Nigel prayed Gisele would give him at least one chance to explain himself if the upcoming meeting with his family turned sour.
Deeply disappointed that he had not spoken of the woman she was sure he had run from, Gisele took a moment to compose herself, lightly trailing kisses over his face so that he could not see the hurt in her eyes. She prayed that he was not going to let her find out some hard truth on her own, through whispered rumors or even with her own eyes. Even if she did not like what he might say, she would prefer to hear the truth from him. There was not much time left for him to do so, however, and wondering just how devastating the secret might be was stealing the beauty of the moment. That was the last thing she wanted to do. She took a deep breath to steady herself, forced herself to smile, and set her mind on easing the uncertainty Nigel was suffering from.
"They will be pleased to see you standing there alive and unmanned,” she said. “If changes have occurred in Donncoill or its people, I suspect they will not be anything you cannot learn about and live with. Beneath it all they will still be the family you knew."
"Aye, ye are right. It has been hard to get news of them or send them word about me, and I began to think I would find myself amongst strangers. Or, that I would feel I was. That is foolishness, perhaps born of being too eager to get home."
"So, shall we return to our horses?"
"Nay, not yet.” He slowly began to unlace her gown. ‘Tis a fine, sun warmed day, and ye willnae have to be here long to ken what a blessing that is. I thought I might enjoy it a wee bit."
"Ah, so, it is the day you seek to enjoy,” she murmured, tilting her head back so that he could have freer access to her throat.
Nigel just laughed and proceeded to make love to her. He had an urge to stop right there, build a shelter, and keep her in it. He would be near enough to his family to see them whenever he wished, but Gisele would never have to lay eyes on Maldie. He knew that was pure madness, and pushed it aside. Even if he could keep Gisele away from his family, it would probably only
be for a little while. Someone would say something, or Maldie herself would arrive to see what he was hiding. He could not avoid the confrontation he dreaded, only pray that it would not be as bad as he feared.
Gisele frowned as she welcomed Nigel into her body. Her passion was running hot and wild, but she was not so blinded by it this time that she did not notice some difference in Nigel's behavior. There was the smallest hint of desperation in his caresses, in the fierce way he pushed them to desire's heights, as if he felt this would be the last time they would make love. Gisele decided she did not want to know why he should think of such a thing, feared even thinking it herself. She wrapped her body around his and decided to lose herself completely in the way he made her feel. If this were to be the last time she was in his arms, she did not want to dim the pleasure of it by thinking too much.
Nigel said little when they finally ended their embrace and began to put their clothes back on. He had murmured a few flattering words, but Gisele had not been fooled. Usually his pretty words made her feel wanted, beautiful, and desirable. This time she felt as if he just spoke practiced words, ones with no feeling or thought behind them. She felt the sting of shame, as if she had just been used as he had used the whores in France, but she struggled to subdue that appalling thought. It was not easy. Suddenly, there was a distance between them, and it terrified her.
As they remounted and started their journey again she told herself not to be a fool, that she was seeing dark shadows where there were none. Nigel was unsure of what he would find at Donncoill, and his mind was occupied by fears and concerns. It was no more than that. Her own uncertainties about meeting his family had just made her uneasy, and she tried to put the blame for that discomfort on Nigel.
Highland Honor [Murray Brothers Book 2] Page 26
