by Norma Gail
“Stop by this afternoon in case there are any more changes.”
“Okay, see you later.”
There was a tug o’ war in her heart between pleasure and pain. The method she and her dad had developed for combining history with biographies and literature of and about the time provided a different view of America than the modern media offered. Statements of faith by the Founding Fathers proved to be a valuable tool in helping students understand what incited the men and women of the former British colony to risk everything in their fight for freedom. She was finding they challenged her as well.
Giving the same lecture five times in a row kept her mind off the more poignant aspects of the day. By the time she flicked the switch on her computer and sat down with a re-heated meat pie to check Facebook, she felt exhausted from holding in her emotions all day. Her heart leaped when she discovered Dan was available for instant messaging. After the initial greetings, she decided to lay it all out to the friend who had shared her ups and downs since their days in the church nursery:
It’s all so bittersweet, Danny Boy. I’m having success, but Dad isn’t here to enjoy it with me. And—I find myself examining the personal spiritual lives of America’s Founding Fathers in more depth. Pastor MacDholl is talking about the basis for real faith. As I prepare lessons and grade papers, I realize how much my view of the world is rooted in the Bible. So why isn’t my personal life subject to scripture anymore? Here, away from the familiar routines of home, I’m re-examining issues I’ve ignored for a long time.
He answered back:
Bonny, you’re avoiding the inevitable confrontation between the anger you cling to and the challenge to renew your faith in God. We’re to go on faith, not feelings. You forgot that somewhere along the way.
Waking up to find the sheets pulled loose at all four corners, Bonny remembered vague dreams about Adam. On second thought, perhaps nightmares were a better term for them. She wasn’t free yet. That being the case, was she ready to have dinner with Kieran, if he called? After debating all through her morning walk, she picked up the phone and called Kari.
“Hey stranger, I thought maybe you didn’t have phone service to the rest of the world.”
Her best friend did know how to lay on the guilt.
“Kari, I’m sorry for not calling more often.” Bonny felt the heat of shame, even though Kari was far away. “I’ve been busy with classes starting—it’s crazy. How are you?”
“Everything’s fine.” Kari sounded more upbeat than the last time they talked. “I started a Bible study for middle-school girls. It’s fun and fills my time.”
“You have such a gift. I’ve never known anyone who loves kids like you do.”
“They make me smile. What’s up with you?”
Bonny hesitated. “I’m adjusting. Janet’s a lifesaver. Her mom invites me over for dinner every week. I’ve attended church with them the past three weeks. She put the choir director onto me, and I’m singing again—and enjoying it.”
“That’s great. Your voice is like my love of kids. There are some things it’s a sin to waste.”
It was now or never. She needed Kari’s input if she was going to start spending time with Kieran. “I’m feeling challenged and confused. The pastor, Graeme MacDholl, is someone I could open up to.”
“New friends and a good minister. It sounds like you’re doing well.”
Bonny watched the rain sliding down the windows and dripping off the eaves. Her eyes joined in, raining droplets on her jeans. “I love it here, until I remember I have the same empty house to return to.”
“Oh, honey, I don’t know what to say. Have you met anyone to socialize with?” Kari sounded so concerned, Bonny felt like a child hiding stolen candy. The empty house wasn’t the source of her fear. It was the thought of spending time with a man again, especially a handsome one with an accent capable of charming all common sense right out of her head.
“I’m starting to.” She hesitated a moment, anticipating the reaction. “There’s a math professor, Kieran MacDonell, a real Braveheart kind of guy, even at forty years old. Janet and I watched him compete in the Highland Games and heard him play his bagpipes in the Edinburgh Tattoo. We’ve taken a couple of short hikes together, and we’re having dinner Friday night.”
“Forty years old and a hunk? Do those terms belong in the same sentence?” Kari’s voice rose in pitch, and Bonny laughed, imagining the expression on her face.
“In this case, yes. He helped fix a flat tire on my car. So, as a thank you, I invited him over for green-chili stew. We talked until two in the morning. What a Scotsman—rugged and handsome. His voice makes me feel all melty, like butter, and his eyes are the color of a loch in the sunshine. His wife died in childbirth when the emergency helicopter failed to reach their farm in time due to a storm. The baby was stillborn and Bronwyn died in Kieran’s arms.”
“Oh, Bonny, how terrible. Don’t get too involved with someone in Scotland.” There was the anticipated caution. “You’ll end up with your heart broken again.”
“We’re only eating dinner. I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship yet.” Time to end the conversation before Kari criticized too much. “Hey, it’s getting late here. I still need to check a couple details before class tomorrow. I didn’t find out your latest wedding plans.”
“It’s okay,” Bonny heard the quiet monotone of disappointment in Kari’s voice. “I’m fine. We’ll visit again soon. Just take things slow, all right?”
When they hung up, Bonny sat, watching silvery streaks of rain slide down the darkened window glass in the lamplight. The anticipation of spending time with a man again was somewhat terrifying. Kari’s warnings were well-intentioned, but then she didn’t wake up alone day after day, and she hadn’t met Kieran.
A few days after her messaging session with Dan, he emailed her, explaining how much Kari missed them both. “I hesitate to mention this, but Kari’s hurting too. I realize you have problems with the whole wedding thing right now, but she needs you.”
After chiding herself all night over the self-centered conversation, Bonny phoned Kari again the next day. “Bring me up to date on your wedding plans. I love my dress, by the way. It only needs shortening to fit perfectly. Yours is gorgeous.”
“Oh Bonny, the pictures don’t do justice to the lace. It’s everything I ever wanted.” She heard the wistful note in Kari’s voice. “It brought back memories of the homecoming and prom dresses we shopped for together. I miss you.”
Kari then launched into a narrative of her latest plans, making Bonny glad her tears weren’t visible over the phone. It dredged up reminders of the day they had stumbled across her never-worn designer bridal gown mislabeled in the bargain section. Kari startled her out of her day-dream. “Are you still there?”
“Yes, you’re a dream. Wait until Dan sees you.”
“Hey, I should say good-bye. I want to write to him tonight. I love you, friend. God bless you, and thanks for calling.”
“Good-bye, I love you, too.” Bonny hung up the phone, sitting still in the silence. She had thought her relationship with Adam was as loving as Kari and Dan’s. When she took time to listen to Kari, it became obvious she hadn’t felt the excitement and longing over her marriage to Adam that Kari felt for Dan.
When home is so far away, why does everything still hurt so much?
Chapter Nine: The Farm and Other Things
The Old Pines Hotel near Spean Bridge was a brief, scenic drive from Fort William. Bonny’s first impression was that the unassuming exterior was too new to deserve the name “Old Pines.” Once inside, she was surprised by the sophistication of the restaurant, which had wood paneling, a low ceiling, and modern Scandinavian-style tables and chairs with stark, straight lines. The charming, laid-back atmosphere was perfect for exploring her growing attraction for Kieran.
His interest in everything she said, and the soft glow in his eyes, made her feel attractive, something she hadn’t felt in a long time.
He held her chair and sat down across the table where the hostess placed his menu. “The talk around campus is that your class is ‘pure dead brilliant.’ That’s quite a compliment from college students. How do you feel?”
“The students are enthusiastic, and I’m enjoying teaching a curriculum I helped write. My dad would have been pleased.”
She watched in fascination as he angled the narrow chair to a place where he had more room for his long legs.
“Are you settling in, then, learning your way around?” His soft tone sent fingers of warmth from her toes right up her spine.
“Starting to, but I need advice on handling a student. Do you mind?” His cologne, reminiscent of woods and spices, took her thoughts in a thousand directions, none of which had to do with school or students.
“I’d be happy to help.” His wide grin teased. “What’s the problem? If a lad of eighteen has a crush on the professor, I can’t blame him.”
Her cheeks grew warm when he moved the vase of purple flowers and leaned closer. “If only it were such a small problem. I haven’t dealt with anything this serious before. I prefer to try handling it myself if I can, rather than taking it to Dr. Cameron. It’s a woman, probably in her mid—”
Approaching from behind Kieran, in the white blouse and black skirt of a waitress, was the student she was about to describe.
“Good evening, Dr. Bryant. Can I get you anything to drink?”
“Deirdre, I didn’t know you worked here. Water, please.”
“Still or sparkling?”
“Oh, sparkling, please. I’m still not used to ordering that way.”
She was a pretty brunette, though almost as large as Kieran. “What can I get you, Dr. MacDonell?” The look in Deirdre’s eyes when she turned toward him was nothing less than sultry, and her voice took on a flirtatious tone.
Here we go again, Bonny thought, falling for a man who seems to appeal to every woman who sees him. A smile flickered across his lips, and the corners of his eyes crinkled. “Still, thanks. Have we met?”
Deirdre smiled, turning her back on Bonny and leaning one hip against the table. “I’m in Dr. Bryant’s history class. I’ve seen you around campus. I’ll be right back with your water.”
“You’re not in my trig class. I would remember.”
He knows she’s attracted and he’s enjoying it, even with me sitting right here. Oh, why does he have to keep doing things that remind me of Adam?
Deirdre paused, her lashes fluttering, drawing attention to eyes that were an unusual amber in color. “No, I’m in algebra, but I’ve requested you as my tutor. I heard you were the best.”
She was interested in more than just math, and he was playing along. Were all men like that?
“Deirdre? I’ll look for you on my schedule.” That smile of his could dazzle any woman.
“Yes, Deirdre Adair.” Her right cheek even dimpled when she smiled.
“Good. I’ll see you next week.”
The laughing blue eyes turned back to Bonny, stirring the butterflies in her stomach into action. It was obvious he felt the admiration of them both and was enjoying it. “Shall I order for both of us? The venison loin is excellent.”
“Yes, please.”
Her thoughts were roiling around in such a state of distraction that she would never make sense of the menu. When a man recognized the effect he had on women, it could only lead to trouble. Adam had strayed. Did she want a relationship with someone who enjoyed attracting the attention of every woman in sight, one who would flirt with another woman with her sitting right across the table? It didn’t fit with what Janet had said about him, but she couldn’t know everything.
Distracted by her own thoughts, and lulled by the deep timbre of his voice, with its rolled r’s and musical, even spellbinding, accent of the Highlands, Bonny jumped when Deirdre walked away, and he addressed her again.
“Bonny, is something wrong?”
“Umm, no, sorry. I was admiring the restaurant. It’s very nice.”
“You were saying something about a student before we were interrupted.”
“I don’t know if this is the place to discuss it.”
His eyes narrowed and he leaned even closer, just as Deirdre returned with their water. He moved out of the way, but his eyes remained fixed on Bonny’s with an intensity that made her giddy, failing to even acknowledge Deirdre. When she walked away, his voice grew softer, and the joking tone was gone. “This has you concerned, aye?”
His fingers brushed her hand where it lay on the table, and she reached for her water glass, swirling the sparkling water until it formed a tiny whirlpool, anything to distract her from his closeness. Leaning forward, she whispered, so as not to be overheard. “It’s a little awkward. Deirdre is the problem.”
“Yes?”
“She wrote a paper on the Salem witch trials, which took place in the late 1600s. It demonstrated no understanding of the history. Instead, she compared it to the so-called ‘inappropriate fear and unfair outrage’ Christians today express toward anything pagan. She also referred to the ‘English oppressors,’ Sassanachs, she called them, plaguing Scotland. It ends with the words ‘Saor Alba.’”
Kieran’s eyes widened and he sat back, crossing his arms and lowering his voice. “Free Scotland, in a paper about American history? I gather her viewpoint wasn’t within the scope of the assignment?”
“Not even close. I moved it to the bottom of the pile until I can decide what to do.”
“Give it back and make her to do it over—as assigned.” He swallowed the last of his water, his eyes never leaving hers. “Set a deadline and stick to your requirements.”
“She’s so—threatening.”
“She doesn’t seem very intimidating to me, but if you need help, I’ll turn up to intimidate her.” His smile was back.
“Thanks, I hope that’s not necessary. I only wanted to confirm it with someone with more experience dealing with students.”
“The plates are hot.” Deirdre set their dinner on the table, looking only at Kieran.
“Thanks.” He gave her a brief nod, looked back at Bonny, and winked.
Attempting to return to safer territory, Bonny remembered a conversation with Janet from a few days ago. “Janet told me your parents have a Bed and Breakfast in Beauly.”
“They do. The Heather Hill Inn is one of the top B&Bs in the Highlands. My mother thrives on serving high tea and hosting guests as if they were family friends.”
As on the evening he changed her tire, the conversation flowed between them with ease. When he paid the check, she realized she remembered little of the meal, only a deep sense of pleasure in his company.
He stood to pull her chair out. “Shall we go back to your house? There may not be a student making eyes at you, but I happen to have a crush on the professor and a date to view snaps of New Mexico.”
She preceded him out of the restaurant, her cheeks hot from his confession. “Watch yourself, professor. You’re still on probation, remember? I haven’t said you were off the hook for making me wait so long for your call. And what’s the deal flirting with Deirdre?”
The red began at his collar and spread up to his hairline. “I-uh, wouldn’t worry if I were you. She can’t begin to compete.”
Bonny clicked through the photos with her laptop plugged into the television. Explaining and describing as Kieran questioned, they drifted closer together until their shoulders were touching. Even that small amount of contact heightened her awareness of his charm.
She included pictures of her parents and Kari and Dan, places they visited and activities they enjoyed. She had managed to edit Adam out, hoping to ignore him altogether, until she slipped. “Adam and I—”
When she tried to avoid looking at him, Kieran scooted to an angle facing her, one elbow resting on his leg, chin in hand. “Bonny, there’s nothing wrong in mentioning Adam. It hurts sometimes, but he and Bronwyn are a part of who we are.”
She
caught herself twisting her hair and, remembering her mother’s aversion to the bad habit, she tucked her hands under her thighs. “Whenever I think about what he did, I wonder what I might have done differently.”
His arm rested on the back of the couch, and he moved it down, placing it around her shoulders. The intensity of his gaze made her feel as if her heart lay bare before him. “You think there’s something wrong with you because of what he did?”
At his touch, a thrill of electricity surged through her, and for a brief moment, she imagined his strong arms surrounding her. She shook her head, turning away from the piercing blue gaze. “It’s a long story. We’ll save it for another time.”
“I’m a good listener.” He squeezed her shoulder and withdrew his hand. “Nothing he did will ever change my opinion of you.”
His tender eyes, gentle voice, and the masculine scent of his aftershave were intoxicating. The place where his hand rested on her shoulder still felt warm, and she remembered Janet’s words. A love like that is worth waiting for.
“Do you want more tea?” She stood and headed for the kitchen, hoping for a moment alone.
He followed, and her heart rate increased until the dishes on the tray rattled.
“How about coming out to the farm to ride on Saturday?”
“I’d love to. I miss my horses.” The words were out before she realized it. She was eager for more than the riding. Thinking about seeing his home and learning about his life made her glad she had already set the tray down. She somehow managed to put more water on to boil without spilling any.
When they returned to the living room, she sat across from him, attempting to keep his overpowering physical presence at a safe distance. She felt drawn to him like a parched traveler to a land full of water, yet she hesitated at such intimacy.
At three a.m. they said reluctant good-byes. Leaning against the door after he left, Bonny closed her eyes. She remembered the warmth of his hand on her shoulder, the brief touch when he took the tray from her, and the way it made her mind whirl when he looked into her eyes.
