by J. A. Huss
"Interested in what, Junco?"
I look up and shake my head. "Weapons and training. All the stuff I never wanted to do growing up but can't seem to get enough of now. And Gideon. He's back, isn't he? I can feel him and I want to see him, Dad. I really want to see him. Please let me."
He gets a pained look on his face and turns his head before he speaks. "You can't see him yet, Junco. He's not ready. But I promise you, if you try a little harder to make friends, I'll let you see him at Easter Break. Deal?"
This is not a deal.
That's almost six months away. What did they do to him that it takes six months to be ready to see me again? My brow furrows so deep into my forehead I almost give myself a headache. My voice comes out low and mean and this growl of anger runs so deep it almost surprises me. "If they've hurt him I will kill someone." I look up to see what he will do with this new information. But he just nods.
"He's OK. I promise."
"That's not what I said and you know it. If they've hurt him. That's what I said."
He puts a hand on my shoulder and pulls me close and begins to speak gently to me. "Junco, go find a friend and if you do that for me then Gideon can come to the house for all of Easter Break. I promise."
I hold my breath for a few seconds. "Come to the house?"
"Yes."
This is new. Gideon has never been to the house before. I've only ever seen him at camp. "One friend?"
"One friend. And go out somewhere tonight."
"Where am I gonna go? And with who? I can't just make a friend in a few seconds. I haven't exactly been the most sociable girl for the past few months."
"I know a boy who wants to meet—"
I snort out a laugh. "No, no way. I'm not gonna let you fix me up with some boy! That's crazy."
"He'll take you to Peaks. Tonight. And buy you dinner."
"I'm not hungry."
"He'll take you to the observatory at the MR university."
I pause. "Which one?" It matters. The one in the mountains is better because there's less light pollution. Plus I go to the one in North Peaks a couple times a year. That's not special.
"He'll take you to the Boulder Observatory in a Council 3 flier. Will that make you happy?"
Kinda, I think to myself. But I'm not gonna tell him that. "Is he one of your officers' kids or something?"
"No, just a boy from Council 5. He's a class ahead of you. He's nice."
I sneer my lip at the nice part. "I'm not nice, what makes you think I want a nice one?" I laugh before he has a chance to answer. I'm not supposed to talk about how not nice I can be. Especially when we're not at home. My dad ignores my outburst, but I know he won't forget it.
"He outranks you then. How about that? Good enough?"
I throw up my hands. "Fine. He can be my friend and take me places. What do I care, as long as I get to see Gideon at break. Hey, if I can't see Gid now, can you at least let him call me on a com tech or something?"
He's shaking his head before I even finish. "No coms, Junco. You know better."
It was worth a try. "So where is this kid then? Boulder is hours away and I wanna be back by midnight so I won't be too tired for riding tomorrow." I look up and my dad is staring at me, his eyebrows all crunched together. "What?"
"I'm the parent, Junco. Don't give yourself a curfew. Stay out all night. Look at the stars in the scope, then go for a walk, get some food, kiss him—"
"Oh, shit, Dad. That's enough. I'm not gonna kiss this boy. There is only one person I want to kiss and he's probably a man by now, it's been so long since I've seen him. So I'll be friends with this kid, but it's only so I can see Gideon in the spring." I stop and think about my words for a second, then amend my statement. "Besides you, Dad. I'll kiss you too, ya know."
He lets out a little laugh and he closes his eyes and shakes his head. "I'll let that curse pass this time, but not the next."
He says that every time.
How does he expect me to stop cursing in his presence when he laughs and never follows through on the threat? I sigh and make a mental note not to swear in front of him anymore, just so he doesn't have to pretend.
His face becomes serious as he looks down on me. "And remember the behavior rules. No secrets, he has no clearance right now. None. So if you tell him something you're not supposed to, he will be punished accordingly."
Which is why I only love Gideon when it comes to friends. He's the only one who does have clearance. I swallow and nod but I don't avoid his stare. They can't scare me very often anymore, I've collected a lot of powers to help me take the punishments and even though I'm upset when they're happening, I just try and forget about the whole thing and I'm pretty good at that.
Now they just tell me what will happen to those I involve in my rebellions instead, so I've mostly put an end to acting out. It's just not worth it. I never really win and what's the point of making someone else take a punishment that should be mine?
Besides, I can't even remember the last time my dad punished me. I'm good for him because he's good to me. And the last time Matthew pulled his anger out on me, he got a surprise that made him rethink his bullying strategy, because his punishments went from physical to mental real fast.
If they leave me alone, I'll be good. I never said it out loud and it took them a while to catch on, but now that they have, we're all a lot happier with each other. "I won't tell him anything. I know better."
His smile returns and he takes my hand. "Come with me, I'll introduce you."
Chapter Seventeen
My stomach churns and my mouth fills with saliva as I push myself up and look around wildly.
Where the fuck am I?
And then reality hits me. I swallow down the vomit and seek out doors that might lead to a bathroom, my numerous rifles jangling against my body like a horse in harness. I find what I need a bedroom and a closet later, and throw myself down on the floor as my stomach contracts and my mouth spews green shit that looks like it came from an alien.
I come up for air, spitting and laughing simultaneously.
I am an alien.
I wait it out for a few more minutes, coughing a couple more times just to make sure it's over, and then go back out to the living room as I drag my hand across my mouth. I don't bother calling for Selia, she's obviously not here. I do peek in the bedroom and find a mess of pillows and blankets, along with several dozen small gray boxes that make me smile.
I stuff a couple in the pockets already spilling over with ammo and then take one out and light it up on the striker. I take the smoke in by small quick draws and puff it back out. Fuck, that makes everything just a little bit better.
Isten?
Nothing.
Isten?
Nothing.
What the fuck? ISTEN! I scream it in my head.
Junco? Where are you? He comes back faint, barely there.
I have no idea. In an apartment somewhere. I just woke up. I check my vision screen and see that I've slept a complete cycle. Shit. I'll find you later.
I step through the outer door and end up in a busy hallway. People look at me funny, then back away and start whispering. I stop and look around, take it all in, and then relax. "I'm not a freak, so you all can stop fucking pointing at me like I am. I'm fucking human too, ya know."
They slip away with backwards glances as a soldier approaches me with purpose. He smiles as I puff on my cigar, then extends his hand. "Gid, Junco. Nice to see you. Your mother assigned me to make sure you don't get into trouble."
I swallow down some nausea and shake his hand. "She's not my mother."
He smiles again, and it's nice. Warm and human. His eyes are a light blue color. His cropped hair is sandy blond and his casual non-sectarian field clothes can't hide an athletic body underneath. He towers over me, but what else is new? Everyone towers over me. "She absolutely is your mother, so that's enough of that bullshit. I'll call her whatever you want, but let's try and work with the facts here, huh
?"
I huff a little air. "Well, fuck. Let's just forget her altogether, OK? Where the hell can I get some food because if I have to eat this avian field ration shit one more time I'm gonna puke." He laughs at me, but my face stays level. "That's not a joke, Gid, I'm not feeling well and I'm hungry."
He nods. "Yeah, OK. I'll take you to your mom. She's got food for you."
I sigh and fall in behind him. What else can I do? My choices are bad and fucking bad. We walk through many more hallways bustling with people and then we're out in the main area again. I'm more aware of my surroundings than I was last time and see it for what it really is. Another giant nuclear highway tunnel, just like the one Tier and Moju and I blew up back in Ramah.
I have come back full circle in almost every way I can imagine. Mother, father, Earth, tunnels, alone. It's just an endless cycle of bullshit.
We weave through various vendors and I am actually a little curious at all the commerce going on. Say what you will about capitalism, but buying and selling makes the world go round and it brings a grounding sense of normalcy to a scene that reads a little too much like a dystopian book from the last century.
The crowd gets thicker and people start jostling against me, getting a little too close to my weapons. I feel a hand on my ammo belt across my back and whirl and grab the arm of a kid.
"Touch me again and I'll break your fucking arm." I feel the heat and then see the glow reflected back at me in his frightened eyes. I look up and the crowd makes a nice circle of space around me as they back away from the light I emit.
Gid appears, obviously late to the party, and I laugh at him. "You're not doing a very good job, are you?" I push the kid away and let my escort shuffle me in front of him.
The rest of the journey takes us past a multitude of accessory tunnels and I think back to the mutants that lived under the RR. That tunnel was more than three hundred feet deep so chances of it surviving the blast are high. Those things down there are probably the only life forms now inhabiting my old world. We stop at a biometrics panel and wait for the door to click, and then walk through.
Isten is waiting for me on the other side.
His eyes plead with me as I stop in front of him. "Junco, are you OK?"
I make a face at him. "Of course I'm OK, Isten. Don't be stupid." I look down at my hand and realize I lost my cigar in the altercation back in the tunnel. "Well, what do ya want?"
"You don't get to walk away without a meeting, Junco. Tier's got a call in to Ryse to send a message to Lucan. You can't just pretend you're not on the team. You are. And if that message gets back to Lucan he'll come here and" – he shakes his head – "that would not be good for anyone, Junco. In fact, that would be fucking horrible. You can't just walk away like this."
I study his face and believe him. "Why would it be horrible if Lucan came to Earth?"
"He's not allowed to be here, Juncs. It's forbidden."
I take this in as the summons attached to my finger begins to pulsate. "Then why did Tier send a message?"
"He's out of options. You're not walking away, Junco. It's not gonna happen. You're connected to us. To me. To him." His eyes track down to my stomach and I shoot a look over to Gid and catch him staring, he shrugs and turns around to wait it out.
"Well, Isten, my mother wants to talk to me. So I will find you guys later." I walk over to Gid and look up at him. "Let's go." I don't even look back at Isten as we continue our journey towards my waiting family.
"So, she's your mother when it's convenient? Like when you want to end an conversation with that guy back there? But she's nobody when you're forced to face facts and confront her? Is that pretty much how you operate these days, Junco?"
I stop and wait for him to do the same. "You have no idea how I operate so don't pretend to have a clue as to what I'm doing or why I'm doing it."
He throws me a crooked smile, but it's got the look of a soldier in it. The fierce raw look of too much death, too many orders followed and not nearly enough contested. His look screams fuck you.
"Don't talk to me like that, Junco. I was right on the money with my comment and you know it, so don't play with me. I was assigned to you because the people who know you best feel I can take the bullshit you spew out on a regular basis. If you want to have this pissing contest, let's do it. But I'd just like to remind you that I'm the one who has the better equipment."
I hold down a grin as I stare up at him. "More walking, less talking."
His hand goes up to the stubble on his chin and then he turns and our boots fall in line. We come to another door a few minutes later and Gid flashes his eyeballs at the biometrics and then palms it for good measure. We pass through and there are armed guards on the other side. They go for my weapons and I back away. "Forget it. I'm not going any further. Let me back out. Now."
Gid shakes his head at me. "What's the problem?"
"You're not getting my weapons."
He laughs all the way up to his eyes. "Junco, what the fuck do you need four weapons for? You're in your parents' home."
I shake my head as I back into the locked door behind me. "Open the door, I'm not going any further."
"Just put them down and–"
I whip the SEAR out from under my shirt and flick the loop up to full sword length. "Open the fucking door, or I'll cut a Junco-sized hole in it right now."
They look at me like I'm crazy.
A voice from behind breaks the spell. "Let her through with her guns. It calms her. Junco, please put that thing away. It makes people uncomfortable."
My heart thumps as I recognize her and I almost collapse. I reach out for the door to steady myself and watch Gid watch me react. "Where did you go?" It comes out like I'm breathless. And I am breathless, she's stolen the life away from me at the moment and the seconds hang in the air.
My mother straightens her chin, like she's forcing herself to remain brave or something. "That is not a discussion for a hallway, Junco. Dock that weapon. Now."
The guards back off and I retract and dock my SEAR.
"Gideon will take you to your room and then you'll change, drop the weapons off with the exception of one. Do you hear me, Junco? One weapon and that's it. And then we will have breakfast like humans."
"No. I'm not here to visit with you or take a room in your house or change out of my fucking Aves armor. I'm here to–"
Fuck. I don't know why I'm here anymore.
My mother smiles at me. "You will change, Junco. You look like a goddamn apocalyptic road warrior with all that shit hanging off your body. Like you're living on the edge of the civilized world or something. And those crazy eyes," she sighs and tsks her tongue against her teeth, "gold, just like I predicted."
I watch Gid stifle a laugh out of the corner of my eye and then she walks off. I look up to him with furrowed brows and he shrugs. "She's the boss here." I wave him forward to lead the way and then follow. What else can I do? My choices are still bad and fucking bad.
Gid leads me down the hallway, my weapons clanging against my hips in the now silent atmosphere and I cringe with each step, feeling a bit ridiculous.
We stop at a room that has no biometrics and he opens the door and stands aside. It's not much, but it's not bad either. One room plus a bathroom on the far end. The bed looks comfortable enough. There's a couple of chairs, a couch, and a small screen. Which almost seems out of place in a home that belongs to my parents since we were a Farm Family and all. I stand in the middle of the room and then turn to look at Gid. "OK, what the fuck does she want me to do in here?"
He opens a door and I lean to the side a little to see one outfit hanging in the otherwise empty closet. My body straightens and my eyebrows go up. "I'm not wearing a dress and my feet won't even come close to fitting in those shoes."
He shrugs and lets out a sigh. "Shit, I thought you'd be fun to guard. You're just a raging bitch these days, Junco. I should've stayed out on patrols."
I smile despite myself. Gid. Gideon? I ra
ck my brain because it's obvious that he knows me, but that memory is not accessible for some reason.
"I'll take off the weapons and empty my pockets a little, but I'm not changing. And before you get all pissy with me about it, I don't even know how to take the armor off, OK? Isten was always there to help me and it's a lot more complicated than it looks when you have wings."
He studies my face as the truth comes out of my mouth. "Well, let me take a look at it. You can't really want to stay in these clothes? You smell, Junco. And they're filthy."
I blink and shake my head. "I'm a soldier on a field mission, you don't take a break for a tea party on a mission." He starts removing weapons from my back and brushes repeatedly against my wings, making chills run down my body. "Hey, mind the wings, right? It's very rude to touch them."
"Oh, I didn't know. Sorry." His hands start on the ammo belt and I just stand there compliant until he gets it off. "Anyway, the mission won't start until tomorrow. It's been planned already, so you've got the entire day to relax. I'll have someone clean these clothes up for you a little, air them out? And then you can put it all back on tomorrow. Right?"
I'm pulling cartridges out of my pockets and dropping them on the bed when I realize he's waiting for an answer. "What?"
"Do you live in your own world all the time, or just most of the time? I said" – his emphasis tells me he's not a patient guy – "you'll take the battle gear off and I'll clean it for–"
"I heard what you said. OK, that's fine. But I'm not wearing that dress. I'll go see her in my bed clothes unless you find something for me to wear besides that."
He doesn't even blink. "You're wearing the dress, Junco. I don't fucking care if I have to hold you down and strap it on you myself. So get used to the idea."
I stop what I'm doing and look up at him. "Who do you think you are? I don't take orders from–"
"I'm Gideon, Junco." He stares down at me. "And you absolutely do take orders from me. Now shut the fuck up and do what I tell you."
