by P. S. Power
“Me too.” Amy said, closing her eyes for a minute.
Then they had to part and go inside. It was probably the end, Josh knew, or close to it. She'd wake up in the morning and forget all about him. That... fit with his life at least. People left you alone after they said they loved you. Still, it had actually been... great.
Definitely worth going to the party if nothing else.
They all left, Mercy driving. She'd managed to stay sober and alert, but Joanie hadn't done too well in that department. Her car got left to be picked up the next day. She sat in the back seat so that she could lie down, but sat up instantly as soon as they started moving.
“Oh boy...” She said, happily enough. “Not lying down. Spinning head, moving car, bad combo.”
She propped herself up, both arms wrapping the headrest of the front passenger seat, her right hand flipping the back of Josh's hair back and forth.
“I'm a bad role model. Baaaaad. Mercy's going to have to spank me. Oh yeah... spank me hard.” This was followed by insane laughter, and an embarrassed look from the driver's side seat. Josh didn't care. What they did was their business. He had his own to be concerned about now.
Even drunk, that point hadn't been missed by Joanie.
“So....” She started, the word going sing-song before she got to the end of it. “You and Amy? What's the haps? Dish, all the details...” She slapped the back of his head for a bit, distracted it seemed as he stayed silent.
“Details!” She demanded, hitting him a little harder.
“Um, Ow? OK, give me a second to censor this, because my mother is in the car...” This came out playful, but Joanie just started chanting at him.
“Now, now, now.”
“Alright, um, not that much really. I told her how I felt, she didn't tell me to go soak my head and wants to hang out. Possibly with kissing. Hopefully, but I got a no promises vibe on the whole thing. I don't know how much of that is me being shy and how much is my keen analytical awareness of reality though. I should just trust what she said, but, you know, she just broke up with a guy today and it sounded... Really complicated and messy. Bad, to tell the truth.” Turning around in the seat half way, as much as the seatbelt would allow, he looked at Joanie and grinned. “She's supposed to come over tomorrow. To our house at noon. I get that it may not happen, or it might, but...”
Mercy smiled lightly, but raised her eyebrows too.
“Hmmmm. Well, have fun, but don't get her pregnant. I think that's the boy version of the “be responsible” talk, isn't it? Plus, keep in mind that she's the step-daughter of my boss. So, you know, be careful.” She sounded matter of fact about the whole thing, but Joanie giggled.
“Seriously,” she drawled, words slurring more than a bit. “You're going to let him have a girl over all day long while no one is there to watch them? Sounds like trouble to me.” Then she hiccupped which kept her entertained for a while.
“I don't think we have another option Joanie. We aren't going to be there and telling someone that they can't do something that they obviously can just causes problems. So, instead, we work on trust. Josh is nearly a man now. He'll do the right thing in the end. After all, he's one of the most responsible people I know.”
He settled back into the seat a little, until he realized that Joanie was going to take it as an invitation to wrap both hands over his face. She missed his eyes, mainly, hitting his nose and mouth with a giggle.
“Guess who?” She said, laughing again.
“Um, my mom's girlfriend?” He mumbled a finger going into his mouth when he opened it to speak.
She let go and settled back suddenly, all the sounds stopped too.
“Yeah.” She finally said, sounding happy about it, if a little thick tongued. “I am that, aren't I?”
They got home shortly after that, and packed off to bed, it was a little after one, even though it felt like it should be later than that. Joanie kept staggering up the stairs and clomping her feet as she walked, which would have been too loud, except that the steps were a cheap, but sturdy, concrete and metal frame. It didn't look that nice and the difference between where he lived and what Amy was used to sent a pain through his middle for a second. Not that she'd judge him on that, but it would have been nice if it was a little more impressive. Best foot forward and all that.
It was clean at least. And they had a nice carpet and furniture inside. Even some art on the wall. Josh had gotten it over the years, but Mercy had just paid for what he wanted. Mainly nature scenes, an ocean scape he particularly liked on the left hand wall by the sofa.
Trying not to think about things at all, especially things that might never happen, Josh changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt in the dark, just what he normally slept in. Then he lay in bed for two hours going over and over the evening's events in his mind. It was stupid, of course, but he couldn't help it.
She was just so... wonderful.
Oh, he knew that it wasn't really her. Not all of it. Amy was just a person, like everyone else, not some angel that had fallen from the sky. On some level it was the wash of brain chemicals that did it, the flood of hormones in his brain when he saw her that made her prettier and seem smarter than she really was. It didn't hurt though that she was pretty and smart, but he could kind of get how a guy that didn't feel like he did might walk into her house, meet Laura or even Meridith and just get confused, drawn into things they shouldn't. Love beat lust, hands down and always, but if you weren't in love...
Yeah, Laura was hot enough for a guy to sleep with.
Josh wouldn't make that mistake. Not even if Amy didn't come over or talk to him again. He'd promised. Besides, as long as he didn't do anything unforgivable, maybe they could still be friends? His lips warmed in remembered contact. That was... incredible. Even if she'd mainly just been sad, or on the rebound. It was just so hard to believe that it had happened.
Many times.
About then he got an erection, which would have normally been taken care off with a little work in the dark, but something stopped him this time. Lying there, eyes open, Josh tried to figure it out. Would it, somehow, cheapen the whole thing? No. That wasn't it.
This part was all biology. You got turned on and your body required you to do something about it. That or suffer. But right now his heart didn't just want release, it wanted her. No matter how unlikely it was that she'd even think about him again.
His hand reached under his shorts anyway, habit, but he just held himself, throbbing for a bit, squeezing, which felt nice, remembering the evening. How she felt and smelled and what she'd said. Trying to capture it forever. Finally, knowing that if he didn't sleep, the next day would be a lot harder, he grabbed the old t-shirt he used to catch things when he orgasmed and slowly started stroking. It took longer than he'd thought, because he kept going over everything in his head, rather than just thinking about sex. The feel of her on his skin, her warmth. The sharp rise of pleasure started then and he stiffened, no longer able to stop. The t-shirt got into place in time, which was handy since it would just make a mess otherwise and Josh felt his body spasm hard.
That out of the way and t-shirt back in the clothes hamper where it got kept, he managed to finally get to sleep. His dreams were all about the stupid notebook though. Just reading it, trying to pour through it like a mystery, as if it were something to solve rather than a bitch journal. After the third one he rolled over and got some actual rest.
In the morning Josh didn't really have to get up all that early, vacation meant he could just lie around, but he did anyway, excited. It was better than Christmas morning, which he had no expectations for at all. Even if nothing happened, which he kind of figured would be the case, even though he knew that was just his way of protecting himself, this gave him hours to hope. That, hope, was kind of an odd thing for him. At least as far as girls went. It seemed like a plan for the day though. Of course no one else was up yet, it being Sunday morning even his mom wouldn't go in to work for a few hours.
>
Josh decided to bundle up and go running. You didn't get in better shape by slacking off, and really, he felt giddy, like he wanted to just freak out and start waving his arms around, laughing. The jog went slowly, the streets empty and cold, frost heavy on the ground and clouds high in the sky looking almost like it might snow.
For the first time in his life, he hoped it didn't.
Not if Amy had to drive in it. He didn't want anything to mess up the day. Shaking his head Josh smiled and sped up. He was probably forgotten already, so that was a moot point. Getting his hopes up too high wouldn't be a good thing.
He kept going, a smile creeping onto his face. If nothing else happened though, he'd still gotten to kiss her. Everything else was just bonus now.
Chapter six
“Everything all set?” Mercy said calmly as Joanie muttered something about the evils of slavery into a cup of coffee that had so much sugar and cream it probably counted more as a dessert than a hangover remedy.
Josh shrugged.
“Do I get a decorating budget? And more to the point, can I pilfer funds from it so I can lavish gifts on Amy trying to buy her attention for the day?” He quipped, deflecting a little really from the fact that she might not show at all.
It took skill to act as relaxed as all that, and his voice threatened to pop and crackle with nerves as it was. Mercy looked ready for her work day already, dark skirt and jacket, made up with just a hint of red to her lips and hair so dark it was nearly black, pretty straight and neatly arranged, but in a sensible fashion. She looked pretty though, not butch. Joanie glanced at her and smiled, the love so clear in her eyes, which were bloodshot at the moment, that Josh wondered how he'd ever missed what was going on. Just stupid, he guessed, not seeing what was there and not trying to find out, because that would mean connecting with someone and that meant risk.
The slightly heavy blond shook her head, smile shifting over to him though, then she took a sip of pale brown liquid and closed her eyes tightly for a few seconds before fixing him with a strange expression on her face.
“Oh yea of little self-awareness... From what I saw last night that girl isn't going to make you buy her love. If anything it looked like she was ready to kidnap you right then, what with the death grip she kept on your hand all night.” Another sip got taken and then a soft sigh came.
“She did just break up with her old boyfriend though, so that's harsh, but you know, just play things by ear. I think I know her enough to say that she isn't shallow. She can play at it, but she goes all the way down, you know?”
He nodded.
“Right, you both know her from last summer.” That would have been more scary, but it wasn't like it meant anything now. He poured himself a cup of coffee, black and slowly sipped at it, the bitter taste unpleasant, but it made him feel grown up for some reason. More mature. Mercy looked at the cup in his hands and nodded slowly at him, face set in a wry expression.
“That's my eighteen dollar a pound special blend Kona. You can drink it, but you better enjoy it. Or else.” She took a sip of her own, also black.
“Pretty good.” Josh took another sip of the bitter swill and made himself not wince at the flavor. Or the fact that this was the good stuff. “So, decorating budget?”
She didn't make him wait, itemize a list or even promise to buy anything in particular. Instead she just opened her purse, the small black one she liked to carry and pulled out several hundred dollar bills. Five of them.
“Try not to waste it though. That's the whole decorating budget for Christmas.”
Joanie shook her head and after a second Josh followed along.
“OK... but even after extensive theft and waste, how much do you think decorating this place is really going to cost? A tree, some tinsel and garlands...” His hands went up, then he took the warm dark brown earthenware mug in his hands and sipped the coffee, remembering to savor it. It was important to his mother after all, or she wouldn't have made a point of mentioning it.
She sat up a little straighter and smiled at him, “not that much, but this way you can have fun with your little friend. If you're off doing things, you won't be getting her pregnant. Which, seriously, don't. Things might be... changing for me career wise, I'll go over that later, but a scandal would not be good right now or in the years to come. I won't order you not to do anything about how you feel, but for God's sake, be careful.”
Josh raised an eyebrow. He wasn't the most social person in the room maybe, or the best connected, but he hadn't been born yesterday either. Only two kinds of people cared about scandal anymore. Politicians and clergy. He really doubted his mom was going to take the cloth any time soon, given her choice in girlfriends. Joanie wasn't religious, so it would have to be off putting for her after all.
Tilting his head he nodded once.
“Some kind of campaign position offer on the table with that guy from last night? Or one possibly coming?”
Mercy blinked and so did Joanie.
“Um... well, nothing official yet, but possibly.” His mother said, suddenly smiling. “That obvious?”
Josh sipped the coffee again.
“That or you're running, and if that were the case, even as a democrat you'd have to hide your lesbian relationship and probably find some guy to marry to stave off rumors. Since you two are definitely not in hiding anymore, I'd guess some kind of campaign management position? That or heading his legal team. I didn't catch the situation, but he's a liberal at least, right?”
Joanie shook her head.
“Jack-boot conservative. But smart enough to see that talent comes in more than one flavor. He's kind of known for that actually, finding good people in unusual places. It makes him more accessible to a larger group of voters. Doesn't discriminate if you can get the job done. If Mercy takes the job we might have to be a little more low key again. Everything is all up in the air though.”
“OK. Just keep me in the loop. I'll try not to steal any cars, mug any nuns, or, as you mentioned, get any girls pregnant... Boys either. Since I've never actually had a date before that shouldn't be too hard, but I can always hope that opportunities that require being careful arise.” He chuckled. It was funny, in a slightly dark way.
“Which should tell you how little I think anything like that is likely to happen. I'll probably just end up walking to Kroger's and getting some decorations and spending the day on that. Anyone have any specific ideas?”
They didn't. In fact that topic got both of them to move out remarkably quickly. It wasn't until after they left that Josh realized they'd gotten all awkward on him because they'd thought he was asking about dating, not decorating. Well... or ways to get Amy to do potentially scandalous things.
That wasn't awkward or anything.
Nope, not at all.
Turning the radio on he sat at the dining room table. TV would just annoy him he knew, too worked up at the moment, nervous and a little warm, wearing a nice sweater and a pair of black slacks. He felt a little gay, being out of jeans and wondered if he should change, but Joanie had taken a look at his behind, a very obvious bit of staring, and told him that he should stick with those, which had gotten her glared at by Mercy.
They both laughed about it. He still felt a little uncomfortable, but decided to just go with it. He really wanted Amy to know he cared enough to dress up for her, even if he didn't normally do things like that. She knew what he normally did, having seen it for a year. Just like he knew that she tended to like pretty nice clothing most of the time. Was that being dishonest with her, he wondered? He didn't know.
Instead he sat at the table, sipping a second cup of coffee and decided to read the entry for Blue.
It was the last one that was written in so far. He looked in the little box of crayons to find two left, Purple and Black. So, he was supposed to be Purple? That was a good enough color. His favorite was green, but Purple would do, at least it wasn't pink or something. Brown was gone, but no entry had been filled in for it yet.
Then, Brown had written the rules in the front, so that was the person that organized it? It was odd, but whatever worked.
Blue had blocky and hard writing, the first line in crayon, the rest in blue ink, the indentations on the page deep from that, the ball point making the back of the page feel a bit like braille. Josh ran his hand over it then read the words that had been, written the first ones were familiar enough.
I am Blue.
And I hate the world today. I wish that everyone would die and we could just start over without humans involved at all. Maybe cockroaches?
The rest of it wasn't about the world though, but hit the people that he, and it was clearly a boy, didn't like. Craig made the list, and so did Marcus, so odds were whoever it was didn't really have any real criteria for what he were saying other than that he didn't like people. There couldn't be a good reason to hate either one of those guys, could there? Maybe not be their best buddies, sure, but hate? He couldn't see it. Rage could do that to you, make everyone else seem bad or wrong. Josh had felt that way himself a time or two, so could relate on that score. It was a waste of time and energy, but until that lesson was learned... Yeah. It was probably something like that.
Blue also mentioned how cold some of the girls were, including “T”. This, it was clear, was his main issue while writing.
She's hot, but when we went out she totally acted like she was too good for me. I barely got to third base and she was acting like I'd tried to rape her or something. It pisses me off. Why go out at all if you don't like the person?
It wasn't a well-reasoned argument, not if it was a first date. After all, wasn't that the point? You go out and see if you like someone else? Not that he was any kind of an expert. He wasn't even really certain which base third was supposed to be. First was kissing, right?
Chuckling, and having time, since Blue hadn't written a lot, just a page and a half, Josh went to the computer set up in the far corner of the living room and looked it up.
